Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love


John M. Gottman - 2019
      Navigating the challenges of long-term commitment takes effort—and it just got simpler, with this empowering, step-by-step guide to communicating about the things that matter most to you and your partner. Drawing on forty years of research from their world-famous Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams.   Interactive activities and prompts provide motivation to stay open, stay curious, and, most of all, stay talking to each other. And the range—from the four skills you need for intimate conversation (including Put Into Words What You Are Feeling) to tips on being honest about your needs, while also validating your partner’s own emotions—will resonate, whether you’re newly together or a longtime couple looking to fortify your bond. You will discover (or rediscover) your partner like never before—and be able to realize your hopes and dreams for the love you desire and deserve.

Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit?


Connell Cowan - 1985
    With true-life accounts from women who have successfully turned around foundering relationships, two renowned clinical psychologists show how a woman can dramatically influence the course of love. Here's how you can learn the secrets that evoke loving and positive responses from men and find out exactly what kind of woman a man loves - and stays with - forever. Trusting a man to love your strength Arousing a man's passion and desire Deepening love through friendship Giving up the prince and finding the man And 11 essential rules for staying in love

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner


Jeb Kinnison - 2014
    (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of readers to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was dealing with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many readers in troubled marriages now who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who’d like help deciding if they should stick with it. The reason why there is so much interest is the large number of people in relationships with Avoidants who struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an Avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an Avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. And it’s also true that the Avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well—retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give. The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an Avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a Dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is!) Yet there is some hope—though it may take years and require educating the Avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication, if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done. How can you tell if your partner is avoidant? Does your partner: • Seem not to care how you feel? • Frequently fail to respond to direct questions or text messages? • Accuse you of being too needy or codependent? • Talk of some past lover as ideal and compare you to them? • Act coldly toward your children and the needy? • Remind you that he or she would be fine without you? • Withhold sex or affection as punishment? If that sounds familiar, then your partner is likely avoidant. At about 25% of the population, Avoidants have shorter, more troubled relationships, and tend to divorce more frequently and divorce again if remarried. What can be done? Individual therapy for the motivated Avoidant can move their default attachment style toward security, and to the extent that problems have been made worse by an overly clingy and demanding anxious-preoccupied partner, therapy can help there, as well. Insecure partners who read and absorb the lessons of these books will have a head start on noticing and restraining themselves when they are slipping into an unsatisfying communications pattern, and an intellectual understanding of the bad patterns is a step toward unlearning them. Not all difficult Avoidants can be reformed; that depends on both partners, the depth of their problems, and their motivation and ability to change over time. But many troubled marriages and relationships can be greatly improved, and the people in them can learn to be happier, with even modest improvements in understanding how they can best communicate support for each other. For those reading who have not read Bad Boyfriends or are less familiar with attachment types, a beefed-up section on attachment theory and attachment types from Bad Boyfriends is included. Regular readers of JebKinnison.com will find edited versions of some relevant material previously posted there.

What Women Want Men to Know: The Ultimate Book About Love, Sex, and Relationships for You and the Man You Love


Barbara De Angelis - 2001
    You've read her advice on relationships. Now, in her most powerful and provocative book yet, best-selling author and renowned human relations expert Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., reveals everything women want men to know about loving and understanding the women in their life. This is the book women have always hoped someone would write -- one that women will read to understand themselves better, and can give to their mate, confident that it will explain everything women feel about love, communication, sex, and intimacy that they've always wished men would know. WOMEN AND MEN WILL DISCOVER:The Three Secret Needs Every Woman HasSeven Myths Men Believe About Women and Why They Are Absolutely WrongHow to Avoid Turning a Perfectly Sane Woman into a Raving ManiacWomen's Top Twenty Sexual Turn-offs -- and Turn-onsThe Ten Male Communication Habits that Drive Women CrazySexual Secrets About Women Men Need to KnowHow to Turn Power Struggles into CooperationTechniques for Being the Perfect Lover In and Out of Bedand much more.IF YOU'RE A MAN: Read this book to learn what you can do to be a woman's dream come true. IF YOU'RE A WOMAN: Read this book to learn why you are the way you are, and give it to the man you love so you can have the relationship you've always wanted. Ever since Barbara De Angelis wrote the #1 New York Times bestseller Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know, her readers have been begging her to write its counterparts book for both sexes that explains what women want men to know about understanding and loving the woman in their life. Delivered in her signature frank, provocative and down-to-earth style, this new book does just that, and is an insightful guide that women will read to learn more about themselves, and that they will be excited to give to the man they love. HELPING MEN TO UNDERSTAND WOMENHave you ever wondered why it's so hard for your mate to figure out what you need when your female friends understand you perfectly? Learn about The Three Secret Needs Every Woman Has, and how to communicate them in a way men can really hear.Have you ever felt misunderstood, and wished you could explain to your partner how you really are? Read about The Seven Myths Men Believe About Women and Why They Are Absolutely Wrong.Barbara includes groundbreaking information on the nature of women that will make you feel better about yourself than ever before, and will help men understand the real you.

Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships


Sue Johnson - 2013
    Love Sense presents new scientific evidence that tells us that humans are meant to mate for life. Dr. Johnson explains that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child, and shows us how to develop our "love sense" -- our ability to develop long-lasting relationships.Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually an ordered and wise recipe for survival. Love Sense covers the three stages of a relationship and how to best weather them; the intelligence of emotions and the logic of love; the physical and psychological benefits of secure love; and much more. Based on groundbreaking research, Love Sense will change the way we think about love.

The Course of Love


Alain de Botton - 2016
    De Botton's essay "Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person" (The New York Times, May 28, 2016), which draws from The Course of Love, was the #1 most emailed article for days.We all know the headiness and excitement of the early days of love. But what comes after? In Edinburgh, a couple, Rabih and Kirsten, fall in love. They get married, they have children—but no long-term relationship is as simple as "happily ever after." The Course of Love is a novel that explores what happens after the birth of love, what it takes to maintain love, and what happens to our original ideals under the pressures of an average existence. You experience, along with Rabih and Kirsten, the first flush of infatuation, the effortlessness of falling into romantic love, and the course of life thereafter. Interwoven with their story and its challenges is an overlay of philosophy—an annotation and a guide to what we are reading.This is a Romantic novel in the true sense, one interested in exploring how love can survive and thrive in the long term. The result is a sensory experience—fictional, philosophical, psychological—that urges us to identify deeply with these characters and to reflect on his and her own experiences in love. Fresh, visceral, and utterly compelling, The Course of Love is a provocative and life-affirming novel for everyone who believes in love.

The Power of Focus


Jack Canfield - 2000
    People who focus on what they want, prosper. Those who don't, struggle. In The Power of Focus you'll discover the specific focusing strategies used by the world's most successful men and women. Find out how to:-Focus on your strengths and eliminate everything that is holding you back.-Change bad habits into habits that will make you debt-free and wealthy.-Create an excellent balance between work and family life - without guilt!Your ability to focus will determine your future - start now!

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity


Esther Perel - 2017
    And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with Love


Terrence Real - 2018
    It’s something you do," teaches Terry Real. "It’s a minute-by-minute practice of connecting to others through empathy, vulnerability, and accountability." With Fierce Intimacy, this renowned author offers a revolutionary way of living in connection—one that allows you to cherish your partner, yourself, and your relationship in equal measure.How to Communicate with Love and Respect—Even When You Argue Terry’s approach to relationship is called "full-respect living"—to skillfully and honestly assert your needs while also honoring your partner’s needs. In these six sessions, he presents invaluable training for individuals and couples on developing the skills necessary for this authentic way of connecting. You’ll begin by learning how to clear away the outdated beliefs and habits that keep you from developing healthy self-esteem. Then Terry will help you and your partner transform the Five Losing Strategies that sabotage relationships into the Five Winning Strategies that lead to clear communication, trust, and mutual support. "When we dare to be more vulnerable and open and honest, we are forging new territory," says Terry Real. Whether you’re still seeking a partner or want to breathe new life into your existing relationship, Fierce Intimacy brings you essential tools for connecting with true respect, uncompromising honesty, and ever-deepening love.HIGHLIGHTS • The adaptive child—how to recognize and defuse self-sabotaging habits • Unhealthy self-esteem traps for men and women • Identifying your CNI (Core Negative Image)—a key to making arguments constructive instead of destructive • The Feedback Wheel—a four-step approach to revolutionize your communication • The Five Losing Strategies: our impulses to control, retaliate, and be right all the time • The Five Winning Strategies for shared happiness, connection, and success

