Having longed for children since before she can remember, she was suddenly faced with an array of unfamiliar, unexpected and sometimes downright embarrassing emotional and physical reactions. And when Poppy (and a year later Daisy) was born she had to learn a whole new set of skills.From trying to conceive and a first positive pregnancy test to Poppy's first birthday, Minus Nine To One takes you through the worries, surprises, excitement, miracles and sheer bloody hard work that Jools - and all new mums in their own different ways - have to cope with along the way. As Jools writes, 'This certainly isn't meant to be read as a guidebook, or a medical reference book - it is simply my story and I hope that you can relate to it in some way (and maybe even relax with it in the bath!).'Down to earth, personal and very, very funny, this is the book no aspiring mother will want to be without.

     Includes Overdue Account, Walter's Cargo Shorts, Simon's Piecharts, Missing Missy, Obviously a Foggot, Formal Complaints, Justin’s Floodlight, Matthew’s Party, Permission Slip and many more.

    With full-color photo essays, the author guides readers past good taste, sense and even logic into the magical, mayhem-ridden world known as his life.

    Meet Karl (the Joker), Boris (the Gladiator), Miss Winnifred Hardbottle, Buddy (the Little Whittler) and many more.

     A suspicious husband sets out to discover what his wife really does late at night in her shop. A man starts a new job guarding the entrance to a pier at night. An abandoned house hides a sinister – and disgusting – secret in its basement. A young girl waits for a message from her dead mother, and then she finds something stranger in the freezer. The Butcher's Husband and Other Stories features the new short stories The Butcher's Husband, Tongue, The Pier and The Butcher's Husband II, as well as revised versions of The Seagull and A Perfect Death, and a new novella titled Larry.

    Broken Bananah is my completely true and overly honest journey through severe genital trauma. What happens when you lose something you love? And... can you really break a penis? Absolutely, and mine was one of the worst on file. Tethered to a catheter and surrounded by that’s-what-she-said jokes, I learned one of life’s greatest lessons: it can always be worse. Experience life and love without a penis in a recovery story that could only happen in New York City. Let’s laugh til we cry, dive into the weird, and grapple with the power of sex in this modern coming-of-something tale.

    Note: These texting fails contain profanity, not for children.When are people going to learn that autocorrect can't be trusted? With FAILS like these, we actually hope that's not for a long time.This book complies 101 of the funniest, most viral and cringeworthy autocorrect screenshots to date.Guaranteed to put you on the floor laughing!

     Featuring stories by Richard Chizmar, Mark Lukens, Michael A. Arnzen, Eric J. Guignard, Veronica Smith, Lee McGeorge, James Matthew Byers & Kevin J. Kennedy

    ‘That Bear Ate My Pants!’, ‘Don’t Need The Whole Dog!’ and ‘Kamikaze Kangaroos!’ follow on from one another to form a hilarious and heart-warming adventure that spans the globe.Over a thousand pages in total, with more than 1,900 5-star reviews across Amazon, these three tales are guaranteed to keep you chuckling into the early hours. *** Save 1/3 off the individual cover prices with this special box-set edition for a limited time only! *** 'That Bear Ate My Pants!' The incredible TRUE story of one man's struggle to survive in an Ecuadorian animal refuge.There comes a time in every man’s life when he says to himself, "Holy crap! I’m about to be eaten by a bear!"Tony James Slater went to Ecuador, determined to become a man.It never occurred to him that 'or die trying' might be an option...The trouble with volunteering in a South American animal refuge is that everything wants a piece of you. And the trouble with being Tony, is that most of them got one.Just how do you 'look after' something that’s trying it’s damnedest to kill you and eat you?And how do you find love when you a) don’t speak the language, and b) are constantly covered in excrement and entrails?If only he’d had some relevant experience. Other than owning a pet rabbit when he was nine. And if only he’d bought some travel insurance... 'Don’t Need The Whole Dog!’ The bizarre-but-true story of one man's epic mission to escape the daily grind, and find his destiny in paradise. In the summer of 2004, Tony James Slater went to Ecuador, looking to become a man.Not all of him returned. But the bit that did was fuelled by a burning desire to do... something.Something that mattered.And, ideally, to get the hell out of England in the process.His dream was to blatantly steal his friend Toby's dream –of escaping to Thailand and becoming a professional diver.But when a man like this goes on a search for adventure, it's bound to end in tears.After all, this isn't just any old idiot.This is Tony James Slater – the man who was carrying that jaguar when it woke up.And to make things worse – he's not alone…So batten down the hatches! Lock up your power tools! Andfor gawd's sake turn the electricity off.Because that idiot from Ecuador is back.And this time, he's brought the whole family… ‘Kamikaze Kangaroos!’ Tony James Slater knew nothing about Australia.Except for the fact that he’d just arrived there.The stage is set for an outrageous adventure: three people, one van, on an epic, 20,000 mile road trip around Australia.What could possibly go wrong?Of course, the van – nicknamed ‘Rusty’ – is a crumbling wreck, held together by the world’s most garish paint job.

