I love my pencil!"—AMY SEDARIS"You may think that sharpening a pencil is easy, but David Rees makes it look hard, and that makes all the difference."—JOHN HODGMAN"Truly, my life before I was presented with correctly sharpened pencils by an artisan was a dull and ill-sharpened void. Learn from my mistakes."—NEIL GAIMANHave you got the right kind of point on your pencil? Do you know how to achieve the perfect point for the kind of work you need out of that pencil?Deep in New York’s Hudson River Valley, craftsman David Rees—the world’s number one #2 pencil sharpener—still practices the age-old art of manual pencil sharpening. In 2010, he began offering his artisanal service to the world, to the jubilation of artists, writers, draftsmen, and standardized test takers.Now, Rees presents a book that is both a manifesto and a fully-illustrated walk-through of the many, many, many ways to sharpen a pencil. Including chapters on equipment, current practice, and modern technologies, it also points at new trends in sharpening, including "Celebrity Impression Pencil Sharpening (CIPS)," a warning about the “Psychological Risks Associated with Pencil Sharpening,” and a survey of "Wines that tastes like pencils."As Rees implores: "Sharpening pencils should be an activity that enriches the senses."And if you think it’s a joke, why don’t you poke yourself with your newly sharpened pencil? Or better yet, don’t—because it’ll really hurt.

    Imagine The Preppy Handbook colliding with Charles Addams. Then add a lot more melancholy and a lot more spooky. What Is Goth? dispels the false stereotypes and reinforces the true ones surrounding Goths and Goth culture. "To the mundane," Voltaire writes, "Goths are weird, black-clad freaks who are obsessed with death; they are sad all of the time. Take a closer look at the Goth scene, however, and you will find a rich tapestry of ideas and practices and a menagerie of colorful characters. Oh, dear. I said 'colorful.'" Yes, Goths are pale, wear black clothing, love black makeup (on men and women), mope, listen to real downer music, and perfect the art of living in a perpetual state of ennui and melancholy. But there's so much more to being Goth. Goths come from all walks of life. Many are teenagers who live with their parents; others are doctors, lawyers, musicians, and so on. Most Goths are highly literate and creative, but all real Goths have to dress the part. In other words, "Abandon all hope ye who enter a Goth club in khakis " Eerily illustrated, What Is Goth? is the perfect book for any Goth, Goth wannabe, or "mundane" who is hopelessly confused by all the gloom.

    It explains all this and much more. It discloses the best time to have a sex change, how to have a virgin birth, when to seduce your sisters or eat your lover. Quirky and brilliant, it takes as its starting point all creatures great and small worried about their bizarre sex lives, and the letters they write to the wise Dr Tatiana, the only agony aunt in all creation with a prodigious knowledge of both natural history and evolutionary biology.

    With over 400 of the best jokes ever told, The Naked Jape is both a lesson in joke-making and a damn good laugh.

    An educational and humorous look at life, language and culture in Britain through the eyes of an American who lives in Scotland, sometimes against her will.

    He became charged with positive energy. Strange, interesting and beautiful people became his followers. He led them on mind-boggling adventures which gave them all happier, sexier, richer lives. His discovery can be yours, if you want it. It's all here, waiting for you between the covers.When people ask you if you've read this bookbe sure you can say, "Fuck, Yes!" "Of course!" Certainly

    Much more than just a style manual or crash course in social skills, How to Walk in High Heels also illuminates the finer points of achieving better homes and gardens, tackling technophobia, climbing the career ladder, and joining the jet set. From the practical, such as what to do when a heel breaks and how to catch a mouse, to the imaginative, such as how to enjoy karaoke and swim in sunglasses.

    Enroling herself at the Sorbonne, she meets the suave Patrick Dudoigt, but he’s the one temptation she MUST resist. Annabelle’s belief system is challenged on all fronts, and her naïveté is seen as gauche in the City of Love. Guilt and confusion make for dangerous bedfellows, and when her fellow university students enthusiastically combine reading and rioting, Annabelle can’t help but wonder if everyone’s gone mad—or is it just her? Annabelle Thong takes a hilarious look at the sparks that fly when East meets West, and the passions these ignite.

