and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. A world-renowned and much feared expert on everything, Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has seventeen degrees from eighteen institutions of higher learning. With her husband, Benny, she has traveled the world many times over, has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first hand.When is the last time you actually sat down and had a conversation with a giraffe? That's what I thought. You are hopelessly clueless on giraffe culture, their likes/dislikes and voting patterns -- most giraffes are probably libertarian. "GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES " is the authoritative text on the biology, history and overall nature of giraffes.You are so behind on giraffes that it's rather embarrassing and you obviously need this book more than health insurance. Things you probably don't know about giraffes -- and can only be found in this book -- include giraffes' preferred mode of transportation (conveyor belt), what their bodies are made of (paper mache, a clock, fruit juices and a super-strong lightweight titanium alloy), where most giraffes live (Terra Haute, Indiana -- known for many things, including buildings made of wood and ground made of dirt), and basic giraffe history (in 50,000 B.C giraffes began to hang out with primitive man, they found him to be likeable and helped him paint buffaloes in caves).Cheat Sheet onGiraffes (good for slumber parties and barroom brawls):- Giraffes invented plastic. "No, not plastic--latex. My bad. Still, though isn't that amazing?"- Frequently Asked Question: "Why do we call giraffes "giraffes?"" Answer: Because when they came to Earth they asked us to.- Rarely Asked Question: "How fast can giraffes run?" The giraffes have tried to phase out running from their lives but if they had to, they could still run much faster than you. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that they can run 780 mph.With the wit and irreverent sense of humor for which Dave Eggers and McSweeney's is known, comes the first volume in the revolutionary Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance books. More than just entertaining and informative, "GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES " will help you appear smarter, more in touch with your sensitive side and whiten your teeth. And much, much more that will likely sicken you.

    crazy! Miss Daisy eats bonbons! Mr. Klutz kisses pigs! Mrs. Roopy sings silly songs! And Ms. Hannah wears dresses made out of pot holders! Pot holders? How is A.J. ever going to learn anything? These just might be the funniest stories in the history of the world!

    After all, the friends, Romans, and countrymen would have been too busy laughing over Jason Fox, pictured in full toga-and-laurel regalia on the cover. This Foxtrot treasury will delight and amuse Fox family fans in the same surprising way. Thumbs up-once again-for creator Bill Amend!Jason Fox rules . . . his computer code, at calc and trig, and in whatever fantasy he happens to be headlining at the moment. Just because the rest of the Fox family-from older brother Peter and sister Paige to parents Roger and Andy-haven't quite accepted his Dominion Over All isn't cause for concern. Math geeks, Jason is convinced, will govern the earth, and he will lead the way. FoxTrotius Maximus: A FoxTrot Treasury, picks up on Jason's megalomania and runs with it . . . and it doesn't stop until you are out of breath from laughing so hard. FoxTrotius Maximus combines the works Your Momma Thinks Square Roots Are Vegetables, Who's Up for Some Bonding, and Am I a Mutant or What? That means longtime FoxTrot readers and new fans alike are treated to Jason and his friend Marcus's never-ending antics, Andy's ongoing allergy fun, Peter's latest hot haircut, and a host of pop-culture trends and topics including music piracy, video games, and The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Timely, topical, and terribly funny! All hail, FoxTrotius Maximus! Universal Press Syndicate newspaper feature:*FoxTrot Author's web site: www.foxtrot.com/

    He goes on vacation with his family. He gets a job selling drinks. He attends his brother’s wedding. He mops his sister’s floor. He gives directions to a lost traveler. He eats a hamburger. He has his blood sugar tested. It all sounds so normal, doesn’t it? In his newest collection of essays, David Sedaris lifts the corner of ordinary life, revealing the absurdity teeming below its surface. His world is alive with obscure desires and hidden motives — a world where forgiveness is automatic and an argument can be the highest form of love. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim is another unforgettable collection from one of the wittiest and most original writers at work today.--davidsedarisbooks.com

    She alone had decided what or who was cool. Her spiral perm had been the perm against which all others were measured, and her opinion on which boys were acceptable to date the only one that counted. A beautiful, blonde - if not always benevolent - dictator, she had a reputation for being the wild child in her home town, the girl most likely to set the world on fire, and leave a trail of destruction in her wake. When she left home she swore she'd never return. Only now, fifteen years and several husbands later, she's run out of money, luck and options...But Sugar arrives back home to discover that everyone else is living her life. Her half sister is married to Sugar's high school sweetheart, the teacher she schemed to get fired is now a successful novelist and owns her old house. She also discovers that people have long memories - especially where Sugar is concerned...

    But every time this clever spider tries to impress her chosen family, she scares them instead, until the day she unwittingly enchants them. Aaaarrgghh! Spider! spins a lively tale about one creature’s efforts to find her place.

    Filled with relevant, inspiring, and fun stories written mostly by kids, this new volume features a unique, innovative chapter that highlights real preteen kids achieving real dreams, helping less fortunate people, starting their own business, and utilizing their unique abilities.

    Whether it's finding out who flattened a philanthropist with a steamroller in The Blurred Man, outsmarting Parisian drug smugglers on a vacation gone miserably wrong in The French Confection, or catching the murderer behind a deadly class reunion in I Know What You Did Last Wednesday, there's never a dull moment with this crimesolving duo around. Find out if Nick can get to the bottom of these mysteries before Tim messes everything up, or worse, gets them both killed.This volume includes The Blurred Man, The French Confection and I Know What You Did Last Wednesday.

    Now, David Rees returns to do it once again--just in time for the most anticipated election in years. He's taking on the Bush Doctrine, Operation Iraqi Freedom, the war in Afghanistan, tax cuts, the 2004 campaign--and much, much more!

    From the creators of the runaway cult magazine sensation and arbiter of all that is cool comes the ultimate visual guide on how to be - and not to be - a modern urban hipster.

    He is mine, miney, mine, mine. There is a song in my heart and do you know what it is? It is that well-known chart topper "Robbie, oh Robbie, I . . . er . . . Lobbie You!!! I Do I Do!!!"Georgia Nicolson is now the girlfriend of the Sex God (aka Robbie), and everything should be perfect. But whether it's because her loony parents drag her off to Och Aye land (aka Scotland) or because she accidentally snogs old flame Dave the Laugh at a party, Georgia's life never turns out as planned!In this edition that combines the third and fourth volumes in the hilarious #1 New York Times best-selling series, Georgia may be about to become a shameless vixen! The hysterically funny third and fourth volumes of the best-selling Georgia Nicolson diaries: knocked out by my nunga-nungas and dancing in my nuddy-pants.

    "Painful Poison" will dish up a deadly dose. Are you brave enough to discover: how to turn your brother or sister into a zombie slave? Why you are breathing in poison right now? What is the secret of the vomit goblet? If you think you can stomach the sick side of Science, then read on as we get wise to the wicked world of killer chemicals. Track down vile villains as a poison detective, meet snakes, spiders and other poison pets and discover the dreadful details of the "Gruesome Guide". With fantastic fact files, quirky quizzes and crazy cartoons, "Painful Poison" is reading to die for. Science has never been so horrible. It is the complete lowdown on this fascinating and diverse subject. "A Gruesome Guide to Poison" will cover everything from plants and creatures that use poison for attack and defence to poisons that are affecting our planet such as car pollution, radiation and the result of burning off fossil fuels. With lost lab notes, and terrible tales, like the Victorian arsenic murders and the story about the Arctic survivors who were poisoned by eating polar bear livers, this is perfect subject matter for "Horrible Science".

