I aimed to turn this proposition on its head, and instead of commenting on where and what people would ideally like to eat I would consider where and what they actually did: the ready meals, buffet snacks and - most importantly - fast food that millions of Britons chomp upon in the go-round of their often hurried and dyspeptic lives.'In this selection from his hilarious New Statesman Real Meals column, Will Self reviews the chains where most of us go to eat (KFC, Greggs, Yo! Sushi, Pizza Express and their like), delves into the ubiquitous Thai meal and chicken tikka masala, and experiences hotel breakfasts, frozen tv dinners and airline food on our behalf. These are restaurant reviews of the kind you've never read before.

    The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    are you the type of person who:- thinks books are quite good- has never held a book before and would like to try holding one for a day- is completely normal and just wants to look at something- is fed up- would rather be dead- is frightened of what tomorrow may bring- is curious- needs a bit of motivation- wants to feel more positive about your lifethen this is the book for youbecause the words and pictures inside of this book will instantly make you feel more positive about yourself even after just having a look at them for about a second or 3 secondswhat happens to your body when you have no motivation:when you have no motivation it is like a wall of sadness has been built up inside of yourself and it is this wall that stops all of the happy things in the world from getting inside of your body so take my book and use it to break down the wall of sadness brick by brick so that happiness can climb back inside of your body and live there for the rest of your dayslove from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

    The Ross Guide to South Dublin contains all you need to know about this extraordinary region, where it'll be soon be too expensive for anyone to live.

    The best stories are often about the lowest points in our lives - the soul-crushing jobs, the bad boyfriends, the terrible holidays, the betrayals and heartbreaks. These are the stories I tell people to make them like me, but, more importantly, they've helped me learn how to like myself.So this book is a collection of thankyous and acknowledgments:∗ Thank you to an ex-lover who marvelled at the fact he could get hard with me, even though I wasn't up to his usual standard.∗ Thank you to the coked-up real estate agent who, while lecturing me and my friend about the importance of travelling, fell down a flight of stairs.∗ Thank you to the woman who approached me after a gig and told me she hoped her daughter wouldn't end up like me.You've all taught me that you can't control who comes into your life or what happens to you, but you can decide just what it is you take from them.

    ever wanted to quit your job...?‘I’d Sooner Starve’ is the amazing true story of one man's quest to escape his monotonous nine-to-five existence and open a charming delicatessen and restaurant in a delightful market town.With honesty, humour and breathtaking naïveté, it records his steep learning curve, radical lifestyle change and the immediate revelation that the customer is not always right!Amidst tales of bulimia, public menstruation, endless abuse and hilarious customer encounters, this eye-opening story unveils what happens after you walk into the boss and say: “I quit!”‘I’d Sooner Starve’ is a shockingly comical tale of culinary highs, customer lows and one woman's unhealthy fixation with thigh-warmed Stilton…‘An absolute hoot!’ ~ Anonymous celebrity chef‘This hits the nail on the head so much I can't believe it! So much so, I can't possibly put my name to it!’~ UK chef‘I am delighted that Mark has written this book. Maybe now people will believe me when I tell them the stories!’ ~ Matt, co-ownerI'd Sooner Starve - the book the celebrity chefs were too afraid to endorse!

    Combining his trademark humor with an acute eye for the ridiculous, Mark admits his part in bands like The Berlin Airlift, the life-changing punk revolution in Bob Sleigh and The Crestas, and even a flirtation with thirty-something pub rock. Interwoven with the musical disasters is the appealing rites-of-passage story of a middle-class grammar school boy who finally leaves Bolton for university. Splattered with memorable episodes and Viz-like characters, Showbusiness retraces the steps that should have led Mark to headlining Wembley Arena, but which took him to Radio 1 instead.

    Pick up a copy today and find out what makes Pinoys stand out in a crowd!

