For example, I was once pinned down by a young lad who repeatedly asked me why I was hitting myself, when he knew full well that I had temporarily ceded hegemony over my hands and forearms. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to comprehend. In retrospect, I can only conclude that my explanation was not articulate enough.To that end, I and Phil Plait have teamed up to create precisely 128 insults designed to weaken the resolve of aggressors, while educating them in their primary field of interest. Whether the person pummeling you is a student of mathematics or belles-lettres, we have the right words for the occasion.Zach WeinersmithPS: In the highly likely situation that the person pummeling you refuses to cease his aggression until he understands the meaning of the insult, we have also provided an appendix in which the insults are explained.

    As a first book of poems, it is remarkable for its accurate perceptions and its rich linguistic gifts.

    Full of homespun wisdom, gentle wit and charm, Paws in the Proceedings is the second book of Deric’s gentle tales of life in Huddersfield with his wife Aileen and their menagerie of playful cats with big personalities.

    Shaw drew not only on Byron's verse satire, but also on Shakespeare, the Victorian comedy fashionable in his early life, and from authors from Conan Doyle to Kipling. In this powerful drama of ideas, Shaw explores the role of the artist, the function of women in society, and his theory of Creative Evolution. As Stanley Weintraub says in his new introduction, this is "the first great twentieth-century English play" and remains a classic exposé of the eternal struggle between the sexes.

    

     Once upon a time (right about now) there was a planet (how about this one?) whose inhabitants consumed thirty-six billion gallons of beer each year (it's a fact, you can Google it). Among those affected, each in his or her own way, by all the bubbles, burps, and foam, was a smart, wide-eyed, adventurous kindergartner named Gracie; her distracted mommy; her insensitive dad; her non-conformist uncle; and a magical, butt-kicking intruder from a world within our world. Populated by the aforementioned characters—and as charming as it may be subversive—B Is for Beer involves readers, young and old, in a surprising, far-reaching investigation into the limits of reality, the transformative powers of children, and, of course, the ultimate meaning of a tall, cold brewski.

    His journal - somewhere between Proust and Eeyore - contains apercus by Voltaire or Machiavelli cheek by jowl with hints on dealing with clumsy human feet under the dinner table, amorous interludes alongside run-ins with plumbers, and athletic diversions interspersed with joyous and trying adventures in the French countryside.Boy's reflections on life and the relationship between man and dog - and his occasional revelation about the human condition - come from a refreshingly new perspective, that is, approximately knee-height, making him an irresistible, if often irascible, companion.

    She proclaims, in her delightfully urbane, witty, and very English way, that it is time to look at our commas and semicolons and see them as the wonderful and necessary things they are. Using examples from literature, history, neighborhood signage, and her own imagination, Truss shows how meaning is shaped by commas and apostrophes, and the hilarious consequences of punctuation gone awry.Featuring a foreword by Frank McCourt, and interspersed with a lively history of punctuation from the invention of the question mark in the time of Charlemagne to George Orwell shunning the semicolon, Eats, Shoots & Leaves makes a powerful case for the preservation of proper punctuation.

    In this wise and intimate telling—which carries us through the seasons when her marriage was ending—Sharon Olds opens her heart to the reader, sharing the feeling of invisibility that comes when we are no longer standing in love’s sight; the surprising physical bond that still exists between a couple during parting; the loss of everything from her husband’s smile to the set of his hip. Olds is naked before us, curious and brave and even generous toward the man who was her mate for thirty years and who now loves another woman. As she writes in the remarkable “Stag’s Leap,” “When anyone escapes, my heart / leaps up.  Even when it’s I who am escaped from, / I am half on the side of the leaver.” Olds’s propulsive poetic line and the magic of her imagery are as lively as ever, and there is a new range to the music—sometimes headlong, sometimes contemplative and deep. Her unsparing approach to both pain and love makes this one of the finest, most powerful books of poetry Olds has yet given us.

    Turn on a single lamp and read it while you're alone in an otherwise dark room or while someone sleeps next to you. Say it over to yourself in a place where silence reigns and the din of culture-the constant buzzing noise that surrounds you-has momentarily stopped. This poem has come from a great distance to find you." So begins this astonishing book by one of our leading poets and critics. In an unprecedented exploration of the genre, Hirsch writes about what poetry is, why it matters, and how we can open up our imaginations so that its message-which is of vital importance in day-to-day life-can reach us and make a difference. For Hirsch, poetry is not just a part of life, it is life, and expresses like no other art our most sublime emotions. In a marvelous reading of world poetry, including verse by such poets as Wallace Stevens, Elizabeth Bishop, Pablo Neruda, William Wordsworth, Sylvia Plath, Charles Baudelaire, and many more, Hirsch discovers the meaning of their words and ideas and brings their sublime message home into our hearts. A masterful work by a master poet, this brilliant summation of poetry and human nature will speak to all readers who long to place poetry in their lives but don't know how to read it.

