Keeping her end up while seven grown-up children tear about the fecking place like the eejits haven't got a home to go to.Packed with Mammy's tips for keeping a perfect family, or at least a family, as well as contributions from her children, neighbours and other hangers on, Mrs Brown's Family Handbook dispenses advice in her own inimical fecking style. You'll learn:• why every mammy's secret weapon is the tea towel• the dos and don't of cleaning up Granddad • what Dermot doesn't know about farting (not much)• what Winnie knows about seks (not enough)• all about the Five-Sausages-A-Day Diet (hint: contains sausages)• from Maria all about pain relief in child birth (if its free, take it)The perfect gift for anyone in a large family - it's one present and cheap - or with no family at all (seeing what they're missing might cheer the miserable feckers up), Mrs Brown's Family Handbook is also ideal for anyone sick and tired of giving out bloody DVDs for Christmas.Brendan O'Carroll is an Irish writer, producer, comedian, actor, director and author. He is best known for playing Agnes Brown in Mrs Brown's Boys, which won the best sitcom BAFTA in 2012. He has written four films and nine comedy shows, including The Course (1995), The Last Wedding (1999) and last year saw the release of his DVD for the live tour Good Mourning Mrs Brown. He has also published seven novels, including The Mammy, The Scrapper and The Young Wan - a number of which have been translated into 12 languages.

    You fought through War and Peace, burned through Fahrenheit 451, and sailed through Moby-Dick. All right, you nearly drowned in Moby-Dick, but you made it to shore—and you deserve a drink!A fun gift for barflies and a terrific treat for book clubs, Tequila Mockingbird is the ultimate cocktail book for the literary obsessed. Featuring 65 delicious drink recipes—paired with wry commentary on history's most beloved novels—the book also includes bar bites, drinking games, and whimsical illustrations throughout.Even if you don't have a B.A. in English, tonight you're gonna drink like you do. Drinks include:- The Pitcher of Dorian Grey Goose- The Last of the Mojitos- Love in the Time of Kahlua- Romeo and Julep- A Rum of One’s Own- Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margarita- Vermouth the Bell Tollsand more!

    This art form has been developed by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. What I love most about this art form is that all the patterns are based on simple lines, circles and shapes. Anyone can do it. The beauty of Zentangle lies in the way these patterns evolve from their simple building blocks. Different patterns are put together to create small ‘tiles’ or square drawings. Zentangle art has been used by artists from all over the globe and from all art fields. They have incorporated Zentangle art into everything from mixed media, paper crafting, scrap booking to home décor projects. A simple search on Google images will reveal the vast world of Zentangle art! Zentangle art has also been used by kids all over the world to have fun and make paper toys. With this book Zentangle art can now be used by you to rest, relax, create and make art! This book is perfect for the beginner as well as the experienced tangler. We will go through the list of tools needed, basic tangles created by Rick and Maria, Zentangle Inspired Projects, creating new tangles and lots of worksheets for you to play with and have fun. So left brained or right brained, artist or scientist, child or adult join us in this wonderful journey as we discover and create awesome doodles and tangles. This book will take you from the tools needed to start your Zentangle art experience to creating some beautiful Zentangle Inspired Art pieces that will range from mixed media to home décor crafts. Let’s take a brief look at all we will cover in this book. We will discuss paper, pencils, tiles and log books to store patterns. Once we have all the basics in place we will move on to basic tangle patterns. These tangle patterns have either all been developed by the founders of Zentangle, Rick and Maria or are part of the list of official tangles. They are a great place to start your tangling adventure. Tangles can also be enhanced in several different ways. We will talk about four of these methods and share some examples. Next up we will add some color to the black and white world of Zentangle Art and stir things up a bit. We will go through several different ways in which color can be incorporated in your tangled art. Then we come to the art creation section of the book! In Chapter 5 I will share lots of worksheets for exercises and projects you can do yourself whenever you want. The worksheets come as an easy download and you can print as many as you want to use for yourself or share with family and friends when you introduce them to tangling. These worksheets come as a separate pdf which is available for FREE download for all readers. In Chapter 6 I will outline and give instructions for several applications of Zentangle art in the popular art and craft forms today. We will talk about mixed media art dolls, home décor items, book making, art journaling, card making, paper quilts, Artist Trading Cards and paper crafting. To finish up I will share with you a few of the tangles I have come up with and will show you how to create your own!

    Celebrating the creative side of failure in a way we can all relate to, F in Exams gathers the most hilarious and inventive test answers provided by students who, faced with a question they have no hope of getting right, decide to have a little fun instead. Whether in science (Q: What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register? A: Mariah Carey), the humanities (Q: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common? A: Unusual names), math, or other subjects, these 250 entries prove that while everyone enjoys the spectacle of failure, it's even sweeter to see a FAIL turn into a WIN.

    Having run out of options, former YouTube star Dax Flame must get a job at an ice cream shop in order to make ends meet.

    The planes break, the regs break, metal gets bent, students are lost at sea, and a Top Gun wannabe student, who has four hundred hours of flight instruction, still hasn’t made his first solo flight. “CFI! The Book” is an over-the-top satirical aviation comedy that’s loosely based on real world experiences of flight instruction, but if the FAA asks, this is all strictly fictional.

