They're so ridiculous you may think they're fiction. Like the time I went to a drive-in X-rated movie without realizing my parents were in the next car. Or the time I let my kid throw a rock through our living room window. There's the time I bought a camouflage thong in a bait shop and the time I ruined a kid's birthday party. And the other time I ruined a kid's birthday party. I can't guarantee that these stories will make you laugh, but I can guarantee that I didn't make them up.

    It’s not a grab-the-lapel-with-your-left-hand kind of book. There are no techniques in it; it’s not an instructional text. Those books already exist, and some of the most brilliant masters of jiu-jitsu have written them. This is a book about the everyday jiu-jitsu, the lessons that we learn on and off the mat, lessons we absorb from not only our professors, but also our peers, lessons about BJJ and life.Section Titles include:Alligator Arms Cooking Your Opponent: A Recipe for Meathead Soup Jiu-Jitsu as Mistress If the Bone is Poking Through the Skin, it’s Broken Wipe your Bum Technique: The Great EqualizerAn Expensive Gi will not Improve your Jiu-Jitsu There is no Dim Mak Technique Freaks+23,000 words

    Build hands-on expertise through a series of lessons, exercises, and suggested practices—and help maximize your performance on the job.Provides in-depth, hands-on training you take at your own pace Focuses on job-role-specific expertise for using HTML5, JavaScript, and CSS3 to begin building modern web and Windows 8 apps Features pragmatic lessons, exercises, and practices Creates a foundation of skills which, along with on-the-job experience, can be measured by Microsoft Certification exams such as 70-480 Coverage includes: creating HTML5 documents; implementing styles with CSS3; JavaScript in depth; using Microsoft developer tools; AJAX; multimedia support; drawing with Canvas and SVG; drag and drop functionality; location-aware apps; web storage; offline apps; writing your first simple Windows 8 apps; and other key topics

    100 complete coverage of all official objectives for Exams EX200 and EX300 Exam Readiness Checklist-youre ready for the exam when all objectives on the list are checked off Inside the Exam sections in every chapter highlight key exam topics covered Two-Minute Drills for quick review 100 lab questions-two full lab-based RHCSA exams and two full lab-based RHCE exams-match the format, tone, topics, and difficulty of the real exam Covers all the exam topics, including Virtual Machines and Automated Installations Fundamental Command Line Skills RHCSA-Level Security Options The Boot Process Linux Filesystem Administration Package Management User Administration RHCSA-Level System Administration RHCE Security System Services and SELinux RHCE Administration Mail Servers Samba File Sharing DNS, FTP, and Logging CD-ROM includes Complete lab-based exam preparation, featuring Two full RHCSA practice exams Two full RHCE practice exams Lab-based chapter self tests In-depth answer explanations for all labs RHCSA and RHCE Glossary PDF copy of the book for studying on the go Michael Jang, RHCE, LPIC-2, UCP, LCP, MCP, is the author of three previous bestselling editions of RHCE Red Hat Certified Engineer Linux Study Guide and several other books on Linux and professional certification.

    Here, word for word is that amazing speech to inspire you to find what it is that you "Love".

    Constable Wood was a disaster waiting to happen. He was the sort of cop who was happier helping little old ladies across the street (even when they were quite content where they were) than pursuing the perpetrators of dreadful deeds. But if he failed to strike fear into the hearts of the criminal underworld, his superiors had a real problem on their hands. Never before had they been forced to deal with such a well-meaning but accident-prone officer and they hoped, fervently, never to see his like again. From his early encounters with a less-than-impressed public, through the terrifying days of the Springbok Tour riots, to the gradual realisation that perhaps he wasn’t cut out for life on the beat, this is the hilarious story of a young cop who created a severe disturbance in the force.

    When a mysterious phantom enters his life, he sets himself on a quest to discover the true meaning of lummoxness, and what he learns along the way is both shocking and hilarious.Written with honesty and selfeffacing wry humor, Lummox is an exceptional story of manhood at a time of its redefinition, a book that will leave you laughing out loud in recognition and cheering for lummoxes everywhere.

    Another super collection of naughty and not-so-naughty jokes, humorous anecdotes, comic interludes, hilarious situations and bitchy remarks, selected by Khushwant Singh from amongst the thousands contributed by his readers and fans - and some manufactured by him.