    Joe Tichio, creator of Greatest-Inpsirational-Quotes.com, shares an extraordinary collection of his favorite and most inspirational quotes from around the world and throughout history. The wisdom on these pages will empower and encourage you to live your life to the fullest. Start each day with a powerful dose of wisdom and inspiration as you are guided to take action, overcome fear, boost your self-esteem, create success, enjoy life, claim your inner strength, and make your dreams come true.Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.-Socrates

    Whether you're carving evil messages into your coworker's banana peel or telling your kids that, yes, raisins are actually dehydrated people, there's a certain, sinister-yet-fun draw to really messing with people. In Perhaps I’ve Said Too Much (the much anticipated follow-up to the heralded, award-winning Things Go Wrong For Me), Rodney Lacroix gives the reader some insight on what it's like to live the prankster life. No one is safe, including Rodney himself as not all of his antics go entirely as planned. Join him as he spins some yarns, gives you some new ideas and lets you relive the catastrophic consequences of jokes gone terribly wrong. Complete with original hand-drawn artwork and graphics, one-two punch Brain Nuggets, and the ever-popular Draw Something Files, Perhaps will not disappoint.* (Assumes you are an immature child who enjoys potty humor and making fart noises with your armpits.)

    He's the prime suspect in the 2004 murder of Keith Palomares, a 25-year-old armored truck guard. Despite the FBI's active investigation, Brown remains at large living among us without a trace. And yet, a faint pulse of his identity surfaces from time to time, haunting the detectives tasked to find him. In the Kindle Single The Ghost, crime writer Paige Williams chronicles the case and draws a portrait of a killer who is as slippery and elusive as he is enigmatic. Jason Derek Brown was raised by a Mormon father who held a high position in the church despite being a known con man. Jason himself was a devout Mormon for years, and maintained his generosity and Southern California charm even as he slid into a life of excessive materialism fueled by theft. Aside from the murder, he has no history of violence. His case is downright perplexing, and Williams captures it from multiple viewpoints in pitch-perfect prose. --Paul Diamond

    One hundred of hilarious and funny jokes ! Have fun and laugh!

    Over 200 Notated Audio Examples! + Professional Backing Tracks Guitarists are often very guilty of 'collecting' musical theory without taking the time to learn to apply the information on their instrument. 'Modern Music Theory for Guitarists' combines cutting edge, up to date musical information with over 200 exercises and examples to help you internalise and master the most important concepts in modern guitar playing. There are also bespoke, professional backing tracks from Guitar Techniques Magazine's Quist Know What's Important There are so many sources of information out there these days it's hard to know where to begin and what's important when it comes to applying music theory to the guitar. This book has been designed to take you on a journey from essential first principles through to complex, exciting musical ideas while all the time teaching you the musical application of each concept.  Essential Knowledge and Musical Skills The Complete Guide to Modern Music Theory begins with the formation of the Major scale and builds steadily from the concepts taught in the first few chapters to help you master, hear and apply all the essential theory used today. