And if that’s too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: “If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.”

    But don’t let it make you fret too much—research shows that worrying about your health quadruples your chances of an early death.

    While outrageously false, these hilarious “facts” unearth deep truths about Canadians and their culture. For the over 200,000 people already following on Twitter, @stats_canada is a daily source of the funniest Canadian parody. Now, in their first book, Stats Canada satirizes everything from history, culture, and language to sports, entertainment, politics, weather, and much more. With all-new features, graphs, maps, and other illustrations, Stats Canada has all the laughter you’ve come to expect, with only 10% recycled content! 35% of advice given in any Home Hardware does not come from an actual employee 67% of Canadians own summer snow pants 32% of Canadians can’t spell “tuque” but own at least four 56% of Manitobans are convinced they’ve travelled to the future when visiting other provinces 79% of Canadian teens don’t want to wear their winter coat, it’s not even that cold out 100% of Canadian hockey players give it 110% every game 65% of Canadian Instagram accounts include an artsy photo of a Tim Hortons cup Disclaimer: The official Statistics Canada has taken no issue with the content of this book. They were too polite to object.

    Depending on where you live, you might be able to find a coven or circle where you can meet fellow Wiccans and ask questions, but most newcomers to Wicca find themselves traveling solo.Luckily, there is no shortage of information about the "Old Religion" in print and online. Yet with all of the diverse and often conflicting perspectives out there, it can be hard to know where to begin. That's why best-selling author Lisa Chamberlain created the Wicca Starter Kit, bringing together 3 of her top guides-Finding Your Path, Magical Deities, and Living a Magical Life-to get your journey well underway.Finding Your Path: A Guide to Wiccan Traditions, Solitary Practitioners, Eclectic Witches, Covens and CirclesOne of Wicca's greatest strengths as a spiritual practice is the variety of paths one can choose from. Perhaps you want to join a coven within an established tradition, or maybe a more individualized practice is your calling. In Finding Your Path, you'll learn about the wide spectrum of contemporary Wiccan practice, from traditional "orthodox" covens to looser, more "eclectic" covens and circles, as well as the more recent phenomenon of solitary practice, which has appeal for both traditional and eclectic Wiccans alike.Lisa covers everything you need to know about covens and circles, including their history, their structures, and how to find your Wiccan community. You'll also be introduced to the main Wiccan traditions: Gardnerian, Alexandrian, and Dianic, as well as other less common traditions. If you don't already have a sense of the amazing diversity of this innovative religion, you certainly will after reading this book!Magical Deities: A Guide to the Wiccan God and Goddess, and Choosing a Deity to Work Magic WithMagical Deities provides an orientation to the concept of divinity within the Wiccan belief system. You'll learn about the Wiccan Goddess and God-the ageless, timeless manifestations of the feminine and masculine energies at work in our world-and their various names, forms, and representations found in contemporary Wiccan practice. As with so many elements of Wicca, beliefs about divinity are varied, with some emphasizing traditional duotheism and others taking a polytheistic approach.You'll learn about the difference between these two spiritual orientations, and find advice for developing your own unique connection with the divine masculine and feminine. You'll also be introduced to sixteen ancient deities who often function as "aspects" of the God and Goddess within Wiccan practices, drawn from ancient civilizations that have influenced modern Wicca: the Egyptians, the Greeks and Romans, and the Celts. Finally, you'll find ideas for honoring and working with these deities in your magical practice.Living a Magical Life: A Guide to Initiation and Navigating Your Journey in the CraftNew Wiccans will encounter two essential questions: 1) should you formalize your practice of the Craft with an initiation ritual? and 2) how do you integrate your new beliefs into your day-to-day life?In Living a Magical Life, Lisa addresses questions regarding coven initiation and solitary self-dedication, as well as less often-discussed topics like navigating common obstacles along your spiritual path, leaving behind old beliefs that no longer serve you, and developing and strengthening your inner psychic guidance system. There's also a step-by-step solitary initiation ritual you can p

    There was the location: an impoverished, nuclear waste-riddled area of the American Midwest. There was her mother, a woman who speaks almost entirely in strange koans and warnings of impending danger. Above all, there was her gun-toting, guitar-riffing, frequently semi-naked father, who underwent a religious conversion on a submarine and discovered a loophole which saw him approved for the Catholic priesthood by the future Pope Benedict XVI - despite already having a wife and children.When the expense of a medical procedure forces the 30-year-old Patricia to move back in with her parents, husband in tow, she must learn to live again with her family's simmering madness, and to reckon with the dark side of a childhood spent in the bosom of the Catholic Church. Told with the comic sensibility of a brasher, bluer Waugh or Wodehouse, this is at the same time a lyrical and affecting story of how, having ventured into the underworld, we can emerge with our levity and our sense of justice intact.

    Now, with over 10,000 entries, this edition features the latest in expletives, sexual obscenities and lavatorial euphemisms.