    His artistry is in his Zen-like clarity, his simple direct address, and his unique understanding of the essential animal-human continuum. When one experiences MUTTS, one experiences genius." -Alice Sebold, author of The Lovely Bones"Dog-Eared"is exactly what this latest collection from cartoonist Patrick McDonnell is destined to become. The brilliant assortment of simple-yet-complex strips will have readers turning its pages again and again, eager to revisit the charm, truth, and humor found within.McDonnell's strip, highlights the adventures of Earl the dog and Mooch the cat, best buddies who regularly come in contact with Shtinky Puddin', Sourpuss, Guard Dog, and Crabby-as well as an assortment of whimsically rendered humans. This cast is capable of endless antics, interspersed with poignant views on both the animal and human condition. And whether they're raiding garbage cans or basking in full-frontal belly rubs, Mooch and Earl always have a comment to clinch the scene.MUTTS is the kind of strip that comic readers find irresistible. "Dog-Eared" is the same kind of collection. One strip leads to another, and before you know it you've turned page after dog-eared page to satisfy a growing MUTTS addiction.

     Miss Daisy, who teaches second grade, doesn't know how to add or subtract. Not only that, she doesn’t know how to read or write either. She is the dumbest teacher in the history of the world!

    Sleep — “The best 18 hours of my day”Coffee — “Mother Nature’s Jumper Cables”Dogs — “They contain 90% of the world’s drool supply.”Love — “”…is splitting the last piece of pizza.”Exercise — “My favorite spectator sport.”Mondays — “The armpit of days.”Golf — “That’s Scottish for ‘AAARGH!’.”

    But it is for his writing for children that he is best remembered.This book is a selection of the best of his stories and the most fascinating of his characters: Goopy and Bagha, dedicated but unsuccessful musicians who are cast out of their homes because their music drives their families and neighbours crazy; Tuntuni, the little bird; the clever fox; Majantali Sarkar, the cat; the intrepid Granny Hunchback; and many others.Swagata Deb’s vibrant translation brings Upendrakishore’s unique magic to a wider audience.

    With an introduction by creator Paul Feig, the book features individual commentary from the writers of each episode, plus a scrapbook of behind-the-scenes materials, photos, memos, and notes.

    But when Here Kitty Kitty moves in next door, their daily routines are turned topsy-turvy. Filled with humor and adventure, this illustrated chapter book takes a look at life in the backyard from the well-intentioned but misguided viewpoint of man’s best friend.

    this wasn't quite what Jennie had in mind after graduating with a shiny degree in Sequential Art(though it may have been what was in everyone else's). As life overwhelmed her and her drawing hand withered away, Jennie made a promise to herself to stay in practice by drawing a new comic every single day.This first volume is a compilation of those comics. From dating and clubbing to trying to make it as an artist, follow along as Jennie chronicles her daily struggles, sorrows, joys and WTFs in life.

    They keep in touch at first, but then slowly drift apart.Flash forward twenty years.Travis and Craig both have great lives, careers, and loves. But something is missing .... Travis is the first to figure it out. He's still in love with Craig, and come what may, he's going after the boy who captured his heart, even if it means forsaking his job, making a fool of himself, and entering the great unknown. Told in narrative, letters, checklists, and more, this is the must-read novel for anyone who's wondered what ever happened to that first great love.

    Eventually fan demand (an online petition of over 35,000 names) convinced the studio to release the series on DVD. Created by Paul Feig and executive produced by Judd Apatow (The Larry Sanders Show), Freaks and Geeks followed the Weir siblings--former math whiz Lindsay (Linda Cardellini of the Scooby-Doo feature films and ER) and her younger brother Sam (John Francis Daley)--as they navigated the perils and pleasures of a Michigan high school circa 1980. Lauded for its brutal honesty and very human characters, Freaks and Geeks combined smart dialogue and winning performances, and its plotlines rarely offered pat solutions to the characters' conflicts. These unique script books allow longtime fans and first-timers alike to enjoy the writing behind one of television's most poignant and funny programs about high school, with introductions and additional material by the series' creators.

    Issues #0 through #5.

    Sit back and roar as Brooker rips mercilessly into Simon Cowell, Big Brother, Trinny and Susannah, Casualty, Davina McCall, Michael Parkinson...and almost everything else on television. This book will make practically anyone laugh out loud.

