Especially if you live abroad, where your countrymen aren’t exactly famous for, well, blending in. As his beloved homeland goes Brexit bananas, bestselling humourist Paul Hawkins takes on Britishness - how it looks from the outside, how to be British abroad and what you only learn about home once you leave it. In this self-deprecating (and only mildly treacherous) handbook, he reveals the awkward secrets, cultural blind-spots and private oddness of the people he once shared an island with. (Revenge is a dish best served politely, after all…) Part memoir, part cheat-sheet for decoding a nation of well-meaning misfits, The Bloody British is full of hilarious insights about Britishness gleaned (often begrudgingly) from the author’s own time as another country’s foreigner. Featuring invaluable advice for all Brits, expats, brexpats and visitors to the UK alike, including: · The Brit Abroad Language-Speaking Plan · How to be Rude, Politely (the secret world of passive-aggression) · How to be Mean, Nicely (the unwritten rules of successful banter) · … plus an illustrated Integration Guide for British Refugees in Europe (just in case) For all fans of Very British Problems, Douglas Adams and Bill Bryson, it’s the perfect gift for the socially awkward oddball in your life (especially if that socially awkward oddball is you.) Are you ready to meet The Bloody British?

    **Everybody does it. Nobody wants to talk about it. But have you ever wondered if there's an effective way of restraining your idle hands when they are in danger of straying into a your own nether regions?Finally, there is.Choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, airing the orchid, embarking on an onanistic odyssey - whatever you call it, all of the images in this book will discourage any urges towards self-pleasure. This deceptively simple and strangely addictive book presents a collection of carefully curated pictures guaranteed to throw a wet towel over even the strongest libido or put any soldier standing to attention at ease.It is as effective as a cold shower and will save a fortune in tissues.

    . . If virtue-signalling wokery drives you as nuts as it drives me, you will love it' Piers Morgan'Required reading for anyone needing an antidote to the mass hysteria of humanity's latest religion' Entertainment FocusAfter the success of her debut Woke: A Guide to Social Justice, radical slam poet and intersectional feminist Titania McGrath has turned her talents to the realm of children's non-fiction. Aimed at activists from the age of six months to six years, Titania's book will help cultivate a new progressive generation. In a series of groundbreaking and poignant chapters, she will take you on a journey with some of the most inspiring individuals in history, such as Emmeline Pankhurst, Meghan Markle, Nelson Mandela, Hillary Clinton, and Joseph Stalin. Praise for Woke:'Beautiful classic satire' Ricky Gervais'The latest genius twist in Britain's long tradition of satirical spoof' Daily Express 'Titania McGrath mercilessly satirises the Left's online umbrage brigade, the permanently offended, those who have taken on the role of policing thoughts and words to the point of absurdity' The Herald 'Hilarious' Evening Standard 'Hilarious' Spectator 'Hilarious' The Times 'Utterly unfunny' Peter Hitchens

    Just see what their mothers have to say!"Dave is a nice, young man with a bright future ahead of him. I always knew he was a gifted boy who would go on to do great things. I hope he settles down with a nice, young woman and ****s the **** out of her."—Dave's mom"I don't know how to get computer pictures, so I'm glad Kris finally has a book out. I haven't read it yet, but I hope he gives me a quote on the back."—Kris's mom"I hope Robert's book does well so he can finally afford to move out. He plays his hip-hop music too loud."—Rob's momMatt's mom was unavailable for a quote due to being dead.

    Learn the hairy one's brave struggles with eating disorders, casual cannibalism, pop culture, and philosophical quandaries. In this crazed mutant graphic novel, Graham Roumieu gives us a portrait of the artist as a young ape that will leave the reader howling with laughter.

    Novak's One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories is an endlessly entertaining, surprisingly sensitive, and startlingly original debut collection that signals the arrival of a welcome new voice in American fiction.Across a dazzling range of subjects, themes, tones, and narrative voices, Novak's assured prose and expansive imagination introduce readers to people, places, and premises that are hilarious, insightful, provocative, and moving-often at the same time.In One More Thing, a boy wins a $100,000 prize in a box of Frosted Flakes - only to discover that claiming the winnings may unravel his family. A woman sets out to seduce motivational speaker Tony Robbins - turning for help to the famed motivator himself. A school principal unveils a bold plan to permanently abolish arithmetic. An acclaimed ambulance driver seeks the courage to follow his heart and throw it all away to be a singer-songwriter. Author John Grisham contemplates a monumental typo. A new arrival in heaven, overwhelmed by infinite options, procrastinates over his long-ago promise to visit his grandmother. We meet a vengeance-minded hare, obsessed with scoring a rematch against the tortoise who ruined his life; and post-college friends who debate how to stage an intervention in the era of Facebook. We learn why wearing a red t-shirt every day is the key to finding love; how February got its name; and why the stock market is sometimes just... down.Finding inspiration in questions from the nature of perfection to the icing on carrot cake, from the deeply familiar to the intoxicatingly imaginative, One More Thing finds its heart in the most human of phenomena: love, fear, family, ambition, and the inner stirring for the one elusive element that might make a person complete. The stories in this collection are like nothing else, but they have one thing in common: they share the playful humor, deep heart, inquisitive mind, and altogether electrifying spirit of a writer with a fierce devotion to the entertainment of the reader.