    Let’s compromise and just call it a classic.”  --Will Cuppy, New York Herald TribuneThe first book of prose published by either James Thurber or E. B. White, Is Sex Necessary? combines the humor and genius of both authors to examine those great mysteries of life—romance, love, and marriage. A masterpiece of drollery, this 75th Anniversary Edition stands the test of time with its sidesplitting spoof of men, women, and psychologists; more than fifty funny illustrations by Thurber; and a foreword by John Updike.

    These other subjects include...Caffeine | Ghostbusters | Being Poor | Twitter | Caravans | Obama | Wales | Paul McCartney | The Welfare State | Sherlock | David Cameron Looking Like Ham | Amy Winehouse | ‘The Big Society’ | Big Hair | Nutter-letters | Michael Jackson's funeral | Failed Nicknames | Wolverhampton | Squirrels’ Testicles | Sexy Tax | Binge-drinking | Chivalry | Rihanna’s Cardigan | Party Bags | Hot People| Transsexuals | The Gay Moon Landings

    Funny and charming, poignant and nostalgic, McLean's essays illuminate a world most of us take for granted. Among Stuart's favourites in this collection are:- the shocking truth about household dust- the importance of hardware stores- the sad, true tale of Anne, the street lady- an ode to the Popsicle, "one of the world's most perfect foods"- the story of the greatest game of Monopoly ever played.

    Unlike his scripts, poetry, fiction or even his unique war memoirs, these letters show Milligan's talent raw and unvarnished - irreverent, often brazen, sometimes cutting, frequently outrageous - a reflection of his complex personality. Spike Milligan: Man of Letters presents a rich selection of the funniest and most revealing of his missives - most of which have never been seen before. It includes correspondence with the most famous politicians, actors, celebrities and rock stars of his day, and takes the reader behind the scenes in his wrangles with producers, publishers, editors and his impervious manager-agent. It also includes letters to a host of unlikely individuals on some surprising subjects: rounded teabags ('what did you do with the corners?'), backless hospital gowns ('beyond my comprehension'), heartfelt apologies ('pardon me for being alive') and the pressing issue of the imbalance of male and female ducks in London's parks. Here, then, is the real Spike: obsessive, rude, generous and relentlessly witty. Spike Milligan (1918-2002) was one of the greatest and most influential comedians of the twentieth century. Over the course of his astonishing career, he wrote over eighty books of fiction, poetry, plays, cartoons, children's stories and his unique war memoirs. Norma Farnes was Spike Milligan's agent, manager, mother confessor and friend for thirty-six years. Her books include Spike: An Intimate Memoir, Memories of Milligan and Milligan's Meaning of Life. She lives with her partner in London and Yorkshire.

    But he knew how to weaponise his inconvenience.He would treat all his subsequent writing, until we left the EU, as interrelated episodes of a complete work. The cast of characters include Lemming-obsessed Michael Gove, violent tanning-salon entrepreneur Tommy Robinson and Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Bumboys Letterbox Cake Disaster Weightloss Haircut Bullshit Johnson. A dramatic chorus is made up of online commenters and Kremlin bots. And Lee himself would play the defeated, unreliable narrator-hero, whose resolve and tolerance would gradually unravel as the horror show dragged on. Until the 29 March, 2019, when it would all definitely be over.Drawing on three years of newspaper columns, a complete transcript of the Content Provider stand-up show, and Lee's caustic footnote commentary, March of the Lemmings is the scathing, riotous record the Brexit era deserves.

    No agonizing choices between light reading and the serious stuff. This 4-ply reader has it all: entertainment, humor, education, trivia, science, history, pop culture . and more! Of course, it's even divided by length - you can spend a minute with the Quickies, relax with Normal Length articles, or really get comfortable with long Items.With Uncle John's 4-Ply Bathroom Reader strategically placed in your home, you'll settle in happily and read about:The Origins of Common Words and PhrasesThe 7 Wonders of the Ancient WorldThe Real Difference Between Burger King and McDonald'sElvis's Letter to Richard NixonThe Curse of King TutWhat's in a TwinkieBizarre Lawsuits . and a whole lot more.

    She’s also opinionated—especially when it comes to people she hates. Like people who think giving birth is a unique achievement. Or well-adjusted, a.k.a. boring, ex-child stars who don’t even have a decent addiction.With all of her diverse experiences, it stands to reason that Joan has seen, done, said, and heard a lot of hateful things. Thank god, she took notes.Here—uncensored and totally uninhibited—she gives the best of her worst to First Ladies, closet cases, hypocrites, Hollywood, feminists, and overrated historical figures. And even when letting herself have it, Joan doesn’t hold back in this honest, unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us.

    But this attitude is a relatively recent development in the sweep of history. In The Pun Also Rises, John Pollack — a former Presidential Speechwriter for Bill Clinton, and winner of the world pun championship — explains how punning revolutionized language and made possible the rise of modern civilization. Integrating evidence from history, pop culture, literature, comedy, science, business and everyday life, this book will make readers reconsider everything they think they know about puns.

    Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.