    Narrated by fifth-grader Wilbur and featuring his third-grade brother, Orville, this hilarious story follows the antics of two boys with overactive imaginations and a comfortable sibling relationship. The action is divided into three "books," with six chapters each. In the first, the brothers are determined to catch a crook. They make a windfall by giving lessons in being annoying to their classmates, are reprimanded by the principal (who is also their mother), and still manage to foil a bank robber on the way home from school. Next, while searching for treasure, they find a mysterious box in the closet. After they finally open it, they discover that the contents, although not worth money, are still valuable. The final installment has the duo building a catapult designed to overthrow a king and using it instead to defeat a bully. Full-colour illustrations

    Recognized the past two years by the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies (AAN) as Best Cartoon, Tom the Dancing Bug is consistently funny, pointed without being dogmatic, and takes on subjects that no one else does . . . an oasis of keen intelligence in the comics page, according to the 2003 AAN judges. Here are just a couple headlines from the quirky strip's News of the Times: o?= Computer Loses to Human Candy Land Champion: Despite progress made in developing a computer program that can defeat a human chess champion, computer scientists confess that they have been unable to launch a significant challenge to human supremacy in the game of Candy Land.o?= Scientists Discover Media Has Quantum Effect on Reality: A team of physicists discovers that an electron is in an uncertain state until the media report on it. For example, once an electron was measured and reported upon by Mary Hart on the Celebrity Corner segment of Entertainment Tonight, it instantly assumed its nature as a particle.Tom the Dancing Bug's client list is diverse, representing the breadth of contemporary journalism: alternative newspapers, such as Dallas Observer and the Village Voice; prestigious daily newspapers, including the Washington Post and the Los Angeles Times; Salon.com, an acclaimed online magazine; and the New Yorker magazine.

    Not content to chronicle just a collection of cartoons, this retrospective includes Wilson's wry, illustrated essays on such topics as childhood fears and human tourists in space. A unique creator, Wilson straddles humor markets ranging from art enthusiasts to sci-fi junkies with offbeat aplomb.

    Acclaimed nonfiction author Susan Goodman covers many facets of a subject children just love to read about, and Elwood Smith's humorous illustrations add a lively slant to a book that's already brimming with fun and information.

    Now, the porky heroine headlines in her own "teatro," which containing all of the ingredients for a masterful performance. Boxed in a fold-out stage that includes all of the props to create scenes from "Swan Lake," "Romeo and Juliet," and "Turandot," this must-have includes colorful stage backdrops -- audiences can even draw their own scenes using the blank backdrops inside -- Olivia and Ian figures, and an amusing Playbill. For easy setup, all of the figures and backdrops are labeled according to performance; while the Playbill gives lengthy synopses of the three pieces, short bios of the lead actors, and a description of how to use the theater. Bound to make any playtime magical, Teatro Olivia is just right for younger kids looking for more fun with their favorite character and for more sophisticated types who will go hog-wild staging Tchaikovsky or Puccini.

    IF LAUGHTER PERSISTS, THESE EFFECTS COULD BE SYMPTOMATIC OF A DANGEROUSLY HEIGHTENED SENSE OF HUMOR.In your hand is a cartoon book the likes of nothing you've ever read before. Modern Toss has become a phenomenal smash hit in the United Kingdom and only now has it been officially released from the clutches of the British Empire for an American audience to enjoy.Featuring abusive sign writer Mr. Tourette and a load of other poorly adjusted, pointlessly hostile idiots, this hilariously crafted comic has surpassed the cutting edge of the contemporary humor scene. Modern Toss is a bona fide classic that makes a welcome addition to the library of the avant-garde.

