Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved


Harville Hendrix - 2004
    We don't realize all the ways that our resistance to appreciation, praise, compliments, and accepting help from others hurts us and cripples our relationships. Many partners learn how to give love, but many more undermine their relationships by for-getting something that is equally important -- learning to receive it. According to the authors, the root of the problem is the self-rejection that began in childhood, when our parents and caretakers unintentionally failed to nurture or directly rejected traits, characteristics, or im-pulses when we were children. We end up rejecting in ourselves whatever our caretakers ignored or rejected in the course of our childhoods. When we become adults, this makes it impossible to let in the love we want and need, even when our partners offer it. As a result, we dismiss compliments, minimize gestures of affection, and create obstacles to true intimacy. In this book, Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, co-creators of Imago Relation-ship Therapy, offer a definitive guide to breaking the shackles of self-rejection and embracing the love our partners offer. Receiving Love is a very personal book for Drs. Hendrix and Hunt, and much of their own journey is the inspiration for it. Drawing on their renowned expertise, the wide clinical experience of hundreds of Imago therapists, and their own personal experience, the authors are able to offer detailed guidance on how to conquer the problems that come from self-rejection and embrace the gifts that are abundant in every person's life, if only we knew how to accept them. With its groundbreaking theory, challenging processes, and inspiring examples, this book holds the key to loving relationships that last.

Love and Will


Rollo May - 1969
    Bringing fresh insight to these concepts, May shows how we can attain a deeper consciousness.

Systems of Psychotherapy: A Transtheoretical Analysis


James O. Prochaska - 1984
    The Sixth Edition thoroughly analyzes 15 leading systems of psychotherapy and briefly surveys another 30, thus providing a broader scope than is available in most textbooks. Prochaska and Norcross explore each system's theory of personality, theory of psychopathology, and resulting therapeutic process and relationship. By doing so, they demonstrate how much psychotherapy systems agree on the processes producing change, while showing how they disagree on the content that needs to be changed. To bring these similarities and differences to life, the authors also present the limitations, practicalities, and outcome research of each system of psychotherapy.

Narcissism: Denial of the True Self


Alexander Lowen - 1984
    They cannot accept their true selves, constructing instead fixed masks that hide emotional numbness. Influenced by forces in culture and predisposed by factors in the human personality, narcissists tend to be: • More concerned with how they appear than what they feel • Seductive and manipulative, striving for power and control • Egotists, focused on their own interests but lacking the true values of the self -- self-expression, self-possession, dignity, and integrity • Without a solid sense of self, which leads them to experience life as empty and meaningless In this groundbreaking study, Dr. Alexander Lowen uses his extensive clinical experience to demonstrate how narcissists can recover their suppressed feelings and regain their lost humanity. By the use of Bioenergetic Analysis, the psychotherapy created by Dr. Lowen, a new possibility of a fulfilling and authentic life is presented for people with narcissistic characteristics and for those who interact with them.

The Adapted Mind: Evolutionary Psychology and the Generation of Culture


Jerome H. Barkow - 1992
    Converging findings from a variety of disciplines are leading to the emergence of a fundamentally new view of the human mind, and with it a new framework for the behavioral and social sciences. First, with the advent of the cognitive revolution, human nature can finally be defined precisely as the set of universal, species-typical information-processing programs that operate beneath the surface of expressed cultural variability. Second, this collection of cognitive programs evolved in the Pleistocene to solve the adaptive problems regularly faced by our hunter-gatherer ancestors--problems such as mate selection, language acquisition, cooperation, and sexual infidelity. Consequently, the traditional view of the mind as a general-purpose computer, tabula rasa, or passive recipient of culture is being replaced by the view that the mind resembles an intricate network of functionally specialized computers, each of which imposes contentful structure on human mental organization and culture. The Adapted Mind explores this new approach--evolutionary psychology--and its implications for a new view of culture.

The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden: Understanding the Wounded Feeling Function in Masculine and Feminine Psychology


Robert A. Johnson - 1993
    Such is the case right now with our wounded feeling function- our inability to find joy, worth, and meaning in life. Robert A. Johnson, the celebrated author of 'He, She', and 'We', revisits two medieval tales and illuminates how this feeling function has become a casualty of our modern times.Johnson tells the story of the Wounded Fisher King from the Grail Myth to illustrate the anxiety and loneliness that plague men. From the folktale of the Handless Maiden, he explains the very different frustrations of women and describes how these disparities in the way we suffer account for much of the tension and miscommunication between men and women. His insightful analysis shows that these two stories, created centuries ago, are even more relevant today.Robert A. Johnson, a noted lecturer and Jungian analyst, is also the author of 'He, She, We, Inner Work, Ecstasy, Transformation', and 'Owning Your Own Shadow'.

Between Therapist and Client: The New Relationship


Michael Kahn - 1991
    For years, two major schools of thought have strongly disagreed about what the nature of that relationship should be. The humanists emphasized warmth and empathy. The psychoanalysts kept a neutral, cool distance. Recently, however, the beginnings of a reconciliation between these traditions have opened new possibilities for the way therapists relate to clients.In Between Therapist and Client, Michael Kahn shows why this new consensus is promising. Beginning with Freud's discovery of transference, Kahn traces the history of the clinical relationship from Carl Rogers' introduction of humanistic concerns through Merton Gill's theory and technique of transference analysis, to the pioneering work of Heinz Kohut, who has most successfully brought together psychoanalytic and humanistic thought. Using vivid examples from his own practice, Kahn shows how a coherent synthesis of these various approaches leads to the most successful clinical relationships.Completely updated with greater discussion of ethics and countertransference, the new edition of Between Therapist and Client is essential reading for those in psychotherapy both therapist and client.

