And a lot less funny. But this is it.And it will come down at midnight, Irish time, on the 22nd [December 2012]..."Somewhere in the distance, a train rattled on its tracks. Liam sat in his kitchen with the curtains drawn, the lamp on the table casting its searing eye over his handiwork. It was the size of a shoebox, and wooden. Heavy. Inside were things he did not, could not, understand. There were gears and levers and finely balanced cogs and symbols painstakingly etched into it all. He didn’t know what they meant, didn’t know what they were for, but he had seen them in his head for as long as he could remember. Transferring those symbols to metal and wood, after all these years, was... well, it was wonderful. It was a relief. It was like he’d been tense his whole life, every muscle knotted and his teeth gritted and his eyes screwed shut, and now suddenly he was relaxing, and a strange sort of euphoric calm spread through him.

    This book was brought to you by the one and only - THE CLOWN FACTORY.

    The excitement of planetfall is indescribable, but quickly transforms into sick disappointment when they find the atmosphere is a roiling mass of hydrochloric acid, carbon dioxide and other deadly poisons. They fly onward, seeking better planets. They find them, but none are ideal. The search goes on for a century, then longer still. As they move farther from Earth, aliens discover the intruding ship, and they begin to investigate humanity. They find our species unacceptable. The years and the light-years go by without relief. The colony begins to splinter. Some accept that their voyage is eternal, while others seek to end it any way they can. The colony’s culture grows darker, and a war begins, both inside and outside the vast ship. What lives among the stars we see at night? Can we reach out to them and survive? Find out in BLACK PHOENIX, a story of exploration, colonization, alien contact and civil war by Wayne Wightman and B. V. Larson, bestselling SF authors with over three million copies sold.

    Every season performers for these acts are chosen from the young men and women in each town, trained, and sent to perform in a live grand performance, performed literally to the death. Two performers from Sea Cliff, a beach town at the outskirts of The Center find themselves chosen to be in this Summer's Circus Act. Both must win at any cost, but could they ignore their feelings for each other? Leela Sinclair needs to win in order to get to The Center where she can get medical help from the best physicians for her ailing mother, plague with a condition no one have heard of. For Zachary Nile, his reasons for becoming a performer at the Circus is more mysterious. Only the ringmaster and the Circus of Curiosities owner Dex Hightower (Dr. Dex) knows what the touring Circus is really about amidst the magic and splendor. Despite the Great War and the poverty surrounding the land except for the towns fortunate enough to be near the Center, Dr. Dex and the Circus performers all know, "The show must go on."

    Daniel Westford needed a place where he could become invisible far away from his native Oregon and he found it in Grindrod amongst the farms, cattle and timber. For six years he stayed under the radar, working hard to build a life while keeping everyone at arm’s length, including his lover, Border Patrol officer Layla Stormcloud. It was one their weekends together, a clear night with a million stars and everything was right with the world. Crickets sang and a shooting star flew across the heavens. It’s just as well they only watched it and didn’t make a wish because this shooting star changed course and plummeted to the earth. The revelations awaiting them at the crash site will change everything. Heavily guarded secrets of both the man and the universe will be compromised and Daniel’s determination to keep his distance from everyone and everything in his life will be tested. He has the ability to save the town from destruction, but doing so will expose the secret he’s worked so hard to keep, and compromise a relationship that means much more to him than he is willing to admit.

    

    But with her job as an activity director at a North Carolina mountain resort on shaky ground and her penchant for choosing all the wrong men, Mara's not scoring high in the pursuit of either security or happiness.Alex Price is on the rebound from a broken engagement. Who would have guessed his social-climbing fiancee would drop him, a successful lawyer with his own practice--okay, a successful practice with his two overbearing older brothers--for a back-to-nature forest ranger?When these childhood adversaries meet on the "honeymoon" cruise Alex is now taking alone, they make a pact to help each other ward off unwanted attention from fellow shipmates--a pact that sends them sailing into uncharted waters.

    One of the top neurosurgeons in the country. An exemplary doctor and a loner by nature. His heart was well and truly locked away behind the walls as thick as the Fort Knox. Only the man who raised him as his own knew the reason behind his life’s choices. Having been a victim of horrifying child abuse and having watched his mother bludgeoned to death by his own father, he vowed to himself that the circle of violence would end with him. Your genetics load the gun. Your lifestyle pulls the trigger. – Mehmet Oz He was a loaded gun. And he was determined that there would be no victims like his mother. Or himself. One fine day in walked Saanvi Grover. The vivacious intern who was fifteen years his junior, did the impossible. She infiltrated through the tight secure walls and reached his heart with astounding ease. He fought, he dodged but he was no match to her unconditional love and unwavering faith. Too tempted and too weak to resist, he made her his under the condition that they would have no children, natural or adopted, of their own. But fate apparently had other plans. What would he do? Leave his pregnant wife because he had vowed to protect her and the baby from himself? Or prove that love was stronger than DNA?

