What do we learn from our dogs? Everything. Our dogs make us better people. If we rescued them, they rescue us back. If we’re sad, they comfort us. If we need to have more fun, they show us how. They are our protectors, our role models, and our best friends. You’ll laugh a lot, tear up at times, and nod your head in recognition as you read these tales about the wonderful experience of sharing life with a dog. Life lessons from our dogs come in many forms, from the hilarious to the heroic. You’ll enjoy a wide variety in these 101 entertaining stories.

    Frank Sinatra's mother was a convicted felon. Bugs Bunny was born in Brooklyn. The average American home contains $90 in loose change. It is illegal to use the American flag in advertising.And there's no good reason to also discover...Which game show host previously worked as a garbageman. Which day of week is the most popular to rob a bank. Which millionaire loaned his kidnapped grandson ransom money at 4 percent interest. Which country once had a dog for a king.

    Only a few weeks old, on the coldest night of the year, he was stuffed into the returned book slot at the Spencer Public Library. He was found the next working by library director Vicki Myron, a single mother who had survived the loss of her family farm, a breast cancer scare, and an alcoholic husband. Dewey won her heart, and the hearts of the staff, by pulling himself up and hobbling on frostbitten feet to nudge each of hem in a gesture of thanks and love. For the next nineteen years, he never stopped charming the people of Spencer with this enthusiasm, warmth, humility (for a cat), and, above all, his sixth sense about who needed him most.As his fame grew from town to town, then state to state, and finally, amazingly, worldwide, Dewey became more than just a friend; he became a source of pride for an extraordinary Heartland farming town pulling its way slowly back from the greatest crisis in its long history.

    A look at the absurdities of modern life.

    Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known.Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE is packed with valuable information-such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.

    Featuring 50 common North American birds, such as the White-Breasted Butt Nugget and the Goddamned Canada Goose (or White-Breasted Nuthatch and Canada Goose for the layperson), Matt Kracht identifies all the idiots in your backyard and details exactly why they suck with ink drawings. Each entry is accompanied by facts about a bird's (annoying) call, its (dumb) migratory pattern, its (downright tacky) markings, and more.The essential guide to all things wings with migratory maps, tips for birding, musings on the avian population, and the ethics of birdwatching.

    and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. A world-renowned and much feared expert on everything, Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has seventeen degrees from eighteen institutions of higher learning. With her husband, Benny, she has traveled the world many times over, has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first hand.When is the last time you actually sat down and had a conversation with a giraffe? That's what I thought. You are hopelessly clueless on giraffe culture, their likes/dislikes and voting patterns -- most giraffes are probably libertarian. "GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES " is the authoritative text on the biology, history and overall nature of giraffes.You are so behind on giraffes that it's rather embarrassing and you obviously need this book more than health insurance. Things you probably don't know about giraffes -- and can only be found in this book -- include giraffes' preferred mode of transportation (conveyor belt), what their bodies are made of (paper mache, a clock, fruit juices and a super-strong lightweight titanium alloy), where most giraffes live (Terra Haute, Indiana -- known for many things, including buildings made of wood and ground made of dirt), and basic giraffe history (in 50,000 B.C giraffes began to hang out with primitive man, they found him to be likeable and helped him paint buffaloes in caves).Cheat Sheet onGiraffes (good for slumber parties and barroom brawls):- Giraffes invented plastic. "No, not plastic--latex. My bad. Still, though isn't that amazing?"- Frequently Asked Question: "Why do we call giraffes "giraffes?"" Answer: Because when they came to Earth they asked us to.- Rarely Asked Question: "How fast can giraffes run?" The giraffes have tried to phase out running from their lives but if they had to, they could still run much faster than you. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that they can run 780 mph.With the wit and irreverent sense of humor for which Dave Eggers and McSweeney's is known, comes the first volume in the revolutionary Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance books. More than just entertaining and informative, "GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES " will help you appear smarter, more in touch with your sensitive side and whiten your teeth. And much, much more that will likely sicken you.

    Be Very Afraid.From ghosts, vampires, and zombies to serial killers, cannibalistic hillbillies, and haunted Japanese videocassettes, How to Survive a Horror Movie shows how to defeat every obstacle found in scary films. Readers will discover:- How to Perform an Exorcism - What to Do If You Did Something Last Summer - How to Persuade the Skeptical Local Sheriff - How to Vanquish a Murderous Doll - How to Survive an Alien Invasion - How to Tell If You've Been Dead Since the Beginning of the Movieand much, much more. Complete with useful instructions, insane illustrations, and a list of 100 important films to study, How to Survive a Horror Movie is essential reading for prom queens, jocks, teenage babysitters, and anyone employed by a summer camp.

    Pyle comes an adorable and profound universe in pink, blue, green, and purple. Based on the phenomenally popular Instagram of the same name, Strange Planet covers a full life cycle of the planet’s inhabitants, including milestones such as:The Emergence DayBeing Gains a SiblingThe Being Family Attains a BeastThe Formal Education of a BeingCelebration of Special DaysBeing Begins a VocationThe Beings at HomeHealth Status of a BeingThe Hobbies of a BeingThe Extended Family of the BeingThe Being Reflects on Life While Watching the Planet RotateWith dozens of never-before-seen illustrations in addition to old favorites, this book offers a sweet and hilarious look at a distant world not all that unlike our own.

