People Who Deserve It: Socially Responsible Reasons to Punch Someone in the Face
Casey Rand - 2010
Sometimes society is wrong. Meet the best of the absolute worst-the perpetrators of the most wretched demonstrations of moral conduct ever:Super Snorer Terrible Baby Namer Hot Water User-Upper Express Checkout Cheater No-Umbrella Etiquette Lady Eight-Minute Voicemail Leaver Dude Who Takes Board Games Too SeriouslyPeople Who Deserve It exposes everyone and everything whose behavior, life choices, and sometimes odor leave humanity with only one painful option: a punch to the face.
Cheat: A Man's Guide to Infidelity
Bill Burr - 2012
Now, they impart all the wisdom, advice, and humor they picked up along the way, including how to: * Wipe away your shame and guilt—and get smart before you get hard * Conduct your filth with the right chick, in the right place, at the right time * Take an hour to shower and scour—and fight your worst enemy: glitter * Explain a strange scrunchy, hair extension, or pair of earrings to your girl * Navigate strip clubs, massage parlors, and women of the night * Lie like a woman—and call it quits without getting caught Featuring ten true stories from men who’ve lived the life and a link to watch Burr, DeRosa, and Kelly’s hilarious short film of the same name, Cheat is a wickedly smart field guide to philandering that will revolutionize your game.
An Altogether New Book of Top Ten Lists from Late Night With David Letterman
David Letterman - 1991
Can sit naked in front of book without fear of radiation
9. Reader not distracted by Dave's awful haircut
8. Can be readily enjoyed in Amish households
7. If you fall asleep while reading the book you won't wake up to fat weather guy wishing Happy Birthday to one hundred-year-olds
6. Can use your imagination to picture lists being read aloud by handsome actor George Peppard
5. Origami! Origami! Origami!
4. Can be enjoyed by inmates who have lost their TV privileges
3. Carrying book around proudly announces to rest of world, "I can read large print!"
2. Easier to shoplift than 26-inch Trinitron Stereo Sony
1. Any book is better than Dave's TV show
The Book of the Year
James Harkin - 2017
The Book of the Year is a hilarious guide to 2017’s most extraordinary events, unearthed by the creators of the award-winning hit comedy podcast No Such Thing As A Fish. Each week, over a million people tune in to find out what bizarre and astonishing facts Dan, James, Anna and Andy have found out over the previous seven days. Now the gang have turned their attention to the news of the past twelve months. You’ll discover the curious details behind the main headlines – how Donald Trump slept on the 66th floor of a 58-storey building, what effect Brexit had on Coco Pops, and why China’s president can’t stand Winnie the Pooh – as well as hundreds of stories you may have missed entirely, like the news that:- Qatar built a refugee camp for camels- 2,000 bees were stolen in Beeston- The victim of Britain’s first ever shark attack ended up with a cut thumb. From bizarre arrests to baffling elections, via a surprising amount of sausage news, The Book of the Year is an eye-opening tour of the incredible year you didn’t know you’d lived through.
Mental Floss: Genius Instruction Manual
Mental Floss - 2006
Or remember the time you were at a party and someone asked, "Who knows how to perform open-heart surgery?" and you were the only one who didn't raise your hand?Well, put all of that embarrassment behind you. Want to dazzle crowds with your wondrous knowledge of Shakespeare and surgeries? Want to learn to woo just like history's greatest minds? Well, start reading already! The Genius Instruction Manual is a foolproof finishing school for polishing your brain. All you've got to do is dive in.
I'd Rather Be Short: 100 Reasons Why It's Great to Be Small
Becky Murphy - 2013
Sure, sometimes being diminutive gets you the short end of the stick, but there are also plenty of unique advantages to being under 5’4”—and Murphy has compiled the 100 best reasons in the delightfully whimsical I’d Rather Be Short. Illustrated in a charming, quirky style, I’d Rather Be Short highlights the benefits of being petite, from the sensible to the absurd, including: · You get the best of both worlds: kids’ meals and cocktail parties· You’re never expected to help your friends move· Concertgoers usually won’t hassle you when you shimmy up to the front· You’re less likely to get struck by lightning· Skirts can be dresses; dresses can be skirts· You’re just the way you should be Witty and heartwarming, I’d Rather Be Short is a celebration of self-acceptance—and an instant ego boost to pint-sized ladies everywhere.
Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy
Judd Apatow - 2015
At fifteen, he took a job washing dishes in a local comedy club—just so he could watch endless stand-up for free. At sixteen, he was hosting a show for his local high school radio station in Syosset, Long Island—a show that consisted of Q&As with his comedy heroes, from Garry Shandling to Jerry Seinfeld. They talked about their careers, the science of a good joke, and their dreams of future glory (turns out, Shandling was interested in having his own TV show one day and Steve Allen had already invented everything).Thirty years later, Apatow is still that same comedy nerd—and he’s still interviewing funny people about why they do what they do.Sick in the Head gathers Apatow’s most memorable and revealing conversations into one hilarious, wide-ranging, and incredibly candid collection that spans not only his career but his entire adult life. Here are the comedy legends who inspired and shaped him, from Mel Brooks to Steve Martin. Here are the contemporaries he grew up with in Hollywood, from Spike Jonze to Sarah Silverman. And here, finally, are the brightest stars in comedy today, many of whom Apatow has been fortunate to work with, from Seth Rogen to Amy Schumer. And along the way, something kind of magical happens: What started as a lifetime’s worth of conversations about comedy becomes something else entirely. It becomes an exploration of creativity, ambition, neediness, generosity, spirituality, and the joy that comes from making people laugh.Loaded with the kind of back-of-the-club stories that comics tell one another when no one else is watching, this fascinating, personal (and borderline-obsessive) book is Judd Apatow’s gift to comedy nerds everywhere.Praise for Sick in the Head“I can’t stop reading it. . . . I don’t want this book to end.”—Jimmy Fallon “An essential for any comedy geek.”—Entertainment Weekly “Fascinating . . . a collection of interviews with many of the great figures of comedy in the latter half of the twentieth century.”
—The Washington Post
“Open this book anywhere, and you’re bound to find some interesting nugget from someone who has had you in stitches many, many times.”—Janet Maslin, The New York Times “An amazing read, full of insights and connections both creative and interpersonal.”—The New Yorker “Fascinating and revelatory.”
—Chicago Tribune
“For fans of stand-up, Sick in the Head is a Bible of sorts.”—Newsweek“These are wonderful, expansive interviews—at times brutal, at times breathtaking—with artists whose wit, intelligence, gaze, and insights are all sharp enough to draw blood.”—Michael Chabon “Anyone even remotely interested in comedy or humanity should own this book. It is hilarious and informative and it contains insightful interviews with the greatest comics, comedians, and comediennes of our time. My representatives assure me I will appear in a future edition.”—Will FerrellFrom the Hardcover edition.
Weird Arizona: Your Travel Guide to Arizona's Local Legends and Best Kept Secrets
Wesley Treat - 2007
Well…uninhabited by humans, at least. Reports abound of such creatures as flying dinosaurs, goblins, shape shifters, and vicious bloodsuckers. Whether it’s the Mogollon Monsters or the weird Ninimbe (tiny elves anywhere from two inches to three feet tall) Arizona seems to have them, along with killer cacti and the Can Can Merman. Now, that’s weird!
And Then You're Dead: What Really Happens If You Get Swallowed by a Whale, Are Shot from a Cannon, or Go Barreling Over Niagara
Cody Cassidy - 2017
Is slipping on a banana peel really as hazardous to your health as the cartoons imply?
Answer: Yes. Banana peels ooze a gel that turns out to be extremely slippery. Your foot and body weight provide the pressure. The gel provides the humor (and resulting head trauma).
Can you die by shaking someone s hand?
Answer: Yes. That's because, due to atomic repulsion, you've never actually touched another person s hand. If you could, the results would be as disastrous as a medium-sized hydrogen bomb.
If you were Cookie Monster, just how many cookies could you actually eat in one sitting?
Answer: Most stomachs can hold up to sixty cookies, or around four liters. If you eat or drink more than that, you re approaching the point at which the cookies would break through the lesser curvature of your stomach, and then you d better call an ambulance to Sesame Street."
Pills, Thrills and Methadone Spills: The Adventures of a Community Pharmacist
Mr. Dispenser - 2013
People need cheering up. I have the answer. ‘Pills, Thrills and Methadone Spills: Adventures of a Community Pharmacist’ is a collection of the best blogs, tweets and anecdotes about the wonderful world of pharmacy.“If the shutter is three quarters down, then we are shut and not just vertically challenged”...“Gave me huge insight into the ‘real’ world of community pharmacy – I didn’t realise just how much pharmacists deal with on a day to day basis, so for me this was very informative, but in a reallyclever, and massively funny way!” Lucy Pitt, Marketing Manager, The Pharmacy Show“As well as being brilliantly funny, this book is a refreshingly honest view of the world of pharmacy. From student pharmacists to the fully-qualified, every chapter provides a story that the reader can relate to and enjoy.” Georgia Salter, Pharmacy Student“A well observed reflection of life in pharmacy with very funny reflections” Catherine Duggan, Royal Pharmaceutical Society"It is always fun to be reminded that pharmacists' perils and fun at the workplace are similar irrespective of which country we practise in!" Selina Hui-Hoong Wee , Pharmacist, Malaysia“A great entertaining and amusing read" Mike Holden, Chief Executive, National Pharmacy AsociationThanks to Laura Martins for her initial book cover design!
