His plan may have worked all too well. Now, to save us from creeping socialism, death panels and everything progressive, he has written the antidote, Tea Party Fairy Tales. In Tea Party Fairy Tales, Red Riding Hood stands up for her Second Amendment rights, the Little Match Girl defends the magic of the free market to her grave, and Jack of “Beanstalk” fame shows the moral decay of a life on the dole. For those who find these too long-winded, more than a dozen Aesop’s Fables have been reworked to illustrate the eternal truths of American conservatism in handy, shouting-points form. Tea Party Fairy Tales deserves a place on every young American’s nightstand, right next to the Rush Limbaugh plush doll and a Smith & Wesson automatic, to help prevent the destruction of everything good and true in American culture. “Wake up, Storybookland! Before it’s too late!”

    1965.  War's found himself deep in the glamorous yet lethal world of international espionage. Unhappy with both the treachery and restrictive dress-code, when a name from the past reappears in his life War realises he must risk everything to keep the world safe once again. This short story follows on from the How To Be Dead series and continues the tale of everybody's favourite grumpy Horseman of the Apocalypse...  What Amazon readers are saying about the How To Be Dead Comedy Fantasy Series: ★★★★★ “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.”★★★★★ “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.”★★★★★ “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.”★★★★★ "Laughs and excitement combined!"★★★★★ “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”★★★★★ "If you like Tom Holt, Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, Dave Turner's books will fit perfectly into your collection."

    A crafty bear, a timid bunny, a curious raccoon, and a few other forest animals--all peeking out from the pages of this book. Children will get caught up in the beautiful digital illustrations and laugh at the humorous text as they respond eagerly to the clues that keep them turning the pages as they try to figure out what the animals are doing out on in the woods.

    He's endured close confinement with a hostile camel. He even narrowly averted being the star attraction in a Satanic ritual sacrifice. Yet, despite handling these crises with aplomb, poor Midnight is ill-prepared for his latest, greatest adventure: a perilous foray into the affairs of the heart. He knows all there is to know of love that a farm can teach - but will it be enough to see the young goat through his darkest and most trying times?Midnight's Tale is a 12,000-word literary story of life and love in the treacherous, apple-laden world beyond the comforts of the barn.

    Andy and Elizabeth Farmer exchange New York for a rural paradise but find that the pond next to their new house has snakes, the house is infested with mosquitoes, and the former owner is buried in the yard

    Entwhistle may look like your sweet, old granny...but things happen to her: she's caught up in the witness protection program, stuck in an elevator with an assortment of strangers, her house is burglarized and her dog is kidnapped. But Mrs. Entwhistle is dauntless; she didn't get to be a fesity seventy-eight by wimping out. Come join her on her porch swing, meet her best friend, Maxine, and her dog, Roger. Maxine will probably offer you a bowl of her homemade soup. Sit a while. Come back when you can.

    He meets Marlena, the beautiful young star of the equestrian act, married to August, the charismatic but twisted animal trainer. He also meets Rosie, an elephant who seems untrainable until he discovers a way to reach her...2 - AT THE WATER'S EDGEA gripping and poignant love story set in a remote village in the Scottish Highlands at the end of the Second World War.'The only fault I can find with this book is that I've already finished it' Jodi Picoult'Truly enthralling' Scotsman'Breathtaking' Harper's Bazaar1945. After disgracing themselves at a high society party, spoilt young Philadelphia socialites Maddie and Ellis Hyde are cut off from the family without a penny. Ellis decides their salvation will be to hunt down the Loch Ness Monster, a venture his father very publicly failed at. So, oblivious to WW2 raging around them, they make their way to the Scottish Highlands, where Maddie has to face reality and decide just who the real monsters are.3 - APE HOUSE The New York Times bestseller.'If you love animals like I do, it's a must read' Ellen DeGeneres'Had me instantly enraptured' Dallas Morning News'Wildly entertaining' Booklist (starred review)These bonobos are no ordinary apes. Like others of their species, they are capable of reason and carrying on deep relationships - but, unlike most bonobos, they also know American Sign Language.Isabel Duncan, a scientist at the Great Ape Language Lab, doesn't understand people, but animals she gets, especially the bonobos. Isabel feels more comfortable in their world than she's ever felt among humans . . . until she meets John Thigpen, a very married reporter who braves the ever-present animal rights protesters outside the lab to see what's really going on inside.When an explosion tears apart the lab, severly injuring Isabel and 'liberating' the apes to an unknown destination, John's human interest piece turns into the story of a lifetime.

