3k words, 6 color illustrations, perfect for emergent readers!

    What Michael doesn’t expect, is to be put in charge of a group of offenders and sent to a remote location in the Sierra Nevada Mountains in Spain to teach them survival skills as part of their rehabilitation programme. But Michael knows nothing at all about survival skills. He was sort of in the SAS, yes, but his shining record on the “Escape and Evasion” courses was more a testament to his computer skills than his ability to catch wildlife and barbecue it over an impromptu fire. Basically, he was the SAS’s techy nerd and only achieved that position as a result of a bet with a fellow hacker. Facing a stark choice between starvation or returning home to serve out their sentences, the group of offenders under Michael’s supervision soon realise that the only way to survive is to use their own unique set of skills – the kind of skills that got them arrested in the first place.

    

    i really mean it! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED AND BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK: SCOTTISH, WELSH, NORTHERN IRISH, IRISH CATHOLICS, COCKNEYS, CHAVS, UPPER CLASS ENGLISH TWATS, RELIGIOUS CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, HOMOSEXUALS, RESIDENTS OF WATFORD, THE ACTOR ROBERT CARLYLE, THE WORKING CLASSES, THE UNEMPLOYED PUB GOING DOLE SCROUNGERS, THE AUTHOR'S FRIEND DANIEL SKELTON, REPUBLICAN AMERICANS, SOUTHERN STATES AMERICANS, CHRISTIAN MIDWEST AMERICANS WITH TRADITIONAL VALUES, ANY AMERICAN, TRANSVESTITES, SUPPORTERS OF THE ENGLAND FOOTBALL SQUAD, IRANIANS, EX PRESIDENT OF IRAN MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, SYRIANS, BASHAR AL ASSAD, WAYNE ROONEY, BELGIUMS, AGATHA CHRISTIE, THE FRENCH, YAHOO MESSAGE BOARD COMMENTATORS, SOUTH AMERICAN CRIME CARTELS, PRIESTS AND REVERENDS, THE WRITER OF THIS BOOK, PALESTINIANS, ARABS IN GENERAL, OLD YIDDISH MEN, THE FICTIONAL OLLAWONGA TRIBE OF DARKEST AFRICA, THE WRITER AND READERS OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, THE CHINESE AND TONY BLAIR. IF YOU BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS WHO HAVE HAD A MORE THAN CAMEO MENTION/APPEARANCE IN THE NOVEL, PLEASE READ THE BOOK WITHOUT FEAR OF OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPING: ITALIANS. If you have got this far, then allow me to enlighten you about a secret so great that the general public has no idea about but every government in the world knows and they are involved in a consistent cover up to keep the horrors from you.. What are the Ethereals? Some say they are the personifications of iconic and stereotypical energies given life by our collective beliefs and imagination. Others say they started as humans and evolved for much the same reasons given above. Both viewpoints have a basis in truth. A decade ago one of the most fearsome of these beings 'The Englishman,' was banished from our plane of existence by a weeping Tony Blair who cut the throat of a small child in a necromantic energy ritual to do so. With such a price paid, the question has to be asked ... just how serious a threat has arisen from the Ethereal world that the British government's only option is to bring back the Englishman to save us!!!! Set in 2012 in the lead up to the US election ... welcome to the twisted world of Mad Dog and The Englishman. WARNING: The following piece of hack work contains levels of swearing, depraved activity and violent situations sufficient enough to have Jihadi John puking up his guts.

    This book was brought to you by the one and only - THE CLOWN FACTORY.

    

     Join Cooper and the rest of the C&C gang as they fight tyranny the best way they know how... by being assholes. The author's share of royalties from sales of this title are donated monthly to the ACLU. Join me in pissing in the face of tyranny.

    He's about to start his first day at middle school. Little does he know that he's about to get an education at the school of hard knocks, too. Pensive, reserved Lewis is not enthused when his human classmates treat him like an outcast for being half zombie. Good thing he has his loyal friend Sebastian in tow.Sebastian does his best to stick up for his buddy, but to the two friends' dismay, the human children just won't warm up to Lewis. That is, until the day the children are ushered out of the school and informed by the principal that a legion of zombies is living in the basement! After careful consideration, the school turns to Lewis to negotiate with the zombies, hoping he can persuade them to leave. Suddenly, everything is in young Lewis' hands. How will the zombies react to a half human zombie? What do they want with the school? You'll have to read Basement Blast to find out!Hilariously uplifting, and subtly sweet, this book will have your child smiling ear to ear as he cheers on the hero. The underlying lesson about the Golden Rule comes right in time for the holidays, when we all try to be better people.Disclaimer: This book is a work of fanfiction; it is not an official Minecraft book. It is not endorsed, authorized, licensed, sponsored, or supported by Mojang AB, Microsoft Corp. or any other entity owning or controlling rights to the Minecraft name, trademarks or copyrights.

    

    Good for readers in grades 1-3. Tyler has a monster called Eddie! He is a perfect monster at home- he is well mannered, helps Tyler practice his soccer skills and even cleans the house. But in public, it's a different matter! Eddie farts in public and doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. Not at all! Although Tyler pleads with him to stop, Eddie won't listen. It all ends in a way Tyler couldn't have imagined!

    Anastasia's tenth year has some good things, like falling in love and really getting to know her grandmother, and some bad things, like finding out about an impending baby brother.

    

    But watch your step -- and don't step in anything gross or smelly along the way!The Outernet is a web of intergalactic computer networks linked through Servers on different planets.As the series opens, we discover that the evil Tyrant and his henchmen (the FOES) are trying to take over the Outernet and use its powers to control the galaxy.Our heroes, including several not-so-lucky Earth kids, accidentally connect to the Outernet via a lost Server. They must work with the Friends of the Outernet to keep freedom and liberty in the Galaxy. They are assisted (and often hindered) by a hilarious dog and cat team who are disguised agents of the Friends and the FOES.

     Let’s celebrate the joy of liking and loving who you are! I LIKE ME AND I LOVE ME is a rhyming children’s picture book focused on encouraging self-like, self-love and acceptance. The book’s main character is quirky, confident, loving, and is inspiring with their self-confidence. They examine conventional and non-conventional ways of being proud and accepting of yourself shown through beautiful water-colour images, and engaging rhyming text.

    Will this be the end of the beloved six pirates or will the bickering buccaneers find their way to a new home?