The first of these came out in 1946: the ever famous "How to be an Alien." Later he enlarges the picture with "How to be inimitable" and "How to be Decadent." All three books were illustrated by the master of the cartoonists' art, the late Nicolas Bentley. Here they are, all in one volume, which will make life much easier for today's would-be Brits than it was for those who pervaded them. It is said that a few of the latter actually failed to become indistinguishable from the genuine British article because they found it too tiresome to seek out three separate books: a misfortune that need never again occur to anyone.

    Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.

    Turns out there’s so much more to him. He’s a philosopher, an aphorist, a humorist, an artist, a warm companion, a natural storyteller—and, in a grand tradition, a keenly observant and wise outsider who in the course of living and traveling among us has discovered quite a lot about the things that make us human. Figuratively speaking, of course. You’re Only Human is his brilliant take on people, written and illustrated with considerable charm.He makes curious and interesting observations on everything from dreams to job interviews to adversity, Twitter to the Golden Rule (it’s not what you think it is) to talking animals: I’m really not sure what all the fuss is about. Lots of animals talk, including humans. The bigger question is, what do you have to say worth listening to?You’re Only Human will reveal a remarkable character who is equally at home discussing the secrets of the universe, and pie and chips. How lucky we are to publish his first book.

    Based on his column in the acclaimed magazine "mental_floss," this collection of conversations is incredibly funny, but each interview is also based on serious research, so in addition to laughing, readers actually learn real history. "The Dead Guy Interviews" includes discussions with: Alexander the Great Beethoven Napol?on Bonaparte Buddha Julius Caesar Caligula George Washington Carver Catherine the Great Winston Churchill Cleopatra Confucius Crazy Horse Salvador Dal? Charles Darwin Emily Dickinson Albert Einstein Benjamin Franklin Sigmund Freud Genghis Khan Vincent van Gogh Henry VIII J. Edgar Hoover Harry Houdini Thomas Jefferson Joan of Arc Robert Johnson Frida Kahlo Leonardo da Vinci Abraham Lincoln Mao Tse-tung Karl Marx Michelangelo Montezuma Mozart Nostradamus Edgar Allan Poe William Shakespeare Sun Tzu Mae West Oscar Wilde

    Byrne’s own wit, diligent research, and creativity combine to form a fresh go-to reference that serves readers better than Google—no Wi-Fi required. The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said is an all-new collection of clever quips and laugh-out-loud punch lines from Gracie Allen to Frank Zappa, on such topics as sex, divorce, religion, fashion, animals, and money: STEVE MARTIN: “I’d do anything for a good body except exercise and eat right.” JON STEWART: “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” NORA EPHRON: “Successful parents have adult children who can pay for their own psychoanalysis.” This compilation, to be enjoyed by generations young and old, deserves a place of honor on every language lover’s bookshelf.

    Now I don't want to seem callous, but to me that's not a tragedy - that's natural selection.'In SURVIVAL OF THE DUMBEST, Wil Anderson turns his sharp gaze and wicked wit to the stupid, strange and perplexing quandaries of popular culture. Wil spares no-one, not even himself, as he delivers an almighty forehead slap to the modern world. And let's face it: between TV, politics, oversexed sports stars, advertising and automatic phone-banking systems - there are a lot of foreheads that need one.Wil Anderson caused cornflake snorting incidents as a breakfast announcer on Triple J, hosts ABC TV's ever-popular The Glass House and continues to thrill audiences at just about every comedy festival known to man. Now Wil has set down some of his funniest rants and observations in this book. Let's just hope there are enough people left who can read…

    Who Stole My Spandex? is a witty selection of stories from Doyle’s madcap world of menopausal pitfalls, wardrobe malfunctions, and a family full of pranksters. This clever compilation includes laugh-out-loud pieces like "Queen of Klutz,” "One Size Fits None," and "Hands off my Egg Roll!" From couples' colonoscopies to nightmare holidays to disappearing spandex, no topic—no matter how crazy or unimaginable—is too taboo. With a heavy dose of self-deprecating humor, and a dash of sentiment, this marvelous collection of anecdotes will resonate with anyone who’s ever felt the call of nature at exactly the wrong time. Welcome to the nuthouse that Marcia Kester Doyle calls home.