    “Just when we thought the lawlessness in Iraq was over,” O’Farrell observes, “even more blatant incidents of looting have begun. With handkerchiefs masking their faces, two rioters roughly the height of George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld kicked in the gates of the largest oilfield and grabbed the keys of the gasoline trucks. ‘Yee-haw! It’s all ours! Millions of barrels of the stuff’ they laughed. ‘Yup!’ added the leader ‘ and this mask guarantees my anonymousinity!’ So after all these years there really is such a person as the Thief of Baghdad. Except strangely his accent sounded vaguely Texan.”A writer for the groundbreaking television show Spitting Image and contributor to the screenplay for the hit movie Chicken Run, O’Farrell meticulously researched his conclusions “by spending five minutes on the internet and then giving up.” And while O’Farrell’s sharpest barbs and stingers have often been written to come out of the mouths of grotesque puppets and Claymation chickens, this time around he keeps the best lines for himself: ‘‘With the election of the 43rd President of the United States, the global village is complete,” O’Farrell writes. “’It has its own global village idiot.’”

    Her honest, hilarious and moving account of the whys and hows of having a baby makes perfect reading for expectant mothers and fathers everywhere, as well as those who've been there, done that, and wonder how on earth they did.In this very funny book she writes candidly about her own personal experience exploring the decision to have a baby when she doesn't even like them, the importance of cheese during pregnancy, why she took hair straighteners to the labour ward, plus the apocalyptic newborn days, childcare, work and the inevitable impact on life and love and most importantly, her breasts.

    Well, regions of the world were competing to host the apocalypse and the Middle East won.’Online sensation Karl reMarks disagreed with the idea that reality had become too strange to satirise. Then he read that bin Laden was radicalised by Shakespeare. Since then, Karl has been bringing the best of the Middle East news and views to his followers around the world.Now Karl’s wildly wry observations and sketches are available in one handy collection. With sections on ‘Geography for Dummies’, ‘Democracy for Realists’ and ‘Extremism: A Study’, alongside the best of Karl reMarks’s infamous ‘Bar Jokes’, this hilarious book proudly presents views you’re guaranteed not to hear on the news …We’re actually very proud of God in the Middle East. He’s the local guy who went on to acquire international fame.Wahahahahabism: A fundamentalist Middle Eastern comedy movement.Twelve people just started to follow me. Jesus.

    But with the invention of Twitter, James found his real voice, and with it, the chance to reply with a simple 'up yours'. Now the King of Twitter has ascended to the heady heights of occasionally 'winning the internet'.Selected and introduced by James himself, this is a year in the life of the world's most reluctant social media sensation. Now learn for yourself how to be a complete and utter Blunt . . .

    Now with twice the number of stories of stupidity coming to the hospital, emergency room and operating room. DR Payne has been taking care of patients for over 18 years in places from Alaska to the American South and she has seen her share of Stupid. Feel a little less stupid today after you read this book. Sections include: Stupid in Action Stupid in Word Stupid in Thought Stupid Baby Names Notable Tattoos A Final Thought

    Toddler - the story of what happens when your little one is transformed from an innocent bundle of joy into a creature that walks, talks... and craps in a plastic bucket in the middle of your living room.Man vs Toddler exposes the lie that, that when it comes to parenting 'it gets easier'. But it is just as honest, foul-mouthed and heart-warming as Matt's first book, and will have you laughing and crying with recognition as he shares his observations and advice on everything from tantrums to the horrors of soft-play.

    As she herself puts it: 'I have spent many an evening over the past year absolutely howling with laughter at all the comments and messages received via my blog and social media pages. The Facebook page, in particular, has become a place for mums and dads to share their hilarious stories about the reality of life with children. I was confident that there would be further undiscovered gems out there - hysterical things that children have said, embarrassing things that they have done - so I invited my followers to send their own tales to me. This is a collection of the best of those stories - enjoy!'This free ebook collection is released to celebrate publication of The Unmumsy Mum's book on 11th February 2016 and includes an exclusive preview of The Unmumsy Mum.