    No more romantic cul-de-sacs. No more saying "Yes" when you mean "No." Don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talkingabout.Your Inner Bitch, that integral, powerful part of you, is essential when you're falling in love, and even more essential when you're falling out of love. Looking for romance? Looking for a date? Looking for a relationship? Let your Inner Bitch be your guide."Remember, lust makes you stupid." --Nicole Hollander

    The second addition to the Clients From Hell series taps freelance veterans for even more material. Interviews, resources, and particularly poignant tales of client insanity are all included alongside the fan-favourite anecdotes of freelancing dysfunction.For the first time, Clients From Hell takes a step back from finger-pointing and clever name-calling to inform the audience of how to make it as a creative professional. Step one: buy this book. Step two: take heed of these cautionary tales. Step three: we haven't thought of a step three yet. We'll worry about that when revisions come around.Anyone who has ever worked with clients may find these tales frighteningly familiar. New freelancers may think twice about their chosen profession - or at least find relief in the fact that they're not alone in absurd client interactions.And the rest of you? You can just laugh and enjoy your day job.

    Coot cat Reverend Ivan Stang, high holy of the Church of the SubGenius, has compiled a bestiary of American creeps and crazies so that you can write to them and receive mail that is weird, horrible, wonderfully absurd, or a combination of all three. Each entry has a paragraph or two and the last known mailing address of some fringe loonies. The book is only current through 1988, though; the only thing wrong with it is that it's high time for an update--with URLs, of course. Let's see ... there are catalogs of perpetual motion machines; brochures from South American flying saucer cults; something called "The Battle Cry of Aggressive Christianity" (Christian, not likely--aggressive, you bet); and bizarre roundups such as "News of the Weird," the Church of Beaver Cleaver, and so on. What makes this book so funny is the author's willingness to list (and ridicule) any group, no matter how repulsive. This means, too, that High Weirdness contains a group to offend everyone; consider yourself warned. In fact, if you aren't offended by some of these groups, you must be pretty offensive yourself. So there.

    In her trademark bossy, witty, and authoritative way, Miss Manners gives advice that will make the big day more pleasant for one and all, including the bride. 15 line drawings.

    That is what troubles animal-phobic, robotics engineer Smith who just got married. He learns that his bride’s dream is to have a farm where there are lots of animals and she can rescue ex-race horses to retrain and find them new homes. But according to a Meyers-Briggs Personality Test that they took for fun, their marriage is doomed. There is only one problem: the newlyweds took the test after the wedding. Whether Smith is chasing a cow named Pork Chop through the woods with a rope, getting locked in a tack room by the family pony, being snubbed by his wife’s dog, or unsuccessfully trying to modernize their barn using the latest technology, the odds are stacked against him. It seems like everything with four legs is out to get him. Will the animals win, forcing Smith to admit defeat, or will he fight to keep his family and the farm together? Enjoy the true, warm, and frequently hilarious stories of Smith’s journey along the bumpy road from his urban robotics lab to a new life on a rural Virginia farm.

    In fact, Lance isn’t quite sure that can last the whole year before his shuttle pod arrives, but when a mysterious visitor appears at Lance’s terraforming station, he quickly realizes that he might not be so alone after all.Soon enough, Lance becomes close with this mysterious new astronaut, a velociraptor. Together, they form an unlikely duo, which quickly begins to cross the boundaries of friendship into something much, much more sensual.It’s not gay if it’s a man and a dinosaur, is it?This erotic tale—a 2016 Hugo Award nominee—is 4,100 words of sizzling human on gay dinosaur action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, and space raptor love.

    No agonizing choices between light reading and the serious stuff. This little volume has it all: Entertainment, humor, education, trivia, science, history, pop culture...and more! And it's even divided by length--you can spend a minute with the Quickies, relax with Normal-length articles, or really get comfortable with Long Items.With Uncle John's Bathroom reader strategically placed in your home, you'll settle in happily and read about:The Origin of Common Words and PhrasesThe Story behind "Louie, Louie"Deadly curses and Strange DeathsPolitics in The Wizard of OzThe origin of Silly PuttyElvis's Visit to the FBIThe Fabulous 60'sAnd a host of great bathroom topics!