There's the pure and bounteous joy of the nail varnish museum. Not to mention the very best lies to tell if you find yourself on an Arctic cruise. She has words of advice for those fast approaching fifty. And she's here to tell you the secret secret truth about writers - well, this one anyway.You'll be wincing in recognition and scratching your head in incredulity, but like Marian herself you won't be able to stop laughing at the sheer delightful absurdity that is modern life - because each and every one of us is clearly making it up as we go along.

    This is an adventure story about a voyage from one life chapter to another that involves a too-big sailboat, a narrow and unknown sea, and an appetite to witness a mythical blonde bear that inhabits a remote rainforest.Kim Brown Seely and her husband had been damn good parents for more than 20 years. That was coming to an end as their youngest son was about to move across the country. The economy was in freefall and their jobs stagnant, so they impulsively decided to buy a big broken sailboat, learn how to sail it, and head up through the Salish Sea and the Inside Passage to an expanse of untamed wilderness in search of the elusive blonde Kermode bear that only lives in a secluded Northwest forest. Theirs was a voyage of discovery into who they were as individuals and as a couple at an axial moment in their lives. Wise and lyrical, this heartfelt memoir unfolds amid the stunningly wild archipelago on the far edge of the continent.

    It didn't matter that Jeff Gordon hailed from California -- hardly a fountain of stockcar pedigree -- or that they said he was too small to race with the big boys on the dirt tracks and ovals of his youth. It didn't matter that Dale Earnhardt called this upstart "Wonderboy" -- no one raced the legendary Earnhardt harder, and no two drivers had more respect for each other. And it didn't matter that the racing world said Gordon was finished with the breakup of the crew on the #24 car and the departure of Ray Evernham, his crew chief, in 1999 -- he came back two seasons later to win a record-equaling fourth Winston Cup, this time with Robbie Loomis as crew chief. In the end, all that matters is that Jeff Gordon is the greatest living NASCAR champion, and it only remains to be seen just how many championships he can win.But what's it really like to climb into a stockcar every weekend and challenge for a championship? Offering a never-before-seen entry into the thrilling world of NASCAR racing, Jeff Gordon takes us into the cockpit of the #24 DuPont Chevrolet car; right into the garages where his cars are made; and inside the lives and efforts of his extraordinary team, the Rainbow Warriors. Just how does his car get built, tested, and driven, and how do these personalities mesh into a championship team? Along the way we find out what he thinks of life as both a NASCAR champion and a never-left-alone celebrity, where he came from and to whom he owes all his successes, and above all, what it takes to be a champion in one of the most dangerous and thrilling sportsof all."Jeff Gordon: Racing Back to the Front" -- My Memoir is a pit pass all its own, giving passionate NASCAR fans unique access into the life and career of one of the most storied champions in the sport.

    "This isn't strictly speaking an instructional manual, but a work of comedic philosophy."Elvis Costello—songwriter, singer, author, and Fender Jazzmaster known to his admirers as "The Little Hands of Concrete"—spins his tale with wit, grit, and spit to spare.How to Play the Guitar and Y, Costello’s new entry into Audible’s Words + Music series, combines recitation, impersonation, and musical illustration to show you how to turn a three-chord trick into a four-chord caper and let your curiosity take you where it will.Part madcap musical method, part comic chronicle, How to Play the Guitar and Y is accompanied by the author throughout on a number of different instruments with his 10 wandering fingers.So gather round your favorite listening device to hear a storyteller and musician at his most captivating as he reminds you not to be afraid to fail and to never forget to play.

    

    

    Not ready to settle down and in need of an escape from her fast-paced job as a sitcom writer, Kristin instead traveled the world, often alone, for several weeks each year. In addition to falling madly in love with the planet, Kristin fell for many attractive locals, men who could provide the emotional connection she wanted without costing her the freedom she desperately needed. Kristin introduces readers to the Israeli bartenders, Finnish poker players, sexy Bedouins, and Argentinean priests who helped her transform into "Kristin-Adjacent" on the road–a slower, softer, and, yes, sluttier version of herself at home.

    Two loving parents, a beautiful home, and grandparents that doted on her. Life was a dream until the day that changed everything. Sparrow's perfect life was ripped away at age three in one tragic moment that would forever change her. Follow her on her journey as she tells the story of her traumatic childhood and how she fought hard to stay strong despite her circumstances. In Riding Standing Up, Spaulding’s compelling storytelling will have you on the edge of your seat. Get ready to laugh out loud and cry more tears than you’d like as you follow her on her journey to empowerment, never knowing what’s around the corner. Brutally honest, truth-teller Sparrow Spaulding has been an unsung antiheroine…until now. She shows us we don’t have to be perfect to be worthy and that there’s power in being real.