    You will probably wish you still didn’t.YouTube sensation Stuart Ashen is back with his second instalment of terrible old computer games you’ve probably never heard of... because what the world needs right now is to know exactly how bad Domain of the Undead for the Atari 8-bit computers was.Attack of the Flickering Skeletons is even bigger than the original Terrible Old Games You’ve Probably Never Heard Of – this second excavation of gaming’s buried past will not only unearth more appalling excuses for digital entertainment, but also feature guest contributors and several special interest chapters not based around single specific games.These are NOT the games you’ve heard of a million times in YouTube videos. This is a compilation of truly obscure and dreadful games. Dripping with wry humour and featuring the best, worst graphics from the games themselves, this book encapsulates the atrocities produced in the days of tight budgets and low quality controls.These are even more appalling games that leaked from the industry’s tear ducts, taken down from the dusty shelves of history by the man who has somehow made a living by sticking rubbish on a sofa and talking about it.

    The book follows the author's death-defying 200-mile journey in his antique Thomas Crapper bath - not just across the Channel, but around Kent - right up to the tremendous reception and huge media attention which awaited him under Tower Bridge. Tim met the Queen, and his bath now resides in the National Maritime Museum of Great Britain.

    Iconoclast. Apostate. Drunk. Many words have been used to describe Doug Stanhope, but rarely has “hopeful” been one of them. However, heading into 2016, Stanhope peered through the apocalyptic fog and saw a forecast that was more rainbows than acid rain: His first book was set for release, his new stand-up special was in the can, and he was about to film a television pilot with his friend and confidant Johnny Depp. The sharks of Hollywood were circling, and Stanhope’s pockets were filled with chum. The only thing that could stop Doug was himself, and that’s exactly what he did.First came the booze, then came the pills, then came the stripper, and then, Doug came. A tryst aboard a cruise ship leaves him literally and figuratively adrift when his scorned wife, Bingo, reveals she is in love with another man: a jug-sippin’, guitar-pickin’ hobo. A simple, black-out fling turns out to be a pebble tossed into the lake of you-know-what named 2016, and in No Encore for the Donkey, Stanhope traces the resulting rings.Written and performed by Stanhope, his third memoir follows the veteran comedian on a quest to save his marriage, his wife, and eventually his wife’s life. Our hero's journey finds Stanhope cuddling with Johnny Depp in his Los Angeles mansion, receiving some much-needed TLC from Marilyn Manson, and - most daunting - building a new hour of comedy in the rusted-out hellscapes of post-industrial America.Equal parts love letter, road romp, and harrowing condemnation of the failures of America’s mental health care system, No Encore for the Donkey is a hilarious and heartbreaking account of a man balancing on the edge of damnation. With Bingo in a coma and Trump about to be elected, Stanhope sifts through the ruins of his own personal cataclysm in order to answer the big questions: What does it mean to love someone when you can’t love yourself? What is the point of success if you have no one to share it with? And is the end of the world BYOB?

    It covers the basic steps needed to create a vSphere HA and vSphere DRS cluster and to implement vSphere Storage DRS. Even more important, it explains the concepts and mechanisms behind HA, DRS and Storage DRS which will enable you to make well educated decisions. This book will take you in to the trenches of HA, DRS and Storage DRS and will give you the tools to understand and implement e.g. HA admission control policies, DRS resource pools, Datastore Clusters and resource allocation settings. On top of that each section contains basic design principles that can be used for designing, implementing or improving VMware infrastructures and fundamental supporting features like (Storage) vMotion, Storage I/O Control and much more are described in detail for the very first time. This book is also the ultimate guide to be prepared for any HA, DRS or Storage DRS related question or case study that might be presented during VMware VCDX, VCP and or VCAP exams.Coverage includes: HA node types HA isolation detection and response HA admission control VM Monitoring HA and DRS integration DRS imbalance algorithm Resource Pools Impact of reservations and limits CPU Resource Scheduling Memory Scheduler DPM Datastore Clusters Storage DRS algorithm Influencing SDRS recommendationsBe prepared to dive deep!

    Now, with his fiction inspiring devotees of the die around the world, Rhinehart has written The Book of the Die--a bible and manual for the dice life. Rhinehart asks: If you're bored, why not roll the dice and--whether it's a change of locale, wardrobe, or career--be liberated by chance? The Book of the Die is both an invaluable companion for anyone who has ever thought about letting chance call the shots and more than just amusing read for the curious.

    unsigned numbers- Floating point and fixed point arithmeticThis short, easily understood book will quickly get you thinking like a programmer.

    Not for the Wilcox family. To triumph, they must rebuild their boat on a remote Pacific island. Damage sustained on the reef and a lack of resources haunt them the rest of the way around the world as they face daunting obstacles, including wild weather, pirates, gun boats, mines and thieves, plus pesky bureaucrats and cockroaches as stubborn as the family. Without a working engine and no way to communicate with the outside world, they struggle to reach home before their broken rig comes crashing down and they run out of food in a trial that tests them to their limits.