This crafty revision of English vocabulary posits that Platypus should signify “to give your cat pigtails;” that Flemish should mean “rather like snot;” and that Celtic is in fact a prison for fleas. With nearly 600 new definitions, this side-splitting resource pushes the boundaries of the English language to riotous new limits.

    Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.

    Molly gives us his unforgettable encounters with The Beatles, Elton John, David Bowie, The Rolling Stones, Madonna, John Farnham, Bruce Springsteen, the Bee Gees, Rod Stewart, Russell Crowe, Oasis, Beyonce and Prince. As well as the tales that surround his other loves: the Australian cricket team, the St Kilda footy club and the Melbourne Storm."I have a lot of love for the great Ian 'Molly' Meldrum" - Shane WarneNo one has lived a life like Ian 'Molly' Meldrum. And no one can tell a story like Molly.

    This great beginner's guide also provides an easy introduction to reading and playing music - so whether you have no previous musical experience OR are simply new to the keyboard, this clear and concise guide will have you playing tunes on your new keyboard in no time ! For kids under the age of 10, you may prefer Ben's My First Keyboard book instead - created especially for the youngest beginner. Search under Ben Parker. * Easy to follow instructions and illustrations * Simple exercises to follow and practice * Learn at your own pace * Fun and easy songs, exercises and tunes to play * Simply follow the lessons in the book and you will be playing Keyboard in no time ! Ben Parker's best-selling range of beginner's music tuition books for adults and children include the 'How To Play'...and also the 'My First' series of books covering: Keyboard, Piano, Guitar, Ukulele, Banjo, Harmonica and Recorder.

    Over 200 Notated Audio Examples! + Professional Backing Tracks Guitarists are often very guilty of 'collecting' musical theory without taking the time to learn to apply the information on their instrument. 'Modern Music Theory for Guitarists' combines cutting edge, up to date musical information with over 200 exercises and examples to help you internalise and master the most important concepts in modern guitar playing. There are also bespoke, professional backing tracks from Guitar Techniques Magazine's Quist Know What's Important There are so many sources of information out there these days it's hard to know where to begin and what's important when it comes to applying music theory to the guitar. This book has been designed to take you on a journey from essential first principles through to complex, exciting musical ideas while all the time teaching you the musical application of each concept.  Essential Knowledge and Musical Skills The Complete Guide to Modern Music Theory begins with the formation of the Major scale and builds steadily from the concepts taught in the first few chapters to help you master, hear and apply all the essential theory used today. Topics Covered Theory topics covered include Major and Minor Scale Construction, Harmonisation and How to Name Chords Constructing Chord Progressions, Modulation and Chord Qualities Complete Study of Modes with real world examples. Modes deconstructed into Intervallic and Three and Four Note Soloing Approaches plus Pentatonic Substitutions A 'Cheat Sheet' of the most common soloing approaches to save you hours in the practice room Guitar Licks for each mode + Professional Backing Tracks Check Out 60+ Positive Reviews Below! "Joseph Alexander writes in a very clear and concise style that is easy to follow." - Just one of the many Amazon reviews Scroll Up to Buy it Now Buy now to begin your journey into musical understanding and practical, musical application.

    These workplace disasters bring out the voyeurism, Schadenfreude, and plain old warped sense of humor in all of us. And so . . . from my naïve colleague who called our CEO a dildo, to the employee caught on videotape licking door handles in the company parking garage, their stories must be told! “...the entertainment factor is consistent and the laughs should come easily for readers who fancy the awkwardness of workplace weirdness... Ideal for readers who need a refresher course on the consequences of impropriety.” - Kirkus Reviews

    A paperback guide to 100 of the funniest bad movies ever made, this book covers a wide range of hopeless Hollywood product, and also including rare Razzie ceremony photos and a complete history of everything ever nominated for Tinsel Town's Tackiest Trophy.

     It took college freshman Aaron Karo only one week to realize that college was a joke -- an especially funny one that he could share with his friends in a regular email newsletter about life on campus. By his senior year, Ruminations on College Life had become an international phenomenon. Now, for the first time in print, here is the best of the original ezine, previously unpublished material, and brand new introductions to each section by the author. Share in the absurdity and insanity of the college experience with Karo as you read his outrageous inside account of scheming students, crazy professors, confused parents, and rowdy frat boys. Perfect for anyone who is destined for college, currently surviving it, or already a veteran, this book is a cult classic readers can enjoy alone or read out loud at their next party for tons of laughs.

    The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    The second addition to the Clients From Hell series taps freelance veterans for even more material. Interviews, resources, and particularly poignant tales of client insanity are all included alongside the fan-favourite anecdotes of freelancing dysfunction.For the first time, Clients From Hell takes a step back from finger-pointing and clever name-calling to inform the audience of how to make it as a creative professional. Step one: buy this book. Step two: take heed of these cautionary tales. Step three: we haven't thought of a step three yet. We'll worry about that when revisions come around.Anyone who has ever worked with clients may find these tales frighteningly familiar. New freelancers may think twice about their chosen profession - or at least find relief in the fact that they're not alone in absurd client interactions.And the rest of you? You can just laugh and enjoy your day job.

    To that end, Ebert and loyal fans have penned wit-filled terms to create a virtual lexicon of the inane in film.

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    Haven’t we all? It’s for this reason that I decided to write this book. What better way to break that silence than to throw out some of these facts: Wolves have a serious appetite! They can eat up to twenty pounds of meat in one sitting! The first high heeled shoes were worn by Egyptian butchers to help them walk above the bloodied bodies of animal carcasses. The vintage date on a bottle of wine indicates the year the grapes were harvested, not the year of bottling Your mouth produces about one liter of saliva each day. Greece has more archaeological museums than any other country in the world. Whatever your motivation may be, there’s a really good chance you’ll find these facts and tidbits useful. So if you’re ready, here are 1,000 random facts that everyone should know !

    Pick up a copy today and find out what makes Pinoys stand out in a crowd!

    What do Postman Pat, Tommy Cooper, Norman Wisdom and George Best have in common with being abandoned in a Costa Rican jungle after a severe bout of flatulence? Indeed, how are they also connected to trying to buy an Australian brewery just to get a beer, owning twenty-two cars, an American soccer team and a Swiss mail-order pornography company?The common feature is of course a certain Richard Wakeman.The Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star takes you, the privileged reader, on a trip of absurd excess, a cultural car crash of side-splitting hilarity and an unforgettable glimpse (again) into the life of one of Britain's most legendary showmen, rock stars and all-time great raconteurs.