Minus the happy and the ever after! In these pages you'll find classic tales twisted, tweaked, and riddled with morbid humor. Little Boy Blue blows his brains out, Pinocchio impales his dentist when asked if he's been flossing and Rapunzel's head comes off at its stem when her prince charming climbs the tower. Get ready for your nostalgia-o-meter to flicker enthusiastically while shivers course up your spine at the all-wrong acts committed by the heroes and heroines of yesteryear.

    and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. A world-renowned and much feared expert on everything, Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has seventeen degrees from eighteen institutions of higher learning. With her husband, Benny, she has traveled the world many times over, has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first hand.When is the last time you actually sat down and had a conversation with a giraffe? That's what I thought. You are hopelessly clueless on giraffe culture, their likes/dislikes and voting patterns -- most giraffes are probably libertarian. "GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES " is the authoritative text on the biology, history and overall nature of giraffes.You are so behind on giraffes that it's rather embarrassing and you obviously need this book more than health insurance. Things you probably don't know about giraffes -- and can only be found in this book -- include giraffes' preferred mode of transportation (conveyor belt), what their bodies are made of (paper mache, a clock, fruit juices and a super-strong lightweight titanium alloy), where most giraffes live (Terra Haute, Indiana -- known for many things, including buildings made of wood and ground made of dirt), and basic giraffe history (in 50,000 B.C giraffes began to hang out with primitive man, they found him to be likeable and helped him paint buffaloes in caves).Cheat Sheet onGiraffes (good for slumber parties and barroom brawls):- Giraffes invented plastic. "No, not plastic--latex. My bad. Still, though isn't that amazing?"- Frequently Asked Question: "Why do we call giraffes "giraffes?"" Answer: Because when they came to Earth they asked us to.- Rarely Asked Question: "How fast can giraffes run?" The giraffes have tried to phase out running from their lives but if they had to, they could still run much faster than you. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that they can run 780 mph.With the wit and irreverent sense of humor for which Dave Eggers and McSweeney's is known, comes the first volume in the revolutionary Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance books. More than just entertaining and informative, "GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES " will help you appear smarter, more in touch with your sensitive side and whiten your teeth. And much, much more that will likely sicken you.

    Featuring 50 common North American birds, such as the White-Breasted Butt Nugget and the Goddamned Canada Goose (or White-Breasted Nuthatch and Canada Goose for the layperson), Matt Kracht identifies all the idiots in your backyard and details exactly why they suck with ink drawings. Each entry is accompanied by facts about a bird's (annoying) call, its (dumb) migratory pattern, its (downright tacky) markings, and more.The essential guide to all things wings with migratory maps, tips for birding, musings on the avian population, and the ethics of birdwatching.

    Author and philosopher Sydney Banks once again brings to life his wise and simple gardener as a voice through which Banks presents more implications of the Three Principles that create human reality, calling on us to realize that to fully understand the Principles is to liberate one's spirit.

    An original pen-and-ink drawing illustrates each insightful explanation of odd but characteristic cat actions, social graces and sometimes kooky quirks.

    An engineer by training, Bernstein pioneered blood glucose self-monitoring and the tight control of blood sugar that is now accepted as the standard treatment of diabetes.

    It provides a revolutionary wellbeing programme for the millions of people seeking a simple, natural lifestyle change to help ease the pain of their debilitating digestive disorders.

    She loves them - but they drive her mad. So, to try and keep her sanity she started to come up with quick, easy games using stuff from around the house. And @FiveMinuteMum was born. In her first book, she has collected 150+ games that take 5 minutes to set up & 5 minutes to tidy up.From pasta posting to alphabet knock down, it's a recipe book for guilt free parenting! And as Daisy was a teaching assistant, your little ones will be learning while they play! What could be better?GIVE ME FIVE is the perfect companion for anyone who wants five minutes peace. "I love Five Minute Mum. She's managed to come up with a huge array of activities for kids that are fun and educational yet don't require an Art degree or Diploma in Patience to execute." Sarah Turner, aka Unmumsy Mum

    Discusses a number of natural and normal body processes that result in by-products that many people find disgusting, including vomiting, elimination, saliva, and sweat.