Carry a Big Stick
Tim Ferguson - 2013
Along with Paul McDermott and Richard Fidler he was part of the edgy, provocative and very funny Doug Anthony All Stars (DAAS). In 1994 they were at the height of their powers, performing in a season at the Criterion Theatre on Piccadilly Circus. The three mates, who began busking on the streets of Canberra a decade earlier, had achieved their ambition to become the self-styled rock stars of comedy.Then, all of a sudden, he woke up one morning and his whole left side wouldn't work. He'd had a lurking suspicion that something was wrong and after more episodes he went to a doctor thinking he'd be told to change his diet and get more sleep. It wasn't so simple. An eventual diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS) meant an end to the frenetic, high-energy life he was living.Carry a Big Stick is a chance for Tim to tell his story. He wants to make people laugh but also give inspiration to all the people doing it hard. A lot of people keep MS to themselves because it's invisible. In Tim's case, he has the stick. 'It's such a visible sign that something's happened; it's just easier if people know.'Carry a Big Stick meanders through Tim's life, and explains how the boy who went to nine schools in 13 years got used to saying, 'Hi, I'm the new kid'. It will detail his ambitions to become an actor and how the Doug Anthony Allstars were born and went on to become what Rolling Stone called 'The 3 amigos from hell'. Diagnosis changed a lot of things but Tim s quick wit and sense of humour weren t affected. This inspiring memoir shows us that you can laugh in the face of adversity.
Is Tiny Dancer Really Elton's Little John?: Music's Most Enduring Mysteries, Myths, and Rumors Revealed
Gavin Edwards - 2006
. . Ham Sandwiches?If you are a music fan, you may be aware of some of music’s most enduring mysteries. Where did Pearl Jam get their name? Are the White Stripes related by blood or by marriage? Did Mama Cass really die from choking on a ham sandwich? Gavin Edwards has heard just about every strange question, racy rumor, and legend of the music world. As the writer of Rolling Stone’s “Rolling Stone Knows” column, Edwards proved himself as a one-man encyclopedia of music trivia. Now he shares all of his knowledge with you. Look inside to find the answers to these questions and more: •What’s the connection between The Beach Boys and Charles Manson? •How did Dr. Dre and Eminem meet?•Did Mick Jagger and David Bowie really sleep together?•What’s the deal with Led Zeppelin and the shark?•What’s the feud between The Smashing Pumpkins and Pavement all about? •Was Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” really written about his most private body part?Is Tiny Dancer Really Elton’s Little John? might not tell you who shot Tupac or why Celine Dion is still allowed to make records, but with thorough research and answers straight from the mouths of the performers themselves, Edwards will help you become a music geek extraordinaire.
F*ck Feelings: One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems
Michael I. Bennett - 2015
F*ck Feelings is the last self-help book you will ever need!
You Are One-Third Daffodil: And Other Facts to Amaze, Amuse, and Astound
Tom Nuttall - 2009
Organized into witty categories, including “Battle of the Sexes: Facts About Men and Women” and “The Past Is a Foreign Country: Facts About History,” You Are One-third Daffodil contains hundreds of weird and wacky facts, including:*In Milan, it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals or hospital visits.*The most expensive age of your life is thirty-four.*Cuba will lift its ban on toasters in 2010.*Thomas Jefferson invented the swivel chair.*The “zip” of zip code stands for “zone improvement plan.” *Counting up from zero, and excluding the word “and,” the first number to contain the letter “a” is one thousand.*There are an estimated 10,000 trillion ants on earth–roughly 1.6 million ants for each person. Their combined weight is equivalent to the weight of the entire human population.*In the Second World War, every Italian soldier in North Africa carried his own personal espresso machine.So go ahead, become the office Einstein (though did you know Einstein didn’t learn to read until he was ten?) or the cocktail party trivia star with You Are One-third Daffodil. The words “did you know?” will never sound the same again!
The Life Of Python
George Perry - 1983
It was on this fateful day that "Monty Python's Flying Circus" debuted. From the Dead Parrot skit to the Lumberjack Song, The Attila the Hun Show to the Cheese Shop routine, the Pythons set a standard for irreverent, obnoxious, nonsensical comedy never before seen.