Or so Oak Jones thought. He’s wanted on the Police Dinosaur Unit all his life. Now that he’s in, he’s discovered that training a Police Working Velociraptor is a lot harder than he ever imagined. And if he thought training would be difficult, living with a Velociraptor is a whole new level. Banshee can clear a six-foot fence like it was nothing, and he has a love for eating the neighborhood cats, which is putting Oak on the outs with his next-door neighbor, Christy Dao. But there is a reason for everything, and when Oak discovers why Banshee struggles, it breaks his heart. Terrible Lizard is a funny and endearing look at life with Banshee, a great working dinosaur, but one terrible lizard. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Officer Hendricks sat at the temporary desk for training leads. He was without his sunglasses for the first time ever. His bright blue eyes burned with intensity. “I wanted to talk to you about Banshee,” he said. “I know it was rough yesterday,” I said, “but we’ve made good progress.” “You have, and it’s to be commended. You are the best handler here. But it’s a team effort, Oak. I called you in because I wanted you to be the first to hear that I intend to fail Banshee.” “What? No. There’s still two weeks left.” “Less than two weeks left. And this isn’t the kind of thing that gets fixed in less than two weeks.” “Give me a chance.” “Oak, you will be returned to your station until I can place you in Violent Offenders. Renato has given you a great review, and the captain there can’t wait to have you. Next year, you can re-apply. I cannot guarantee you that you will be accepted, but based on what I’ve seen over the past four weeks, I like your chances. You will definitely have my vote.” Officer Hendricks extended his hand to me, and I shook my head. “No. I refuse. Give me two weeks.” The open hand pinched Officer Hendricks’ nostrils. “You are not the first officer to work with Banshee. This was his third time in the course. Three strikes, and the raptor is gone.” “So that’s it? There’s nothing more that can be done?” “Not in my experience, Oak. I’m sorry.”

    Green's agile imagination constantly wrong-foots the reader. A delight." -Peter Ingham, The Telegraph "The work of a talented writer having lots of very smart fun" -- S F Winser, Booksquawk.com Smallworld is like nothing you've ever read before... truly innovative space opera from Hugo-nominated Brit SF writer Dominic Green. Mount Ararat isn't your average extrasolar agrarian colony. A world the size of an asteroid yet having Earth-standard gravity, Mount Ararat plays host to a strangely confident family whose children are protected by the Devil, a mechanical killing machine, from such passers-by as Mr von Trapp (an escapee from a penal colony), the Made (manufactured humans being hunted by the State), and the super-rich clients of a gravitational health spa established at Mount Ararat's South Pole. But it soon transpires that the Devil is harbouring an ancient and deadly secret. Enjoyed Smallworld? Its sequel Littlestar hugely expands on the universe established in the first book, with a story arc that follows troopers Beguiled-of-the-Serpent and Only-Begotten as they become embroiled in the second star-spanning war against the Made. Find out more about the Smallworld and Littlestar universe in our 3D publisher room at: http://inkflash.com/Fingerpress

    But Frampton and Carly are highly advanced (if bumbling) extraterrestrials. And boy, do they have news. The entire cosmos, they tell him, has been hopelessly hooked on humanity’s music ever since “Year Zero” (1977 to us), when American pop songs first reached alien ears. This addiction has driven a vast intergalactic society to commit the biggest copyright violation since the Big Bang. The resulting fines and penalties have bankrupted the whole universe. We humans suddenly own everything—and the aliens are not amused. Nick now has forty-eight hours to save humanity, while hopefully wowing the hot girl who lives down the hall from him.

    But when you’re a living ringer for one of the country’s best-loved historical figures, privacy is hard to come by—especially when your face is on money. Across town, Norma Greenberg, one of the world’s many Marilyn Monroe clones, is struggling with identity issues of a different sort. It’s not easy going through life as a copy of the beautiful Norma Jeane Baker! When Abe is taken away by government agents eager to discover the secrets of his illustrious ancestor, Norma could be Abe’s last hope of escape—or, thanks to her kleptomania, his worst chance of recapture. With only their wits, a cigarette lighter, a bottle of perfume, and the disembodied arm of Richard Nixon, can Abe and Norma make it back to safety and anonymity? Advance Praise: “A gorgeous, funny romp along the seam between reality and artifice, fame and obscurity, history and Disney, Roufa has a deft, hilarious touch. This is a wry, gleeful take on the choice between destiny, authenticity, love, and the eternal call of the stovepipe hat.” – Dahlia Lithwick, Senior Editor, Slate “A perfect gem with terrifically simple and funny twists.” – Josh Kilmer-Purcell, New York Times bestselling author of I Am Not Myself These Days and The Bucolic Plague

    When an opportunity to join the Mechanized Infantry presents itself, Pete is first in line. He knows that he's going to get shot at one way or another, but the idea of sitting in a warm and more importantly, dry mechanized suit appeals to him almost beyond reason. While still training in the jungle, Pete's squad is called out to intervene in a skirmish in a nearby village. Of course, the Marines haven't seen fit to certify his squad with ordnance. The fact that they'll be up against a platoon of squishies doesn't convince him that's it's any better of an idea and things turn quickly to crap when they discover the squishies are protected by grav-tanks. Pete, Popeye and Olive is a fast paced, short-story with plenty of action.

    It was waiting for him, just as he had left it. But where? He only knew he was in the center of a galaxy in a universe of galaxies. Within them lay endless varieties of the planet Earth. And there was only one way to find his Earth again: he would have to visit each one. And he would have to hurry--because his search for home had turned into a race with death.

    Everyone but the spaceship’s grumpy XO/navigator. When mysterious Christmas-themed things start happening, can the jaded second-in-command debunk the myth, or will she start to believe in the magic of Santa and the sleigh? Warning: Filled to bursting with humour and Christmas songs you know and love to hate. Get into the spirit of Christmas with the Anvil’s crew in this light-hearted seasonal romp from the author of the Jane Poole Genesis.

    And somebody offers the guarantee of a better life in the distant future... Would you take the chance? After recovering from near-fatal injuries sustained on a mission, Luke Porterfield is offered a second opportunity to fight terrorism by a private venture. He is stored in bleeding-edge technology before agreeing to the deal, and wakes to an uncertain fate. In a vastly changed and advanced world, Luke is tasked to defeat a deadly and elusive terrorist group. When his mission unearths a five-decade-long conspiracy, the explosive consequences force him into risking his life to save society. Fast Forward is a thrilling science fiction adventure packed with action, unexpected twists, and technologies destined to be part of our future.

    Peter Serafinowicz's Questions and Answers is a showcase for the razor wit and joyful nonsense of one of Britain's cleverest comedians, firing back genuinely funny instant replies to a stream of questions from the general public. This book collects together several hundred jokes from Peter's store of one-liners in a stylish, faux-Victorian, gifty hardback, just in time for Christmas. 'Peter Serafinowicz is hilarious' David Walliams' 'It's funny, but Peter Serafinowicz is the kind of funny person that funny people find funny' Simon Pegg 'Peter Serafinowicz is one of the funniest women in the world' Derren Brown

    Summer, 1947. A dame walks into a saloon . . .It’s not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It’s love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an Air Force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. ’Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he’s got the connections on the street.Meanwhile, a suspicious flying object has been spotted up the Pacific coast in Washington State near Mount Rainer, followed by a mysterious plane crash in a distant patch of desert in New Mexico that goes by the name Roswell. But the real weirdness is happening on the streets of the City by the Bay.When one of Sammy’s schemes goes south and the Cheese mysteriously vanishes, Sammy is forced to contend with his own dark secrets—and more than a few strange goings on—if he wants to find his girl.

    Rowling (the HARRY POTTER series), Darren Shan (CIRQUE DU FREAK), R.L. Stine (the GOOSEBUMPS series), and Stephen King (IT)! Volume Three in the PETER AND THE MONSTERS series! Follow the adventures started in PETER AND THE VAMPIRES (Volume One) and PETER AND THE WEREWOLVES (Volume Two)!Tragedy has struck Peter’s best friend Dill. In his effort to help, Grandfather might have actually made things worse. But help is on the way in the form of a new ally, and important information surfaces that might explain the Curse now haunting Peter and his family. In this volume, Peter battles more supernatural mayhem, including:A scientist who pieces together a family of monstrous creations…A pack of small creatures that kill the local baker, and plan to make Peter their next victim…Peter’s own dark side, which rears its ugly head in a violent rampage…A mysterious ‘snow demon’ out of Native American legend that menaces Peter on a ski trip…And a couple of ‘walking dead’ who try to put Peter in the morgue during a visit to the hospital. The PETER AND THE VAMPIRES series is for teens and adults who, when they were kids, were looking for stories that kicked butt. The protagonist might be young, but the stories are dark, funny, and edge-of-your-seat suspenseful.PETER AND THE FRANKENSTEIN is the third in an ongoing series that includes PETER AND THE VAMPIRES (Volume 1) and PETER AND THE WEREWOLVES (Volume 2). This book is 150,000 words (450+ pages) and contains some mild language, violence, and scary situations.

    A science-fiction series as over-the-top as the best action movies ever were.Kyra Sarin has survived five years of the hardest fighting mankind has ever seen. On her way back to Earth, to finally see her children again, the space station she stops at is taken over by terrorists. It’s the last mistake they’re ever going to make.Hard Vacuum is the first book in the Kyra Sarin series. Sweary, gory, and fast, the action is non-stop.Hard Vacuum will leave you gasping for more. Grab a copy today!This novelette also contains a special offer to get the second book in the series for free by joining the author's mailing list!

    Confronted by danger at every turn, he and his friend, Hubris the Spellbroker, become entangled in a bizarre web of intrigue, politics and outlandish fashion. They soon realise that they are just pawns in a greater game, but who is their real adversary and how can they disentangle themselves without ending up seriously dead?This humorous fantasy novella (28,500 words) is a prequel to the novel, Gaspar The Thief (126,000 words), also by David A. Lindsay.

    Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.

    Unfortunately, this results in no customers, no cargo jobs and no hope of paying off the huge loan on his precious ship.When a debt collector kicks in his airlock and threatens his life, Hal grabs the nearest job and blasts off without reading the fine print. Can he deliver the freight and pay off his debt, or is this Hal’s last cargo run?