    It's belly-laughing funny but it's also a hymn to the grand and complex game delivered with a narrative pace and ability I'm afraid most Test players don't have. For anyone who ever dreamed of excelling at a sport but never quite made it but still gave it your life, this is the story. A great read!' Tom Keneally'The Grade Cricketer has taken us so far inside a district club dressing room that you feel like a locker. Ligaments could not be closer to the bone than some of his observations.' Kerry O'Keeffe 'The Grade Cricketer is strange and, I suspect, brilliant'. Wisden

    OTHERS ARE LESS COMPLIMENTARY. Buckle up for a comedic roller coaster ride, with bad wigs, waxing disasters, holiday scams, a deluded hitman, lust, arson and murder. Albert Trollop takes refuge at his allotment and the betting office, while his wife, Gretyl, lives for the shopping channels, car boot sales and local gossip. After fifty years of marriage, she’s thinking of a new life, somewhere hot. He’s thinking of the crematorium. She’s thinking of stuffing herself in a bikini. He's thinking of a taxidermist. The Londoners continue their separate lives until a mysterious letter turns their world upside down. In Essex, Dave and Sharon Soddall are struggling on benefits and looking for a get-rich-quick solution. With the help of a devious financial advisor, they concoct a plan and ‘Costa Soddall Travel’ is born. Will the Soddalls pull off the con of a lifetime? Can Gretyl be silenced? Will Albert end up missing Gretyl? "'Missing Gretyl' is a rare treat - a brilliantly written comedy novel that's genuinely funny." Mark Stibbe, best selling, award-winning writer. Missing Gretyl is also available as a Kindle eBook through Amazon.

    Looking for Something New and Really Funny? Imagine you can get it with JUST ONE CLICK! Yes, this is a JOKE BOOK of your dreams. Vol.1 of the Donald's Humor Factory series. This super funny adult joke book is free of swear words. Donald Shaw is a popular comic and an award-winning humor books author (his wife gave him a French kiss award)! His jokes are loved by thousands of people from Alaska to Zimbabwe, and possibly outside of Earth. Joking is always fun! Jokes bring smiles to people’s faces. Jokes make us laugh. People fall in love when they smile at each other. We love joking in the company of our best friends and families. Jokes help us to relax and overcome any difficulties. Joking is an awesome social skill and a great way to make new friends and to communicate nearly in any surrounding. Many people also love just to read some good jokes for amusement. However, it is not that easy to find real good jokes today. Some of them are simply out-of-date. Some of them are not clean enough. You may also find many joke books that are not really funny and contain too much fluff and advertising. This jokes book is different! Buying this humor book you will get: A great collection of 300 FUNNY JOKES One-liners, real-life awkward situations, and hilarious short stories Great book to read on a long trip Clean and dirty jokes WITHOUT nasty words Jokes for adults and teenagers Jokes about relationship, marriage, bar, professions, hobbies, etc. LIMITED TIME BONUS: the link to download my FREE HUMOR LIBRARY that includes hundreds of great jokes for kids, adults, and teenagers. So the whole family may have fun! This is no-brainer, really! This book is free of racism. I support LGBT community, because love is love. I love all people in the world and I want to make you laugh and smile! This is my ultimate goal and I did not mean to insult anyone. So relax, take it easy and enjoy this humor book! Buy this funny book NOW and roll on the floor laughing! Pick up your copy today by clicking the BUY NOW button at the top of this page!

    Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    

    Combining Adam's inimitable comedic voice and four-color illustrations by his friend Michael Narren, Rich Man Poor Man is a hilariously accurate look at what the people born with silver spoons in their mouths have in common with the people whose only utensils are plastic sporks stolen from a Shakey's.

    The people of Hamelin were a pompous bunch who loved themselves and their town so much that if it were possible they would have spent all day zipped up in a space suit smelling their own farts. But space suits hadn’t been invented yet so they couldn’t.Then one day without warning a gang of rats bowled into the town and began causing a right rumpus…So begins Russell Brand’s wildly funny and surprisingly wise retelling of the classic tale The Pied Piper of Hamelin. Whether you’re a kid or a grown-up kid, you’ll be chuckling the whole way through this zany story that bypasses Brand’s more adult humor for the outrageous, the madcap, and the just plain silly.Maybe you’ve heard about the Pied Piper before, with his strange music and those pompous townspeople and pesky rats. Or maybe you haven’t. But one thing is for sure: you’ve never heard it quite like this.

    Frances Calhoun wrote in the conversational southern language of the early 20th century. Episodes include: "The Rabbit's Left Hind Foot", "A Green Eyed Billy" and, "Education and Its Perils." After the author's death, later books in this series were written by Emma Sampson.