I THINK.In Napalm & Silly Putty, George Carlin, the thinking person's comic, offers a hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations on God, language, death, pets, driving, food, sports, airplanes, advertising, news, businessmen, and much, much more!* Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.* If people climb Mt. Everest because it's hard to do, why do they go up on the easy side?* With a little effort, oxen can be trained to genuflect and whistle softly in the moonlight.* How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that its a spy satellite?* If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance.* Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore.* No one quite knows what's next, but everybody does it.* I think it would be great if you could make a guy's head explode just by staring at him.* Am I the only one who's noticed that the Lone Ranger and Tonto never got their laundry done?You'll learn what Carlin thinks of saving the planet, his suggestion for revamping the prison system, and why he prays to Joe Pesci. Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistible assortment of quips, probes, thrusts, and verbal ordeals that are as smart as they are infectiously funny.

    He wrote it during 1870–71 and published in 1872, as a prequel to his first book The Innocents Abroad (1869). This book tells of Twain's adventures prior to his pleasure cruise related in Innocents Abroad.

    Join Broody McHottiepants as he attempts to pen Brooding YA Hero: Becoming a Main Character (Almost) as Awesome as Me, a "self-help" guide (with activities--you always need activities) that lovingly pokes fun at the YA tropes that we roll our eyes at, but secretly love. As his nefarious ex, Blondie DeMeani, attempts to thwart him at every turn, Broody overcomes to detail, among other topics, how to choose your genre, how to keep your love interest engaged (while maintaining lead character status), his secret formula for guaranteed love triangle success, and how to make sure you secure that sequel, all while keeping his hair perfectly coiffed and never breaking a sweat.

    Chain mail, also known as chainmail, maille, or chainmaille is a great hobby for any age that doesn't involve just making armor.You can make almost anything from chainmail. Below are just a few examples of what you can make:• Jewerly (Bracelets, Necklaces, Anklets, Earrings, Rings)• Clothing (Bikini tops, Belts, Shirts, Ties)• Art• Armor• Inlays (pictures in your maille)• And much, much more!This introductory volume focuses on getting you up and chainmailing as fast as possible. It’ll zero in on the absolute minimum you’ll need to start weaving within 24 hours as outlined below:• The tools and materials you’ll need• Wrapping wire into coils with a coiling jig you’ll build• Cutting rings from the coils you wound• Weaving one of the most common and easiest weaves from detailed graphic instructions• Practicing the weave learned with three different exercises• Learning the European or Euro 4-in-1 weave• An elegant bracelet project for women or men Chainmail is neither difficult to learn nor expensive. All it takes is a willingness to try something new no matter your age, education, or income! Scoll up and click the "Look Inside" feature on the top left hand side of this page to see what's included in this book.A Personal Note From The Author:This introductory volume blends 10 years of my personal experience chainmailling. When I first started chainmailling, I knew nothing about it except what I'd seen online or in movies; chainmail armor. Not very exciting for the average person but the idea of weaving metal rings into something I could create without any special skills appealed to me. I stumbled across a website with instructions and rings for sale and I've been hooked ever since!

    It’s a journey deep within, in a way that’s respectful and non-invasive; a journey for which we will all pay a heavy price, even if you’ve waited for the smaller paperback edition.Ayoade argues for the canonisation of this brutal masterpiece, a film that celebrates capitalism in all its victimless glory; one we might imagine Donald Trump himself half-watching on his private jet’s gold-plated flat screen while his other puffy eye scans the cabin for fresh, young prey."

    While there have been attempts to establish one standard or another as the default, there is no common agreement. So beware people telling you there is one right way, they are assuming too much. As a general rule though, netiquette involves the same principles as plain old etiquette -- basic courtesy, respect and ethics. Treat people the way you would want to be treated yourself. By following the principles outlined below, the recipient of your email will be more likely to read and act, if not be favorably impressed by your message:Subject line to summarise the message. Make the Subject line summarise the body of the e-mail. Ask yourself, 'will the recipient(s) know what this e-mail is about'. For example, Instead of Subject: Exam, say Subject: Location of 1508INT Exam, 23 July 2011.Don't assume the recipient knows the background. Include enough contextual information at the beginning of the e-mail for the recipient to know what the matter is about. If in doubt, put background information in. For example, don't say can I have an extension for my assignment?, instead say I refer to the CIT3622 assignment 1 that I handed in late. I was ill and have a doctor's certificate. May I ask for an extension on the basis that I was too ill to do it on time?Keep it concise. Keep messages brief and to the point, but not so brief that it causes the problem outlined in the previous point. This includes deleting any irrelevant text when an email has been back and forth several times. No-one wants to scroll down through pages of text in order to reach the message they want to read. If the sense of the email will be lost by deleting that text, however, leave it in.Reply within 24 hours. Try to reply within 24 hours, less if possible. In fact, get in the habit of replying immediately -- it is the polite thing to do, and the recipient will appreciate a prompt reply. It also makes you look efficient. The longer you leave it to reply, the more likely you will forget or have too big a log-jam of unanswered email.Allow time for a reply. E-mail messages are not usually required to be answered immediately, though it is good practice if you do. Before sending a reminder, allow some time for a response, some times even a few days. Not everyone is online 24 hours a day.Use the BCC field when sending bulk email. If you're sending email to a whole list of people, put their email addresses in the BCC field. That way, the privacy of the recipient is respected, and spammers cannot harvest the email addresses for their dastardly purposes.