    Though competing against one another for the flying assignments of their dreams, like the fearsome F-15 and F-16 fighters, a good mission sometimes takes a backseat to a good party or punch line in this classroom of cut-ups. The high stakes, however, loom over Lt. Wright. In a program where one out of three students fails, not everybody who starts UPT will finish it. And not everybody who does finish will get a desirable flying assignment. Some won’t even escape the Columbus Air Force Base. Will Lt. Wright get his dream assignment flying a C-141 cargo plane based out of beachside Charleston, South Carolina? Or be forced to perpetuate the If you ain’t a pilot… system as the dreaded FAIP (First Assignment Instructor Pilot) in Columbus, Mississippi? Though a military memoir, IF YOU AIN’T A PILOT… is a story of youthful innocence, a happy tale of the best of friends. Beneath the story’s surface layer of how an Air Force officer’s aeronautical rating determines his worth, similar thematic layers unfold around gender, race, and other ways people define each other. At its core, this story is about people, our relationships, and how we choose to treat each other. While 30 years have passed since the memoir’s events—and our aircraft, our enemy, and our pop-culture ties have changed—we still struggle with our differences. IF YOU AIN’T A PILOT taps into the mystic of Top Gun, the satirical wryness of Candide and Catch-22, and the allure of the air-travel genre captured by Mark Vanhoenacker’s recent Skyfaring: A Journey with a Pilot (2015), Tom Wolfe’s The Right Stuff, and James Salter’s The Hunters. Set at the end of the Cold War in the heart of Dixie, IF YOU AIN’T A PILOT…crosses Top Gun adrenaline with Pee-Wee’s Playhouse antics at a flight training base where Air Force idealism collides with Deep South heritage. Complete at 142,000 words, this comedic memoir written for a general audience charts the year when a newly commissioned officer is challenged not only by flight school but also by the Air Force dictum If you ain’t a pilot, you ain’t $#!+. That said, the primary mission for IF YOU AIN’T A PILOT...is to make readers laugh. While the story is written for a non-military audience, military pilots, civilian pilots, and any person who ever dreamed about flying as a kid will love IF YOU AIN’T A PILOT….

    Abandoned by the boy she loved, and cast off by her jealous stepbrother, she had little preparation for the shocking events of her banishment. But Cecily rallied to survive danger and tragedy, and made a new life for herself in a seaside village far from home. Now the widow, Mrs. Dove, she earns her living as companion to the invalid daughter of local gentry. One morning, a familiar figure rides into her sanctuary, and Cecily's peaceful life is over.

    It got a karaoke DJ.Leo MacGavin is not the brightest specimen of humanity. But when he inadvertently rescues a flirty alien heiress, he’s promoted from second-rate lounge entertainer to captain of the galaxy’s most sophisticated cruise ship.Before he can flee in terror, a human-hating executive gives Leo an ultimatum—complete the vessel’s maiden voyage or mankind’s last colony will be turned into a sewage dump. To make matters worse, a militant cyborg is undermining his authority, a giant spider is terrifying the passengers, and a sentient plant keeps stealing all the beer.If Leo ever wants to see his home again, he’ll have to keep the guests happy through seven days of onboard antics and madcap shore excursions. As strange malfunctions tear the ship apart, can he hold his rag-tag crew together, or will he flush the last bastion of humanity down the crapper?

    How will he handle it? Steve is a little new to this diary writing stuff but he thought he’d give it a try. His sister gave him the diary because, in her words, “…you don’t have any friends and diaries can be your best friend.” But Steve is a nice guy with a good personality, why doesn’t he have any friends? The truth is that he has a problem … He Farts He farts often and loudly. This diary is a compilation of his attempts to get through the day and find a friend. Will he be successful? Get this book now and find out! ACT NOW! Click the orange BUY button at the top of this page! Then, you can immediately begin reading Diary Of A Farting Kid – A Parody In Cartoons on your Kindle device, computer, tablet or smartphone.

    Great for little children” – J Moffat “Such a good book and perfect for kids aged 5-16” – K Bowey “Very clever jokes. I appreciate clean humor! I think the artwork is awesome!” –Mommy “Jokes like this are great for developing a kid's funny bone. More than that, though, they are excellent for developing reading and English language skills. This is a Kindle ebook that a child will enjoy reading through alone again and again, even when a parent has grown weary of it.” –L Spring From #1 Amazon Bestselling Children’s Author and Illustrator Riley Weber! This is a one-of-a-kind jokes book for kids, featuring 50 pages filled with funny, short, and clean jokes for kids. Each joke features 2 full page illustrations -one for the joke, and one for the punch line. This way, kids can guess the punch line to the joke, before seeing (and hearing the answer). Each joke features a child telling the joke as well as the punchline. This way, kids can read the book on their own and hear the jokes as they look at the pictures. Telling a good joke is like have a great gift in your pocket. Jokes make people laugh and set them at ease. ”This book made me laugh out loud” – Amazon Customer Review Preachers, motivational speakers, and salesmen are usually good joke tellers. Kids can practice their joke telling skills as they learn the jokes in this book. Read and learn these funny jokes in this hilarious book for kids of all ages…featuring over 50 illustrations. Your children will love this one!

    Schulz with brand-new adventures from an all-star lineup of writers and artists, and classic strips by Schulz himself. Featuring Charlie Brown and the whole Peanuts gang, this timeless collection of humor and imagination is sure to help you finally kick that football or take to the skies and defeat the Red Baron once and for all. Collects PEANUTS #9-12.

    His beautiful wife greets him poolside every night with a drink and a sexy smile. Hes got it made. The alien landing changes everything. Suddenly, the company is worthless, and the lovely wife has become the lovely ex-wife, taking every single penny of liquid assets with her. His only hope to reclaim his life is to rebuild his connections with a strange science fiction writer whom the aliens seem to like and to find a product the aliens will buy.