    No one is actually compatible with anyone else/ we just all get swept away by lust or, deafened by the thrashmetal tick of the biological clock, shut down all critical facilities. Part 1 of Darkside Zodiac in Love is "I'm Your Venus," which is all about the planet of L.O.V.E. and Libra and Taurusthe signs it rules directlyand the havoc they can play in our lives. Part 2 shows how love hurts all the way around the zodiac. It identifies the cheaters, describes how members of each sign conduct themselves on dates and perform in bed, and provides compatibility charts and blinddate guides. Darkside Zodiac in Love will help readers take a cold, hard look at all the shabby tricks, manipulations, lies, and cruel intentions each sun sign tries to hide. It won't mend a broken heart, but it will tell readers who they are compatible with and who is likely to murder them in their sleep! It also tells readers what conniving, twotiming, icyhearted little love rats they really are, but then nothing comes for free, does it?! * Snarky, snarkywe all take love too seriously and astrology not seriously enough.

    In this hilarious book of tongue-in-cheek poetry, the author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth helps cats unlock their creative potential and explain their odd behaviour to ignorant humans. With titles like Who Is That on Your Lap?, This Is My Chair, Kneel Before Me, Nudge, and Some of My Best Friends Are Dogs, the poems collected in I Could Pee on This perfectly capture the inner workings of the cat psyche. With photos of the cat authors throughout, this whimsical volume reveals kitties at their wackiest, and most exasperating (but always lovable).

    In this quirky new title designer and typographer Teresa Monachino rounds up and breaks down a variety of unruly words: words lacking in integrity, misleading words that do not mean what they say, words that mean more than they say, words with inconsistent pronunciation or spellings that are just plain cruel! Using striking and witty graphic design the author demands answers to such troublesome questions as, why is abbreviation such a long word, does monosyllabic really need five syllables and why is lisp so hard to say if you have one?

    Nonsense poems in French, when pronounced, sound like English nursery rhymes, such as Humpty Dumpty and Jack Sprat.

    I write poetry... I believe poetry is a primal impulse within all of us. I believe we are all capable of it and furthermore that a small, often ignored corner of us positively yearns to try it. —Stephen Fry, The Ode Less Travelled Stephen Fry believes that if one can speak and read English, one can write poetry. Many of us have never been taught to read or write poetry and think of it as a mysterious and intimidating form. Or, if we have been taught, we remember uncomfortable silence when an English teacher invited the class to "respond" to a poem. In The Ode Less Travelled, Fry sets out to correct this problem by giving aspiring poets the tools and confidence they need to write poetry for pleasure. Fry is a wonderfully engaging teacher and writer of poetry himself, and he explains the various elements of poetry in simple terms, without condescension. His enjoyable exercises and witty insights introduce the concepts of Metre, Rhyme, Form, Diction, and Poetics. Aspiring poets will learn to write a sonnet, on ode, a villanelle, a ballad, and a haiku, among others. Along the way, he introduces us to poets we've heard of, but never read. The Ode Less Travelled is a lively celebration of poetry that makes even the most reluctant reader want to pick up a pencil and give it a try. BACKCOVER: Advanced Praise: “Delightfully erudite, charming and soundly pedagogical guide to poetic form… Fry has created an invaluable and highly enjoyable reference book.” —Publishers Weekly “A smart, sane and entertaining return to the basics… If you like Fry’s comic manner… this book has a lot of charm… People entirely fresh to the subject could do worse than stick with his cheerful leadership.” —The Telegraph (UK) “…intelligent and informative, a worthy enterprise well executed.” —Observer (UK) "If you learn how to write a sonnet, and Fry shows you how, you may or may not make a poem. But you will unlock the stored wisdom of the form itself." —Grey Gowrie, The Spectator (UK) “…intelligent and informative, a worthy enterprise well executed.” —Observer (UK)

    This handy paperback dictionary is designed to meet the needs of the growing number of people now learning tospeak Hindi. It provides translations for over 36,000 headwords, using illustrative material to show words in use. Students of Hindi and South Asian studies of all kinds will find extensive coverage of historical Hindi, together with the most up-to-date colloquial and literary vocabulary. In addition, the Urdu vocabulary of Hindi is well represented. Providing contemporary, idiomatic Hindi and English, TheOxford Hindi-English Dictionary is the perfect reference guide for students, businesspeople, and travelers alike.

    In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified. Wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words. Skeptical? Here are just a few gems to consider: � Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed. � The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone. � The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies. � The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace. And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.

    All her life, Eden Sher has suffered from dyscommunicatia (n. the inability to articulate a feeling through words.). Then, one day, she decided that, whenever she had an emotion for which she had no word, she would make one up. The result of this is The Emotionary, which lives at the intersection of incredibly funny and very useful. Chock full of words you always wanted/never knew you needed, often accompanied by illustrations of hilarious and all-too-familiar situations, The Emotionary will be a cherished tool for you or the world-class feelings-haver in your life.   At long last, all your complicated feelings can be put into words, so you can recognize them for what they are, speak their names aloud, and move on. Finally!From the Hardcover edition.

    With his dry wit and distinctive voice, Howard Mohr won millions of fans across the country on Garrison Keillor’s radio show A Prairie Home Companion. His popular commercials and ad spots, including one for “Minnesota Language Systems,” became the best of the best of Minnesota humor. Now, Mohr has updated his classic guide, How to Talk Minnesotan, to advise visitors on the use of Twitter and Facebook, cell phone etiquette, and more while in the Land of 10,000 Lakes.