She's never short of advice, a kind word and a cup of tea (making sure to scald the teapot first, of course).Bring the coat anyway. If it's too hot you can take it off.Comedian Colm O'Regan explores the phenomenon of the Irish Mammy and what she might say about everything from the 'new mass' to the cardinal sin of not owning a cough bottle and the importance of airing clothes properly. The global influence of the Irish Mammy, through history, science, politics and literature, is undeniable. Did you know, for instance, that Hamlet had an Irish Mammy?So if you're an Irish Mammy, have one, know one or suspect you might be turning into one, this book will act as your guide. But be aware that though this book might think it knows it all, it doesn't, only Mammy knows it all.

    Another super collection of naughty and not-so-naughty jokes, humorous anecdotes, comic interludes, hilarious situations and bitchy remarks, selected by Khushwant Singh from amongst the thousands contributed by his readers and fans - and some manufactured by him.

    They make you cringe, they make you groan but the one thing they have in common is they come from dad. Be it during a wedding toast or when introducing your dad to someone you want to impress, dad never fails to insert a dad joke wherever he can.This dad joke book makes a great gift for the dad who has everything and has heard everything. Or maybe you want to buy it for yourself and come prepared the next time dad wants to have a joke off.In any event, 101 So Bad, They're Good Dad Jokes will have your eyes rolling into the back of your head faster than dad can strip to his tighty-whities on a hot summer day!* Week of June 10, 2018

    What better than three years in which to explore the inner you, establish a feasible worldview, and maybe get on Blockbusters.'After an idyllic provincial 1970s childhood, the 1980s took Andrew Collins to London, art school and the classic student experience. Crimping his hair, casting aside his socks and sporting fingerless gloves, he became Andy Kollins: purveyor of awful poetry; disciple of moany music, and wannabe political activist. What follows is a universal tale of trainee hedonism, girl trouble, wasted grants and begging letters to parents.A synth-soundtracked rite of passage that's often painfully funny, it traces one teenager's metamorphosis from sheltered suburban innocent to semi-mature metropolitan male through the pretensions and confusions of trying to stand alone for the first time in your own kung fu pumps in a big bad city.

    Then got out of bed and had a brisk rub down with the pumice stone. I opened the curtains and saw that the sun was shining brightly. (A suspicion is growing in my mind that the BBC is not to be trusted.)Margaret Hilda Roberts is a rather ambitious 14 � year old grocer's daughter from Grantham. She can't abide laziness, finds four hours of chemistry homework delightful and believes she is of royal birth - or at least destined for great things. But Margaret knows that good things never come to those who wait . . .These are the secret diary entries of a girl born into an ordinary life, yet who might just go on to become something really rather extraordinary, and she is brilliantly brought vividly to life by bestselling author Sue Townsend, Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.'Essential reading for Mole followers' Times Educational Supplement'Wonderfully funny and sharp as knives' Sunday TimesSue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55�), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

    Huddersfield, in Yorkshire, with its distinctive manners and customs and its wealth of remarkable characters, would surely provide him with all the material he needed for his planned book, one of the great classics of travel literature. But two years later, when he sat down to write, the major events of everyday life kept intruding: the demands of a houseful of cats, the problem of getting the cooker repaired, the memories evoked by sorting through old clothes in the wardrobe . . .Still, I'm a Stranger Here Myself is a travel book of a kind, where the most hilarious adventures can happen between the kitchen and the bathroom, and where a morning's shopping can provide enough anecdotes to last a lifetime. Once again Deric Longden demonstrates his genius for taking the most ordinary materials of life and transforming them with his own special brand of gentle, inspired humour.

    Now, they impart all the wisdom, advice, and humor they picked up along the way, including how to: * Wipe away your shame and guilt—and get smart before you get hard * Conduct your filth with the right chick, in the right place, at the right time * Take an hour to shower and scour—and fight your worst enemy: glitter * Explain a strange scrunchy, hair extension, or pair of earrings to your girl * Navigate strip clubs, massage parlors, and women of the night * Lie like a woman—and call it quits without getting caught Featuring ten true stories from men who’ve lived the life and a link to watch Burr, DeRosa, and Kelly’s hilarious short film of the same name, Cheat is a wickedly smart field guide to philandering that will revolutionize your game.

    Everywhere around him, adults were behaving badly. His parents’ relationship was in freefall so he tried not to spend too much time at home. But outside, there was industrial unrest, football violence, racism and police brutality. As for the music, it was all ‘Save All Your Grandma’s Kisses For My Love Sweet Jesus’. It made him feel physically sick. Then The Jam appeared.This is Ian’s story of that time. Of weekend jobs so that he could go to gigs. Of bunking into the Hammersmith Odeon and ending up on the roof. Of going to see The Jam in Paris and somehow finding himself being interviewed for Melody Maker. Of attempting to keep out of the way of skinheads and trying (and failing) to work out how to talk to girls. And of devastation when in 1982 Paul Weller announced that the band were splitting up. There will never be another band like The Jam. For those who went on that journey with them, the love ran deep. And still does. They helped Ian and thousands like him to grow up – to be someone.