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment


Gay Hendricks - 1990
    Through their own marriage and through twenty years' experience counseling more than one thousand couples, therapists Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have developed precise strategies to help you create a vital partnership and enhance the energy, creativity, and happiness of each individual. You will learn how to:* Let go of power struggles and need for control;* Balance needs for closeness and separateness; * Increase intimacy by telling the "microscopic truth"; * Communicate in a positive way that stops arguments;* Make agreements you can keep;* Allow more pleasure into your life. Addressed to individuals as well as to couples, Conscious Loving will heal old hurts and deepen your capacity for enjoyment, security, and enduing love.

The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships


Miguel Ruiz Jr. - 2018
    They provide unlimited ways for us to learn, grow, thrive, and have fun! Yet, as we know, relationships aren’t always a “bed of roses”—especially romantic ones. They don’t make themselves, nor do they continue happily on autopilot once they begin. In this one-of-a-kind book, bestselling authors don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. and HeatherAsh Amara share their seven secrets to healthy, happy relationships: Commitment Freedom Awareness Healing Joy Communication Release Understanding and enacting these principles can help you at any stage in your intimate partnering, whether you’ve been with someone for many years or are currently single and want to prepare for a relationship. The authors make clear that the principles in this book aren’t secrets because they are hidden away, but are more akin to undiscovered focal points that can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections. Part of the secret, as you will see, is in the art of putting these ideas into practice day after day and year after year.

Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted


Marcia Naomi Berger - 2014
    They just need to learn how. Her prescription is deceptively simple: have an interruption-free thirty-minute (or even shorter) meeting each week and follow an agenda that includes the kind of appreciation and planning for fun that foster intimacy and pave the way for collaborative conflict resolution. With this book, you’ll learn how to effectively communicate and connect with your spouse each week, and for a lifetime, with step-by-step guidelines that walk you through the four parts of a marriage meeting: expressing appreciation, coordinating chores, planning for good times, and resolving problems. Inspiring real-life stories demonstrate how transformative these brief meetings can be. The communication tips and techniques Berger has gleaned from helping hundreds of couples will guide you toward a deeper, more lasting love.

Soul Mates: Honouring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship


Thomas Moore - 1994
    Moore emphasizes the difficulties that inevitably accompany many relationships and focuses on the need to work through these differences in order to experience the deep reward that comes with intimacy and unconfined love.

Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got


Phillip C. McGraw - 2005
    Phil tells people who are dissatisfied with their love lives to stop making excuses and start taking action.You deserve a committed relationship, and it is within your control to have the one you want. First, though, you need to determine what you want in a partner, plot your course, and get out there and create velocity in your pursuit of a loving connection. In this book you'll learn to:Present the real you in the most flattering light. You have to stop being your own best kept secret.Peek behind the male curtain. Dr. Phil tells you things about men that they don't necessarily want you to know. How good is your Guy-Q?Master the right moves. Don't fade into the wallpaper; get noticed and get involved. If you are already coupled up then learn how to grow and nurture what you have built.Bag 'em, tag 'em and take 'em home. Learn how to negotiate the relationship you desire and then close the deal.Get out of your relationship rut. The daily grind, money problems, work, etc., can take their toll on your relationship. Dr. Phil shows you how to assess the state of your union and take your relationship to a deeper level. There are no exceptions: There is somebody for everybody, and everybody deserves a relationship filled with love and excitement. Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got offers you the plan to find not just any relationship but the committed, loving, joy-filled relationship you've been waiting for. Contact Dr. Phil at www.drphil.com

Open Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples


George O'Neill - 1972
    Sold more than 35 million copies and translated into 14 languages.