It got a karaoke DJ.Leo MacGavin is not the brightest specimen of humanity. But when he inadvertently rescues a flirty alien heiress, he’s promoted from second-rate lounge entertainer to captain of the galaxy’s most sophisticated cruise ship.Before he can flee in terror, a human-hating executive gives Leo an ultimatum—complete the vessel’s maiden voyage or mankind’s last colony will be turned into a sewage dump. To make matters worse, a militant cyborg is undermining his authority, a giant spider is terrifying the passengers, and a sentient plant keeps stealing all the beer.If Leo ever wants to see his home again, he’ll have to keep the guests happy through seven days of onboard antics and madcap shore excursions. As strange malfunctions tear the ship apart, can he hold his rag-tag crew together, or will he flush the last bastion of humanity down the crapper?

    If life isn’t living up to your expectations, is it possible to stop and start again? Rachel Asquith thinks so. She escapes the city for Bluebell cottage in the tiny Hamlet of Perivale, one of those twinkling stars that fell to earth and took root. This place has it all. Beautiful beach, pretty cottage, fabulous views and a set of neighbours who take her in and make her one of their own. Then there are the men. Logan - hot, angry and intriguing. Jack - the local handyman who is extremely handy with his… um tools. Then there’s Max. The pilot/playboy who thinks life should be lived in the fast lane and does everything at supersonic speed. Rachel soon finds that choices need to be made. At some point, she needs to head home and face the mess she’s caused. At some point, she will need to choose between her new life and old, and at some point, she needs to decide if she’s just fooling in love again with the wrong person. However, the decision faces her much quicker than she thought when she needs her old life to rescue the new one. She will have to leave the place she now calls home to save it and in doing so may just lose the man she loves. Love is a complicated business – it’s just a good thing business is what she does best.

    Now Joe is a full Guardsman, with his own ship and a snide partner bot who hates humans almost as much as he hates other bots.To the pirates he hunts, Joe is known as the Butcher. His bloody reputation has landed him in the center of a sweeping conspiracy that threatens to stamp out the galaxy’s last surviving human settlements.As Joe races against time to salvage what’s left of his species, one thing becomes crystal clear: You can never escape your past.It all starts on Earth, humanity’s deserted homeworld....

    What makes Bailey more addictive than catnip? In addition to his adorable expressions and his hilarious, heartfelt antics, Bailey has a penchant for doing things that are characteristically uncatlike—things like taking bubble baths (and enjoying them), sitting attentively in a chair and being read to (for hours), getting a "pet"-icure, and his unending patience while co-raising his human siblings Abby and Hannah (yes, there is photographic evidence that Bailey helped with potty-training). If you have a cat you know how independent they are. Bailey, No Ordinary Cat celebrates the unique quirky spirit of this unforgettable feline through four-color photographs and captions from the voice of Bailey himself. Cat lovers will be delighted to peek into the life of their favorite celebrity cat with the huge eyes, huge heart, and huge personality—and an ever-growing following.

    She wears granny panties and is constantly dropping wads of cash at Target, and his son cries all the time. Now his "temporary" roommate, Dave, ate all the Totino's pizza rolls. Again. Karl Welzein is sick of this. So sick of this.Power Moves chronicles the hilarious decline of Karl Welzein on his journey from life as a Dockers-and-golfshirt-wearing dad to a ponytailed party maniac who spits out his life philosophies like a modern-day Charles Bukowski (if he preferred to get drunk at Applebee's).A middle-aged Michigan native, Karl may be overweight, prone to questionable fashion and culinary choices, oblivious to his drinking problem, a poor excuse for an employee, obsessed with the restroom, and a terrible husband, father, and friend . . . but in his heart he means well. He's just like a lot of us—he loves the USA, Guy Fieri, bold flavors, Bob Seger, and thinking he looks jacked in a tight tee and Maui Jim sunglasses. Karl is an everyman and like no other man on the planet all at once.Inspired by the Twitter feed @DadBoner, Karl finally tells his full story. He shares his wisdom on fitness (1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like Stone Cold. 3. Cut off your sleeves), diet (Eat only the filling of the Taco Bell Beefy Melts for maximum flavor and low-carb health), fashion (Wearin' boots with jean shorts says "I like to keep cool, but I'm ready if the action gets hot"), work life (If you don't have a job that makes you want to kill yourself, you don't deserve to drink until you want to die), and the bliss of the perfect weekend (beers, brats, and babes' chest beefers).But above all, this is a story about America—the real red, white, and blue America of today. Welcome to Karl's world. Reading this book is the ultimate Power Move.

     It took college freshman Aaron Karo only one week to realize that college was a joke -- an especially funny one that he could share with his friends in a regular email newsletter about life on campus. By his senior year, Ruminations on College Life had become an international phenomenon. Now, for the first time in print, here is the best of the original ezine, previously unpublished material, and brand new introductions to each section by the author. Share in the absurdity and insanity of the college experience with Karo as you read his outrageous inside account of scheming students, crazy professors, confused parents, and rowdy frat boys. Perfect for anyone who is destined for college, currently surviving it, or already a veteran, this book is a cult classic readers can enjoy alone or read out loud at their next party for tons of laughs.

    A reluctant father, shameless adulterer, and devotee of all things extravagant, Gordon lives an exclusive life filled with fine wines and surrounded by servants and mistresses. It would seem to be a world without want.So when revelations about his scandalous relationships and less than honest business practices emerge, the glamorous façade begins to crumble and those around him start to fear the worst. But, much to Gordon’s surprise, all he can feel is relief.The Fall and Rise of Gordon Coppinger is a brilliant and often extremely funny examination of modern British values and the craving for a public fall from grace. In a world that is built on the crazy principles of wealth and celebrity, and which is driven by the insatiable desire to attain more and more, we meet the perfect anti-hero: Gordon Coppinger, a man going quietly sane.

    Her words inflamed the passions of sports lovers across the country, and her piece quickly became the newspaper's most e-mailed and talked-about article in the week it ran. The intense reaction of fans forced Heller to look inward, and to re-examine her feelings about winning and losing. Was she a "bandwagon" fan, as some branded her? A traitor? Confessions of a She-Fan is a witty, observant, and decidedly female look at the nature of the bond between fan and team. Jane Heller goes in search of answers. With her husband as her traveling partner, she literally follows the Bronx Bombers through the rest of their challenging 2007 season, hoping to score interviews with the players, watch every game in every city, and inject some excitement into her marriage. Through interactions with other fans, as well as members of the media covering the Yankees, plus game-by-game analyses, Heller learns personal life lessons about competition, loyalty, and acceptance--and about why baseball, like any truly romantic relationship, requires commitment, patience, and a deep, abiding love.

    What no one knows is that Sinclair used to be Detroit hustler Ms. Tracy Franklin, wife of Kwame Franklin, who is now in jail. When Kwame is released from prison, he tries blackmail. Then the tabloids get involved.

    But this is no ordinary Monday, and the frazzled feline finds himself stuck in a time loop, reliving the agony over and over and over. Can Garfield find a way to end this rotten day or will he be stuck forever? Garfield and the gang are back in an all-new graphic novel with stories written by Scott Nickel and Mark Evanier (Garfield & Friends) and illustrated by series regular Antonio Alfaro and artist Dave Alvarez.

    No one is actually compatible with anyone else/ we just all get swept away by lust or, deafened by the thrashmetal tick of the biological clock, shut down all critical facilities. Part 1 of Darkside Zodiac in Love is "I'm Your Venus," which is all about the planet of L.O.V.E. and Libra and Taurusthe signs it rules directlyand the havoc they can play in our lives. Part 2 shows how love hurts all the way around the zodiac. It identifies the cheaters, describes how members of each sign conduct themselves on dates and perform in bed, and provides compatibility charts and blinddate guides. Darkside Zodiac in Love will help readers take a cold, hard look at all the shabby tricks, manipulations, lies, and cruel intentions each sun sign tries to hide. It won't mend a broken heart, but it will tell readers who they are compatible with and who is likely to murder them in their sleep! It also tells readers what conniving, twotiming, icyhearted little love rats they really are, but then nothing comes for free, does it?! * Snarky, snarkywe all take love too seriously and astrology not seriously enough.

    Your Action World parodies the "inspirational" promotional materialsincluding books, tapes, and corporate advertising - with which we are inundated daily. Byrne's impulse is to fight back, "to stem the tide of images and bullying texts that assault all of us, by building dikes and dams of my own images and texts. To understand the enemy I must become one with the enemy, I must be of one mind with the enemy. I must infect myself in order to be immunized." An intelligent, quirky document from one of our most innovative artistswith a cool debossed PVC cover and 4-color stickerYour Action World will be the cult hit of the season.

    Woven throughout the ctional fun in Elliott's memoir are wonderful real-life anecdotes that will delight many new readers and loyal fans alike. "The arc of [Elliott's] career remains unique and inspiring . . . that he blazed a trail for Arrested Development and Community and all the other freaky, convention-outing TV comedies."—Grantland

    When Nick’s charmingly erratic behavior finally became too much for Lena, the marriage and the partnership ended. But—like C. K. Dexter Haven and Tracy Lord—it seems that Lena and Nick just can’t quite separate.Lena works out fiercely, keeps her dates with the boring and conventional Preston Winter, and daily battles on against corporate greed. But Nick’s not doing so well.Still brilliant and devilishly clever, he is now also almost crazy. He is prone to fantasy and the big gesture, and he engages frantically in guerrilla activism for the sake of animals wild and domestic. Nick doesn’t make plans; he has visions. And eventually his antics put him back into Lena’s hands. While she tries to navigate the legal waters into which he’s thrown them, Nick veers out of her wake and into the midst of a strange set of companions, including Oscar, his psychiatric attendant and Action Comics collector; Ralph and Alice Wilson, the rebellious managers of the city animal shelter; and an aging Russian hound named Wolfram.Often laugh-out-loud funny, with bright wit and brilliant machine-gun dialogue, The Marriage of True Minds sweetly explores modern love, undying idealism, and one cracked partnership that can’t be sundered—from without or from within.If you like screwball comedies, like Bringing Up Baby and His Girl Friday, then you’ll love The Marriage of True Minds!

    To his horror, Lord Plep has been reincarnated as a dog - a Jack Russell / Rat Terrier mix to be exact, and when he is adopted by an elderly woman, gains the reputation of being a psychic dog for his ability to find her neighbors' lost eyeglasses and keys. But when something far more precious is lost, Libby is called upon to use her amazing skills for something truly important. My First Christmas is the first book in the holiday series Libby the Psychic Dog. It was written for adults, though there is no offensive language and only one mild amorous reference. This ebook also contains an excerpt from A.L. Jambor's “The Body in the Bungalow,” A Divine Detective Agency Mystery Short.