After being fired from his job as the clandestine stooge on hit TV show Ghostbusters UK, Elliott returns home to find his girlfriend missing. To make matters worse, Hapkido Valentine, the legendary 1980s wrestler, has returned from the dead and taken up residency in Elliott’s flat. Despite a voracious appetite for sausage sandwiches, Hapkido is convinced he has finally become the mystical Japanese warrior he once portrayed in the ring.Together they must undertake a dangerous journey to find out why the Universe created this most unlikely of partnerships. All that stands in their way is a medallion wearing TV psychic, a train-spotting assassin and the murderous intentions of the local over 75’s women’s group. If Elliott thought the day started badly, things are about to get a whole lot worse.

    But today's woman needs more than a book of soppy affirmations to get her back on her feet and feeling great. I Used to Miss Him... is full of smart tips, sarcastic stories and hilarious ways to heal after a breakup. This book provides the sort of genuine advice you'd get from your best friend, but with a "rip his head off" attitude. By supporting a girl's right to be angry with her ex, this fun guide helps her rebuild her strength and confidence after he's gone.Features edgy advice on how to:Cash in on his lifelong guiltLook sexy and feel fabulous (then run into him at a party)Make an ex-boyfriend voodoo dollLose the guy, keep the jewelryAdvertise being singleStalk responsibly to keep him on his toesMaximize post-breakup pamperingI Used to Miss Him... is the ultimate breakup survival guide for today's woman!

    . . Here are all six episodes of the BBC Radio 4 series, complete and uncut, from the winners of the Perrier Best Newcomer Award. In Episode 1, a mysterious character called The Phantom is stealing animals from the zoo. Howard and Vince go on a mission to find the thief and the sinister figure behind the plot. In Episode 2, tired of Bob Fossil's management, Howard and Vince venture into the zoo's Jungle Room in search of former zoo boss Tommy Nookah, (Howard's idol), who disappeared there long ago. Episode 3 sees Vince forming a rock band, but after annoying the guitarist Dave and driving him to quit, he calls on Howard to overcome the Spirit of Jazz and join them. In Episode 4, when keeper Joey Moose is savagely bitten, Howard and Vince investigate and discover Bob Fossil is breeding mutant animals to sell to wealthy Japanese businessmen. Episode 5 finds Bob Fossil sending Vince to Spain and Howard to the Arctic to collect more animals for the zoo. Our heroes end up back together facing the perils of the tundra. In Episode 6, Howard and Vince take Tony the prawn to the Zoo for Animal Offenders. Along the way they meet a mysterious hitchhiker, and end up in the bizarre world of "The People of the Box." Starring Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding, with Rich Fulcher, Lee Mack, and Richard Ayoade. 3 CDs, 178 minutes

    HOLIDAYMAKER FIGHTS OFF AFRICAN LION IN WELSH HOTEL ROOMMAN SWALLOWS MOUSE AND DIESWIFE DRIVEN MAD BY HUSBAND TICKLING FEETPALLBEARER KILLED BY COFFIN IN GRAVEYARDLIBERALS EAT DOGFrom the newspaper archives of the British Library, Jeremy Clay has unearthed the long-lost stories that enthralled and appalled Victorian Britain.Within these pages are the riotous farces and tragedies of 19th-century life, a time when life was hard, pleasures short-lived, and gloating over other people’s misfortune a thoroughly acceptable form of entertainment.Deliciously appalling and deliriously funny, The Burglar Caught by a Skeleton will have you, one way or another, in tears …

    Don Marquis' creations have been constantly in print since 1934.

    Now, with over 10,000 entries, this edition features the latest in expletives, sexual obscenities and lavatorial euphemisms.

    And St Michael’s Secondary School has got a new member of staff. Jeremy Clovenhoof, has spent six years living the quiet life in the suburbs after losing his job as Lord of Hell and now he thinks it’s time to share all he has learned with the next generation. Whether it’s turning toilet graffiti into art, getting a date by making nuisance calls or making the most of being ill, he’s got advice for everyone. Join Clovenhoof at the start of his year-long journey to tackle the big issues in life.

    This crafty revision of English vocabulary posits that Platypus should signify “to give your cat pigtails;” that Flemish should mean “rather like snot;” and that Celtic is in fact a prison for fleas. With nearly 600 new definitions, this side-splitting resource pushes the boundaries of the English language to riotous new limits.