    Yet despite promises of complete and balanced meals, most commercial pet foods contain chemical preservatives, indigestible fillers, and dangerous by-products. If your pets are overweight, ailing, or aging‚Äîor you just want them to be as healthy as possible‚ÄîTHE WHOLE PET DIET offers a straightforward plan to achieve lifelong health and well-being. Featuring twenty-five easy recipes for homemade meals and treats, a guide to natural supplements, and practical tips for no-stress grooming and play, this holistic approach to pet care creates optimal health for dogs and cats‚Äîand it just might changethe way you eat, too.Reviews‚Äú. . . this book is your pet's ticket to pristine health and longevity.‚Äù‚ÄîTails Pet Magazine‚ÄúAndi Brown writes from the heart with years of experience to her credit. Her information is logically developed and her advice is clearly presented. This book empowers you to take control of your animal's health.‚Äù ‚ÄîAnitra Frazier, author of The New Natural Cat ‚ÄúIf you believe, like Andi Brown does, that pets are as integral to the family as they are to the ebb and flow of life, then this book will dramatically improve the health and vitality of all your four-legged family members.‚Äù ‚ÄîDr. Marty Becker, veterinary contributor to Good Morning America and author of The Healing Power of Pets ‚ÄúTHE WHOLE PET DIET is a must-read for any pet owner.‚Äù‚ÄîAnn Martin, author of Protect Your Pet and Food Pets Die For ‚ÄúAndi Brown is on a mission to bring the best health to every pet using one of the most fundamental and important of medicines: good, wholesome food.‚Äù‚ÄîGregory Todd, D.V.M. ‚ÄúBravo to Andi Brown, who makes animals happier, sweeter smelling, and less itchy without hurting the environment and without animal tests.‚Äù ‚ÄîIngrid E. Newkirk, president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals review in New Age Retailer

    Now she builds on those insights to show us how to give our animals the best and happiest life—on their terms, not ours.It’s usually easy to pinpoint the cause of physical pain in animals, but to know what is causing them emotional distress is much harder. rawing on the latest research and her own work,Grandin identifies the core emotional needs of animals. Then she explains how to fulfill them for dogs and cats, horses, farm animals, and zoo animals.Whether it’s how to make the healthiest environment for the dog you must leave alone most of the day, how to keep pigs from being bored, or how to know if the lion pacing in the zoo is miserable or just exercising, Grandin teaches us to challenge our assumptions about animal contentment and honor our bond with our fellow creatures.Animals Make Us Human is the culmination of almost thirty years of research, experimentation, and experience.This is essential reading for anyone who’s ever owned, cared for, or simply cared about an animal.

    You’ve had a martini or three, and you mingle through the crowd, wondering how long you need to stay before going out for pizza. Suddenly you’re introduced to someone new, Dr. Nice Tomeetya. You forget the pizza. Now is the perfect time to bring up all those strange questions you’d like to ask during an office visit with your own doctor but haven’t had the guts (or more likely the time) to do so. You’re filled with liquid courage . . . now is your chance! If you’ve ever wanted to ask a doctor . . .•How do people in wheelchairs have sex?•Why do I get a killer headache when I suck down my milkshake too fast?•Can I lose my contact lens inside my head forever?•Why does asparagus make my pee smell?•Why do old people grow hair on their ears?•Is the old adage “beer before liquor, never sicker, liquor before beer . . .” really true? . . . then Why Do Men Have Nipples? is the book for you.Compiled by Billy Goldberg, an emergency medicine physician, and Mark Leyner, bestselling author and well-known satirist, Why Do Men Have Nipples? offers real factual and really funny answers to some of the big questions about the oddities of our bodies.

    This book contains more than 150 pages crammed full of classic, monochrome plumage art paired with the delightful but dirty aphorisms (think "I'm going to need more booze to deal with this week") that made the Effin' Birds Twitter feed a household name. Also included in its full, Technicolor glory is John James Audubon's most beautiful work matched with modern life advice. Including never-before-seen birds, insults, and field notes.

    Wit and repartee permeate his work — from the short, light pieces to his great novel Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and even later, in dark meditations on the human condition where his humor takes on a cynical, satirical twist.This remarkably inexpensive volume gathers together hundreds of Twain's most memorable quips and comments on life, love, history, culture, travel, and a diversity of other topics that occupied his thoughts over 50 years of writing and lecturing.An invaluable, ready reference for writers, speakers, and others in search of amusing and insightful quotes, this entertaining and thought-provoking compilation is also an ideal introduction to Twain's inimitable style and thought.

    After all, who could resist a soft and furry ball of fun and affection? Not the ancients - or the modern human and definitely not myself for that matter.  Mystifying Felines Over the thousands of years we’ve had kitties, they’ve become the most popular pet on the planet. And yet, they remain mysterious. Do they love us or only stick around for food and shelter? What are we to them? Read on.  Your Need to Know With the material presented here, you will find your questions answered in quick bites of cat info. With a little pussyfooting, you too can find out what it means to be a cat - or as close as a human can get. So the question remains, do you want to know more? If so, stick around. In 365 Fascinating Facts You Didn’t Know About Your Cat, you will discover:The world’s oldest cat and other stunning records.Weird and wonderful feline myths and superstitions.Strange kitty behavior.Why cats groom so much - many reasons here.How some felines can fall from great heights and survive.Can cats really see in total darkness?The first domesticated cats.Kitty love and cats mating.Do cats have a sixth sense? If so, what is it?What kitties are made of - it’s more than you think.How cats affect us - lots of positives here.Fighting felines and how it all goes down.And much more! Take a look inside. Then click the orange “Buy now” and start reading the Kindle edition today! What are you waiting for?