    Known for roles on the small screen such as "never-nude" Tobias Funke on "Arrested Development "and the role of "David" in "Mr. Show With Bob And David, "as well as a hugely successful stand-up routine full of sharp-tongued rants and rages, Cross has carved out his place in American comedy. Whether deflating the pomposity of religious figures, calling out the pathetic symbiosis of pseudo-celebrity and its leaching fandom, or merely pushing the buttons of the way-too-easily offended P.C. left or the caustic, double-standard of the callous (but funnier) right, Cross has something to say about everyone, including his own ridiculous self. Now, for the first time, Cross is weaving his media mockery, celebrity denunciation, religious commentary and sheer madness into book form, revealing the true story behind his almost existential distaste of Jim Belushi ("The Belush"), disclosing the up-to-now unpublished minutes to a meeting of Fox television network executives, and offering up a brutally grotesque run-in with Bill O'Reilly. And as if this wasn't enough for your laughing pleasure in these troubled times, some of the pieces splinter off with additional material being created online in exclusive video and animated web content created solely for the book-a historical first (presumably)! With a mix of personal essays, satirical fiction posing as truth, advice for rich people, information from America's least favorite Rabbi and a top-ten list of top-ten lists, I DRINK FOR A REASON is as unique as the comedian himself, and cannot be missed.

    With a 24/7 news cycle reporting that the polar ice caps are melting, hurricanes are swirling in the seas, wars are heating up around the world, and the job market is in a deep freeze, it's tempting to feel that the world is falling apart. But awesome things are all around us-sometimes we just need someone to point them out.The Book of Awesome reminds us that the best things in life are free (yes, your grandma was right). With laugh-out-loud observations from award- winning comedy writer Neil Pasricha, The Book of Awesome is filled with smile-inducing moments on every page that make you feel like a kid looking at the world for the first time. Read it and you'll remember all the things there are to feel good about. The Book of Awesome reminds us of all the little things that we often overlook but that make us smile. With touching, warm, and funny observations, each entry ends with the big booming feeling you'll get when you read through them: AWESOME!

    "This truth-riot of a book gives us everything from hilarious lectures on the bad behavior all around us to the razor sharp essays on media and culture" (Shonda Rhimes, New York Times best-selling author of Year of Yes and executive producer of Scandal and Grey's Anatomy) "I don't know how Luvvie Ajayi got so smart so young about so many things, from feminism to social media, from the pervasiveness of rape culture to the excellence of Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay Biscuits. I'm just grateful she has chosen to share her wisdom with the rest of us..." (Jennifer Weiner, number-one New York Times best-selling author of Best Friends Forever) "You will love Luvvie Ajayi's I'm Judging You, and you will argue with it, laugh hysterically at it, shout 'AW HELL YES' at it, and carry parts of it in your heart to dissect or inspire... Perfect for starting important and meaty discussions about all of the topics your mama told you never to bring up at polite dinner parties." (Jenny Lawson, New York Times best-selling author of Furiously Happy) With over 500,000 readers a month at her enormously popular blog, AwesomelyLuvvie.com, Luvvie Ajayi has become a go-to source for smart takes on pop culture. I'm Judging You is her debut book of humorous essays that dissects our cultural obsessions and calls out bad behavior in our increasingly digital, connected lives—from the importance of the newest Shonda Rhimes television drama to serious discussions of race and media representation to what to do about your fool cousin sharing casket pictures from Grandma's wake on Facebook. With a lighthearted, razor-sharp wit and a unique perspective, I'm Judging You is the audiobook the world needs, doling out the hard truths and a road map for bringing some "act right" into our lives, social media, and popular culture.