    Poems to Read is a welcoming avenue into poetry for readers new to poetry, including high school and college students. It is also meant to be a fresh, valuable collection for readers already devoted to the art. This anthology concentrates on the actual pleasures of reading poems: hearing the poem in your voice, bringing it to other people, musing about it, taking excitement or comfort from it, wandering with it or—as in the Keats letter quoted in the Introduction—having it as a starting post. Many of these 200 poems are accompanied by comments from readers of various ages, regions, and backgrounds who participated in the Favorite Poem Project. Included are poems by John Donne, Walt Whitman, William Butler Yeats, Langston Hughes, Elizabeth Bishop, Gwendolyn Brooks, Seamus Heaney, Allen Ginsberg, and Louise Glück, to name a few. The editors offer their own comments on some of the poems, which are arranged in thematic chapters.

    The author "discovered" the feline world's best-kept secret in a file hidden on his mother's computer by her cat, Cleo, and now shares it with humanity for the first time. Topics covered range from avoiding visits to the vet, to the artful display of captured prey, to getting in the way of a human trying to read anything, including this paragraph. Upon publication, Cleo denied authorship and hired a team of lawyers, all of whom have their claws out, but despite her best efforts the word is spreading: The Cat Manual is hilarious for cat-lovers of all ages. From the author of Cave Passages and Dark Life.

    Mittens relentlessly hassles his human all day long, while only taking breaks to watch Judge Judy, hang with his best friend Stumpy, complain about the antics of Drunk Patty the neighbor, ask Grandma for money to buy useless items from QVC, and harass the "filthy beast" dog, Phil.Angie Bailey is an award-winning writer and blogger, humorist, and professional member of the Cat Writers' Association. Her primary blog, Catladyland, has won many awards, and her humor writing is featured nearly daily on Catster.com, one of the most popular cat sites on the Web. She loves to photograph her cats in silly poses and sleeps with one eye open. And yes, she has three cats."Each installment of Texts From Mittens is like a little gift to brighten your day!" —Kate Benjamin, Hauspanther founder and co-author of Catification with Jackson Galaxy"Texts From Mittens makes me wish my cat had thumbs! This is a hilarious book; Angie Bailey has done it again!" —Jeremy Greenberg, Author of Sorry I Barfed on Your Bed"We all knew that cats were hilarious, but Ms. Bailey's sardonic cat quips really take their mannerisms, attitude and occasional apathy to another level." —Susan Michals, Curator of Cat Art Show Los AngelesCome home! There's an emergency! What?? Are you OK? My dish is half empty! I'll be home soon. You wish starvation upon me! Stop being dramatic. Am weeak. Caan hasrdly tyyppe. Are you going to wear those black pants on your bed? Yes. I have a date. They're comfortable. Mittens, get off my pants!

    . .so I could push you out of my loftbed while you were sleeping."Satirical and sharp, downtown New York City performance artist Anita Liberty reinvents self-help as she skewers her ex-boyfriend in this hilarious, hip, and audaciously candid collection of advice, poems, and diary entries. "I thought you were a gifted and tortured artist. I was wrong.About the gifted part.Oh.And the artist part."From romantic bliss to brutal breakup, from heartache to healing, this fierce, funny, and ultimately liberating homage to being "dumped" rips off the stiff upper lip in favor of a red-hot therapy of wit, wisdom, rage, and redemption. And now, a few words from Anita Liberty . . ."COMPROMISE--Lowering my standards.So you can meet them.""You're a bad habit.I want to kick you.Hard."Inclues free postcards to send to that special someone!

    It's a lifestyle, and a purrvilege. It's hours of observing a fly on the wall. It's entering the sock drawer just before it closes. It's sniffing the lampshade one more time . . .'Such is the wisdom of Curious Zelda: social media star, agony aunt, yoga teacher, cat. In The Adventures of a Curious Cat she details her escapades - giving insight into her unique view of the world and dispensing unparalleled wisdom. Zelda will guide readers through the trials and tribulations of life as a cat, such as Living with Humans, Dating, Travel, Cooking and Clawing the Furniture. The perfect gift for cat lovers or for giving advice to the favourite feline in your life.