The Dwarves: Doomed hammer-swinging dwellers of the underground. The Armies of Man: No one tells a better tale, or causes a more rapid extinction. The White Wizard: Embodiment of all that is good and right; just ask him. ....and The Chosen One: Victim--sorry, meant to say "Hero"--of a glorious prophecy. The Chosen One is destined to bring down the Dark Lord, if not killed first. In which case, The White Wizard will have to find a replacement. Again. Behold! A (relatively) epic narration of world-changing events, told from the point of view of the Dark Lord. 'Tis a story of shattering destiny, drinking, arcane secrets, drinking, and battles worth of the Sagas. Well, not the Sagas of Men, but the Orcs have probably got something to say about it. Let's get going; it's time to steal the Sun. "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN" is the first novel by Jeff Mach, playwright, event creator, and certified Dark Lord.

    A ton of secrets, one postcard at a time.

    It is essential reading.

    Turns out there’s so much more to him. He’s a philosopher, an aphorist, a humorist, an artist, a warm companion, a natural storyteller—and, in a grand tradition, a keenly observant and wise outsider who in the course of living and traveling among us has discovered quite a lot about the things that make us human. Figuratively speaking, of course. You’re Only Human is his brilliant take on people, written and illustrated with considerable charm.He makes curious and interesting observations on everything from dreams to job interviews to adversity, Twitter to the Golden Rule (it’s not what you think it is) to talking animals: I’m really not sure what all the fuss is about. Lots of animals talk, including humans. The bigger question is, what do you have to say worth listening to?You’re Only Human will reveal a remarkable character who is equally at home discussing the secrets of the universe, and pie and chips. How lucky we are to publish his first book.

    What Dave Barry did for American history in Dave Barry Slept Here and for getting older in Dave Barry Turns Forty, he does for everything else in America! Tupperware ladies, eighties people and leisure-concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe!

    After their appearance on The Kayla Mangrabler talk show, they decided to go their separate ways and cause as much havoc as possible.  Jesus has been stuck at the craps table for three days, sipping vodka and Red Bull, completely missing the end of the world. But he is about to meet up with Death and go on a road trip that will test their resolve and their blood alcohol content. Meanwhile, an unlikely band of heroes are headed to Las Vegas to fight the Apocalypse. Creepy Chuzz and his one-armed, addict monkey Phil are flying there in an ice cream truck. Chuzz's best friend Leon plans to lend a hand, assuming he can escape the clutches of the insane Father Maniwhore not to mention Pestilence, who has designs on the janitor's bathtub-LSD-addled brain. Along the way they will encounter bouncing glory hole boxes, militant lesbians, an undead general, a flying demon named Princess Sally, hordes of zombies, and a trio of secret agents hellbent on delivering a Cease and Desist order to Lucifer himself. They'd better hurry, because the Devil is rising in the desert, and he is hungry to start the Apocalypse that his son could not. But only if he can get it on with his giant floating glory hole.

    

    Now Adrian's been volunteered to run it. From the confusion of arrival when Anne is allocated to the top bunk with a schizophrenic recovery group, and Adrian is in a low-ceilinged 'pod' at the top of the tower, to the hugs and tears of departure, this is typical Plass, humorous and heartwarming in equal measure.

    Shirtless guys and puppy dog eyes take over with this collection of Hot Guys and Baby Animals by Audrey Khuner and Carolyn Newman.Hot Guys and Baby Animals features photos of gorgeous guys and their fuzzy friends, along with tongue-in-cheek captions detailing the likes and dislikes of each guy and baby animal. Let the "ohs" and "ahs" begin as male models play with puppies, snuggle kittens, nuzzle lambs, and even coo at a few chicks (baby chickens, that is). Perhaps the Sundance Channel says it best in its review of the California calendar that started it all: "Hot guys + baby animals = genius."

    It's a picture of an ideal relationship for a new generation of married couples: alternately grotesque, sexy, silly, and sexually permissive, but above all, built on mutual respect and honesty: •I promise: to never comment on your bad breath, as long as you don't come near me with bad breath. •We're going to make a lot of parenting mistakes: Let's not make putting leashes on our children when we go to the mall one of them.•Your job: I know I'm the 'free spirited one', but you're not allowed to be doing something that makes you miserable. Sorry. We'll f**'in live in a box, it's fine.

    After college life takes them all in a new direction. Some directions are planned, others are not. Keeping their sister-like bond tight, they create the Boyfriend Bookstand Blog and continue to support each other through the good and difficult times of life – both real and fiction. Things get a little saucy when the girls decide to take a much needed weekend away to attend an author event in Greenville, North Carolina, especially with all the hot cover models there. Three long time friends, books and hot models - Saddle up girls and get ready to do some Grinding in Greenville.

    Bruce Cameron returns with an even more hilarious look at fatherhood, capturing the predicament of the forgotten man in the tux at his little girl's wedding. As Cameron explains, modern weddings are much like royal coronations, only more expensive. Aside from the writing of checks, there is not much fathers understand about them. Why can't guests successfully eat, drink, and dance unless the whole event is as carefully choreographed as a Broadway production? With his characteristic wit, Cameron captures the aspects of the wedding that are the most ridiculous to paternal eyes, for example: • why the wedding needs a theme (this one is "We're all stressed out") • why the wedding has to be photographed as if it will be reviewed by the Warren Commission • why the bouquet must include a species of flower found only at the tip of the Himalayas • why the wedding dress has to strike the right mood (which, judging from everyone's behavior, might best be summed up as "crabby") Throughout it all, however, a father keeps faith that the wedding -- if not the wedding preparation -- will make his daughter a happy woman. Hilarious yet poignant, 8 Simple Rules for Marrying My Daughter is sure to be a comfort to the legions of fathers (and mothers) who will one day have a daughter walking down the aisle.

    But she has absolutely no idea who the deceased is. She’s told that he invited her on his deathbed, and he’s very keen for her to attend, so she heads off to a dilapidated old farm house in a remote part of Wales. When she gets there she discovers that only five other people have been invited to the funeral. None of them knows who he is either. NO ONE GOING TO THIS FUNERAL HAS EVER HEARD OF THE DECEASED. WHAT IS GOING ON?? Then they are told that they have 20 hours to work out why they have been invited in order to inherit a million pounds. Who is this guy and why are they there? And what of the ghostly goings on in the ancient old building? Featuring Mary Brown, star of the Adorable Fat Girl series of books, in her greatest adventure yet. This is BOOK NINE in the series, but can be enjoyed as a stand-alone book or as part of the series.

    Now it’s a worldwide community…. Even its darkest moments are lightened by Karen and Georgia's effortlessly funny banter and genuine empathy.” — RollingStone.comAt the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

    There, she discovers the passion missing from her sensible life in the arms of a handsome stranger. She returns home, where no one suspects she possesses a secret wild side — no one except the one-night stand standing in her parents’ dining room.This cautious woman bears little resemblance to the brazen temptress who left an impression on Griff Dunleavy’s flesh, but he recognizes the sensual nature hidden behind the meek facade. He makes an indecent proposal: a fling in which Ivy plays all the parts cut from her everyday existence, which should supply enough variety to keep him intrigued for a while.His offer is too enticing to resist — and too good to last. When Ivy’s reality demands full-time responsibility, the time for fun and games is over. To keep his place in her life, Griff must prove they can have forever… one hour at a time.