    Mostly from the USA and UK, they bring into sharp focus the extent of the abuse of our critical life-saving services.With cartoons to depict calls and hyperlinks to take the reader to the original audio (some of them released in the public domain by the police and ambulance services in order to show the world how badly a minority of individuals will misuse valuable resources), this book promises to amuse and shock every right-minded person who understands what these services are here for.The author and illustrator are professional front line paramedics, so they know a thing or two about the subject; and from calls to the police for directions to 999 rants about the lack of buses, they have experienced their fair share of such stupidity.You won't believe some of the calls that have been made in the name of personal crisis. You simply won't believe what some people think is an emergency!

    The profession requires cops to see people at their worst. They see death, tragedy, crime, and despair on a daily basis. The very nature of the tasks cops perform and the things cops see skews their sense of humor. Sometimes, a sense of humor is the only defense mechanism in a police officer's tool box. Stripped of the ability to laugh, or forced to be politically correct in a politically incorrect work environment can be hazardous to one's health. Coping becomes an essential component of a police officer's arsenal. One of the primary coping mechanisms utilized by cops is humor. A cop can find something funny about almost anything, regardless of how tragic the circumstances. Dark humor involves making light of a serious, disturbing or taboo subject matter. It is sometimes viewed as morbid, cruel, offensive, and graphic in nature and is yet, still found funny. This is the story of the author's twenty-year police career with the New York City Transit Police and NYPD as he worked with some of New York City's darkest knights - those cops who did and said the funniest things under the most difficult circumstances.

    Everything about the New York Times Supersized Book of Sunday Crosswords is, well, supersized. At one hour per puzzle (that's pretty fast!), eight hours of solving per day, it would still take two months of solid solving to finish this book.

    Welcome to the ER. This book is not about life and death struggles. This book is the polar opposite. It is about the absolute, over the top insanity that I have witnessed during my time in the ER. This book is the untold, unseen, and unshared rants and raves of an ER nurse, who has been slowly being driven mad by his patients. I want you, the reader to step into my scrubs, see this bizarre world through my eyes, and understand that once you stop laughing in the ER, it's time to quit. This book is the stupid stories that I still don’t believe. It’s the codes gone crazy. It’s the “I can’t believe you said that.” It’s a testament to everything an ER nurse puts up with on a day in and day out basis that most people don’t know exists. It makes Scrubs, E.R., House, and all the other medical shows look like fairy tales. As an ER nurse, I want to let the world know that when we pull that curtain and leave the room, we are laughing because let’s face it, it’s funny. Please from this moment forward stop and close this book if you think you are about to read about nursing at it’s finest. This is not Florence Nightingale’s kind of nursing; this is the grit, spit, vomit and s#!t that comes with the job I love/hate so much.

    It also contains material from the BBC archives and reveals how the show was rejected when it was first offered to the BBC, how David Jason nearly missed out on the starring role and the tragedy of the death of one of its stars during filming.Steve Clark was the only author on set for the filming of Only Fools and Horses, spin-off The Green Green Grass and prequel Rock & Chips and his book gives a fascinating and unique insight into this legendary series. Dragon's Den star Theo Paphitis a long-time fan of the series - has written a foreword to the book, which also includes rare photographs and other exclusive material.

    While his friends were out getting laid and stoned, he was tucked up at home dreaming of his name in lights, of holding an audience rapt, of perhaps becoming a TV heart-throb, or having someone, anyone, ask for his autograph in the supermarket. This is the true story of an obsessive pursuit of acting fame. It is a life marked by occasional hard-fought successes and routine helpings of ritual humiliation: scout hut Gilbert and Sullivan, dodgy rock operas, sewage farm theatre workshop, Christmas panto hell, straight-to-video film flops, leading roles in Crimewatch reconstructions and dressing up as a chicken to advertise TV dinners. It is a hilarious tale of turgid theatre, tights, trusses and tonsil tennis with Timothy Spall.

    Britain has always been a land of gallows, and every town had its hanging post and local 'turn off man.' First these men were criminals doing the work to save their own necks, and then later they were specialists in the trade of judicial killing. From the late Victorian period, the public hangman became a professional, and in the twentieth century the mechanics of hanging were streamlined as the executioners became adept at their craft. Britain's Most Notorious Hangmen tells the stories of the men who worked with their deadly skills at Tyburn tree or at the scaffolds in the prison yards across the country. Most were steeled to do the work by drink, and many suffered deeply from their despised profession. Here the reader will find the tale of the real Jack Ketch, the cases of neck-stretchers from the drunks like Curry and Askern, to the local workers of the ropes, Throttler Smith and the celebrated Billington and Pierrepoint dynasty. Along with some of the stories of famous killers such as William Palmer and James Bloomfield Rush, here are the bunglings, failures and desperate lives of the notorious hangmen, some who could entertain the vast crowds enjoying the show, and others who always faced the task as a terrible ordeal.