    So she decided to write it herself. Encased in a stunning design package with beautiful feminine illustrations, this is an ideal gift for your best friend, aunt, sister or fairy godmother.

    You will probably wish you still didn’t.YouTube sensation Stuart Ashen is back with his second instalment of terrible old computer games you’ve probably never heard of... because what the world needs right now is to know exactly how bad Domain of the Undead for the Atari 8-bit computers was.Attack of the Flickering Skeletons is even bigger than the original Terrible Old Games You’ve Probably Never Heard Of – this second excavation of gaming’s buried past will not only unearth more appalling excuses for digital entertainment, but also feature guest contributors and several special interest chapters not based around single specific games.These are NOT the games you’ve heard of a million times in YouTube videos. This is a compilation of truly obscure and dreadful games. Dripping with wry humour and featuring the best, worst graphics from the games themselves, this book encapsulates the atrocities produced in the days of tight budgets and low quality controls.These are even more appalling games that leaked from the industry’s tear ducts, taken down from the dusty shelves of history by the man who has somehow made a living by sticking rubbish on a sofa and talking about it.

    Urzila talks candidly about her childhood with a great family, apart from her abusive dad, and about growing up in South Africa. She shares crazy but true tales about her OE, her move to New Zealand, coming out, getting married and having children, and her life in comedy. This is a great listen from one of our most loved and most popular comedians.

    Here, he explains how you can effortlessly hold your own against the most highbrow members of society, so that never again will you confuse 'consomme' with 'coulis', or 'entree' with 'entrecote'."

    Exquisitely detailed watercolor paintings depicting animals caught up in the joy and drudgery of life are paired with old adages given a new spin for our times. Tender thoughts such as “Smile first thing in the morning—get it over with,” “If you don't agree with me—it means you haven't been listening,” and “You'll always be my best friend—you know too much” go a long way toward banishing the blahs and shaking off the blues. Designer and illustrator Jane Seabrook's 40 universally appealing paintings of birds, bears, penguins, chipmunks, frogs, baboons, and more are rendered in delicate and biologically accurate detail using a tiny sable brush with a single hair at its tip. In the spirit of international best-seller The Blue Day Book, FURRY LOGIC speaks to the human condition in a way we can all relate to and feel good about.A humorous collection of quotes and drawings that turns life's little challenges into opportunities for laughter.An ideal gift for Mother's or Father's Day, birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, or for no reason at all.

     CollegeHumor.com is the National Lampoon of its generation. Since its creation in early 2000, the Web site has grown to become the nation’s most recognized comedy brand for young people. With eight million unique visitors a month, quarterly revenues surpassing $1.2 million, and a successful line of merchandise (from T-shirts to novelties)—not to mention a deal with Paramount to create and brand movies with CollegeHumor’s imprimatur—CollegeHumor is truly a franchise in the making. The CollegeHumor Guide to College is a laugh-out-loud depiction of the college experience. Written primarily by two of CollegeHumor’s most popular columnists, Ethan Trex and Streeter Seidell, this guide features all-new material not found on the Web site. It also includes helpful advice—the kind you probably won’t hear from a college counselor—on an array of subjects, such as food, clothing, parents, dating, sex, drinking, and roommates. Filled with outrageous illustrations, this edgy and irreverent book will be indispensable to all present and future undergraduates.

    Featuring all new, never before published material, Crows, Papua New Guinea, and Boats is the latest release by David Thorne, author of The Internet is a Playground and 27bslash6.com

    And one very annoyed world.Based on the ingenious Sir Michael Twitter account, How to (Almost) Make Friends on the Internet is the funniest book you'll read this year.Whether it's offering his services as a Karate Lawyer or Funeral DJ, devising the world's worst plan to get a free haircut, or trying to buy a blue bucket that may or may not be for sale, Michael just wants to connect with people.The only problem is that people are slightly less enthusiastic about connecting with him, and the results are utterly hilarious.Warning: you'll never think about adding someone called Michael to a group chat the same way ever again.