    The second addition to the Clients From Hell series taps freelance veterans for even more material. Interviews, resources, and particularly poignant tales of client insanity are all included alongside the fan-favourite anecdotes of freelancing dysfunction.For the first time, Clients From Hell takes a step back from finger-pointing and clever name-calling to inform the audience of how to make it as a creative professional. Step one: buy this book. Step two: take heed of these cautionary tales. Step three: we haven't thought of a step three yet. We'll worry about that when revisions come around.Anyone who has ever worked with clients may find these tales frighteningly familiar. New freelancers may think twice about their chosen profession - or at least find relief in the fact that they're not alone in absurd client interactions.And the rest of you? You can just laugh and enjoy your day job.

    For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that —despite good intentions— you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages. He's Just Not That Into You —based on a popular episode of Sex and the City— educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. This book knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better.

    Many of today’s jobs require that you be familiar with Microsoft Excel. How can you become proficient at Excel when companies aren’t willing to teach you this valuable skill? This leaves many people trying to learn as they go and never quite feeling 100% comfortable with the program. What’s worse, most people haven’t even scratched the surface of Excel’s potential, even if they’ve been using it for years. If you feel this way, you’re not alone. Think about this for a second; what will your career look like in a year if you don’t take action today and improve your Excel skills? How about five years from now? Unless you take matters into your own hands things may not look much different. According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, people who show proficiency in Microsoft Excel and other common office applications earn, on average, 13% more than those who don’t. For most people this could mean tens of thousands of dollars over just a few years, and this doesn’t even factor in lost promotions and job offers. Can you afford to leave so much on the table as a result of maintaining the status quo? I’ve experienced this transformation in my career and can tell you first hand how it has helped me. When I was fresh out of college and working my first accounting job my manager asked me to complete a project that involved using VLOOKUPS. I enthusiastically obliged, walked back to my desk, and proceeded to panic. I tricked myself into thinking that I was an excel expert only because I knew a few formulas, my limited knowledge only scratched the surface. I turned to a college buddy for help; Google. I eventually managed to learn what I needed, after a lot of time and energy. I’ve climbed the ladder and worn many hats since then. I can’t say that the opportunities I’ve earned in my career are solely due to my increasing Excel proficiency. What I can definitely say is that Excel has earned me more opportunities to prove myself to management than waiting for opportunities to materialize on their own. That’s why I decided to write this book. My goal is to take you from Excel novice to master in the shortest time possible. I wrote my book specifically for the busy professional, in an easy to read manner that gets straight to the point and teaches the meat of Excel. I wrote this book for you. Don’t take my word for it: "I think the writing style is helpful for readers to engage. I like that as I read the book, I felt as if I was in front of someone who was actually teaching me. I also liked the fact that the book is written in a laid back manner. I mean Excel is difficult as it is, why would you want to make it worst by adding some weird terminology to the book? Its plain, simple and easy to follow." -Eliana Pereira, Accountant I have helped many people improve their careers through Excel and now it’s your turn. Here is what you get when you download my book: -18 chapters of the most useful Excel techniques that will immediately take your skills to the next level -Practical use cases plus downloadable workbooks so that you can take what you learn and feel, first hand, how to apply those skills to real world scenarios -A FREE copy of my latest book on Google Sheets so you can stay ahead of the curve You’re at the point of decision.

    Volcanoes. Sharks. Quicksand. Terrorists. The pilot of the plane blacks out and it's up to you to land the jet. What do you do? The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook is here to help: jam-packed with how-to, hands-on, step-by-step, illustrated instructions on everything you need to know FAST-from defusing a bomb to delivering a baby in the back of a cab. Providing frightening and funny real information in the best-selling tradition of the Paranoid's Pocket Guide and Hypochondriac's Handbook, this indispensable, indestructible pocket-sized guide is the definitive handbook for those times when life takes a sudden turn for the worse. The essential companion for a perilous age. Because you never know...

    it better than free online drawing lessons and with this technique you will learn to draw for kids or for yourselves. this book will show you how to draw step by step and you can enjoy this online drawing lessons for a fair price. there are over 400 pages in this collection. this book will be usful for you for at least one month of intense drawing and of course you can use it for as much as you like. i truely recommend it. enjoy and keep on drawing

    It covers the basics of computer programming, including variables and values, functions, conditionals and control flow, program development and debugging. Later chapters cover basic algorithms and data structures.