    As small children, they watched their grandfather become president; just twelve years later they stood by their father's side when he took the same oath. They spent their college years being trailed by the Secret Service and chased by the paparazzi, with every teenage mistake making national headlines. But the tabloids didn't tell the whole story of these two young women forging their own identities under extraordinary circumstances. In this book they take readers on a revealing, thoughtful, and deeply personal tour behind the scenes of their lives, with never-before-told stories about their family, their adventures, their loves and losses, and the special sisterly bond that fulfills them.

    Until she stumbled on an alternate universe where taste reigned supreme, a world in which people could, after a single sip of wine, identify the grape it was made from, in what year, and where it was produced down to the exact location, within acres. Where she tasted wine, these people detected not only complex flavor profiles, but entire histories and geographies. Astounded by their fanatical dedication and seemingly superhuman sensory powers, Bosker abandoned her screen-centric life and set out to discover what drove their obsession, and whether she, too, could become a cork dork.Thus begins a year and a half long adventure that takes the reader inside elite tasting groups, exclusive New York City restaurants, a California winery that manipulates the flavor of its bottles with ingredients like Mega Purple, and even a neuroscientist's fMRI machine as Bosker attempts to answer the most nagging question of all: what's the big deal about wine? Funny, counter intuitive, and compulsively readable, Cork Dork illuminates not only the complex web of wine production and consumption, but how tasting better can change our brains and help us live better.

    Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever.On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure.The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride.Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, UGANDA BE KIDDING ME has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.

    Jacob Tomsky never intended to go into the hotel business. As a new college graduate, armed only with a philosophy degree and a singular lack of career direction, he became a valet parker for a large luxury hotel in New Orleans. Yet, rising fast through the ranks, he ended up working in “hospitality” for more than a decade, doing everything from supervising the housekeeping department to manning the front desk at an upscale Manhattan hotel. He’s checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room-service meals, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late checkout, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&M's out of your minibar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. In Heads in Beds he pulls back the curtain to expose the crazy and compelling reality of a multi-billion-dollar industry we think we know. Heads in Beds is a funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life, told by a keenly observant insider who’s seen it all. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on in the valet parking garage, the housekeeping department’s dirty little secrets—not to mention the shameless activities of the guests, who are rarely on their best behavior. Prepare to be moved, too, by his candor about what it’s like to toil in a highly demanding service industry at the luxury level, where people expect to get what they pay for (and often a whole lot more). Employees are poorly paid and frequently abused by coworkers and guests alike, and maintaining a semblance of sanity is a daily challenge.Along his journey Tomsky also reveals the secrets of the industry, offering easy ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle. This book (and a timely proffered twenty-dollar bill) will help you score late checkouts and upgrades, get free stuff galore, and make that pay-per-view charge magically disappear. Thanks to him you’ll know how to get the very best service from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, you will keep the bellmen from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and bashing it against the wall repeatedly.

    THIS is Africa is a compilation of stories that defines the maxim "Truth is sometimes stranger, and more wondrous than fiction." From a place known for its continent-wide diversity, notorious for its dramatic turbulence, and beloved for its animals and untamed wildness, Mat Dry, brings his incredible true tales of living and working in Africa as a Safari Guide.

    The best stories are often about the lowest points in our lives - the soul-crushing jobs, the bad boyfriends, the terrible holidays, the betrayals and heartbreaks. These are the stories I tell people to make them like me, but, more importantly, they've helped me learn how to like myself.So this book is a collection of thankyous and acknowledgments:∗ Thank you to an ex-lover who marvelled at the fact he could get hard with me, even though I wasn't up to his usual standard.∗ Thank you to the coked-up real estate agent who, while lecturing me and my friend about the importance of travelling, fell down a flight of stairs.∗ Thank you to the woman who approached me after a gig and told me she hoped her daughter wouldn't end up like me.You've all taught me that you can't control who comes into your life or what happens to you, but you can decide just what it is you take from them.

    But her diplomatic skills were to prove invaluable in her new career. Secrets of a Pet Nanny is a fabulous and very funny collection of tales about the dogs she has looked after, from pedigree puppies to rare Tibetan terriers. Riley is a true dog devotee, but that does not prevent her casting a caustic eye across her charges—and their devoted owners. Part dog memoir, part outsider’s perspective on the eternal relationship between dog-owners and their beloved canines, this is sure to appeal to animal-lovers of all stripes.