    These newspaper comics were stand-alone funny in their time and, almost always, topical and thought provoking. The world of these lovable characters carried the flavor of the times in which they were penned and offered commentary on many of the political happenings - greed, political faux pas, scandals, sloth, feminism, racism and the pitfalls of love and having a tender heart were all fair game for this artist.

    nature tales originally published in such magazines as Field & Stream and Outdoor Living.Patrick F. McManus’s hilarious and comic stories of camping and other nature-oriented activities reach ridiculous proportions in The Night the Bear Ate Goombaw. From teaching his stepfather the methods of madness behind farm work through his best friend’s grandmother’s fear of bears, McManus reveals that human behavior is even wilder than the wilderness.

    In this love story wrapped in a tale of zombie mayhem, a resourceful couple flees from and picks off their undead pursuers with fast-paced ingenuity and an entertaining range of zombie-thwarting tools. As the zombies shuffle and stumble their way toward a variety of gruesome ends, our heroes must come up with new ways to escape sticky situations and stay together. This darkly funny illustrated tale--think Bunny Suicides meets Edward Gorey meets Hallmark--celebrates the romantic side of a zombie plague, with plenty of BRAINS and a lot of heart.

    Until he gets a letter from the HR department insisting he use up his accrued vacation time, that is. In this humorous and heartfelt book from beloved illustrator Brian Rea, readers take a peek at Death's journal entries as he documents his mandatory sabbatical in the world of the living. From sky diving to online dating, Death is determined to try it all! Death Wins a Goldfish is an important reminder to the overstressed, overworked, and overwhelmed that everyone—even Death—deserves a break once in a while. If you enjoyed Brian Rea's work in Mary Karr's The Liars' Club: A Memoir or in the New York Times' popular Modern Love column you'll love his delightful illustrations of Death in this funny, heartfelt collection of works.This book is a great gift or self-purchase if you're looking for:Funny BooksFunny ComicsHumor Books

    Science Made Stupid is a book that teaches one how to discomprehend the world around us!

    But will they write ANY essay you request? Only the WORST of these horrible companies were employed in the composition of Mindsploitation. A GREAT DEAL of money was wasted ACROSS THE GLOBE to commission what may be the dumbest collection of ridiculous assignments in HUMAN HISTORY.What does it say about our society that we can buy a quick custom eulogy for our grandmother, or pay to have a love poem for a mistress prepared by a stranger at the click of a button? How entitled is a culture that keeps these services afloat? Mindsploitation uses such questions as a launching pad for wildly entertaining comedic exchanges. The 50 assignments in this book hilariously explore self-help, spirituality, family, health, diet, pop culture, love, and more.

    In this entertaining and endearing book, which ranges from the warmly to the wildly funny, Cosby holds forth with the most marvellous stories he has ever told about his childhood. Here are tales you'll never forget, including his heroic quest for Spanish Fly and his day as a school crossing guard - when he fell dizzily in love that he almost waved his heartthrob under a bus.Childhood finds Bill Cosby in the territory he knows best: amid the trials of bedtime (fears of bedwetting and the Loch Ness Monster) and the tribulations of bad table manners; coping with the early demise of his children's pets and his own days spent smoking in the boys' room; out on the streets playing stickball; and back home lusting after Wonder Woman.Youth may be wasted on the young, but Bill Cosby's boyhood - which hasn't completely ended - is an international treasure.

    According to church founder Bobby Henderson, the universe and all life within it were created by a mystical and divine being: the Flying Spaghetti Monster. What drives the FSM's devout followers, a.k.a. Pastafarians? Some say it's the assuring touch from the FSM's "noodly appendage." Then there are those who love the worship service, which is conducted in pirate talk and attended by congregants in dashing buccaneer garb. Still others are drawn to the Church's flimsy moral standards, religious holidays every Friday, or the fact that Pastafarian heaven is way cooler: Does your heaven have a Stripper Factory and a Beer Volcano? Intelligent Design has finally met its match—and it has nothing to do with apes or the Olive Garden of Eden.Within these pages, Bobby Henderson outlines the true facts—dispelling such malicious myths as evolution ("only a theory"), science ("only a lot of theories"), and whether we're really descended from apes (fact: Humans share 95 percent of their DNA with chimpanzees, but they share 99.9 percent with pirates!)See what impressively credentialed top scientists have to say:"If Intelligent Design is taught in schools, equal time should be given to the FSM theory and the non-FSM theory."—Professor Douglas Shaw, Ph.D."Do not be hypocritical. Allow equal time for other alternative 'theories' like FSMism, which is by far the tastier choice."—J. Simon, Ph.D."In my scientific opinion, when comparing the two theories, FSM theory seems to be more valid than classic ID theory."—Afshin Beheshti, Ph.D.

    isn't it?'A John Cleese Twitter question ['What is your pet peeve?'], first sparked the 'Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' blog, which grew over three years into one bookseller's collection of ridiculous conversations on the shop floor. From 'Did Beatrix Potter ever write a book about dinosaurs?' to the hunt for a paperback which could forecast the next year's weather; and from 'I've forgotten my glasses, please read me the first chapter' to 'Excuse me... is this book edible?: here is a book for heroic booksellers and booklovers everywhere.This full-length collection illustrated by the Brothers McLeod also includes top 'Weird Things' from bookshops around the world.