I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression


Terrence Real - 1997
    And these escape attempts only hurt the people men love and pass their condition on to their children.This ground breaking book is the "pathway out of darkness" that these men and their families seek. Real reveals how men can unearth their pain, heal themselves, restore relationships, and break the legacy of abuse. He mixes penetrating analysis with compelling tales of his patients and even his ownexperiences with depression as the son of a violent, depressed father and the father of two young sons.

The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work


Eli J. Finkel - 2017
     The institution of marriage in America is struggling. But as Eli Finkel's most recent research reveals, the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. Still, the quality of the average marriage is in decline. This book reverse engineers the best marriages--from the "traditional" to the utterly nontraditional--showing how any marriage can be better. Why do some celebrity marriages work and others don't? Finkel provides insight into the lives of household names such as Elizabeth Gilbert and Neil Strauss, as well as one marriage that delivered three Olympic gold medals in 2016. Finkel digs deeper with a sweeping historic overview showing that the primary function of marriage from 1776 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence. From 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. Nowadays, marriage is all about self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal growth. (Will your spouse give you that?) Ultimately, this much-needed book delivers practical advice for immediate action as well as long-term strategies: seven "love hacks" that take little time or reflection; four categories of how to channel greater levels of effort; and three ways of recalibrating the marriage so expectations match reality--and happiness can flourish.

Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy


Francine Shapiro - 2012
    When we are stuck, talk therapy often fails to produce the needed connections between the old emotional memory and a more grounded view of reality, and medications can have dire side effects and limited effectiveness.   In Getting Past Your Past, Francine Shapiro, who created EMDR (the “eye movement” therapy), opens the door to a scientifically proven mode of treatment used by thousands of clinicians worldwide. The book offers practical procedures that demystify the process and empower readers looking to break free from emotional roadblocks. Shapiro explains the brain science in layman’s terms and provides simple exercises that readers can do at home to achieve real change.   “I always came out of my EMDR therapist’s office reeling (in a good way); and the things I learnedhave stayed with me and enriched my conscious mind. It’s a powerful process. I recommend it.”—from The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon

Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism


Sandy Hotchkiss - 2002
    Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation. Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder


Paul T. Mason - 1998
    It is designed to help them understand how the disorder affects their loved ones and recognize what they can do to get off the emotional roller coasters and take care of themselves.

Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents


Nina W. Brown - 2000
    Children of the Self-Absorbed helps readers sort out what happened to them as the result of a destructive childhood living with a self-absorbed parent. Through challenging self-exploration exercises, Brown helps readers to work toward building healthy self-esteem and to develop a new repetoire of protective and coping strategies. Readers learn how to identify destructive patterns that their parents may have had, evaluate attitudes and behaviors that may be hampering their own adult relationships, deal with self-doubt and other negative feelings, and explore techniques and stragegies for rebuilding their confidence and self-esteem.

Thinking, Fast and Slow


Daniel Kahneman - 2011
    System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional; System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical. Kahneman exposes the extraordinary capabilities—and also the faults and biases—of fast thinking, and reveals the pervasive influence of intuitive impressions on our thoughts and behavior. The impact of loss aversion and overconfidence on corporate strategies, the difficulties of predicting what will make us happy in the future, the challenges of properly framing risks at work and at home, the profound effect of cognitive biases on everything from playing the stock market to planning the next vacation—each of these can be understood only by knowing how the two systems work together to shape our judgments and decisions.Engaging the reader in a lively conversation about how we think, Kahneman reveals where we can and cannot trust our intuitions and how we can tap into the benefits of slow thinking. He offers practical and enlightening insights into how choices are made in both our business and our personal lives—and how we can use different techniques to guard against the mental glitches that often get us into trouble. Thinking, Fast and Slow will transform the way you think about thinking.

Traumatic Narcissism: Relational Systems of Subjugation


Daniel Shaw - 2013
    Focusing on the dynamics of narcissism in interpersonal relations, Shaw describes the relational system of what he terms the 'traumatizing narcissist' as a system of subjugation - the objectification of one person in a relationship as the means of enforcing the dominance of the subjectivity of the other.Daniel Shaw illustrates the workings of this relational system of subjugation in a variety of contexts: theorizing traumatic narcissism as an intergenerationally transmitted relational/developmental trauma; and exploring the clinician's experience working with the adult children of traumatizing narcissists. He explores the relationship of cult leaders and their followers, and examines how traumatic narcissism has lingered vestigially in some aspects of the psychoanalytic profession.Bringing together theories of trauma and attachment, intersubjectivity and complementarity, and the rich clinical sensibility of the Relational Psychoanalysis tradition, Shaw demonstrates how narcissism can best be understood not merely as character, but as the result of the specific trauma of subjugation, in which one person is required to become the object for a significant other who demands hegemonic subjectivity. Traumatic Narcissism presents therapeutic clinical opportunities not only for psychoanalysts of different schools, but for all mental health professionals working with a wide variety of modalities. Although primarily intended for the professional psychoanalyst and psychotherapist, this is also a book that therapy patients and lay readers will find highly readable and illuminating.