    For want of a better term, let's call these people "women."Their urge is understandable. We've all had to take measures to accommodate men, because they are involved in nearly every aspect of modern life except maybe housework and they like to run things like corporate meetings and the planet. The only other alternative has been to try to avoid men altogether, which is pretty hard to do if you are interested in stuff like reproduction or having your oil changed.That's why How to Remodel a Man is so indispensable-it is a clear, step-by-step guide for anyone who wants to alter the character and behavior of a man, written by an actual man. Author W. Bruce Cameron provides startling insight into male pattern thinking, explaining why men can open a refrigerator and not see the mayonnaise, or how it is that they can throw dirty clothes at the hamper or in front of the hamper or even on top of the hamper and yet not seem capable of getting any of it in the hamper. Normally, changing a man has certain obstacles, including, but not limited to, the fact that it is impossible. But Cameron is able to overcome this hindrance because he, himself, has been remodeled. In a move so bold it may be shocking to people unaccustomed to such personal courage, Cameron turned himself over to the women in his life and asked them to change him. It started with a list of his flaws (Cameron came up with four; the women came up with one hundred seventy eight) and ended with him writing How to Remodel a Man, so that others could learn from his experience.If you're a woman, you'll be amazed to learn that men can be trained to perform all sorts of tricks, like using the instruments on the sides of their heads (the ears) to listen to you, and the space between those instruments to think about you.If you're a man, you've been given this book so that you'll see that it's possible to watch television without holding the remote or to ask for directions from strangers without suffering a catastrophic loss of testosterone. Cameron changed, and you can too.How to Remodel a Man is the essential guide for anyone in the awkward position of having to interact with a person of the male gender.

    For instance, Roman Dirge (Deady Meets Lenore), Gris Grimly, Crab Scrambly, a very special Deady tale by none other than Neil Gaiman, and other shocking guests!

    Addicted to the game, and gripped by obsession, Dave travels three times round the world, visiting four continents and the unlikeliest cast of real life eccentrics you'll ever meet in what becomes an epic challenge, a life-changing, globe-trotting Googlewhack adventure.

    Quotations are ordered not by A-Z, but by thematic categories: love; business; religion; celebrity, you name it, every category is covered. The collection includes all the classics from Oscar Wilde to Winston Churchill, Dorothy Parker to Groucho Marx but also mines many new hidden gems from lesser lights and includes many contemporary quotes by everyone from Jilly Cooper to Jonathan Ross. A standard companion for new collectors, and a fresh perspective for serious quotation addicts.

    Between hiding from the Russian mafia, searching for a missing chimp, and helping a concert violinist recover his memory, Wolfgang is in for the ride of his life.

    They arrive in a single night, and Clark Kent is coming into Gotham Tomorrow. This cannot end well. Collected in Cat-Tales: Book 3

    Collected in Cat-Tales: Book 3

    Now, Ray Romano and show creator Phil Rosenthal have made an official companion to the series. This insider's look at "Raymond'"s world features a lively introduction by Ray and Phil, where they tell the stories of how they met, how "Raymond" came to be, and how the first episode was made. The next eight chapters follow the show season by season, with candid photography by Tom Caltabiano, one of the show's writers, who has informally documented the cast and crew from day one. Accompanying the photos is hilarious running commentary from Ray and Phil, as they describe memorable moments, fun facts, and tales from behind the scenes. Along the way, interviews with the cast reveal humorous and insightful anecdotes from Patricia Heaton, Doris Roberts, Peter Boyle, Brad Garrett, and Monica Horan. And the conversation with the show's award-winning writers show how their personal family dramas provide inspiration for the on-screen stories.

    Actually, it was better than okay. Angeline got her long, beautiful hair tangled in one of the jillion things she has dangling from her backpack, and the school nurse -- who is now one of my main heroes -- took a pair of scissors and snipped two feet of silky blond hair from the left side of her head, so now Angeline only looks like The Prettiest Girl in the World if you're standing on her right. (Although personally, I think she would look better if I was standing on her neck.)