    61 pages of summaries and analysis on Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris.This study guide includes the following sections: Plot Summary, Chapter Summaries & Analysis, Characters, Objects/Places, Themes, Style, Quotes, and Topics for Discussion.

    Byrne’s own wit, diligent research, and creativity combine to form a fresh go-to reference that serves readers better than Google—no Wi-Fi required. The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said is an all-new collection of clever quips and laugh-out-loud punch lines from Gracie Allen to Frank Zappa, on such topics as sex, divorce, religion, fashion, animals, and money: STEVE MARTIN: “I’d do anything for a good body except exercise and eat right.” JON STEWART: “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” NORA EPHRON: “Successful parents have adult children who can pay for their own psychoanalysis.” This compilation, to be enjoyed by generations young and old, deserves a place of honor on every language lover’s bookshelf.

    Peter Serafinowicz's Questions and Answers is a showcase for the razor wit and joyful nonsense of one of Britain's cleverest comedians, firing back genuinely funny instant replies to a stream of questions from the general public. This book collects together several hundred jokes from Peter's store of one-liners in a stylish, faux-Victorian, gifty hardback, just in time for Christmas. 'Peter Serafinowicz is hilarious' David Walliams' 'It's funny, but Peter Serafinowicz is the kind of funny person that funny people find funny' Simon Pegg 'Peter Serafinowicz is one of the funniest women in the world' Derren Brown

    Koalas look cuddly, but they're actually irritable, solitary beasts who do not want belly rubs. What kind of mocking god created creatures with poofy ears and big black noses that don't want belly rubs? BOpossums: North America gets one lousy marsupial, and let's just say it's not going to win any beauty contests. Or even not-ugly contests. C−Wombats: "Wombat" is a great name. It's got a "wom" and a "bat," and an "omba." They're kind of nondescript animals, cute in a generic pudgy mammal way, but their name spelled backward is "tabmow," and that makes all the difference. AThe Book of Ratings is hysterically arbitrary and undeniably infectious.

    

    The King's Knight skilfully blends action with real historical events and personages... Medieval England is a time of both blood and humanity." Richard Foreman, author Band of Brothers. 1381. England seethes with discontent over unfair and arbitrary taxation. The country is on the cusp of an uprising - a peasant's revolt. All it will take is a spark. Gregory Maudesley, second son of a minor noble and disillusioned knight for hire, returns home after nearly a decade abroad. Maudesley intends to claim his deceased father's lands but the knight is plagued by misfortune. Gregory journeys to London to secure an audience with the boy king, Richard II. But the England he travels through is very different from that of his youth. The road is treacherous and the greatest dangers of all await him in the capital. London is ablaze. Even the Tower of London has fallen to Wat Tyler's forces. But Richard, enlisting the help of Gregory, will ride out to meet the rebellion head on. A king and kingdom must stand, or fall. Revolt is the first book is The King's Knight series of novellas, chronicling the life of Gregory Maudesley and the dramatic reign of Richard II. Recommended for fans of Bernard Cornwell, Robyn Young and Michael Jecks. Praise for J. A. Ironside “Entertaining, well-researched and compelling.” Michael Jecks on An Argument of Blood. “Ælfgifa…steals every scene and is a character who would fit in any George R. R. Martin novel.” Tony Riches author of The Tudor Trilogy (An Argument of Blood). “Intense drama, creative working of the sparse historical record, and a detailed look into what made William and Harold tick… A rousing, page turning tale awaits you…” Paul Bennett, author of Clash of Empires (on 'A Black Matter for the King'). J. A. Ironside grew up in rural Dorset in a house full of books. She was exposed to history at an early age and happily never recovered – the presence of so many Roman ruins in the area inspired a lifelong interest in historical warfare. She has taught and studied martial arts and weaponry for 25 years. Her published works include An Argument of Blood and A Black Matter for the King, both co-written with Matthew Willis.

    Standards of morality and social conventions changed dramatically during the 19th century – and most of the people engaged in recording and commenting upon Highland life and tradition were puritanical ministers and priests who left out the racy bits. So, while there are many useful books that provide a wide range of Scottish Gaelic vocabulary to express many aspects of daily life – for the most part, they leave out the naughty bits.