    In Longevity Now, Wolfe exposes the number-one cause of all degenerative illness and aging: calcification. Caused by an excess of calcium and the presence of nanobacteria, calcification can be found in some degree in virtually every adult and even some children. It leads to a plethora of illnesses and manifests as achy joints, hardened arteries, cellulite, cysts, kidney stones, gallstones, dental plaque, cataracts, and bone spurs, among many other health problems. By breaking down calcification and removing parasites, heavy metals, and other "unwanted guests" from your system, you can reverse the aging process and eliminate the prospect of degenerative disease from your future.Part 1 of the Longevity Now Program focuses on supplements to dissolve the buildup of calcium in your system, leading to freer movement, a clearer head, and a lighter step. Part 2 focuses on boosting your immunity, using a variety of supplements to make your body as resilient as possible. Part 3 focuses on rejuvenating each and every cell of your body with nutrient-packed supplements and superfoods. Part 4 focuses on using special electromagnetic grounding technologies to eliminate parasites and reconnect you with the rhythmic cycles of Earth's energy field. Part 5 focuses on deep-tissue bodywork and yoga, so that you can move blocked energy around and break up stagnation in typically unaccessed parts of the body.In addition to all this, Wolfe offers abundant additional information to help you more fully live the Longevity Now lifestyle, such as foods to avoid, healthful alternative sweeteners, delicious recipes, and more tips and tricks to keep you on the path of rejuvenation, radiant health, and full-throttle vitality.From the Hardcover edition.

    Brown's Boys' is the best sitcom?Play along with The World Cup Of Everything and you and your family and friends can decide these things once and for all. You will be arguing about, then voting on, the best crisps, the best chocolate, the best sweets, the best sitcom, the best Christmas songs, the best Disney films, the best biscuits and so much more.It is also packed with amazing stories and incredible facts on everything from Nandos to 'Die Hard' to Jammie Dodgers.And who wins? You decide!*Richard from Pointless, you know the one.

    They’ve experienced events they can’t otherwise explain. Same with other professions that deal with injuries, accidents, or death. Police officers, firemen, 911 operators, they’ve seen the worst that people can do to one another, and they’ve all had brushes with the unexplained. Don’t believe in ghosts? This book might change your mind steal any hope of sleep. These stories are unexplainable, true accounts from first responders, police officers, firemen, and 911 operators, told from the perspective of everyday people. Every single tale between these covers is one hundred percent true. Think you can explain them? We dare you to try.

    This book goes through all the miserable people you love to hate. Do you hate morning people? How about the guy who doesn’t wipe the ketchup top after using it? Or people who just don’t care? After all, isn’t hating just another form of caring?It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain—everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.

    Meander past orange groves and swaying pines to reach steep seaside towns, go cave diving off the Capri coast, or contemplate the silent power of Mt. Vesuvius; all with your trusted travel companion. Get to the heart of Naples, Pompeii, and the Amalfi Coast and begin your journey now! Inside Lonely Planet Naples, Pompeii & the Amalfi Coast Travel Guide: Full-colour maps and images throughout Highlights and itineraries help you tailor your trip to your personal needs and interests Insider tips to save time and money and get around like a local, avoiding crowds and trouble spots Essential info at your fingertips - hours of operation, phone numbers, websites, transit tips, prices Honest reviews for all budgets - eating, sleeping, sight-seeing, going out, shopping, hidden gems that most guidebooks miss Cultural insights give you a richer, more rewarding travel experience - including history, the arts, cinema, way of life, architecture, superstitions, politics, cuisine, wine, and more Over 39 colour local maps Covers Naples, Procida, Capri, Positano, Mt Vesuvius, Pompeii, Ravello, The Islands, Salerno, the Cilento, Amalfi Coast, and more eBook Features: (Best viewed on tablet devices and smartphones) Downloadable PDF and offline maps prevent roaming and data charges Effortlessly navigate and jump between maps and reviews Add notes to personalise your guidebook experience Seamlessly flip between pages Bookmarks and speedy search capabilities get you to key pages in a flash Embedded links to recommendations' websites Zoom-in maps and images Inbuilt dictionary for quick referencing The Perfect Choice: Lonely Planet Naples, Pompeii & the Amalfi Coast, our most comprehensive guide to Naples, Pompeii, and the Amalfi Coast, is perfect for both exploring top sights and taking roads less travelled. Looking for more extensive coverage? Check out our Lonely Planet Italy guide for a comprehensive look at all the country has to offer, or Lonely Planet Discover Italy, a photo-rich guide to the country's most popular attractions. Authors: Written and researched by Lonely Planet. About Lonely Planet: Since 1973, Lonely Planet has become the world's leading travel media company with guidebooks to every destination, an award-winning website, mobile and digital travel products, and a dedicated traveller community. Lonely Planet covers must-see spots but also enables curious travellers to get off beaten paths to understand more of the culture of the places in which they find themselves.

    In this hilarious book of tongue-in-cheek poetry, the author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth helps cats unlock their creative potential and explain their odd behaviour to ignorant humans. With titles like Who Is That on Your Lap?, This Is My Chair, Kneel Before Me, Nudge, and Some of My Best Friends Are Dogs, the poems collected in I Could Pee on This perfectly capture the inner workings of the cat psyche. With photos of the cat authors throughout, this whimsical volume reveals kitties at their wackiest, and most exasperating (but always lovable).