    A control freak, Clare likes nothing better than interfering in other people’s lives on both a professional and personal basis, while at the same time finding it a trial having to put up with tiresome members of the public. Politically correct, humourless and prone to jargon, she is entirely lacking in self-awareness, making her encounters with colleagues, family and her partner Brian wonderfully entertaining and richly comic. In these six episodes, Clare babysits a friend’s child, loses sleep due to the upstairs neighbours’ noisy sex life, and calls round to her colleague Ray’s house unannounced - only to be shocked by what she finds. She also attends a hated client’s funeral (to get the afternoon off work), takes driving lessons from her partner Brian, and organises a works outing to see a performance of Brian’s play. Adapted from the long-running cartoon strip in the Guardian, this hit radio sitcom won a Sony Bronze Award, and stars Sally Phillips, Alex Lowe, Gemma Craven and Nina Conti. ‘wildly funny’ - Sunday Times, ‘Culture’ magazine.3 CDs. 2 hrs 48 mins.

    But lately Boris has turned into a grumpy teenage croc - all he does is eat, sleep and listen to loud music. Worst of all, he doesn't spend time with Little Croc anymore... What's a little brother to do? Full description

    Bestselling team Robert Munsch and Michael Martchenko create another funny adventure about a girl named Tina, who loves her brand-new socks so much that she's never ever going to take them off!Tina loves her brand-new socks so much that she's never ever going to take them off! But when her wonderful socks start to get smelly, her friends have to take action!

    The third of three collectible pocket-sized books of David Shrigley's addictively strange and entertaining work reveals new truths, anxieties, and amusements in a format that welcomes the uninitiated and rewards the faithful.

    The lovely Princess Sugar has run away and the sweet land of Sausagopolis is soaked with sorrow. The noble knight, Sir Glame, and his faithful horse, Bill, are fearless and ready to take on the challenge: a quest for the petulant princess. The satirical references to conventional children's tales will appeal to kids who like their jokes to have an edge.

    Sinclair, American novelist, essayist, playwright, and short story writer, whose works reflected his socialistic views. Among his most famous books is The Jungle, which launched a government investigation of the meatpacking plants of Chicago, and changed the food laws of America. In this volume the author lays out the facts on the current state of American Education. Sinclair writes in the introduction: What is the so-called higher education of these United States? You have taken it, for the most part, on faith. It is something which has come to be; it is big and impressive, and you are impressed. Every year you pay a hundred million dollars of public funds to help maintain it, and half that amount in tuition fees for your sons and daughters. You take it for granted that this money is honestly and wisely used; that the students are getting the best, the highest education the money can buy. Suppose I were to tell you that this educational machine has been stolen? That a bandit crew have got hold of it and have set it to work, not for your benefit, nor the benefit of your sons and daughters, but for ends very far from these? That our six hundred thousand young people are being taught, deliberately and of set purpose, not wisdom but folly, not justice but greed, not freedom but slavery, not love but hate? See other titles by this author available from Kessinger Publishing.

    A poor little mouse stands out in the rain, wishing he could find shelter in the "itzy bitzy house down a twisty lane." While he's feeling sorry for himself, along comes furry-purry pussycat, so the mouse must run and hide. Next comes a dog who frightens the cat. . . then a goat who frightens the dog. But at last there appears a "wrinkly crinkly man with twinkly winkly eyes." He's the fellow who lives in the itzy bitzy house--and he has a pleasant surprise for all the frightened, rain-soaked animals!

    Zac's taking a break from the psychic police work, but it seems that someone doesn't appreciate "down time."

    Get reacquainted with your favorite characters from the Elm Creek Quilts series while browsing through a dozen brand-new quilts designed by Jennifer Chiaverini.

    With fantastic fact files and quirky quizzes, teacher tests and crazy cartoons, this terrible twosome has been revamped and is bubbling over with info! Science has never been so horrible!

    Thrill to his being used as a grappling hook: Marvel as he helps to thwart evil and gets no credit! Gasp in awe that there's anything left of him for Piffany the Cleric to duct tape back together. -- This volume contains the first six issues of the comic book by Aaron Williams.

    Reprint. 25,000 first printing.

    There's also the Navy Way, the Marine Way, and the Air Force Way. This compendium of one-liners-from all branches of the military-proves that any resemblance between these ways and common sense is purely coincidental: