'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy and Other Misheard Lyrics


Gavin Edwards - 1995
    Now you can come out of that closet and proudly sing whatever you think you hear. Don't deny it! You know you've sung totally absurd lyrics in place of the real-and usually less interesting-ones. (It's nothing to ashamed of-most rock stars never took elocution classes.) Breeze through some of the world's most widely misinterpreted lyrics, including:"The ants are my friends/They're blowin' in the wind" ("The answer my friend/Is blowing' in the wind"-Bob Dylan)"Sweet dreams are made of cheese" ("Sweet dreams are made of this"-Eurythmics)"The girl with colitis goes by" ("The girl with kaleidoscope eyes"-The Beatles)Whether it's Eddie Vedder singing about "forty-five versions of a pelican" or Bruce Springsteen proclaiming "everybody's got a hungry horse," 'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy is sure to make you want to get your hearing checked.

The Straight Dope Tells All


Cecil Adams - 1998
    He answered questions such as how do porcupines mate, what exactly does Barney Rubble do for a living, and where is Einstein's brain? His answers changed your life. Or at least settled a bet with a loved one. But surely, you are thinking, all the salient facts of the universe have been ascertained by now. Ha! Get a load of the mysteries The Master explores in this landmark volume:, If Teflon is such a nonsticky substance, how do they get it to stick to the pan? , Is the Great Cabal implanting microchips in our brains?, Do fluorescent lights cause cataracts?, What do Scotsmen wear under those kilts?, Can some people extinguish street lamps by force of their bodily emanations? , Is the U.S. Government really hiding alien spaceships?

Eat Less Cottage Cheese and More Ice Cream: Thoughts on Life from Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck - 2003
    The result was a classic column full of Bombecks signature wit and warmth. Now the beloved column that has hung on hundreds of refrigerator doors has been cheerily illustrated and designed as a handsome gift book, Eat Less Cottage and More Ice Cream. In it, Bombeck gently reminds us of what is really important in life: If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.I would have cried and laughed less while watching television . . . and more while watching real life.But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it . . . look at it and really see it . . . try it on . . . live it . . . exhaust it . . . and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it. . . . Long-time fans of Erma Bombeck will be thrilled to have this favorite column in the form of a beautiful keepsake. Readers discovering Bombeck for the first time will become fans instantly. Eat Less Cottage and More Ice Cream offers wisdom to inspire all of us.

The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World 2010


Bob Sehlinger - 2009
    (Orlando Convention and Visitor Bureau) Despite signifcant downturns in the economy Disney theme parks have maintained attendance rates and made gains in attendance at some parks. Walt Disney World Resort theme parks are rated best in the world. earning high marks for things outside of the traditional theme park experience. Epcot's International Food & Wine Festival, which takes place for six weeks every fall and showcases food from twenty-five countries, was rated by Forbes Traveler as one of the Best U.S. Food and Wine Festivals.

Pieces of my Mind


Andy Rooney - 1986
    

The Art of Archer


Neal Holman - 2016
    Featuring 240 pages of concept art, exclusive interviews, script excerpts and the never-before-released original pitch for the series, this amazing collection offers an utterly unique view of the Archer creative process.Commentary from the crew will walk fans all the way from squiggles to the gorgeous final picture, detailing not only their process but their history as well. Exclusive interviews with the Emmy-nominated cast offer insights to their beloved characters and a glimpse of their favorite moments. With storyboards, costume designs, reference photographs, immaculate background paintings and more, this is Archer as you have never seen it.The Art of Archer is a must have companion to the groundbreaking animated series, for fans and cinephiles alike.

Are You Kidding Me?! Chronicles of an Ordinary Life


Lesley Crewe - 2019
    Readers will relate to Crewe’s ache at missing her mom, her nostalgia for her childhood, her frustrations at raising teenagers, and her impatience for terrible parking lot etiquette in equal measure. The book spans sixteen years’ worth of columns for The Cape Bretoner Magazine, Cahoots Magazine, and The Chronicle Herald.Are You Kidding Me?! is a side-splitting, heartwarming, Cape Breton–flavoured celebration of the little things.

Rolling with the Punchlines: A Memoir


Urzila Carlson - 2020
    Urzila talks candidly about her childhood with a great family, apart from her abusive dad, and about growing up in South Africa. She shares crazy but true tales about her OE, her move to New Zealand, coming out, getting married and having children, and her life in comedy. This is a great listen from one of our most loved and most popular comedians.

It's Not All Flowers and Sausages: My Adventures in Second Grade


Jennifer Scoggin - 2009
    Mimi - she's the second grade teacher every kid should have. Hip and hilarious, she brings us into her New York City classroom, with no hold barred. From the Great Pencil Crisis of 2003 to ill-fated field trips (lesson #1: don't trust a farm in Queens), Mrs. Mimi has seen it all. Based on her popular blog, "It's Not All Flowers and Sausages "shows us what it's like to commune with seven-year-olds for a living - pee jokes, annoying colleagues, and all. Join Mrs. Mimi in the teacher's lounge and in her classroom, as she wrangles the naughty kids, outsmarts the sneaky ones, and tries to get everyone to third grade in one piece.

Secrets of RVing on Social Security: How to Enjoy the Motorhome and RV Lifestyle While Living on Your Social Security Income


Jerry Minchey - 2016
     Readers all over the US and Europe have discovered the joys of retiring and living full time in an RV after reading Jerry Minchey's Amazon #1 best-selling book in Senior Travel Guides, Motorhome, and RV Retirement Living: The Most Enjoyable and Least Expensive Way to Retire. Now in this new epic book, Secrets of RVing on Social Security, he shows you step-by-step how to enjoy the RVing lifestyle while traveling and living on just your Social Security income. Imagine leaping out of bed every morning ready to cherish every day of your new adventurous life. On top of the adventure, you'll experience the unsurpassed freedom to live where you want to. At every fork in the road, you will be free to go wherever whim and chance might take you. You will also discover how other retirees are supplementing their retirement income while living full-time in their motorhome. Many people are actually adding to their savings while having the time of their lives living the RV lifestyle. In this book, you will grasp how they are doing it, and how you can do it too. You'll comprehend the brutally honest pros and cons of the RV lifestyle. There are some downsides to the lifestyle you need to be prepared for. My guess is that you will adore your new RVing lifestyle, but you'll never know if it's the right lifestyle for you if you don't read this book. The book is designed to keep you on the path to accomplishing your goal of living an exciting retirement lifestyle while staying well within your budget. This book should be required reading for anyone who is retired or getting ready to retire. It provides never-before-answered questions about living the attractive RVing lifestyle on a budget.

F in Exams: The Best Test Paper Blunders


Richard Benson - 2008
    Celebrating the creative side of failure in a way we can all relate to, F in Exams gathers the most hilarious and inventive test answers provided by students who, faced with a question they have no hope of getting right, decide to have a little fun instead. Whether in science (Q: What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register? A: Mariah Carey), the humanities (Q: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common? A: Unusual names), math, or other subjects, these 250 entries prove that while everyone enjoys the spectacle of failure, it's even sweeter to see a FAIL turn into a WIN.

The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s: An Oral History


Andy Greene - 2020
    . . or it might have been last night, when you watched three episodes in a row. But either way, fifteen years after the show first aired, it's more popular than ever, and fans have only one problem--what to watch, or read, next.Fortunately, Rolling Stone writer Andy Greene has that answer. In his brand-new oral history, The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s, Greene will take readers behind the scenes of their favorite moments and characters. Greene gives us the true inside story behind the entire show, from its origins on the BBC through its impressive nine-season run in America, with in-depth research and exclusive interviews. Fans will get the inside scoop on key episodes from "The Dundies" to "Threat Level Midnight" and "Goodbye, Michael," including behind-the-scenes details like the battle to keep it on the air when NBC wanted to pull the plug after just six episodes and the failed attempt to bring in James Gandolfini as the new boss after Steve Carell left, spotlighting the incredible, genre-redefining show created by the family-like team, who together took a quirky British import with dicey prospects and turned it into a primetime giant with true historical and cultural significance.Hilarious, heartwarming, and revelatory, The Office gives fans and pop culture buffs a front-row seat to the phenomenal sequence of events that launched The Office into wild popularity, changing the face of television and how we all see our office lives for decades to come.

Talking to Girls about Duran Duran: One Young Man's Quest for True Love and a Cooler Haircut


Rob Sheffield - 2010
    "No rock critic-living or dead, American or otherwise-has ever written about pop music with the evocative, hyperpoetic perfectitude of Rob Sheffield." So said Chuck Klosterman about Love is a Mix Tape, Sheffield's paean to a lost love via its soundtrack. Now, in Talking to Girls About Duran Duran, Sheffield shares the soundtrack to his eighties adolescence. When he turned 13 in 1980, Rob Sheffield had a lot to learn about women, love, music and himself, and in Talking to Girls About Duran Duran we get a glimpse into his transformation from pasty, geeky "hermit boy" into a young man with his first girlfriend, his first apartment, and a sense of the world. These were the years of MTV and John Hughes movies; the era of big dreams and bigger shoulder pads; and, like any all-American boy, this one was searching for true love and maybe a cooler haircut. It's all here: Inept flirtations. Dumb crushes. Deplorable fashion choices. Members Only jackets. Girls, every last one of whom seems to be madly in love with the bassist of Duran Duran. Sheffield's coming-of-age story is one that we all know, with a playlist that any child of the eighties or anyone who just loves music will sing along with. These songs-and Sheffield's writing-will remind readers of that first kiss, that first car, and the moments that shaped their lives.

A Sloth's Guide to Taking It Easy: Be more sloth with these fail-safe tips for serious chilling


Sarah Jackson - 2018
    It’s time that everybody relaxed and took a moment to enjoy the simple pleasures, but we also appreciate it’s easier said than done. That’s why we’ve enlisted the help of an expert to guide you along the path to peace. Meet your mentor: Brian the sloth.

Blackadder: The Whole Damn Dynasty, 1485-1917


Richard Curtis - 1998
    Blackadder: The Whole Damn Dynasty is the book for you. Here, at last, for the first time, are the full scripts of one of British television's funniest comedies. Follow the hilarious misadventures of the despicable Edmund Blackadder and his dimwitted sidekick Baldrick through four centuries of hopelessly mangled English history: from medieval nastiness through English history: from medieval nastiness through Elizabethan and Regency glory, to the mud and sauteed rats of the First World War. Aside from the ball-bouncingly funny scripts themselves, Blackadder also features special bonus sections: "Instruments of Torture in the Late Middle Ages"; "Medieval Medicine" ("1. Herbs; 2. Leeches; 3. Saw It Off"); and an indispensable "Index of Blackadder's Finest Insults".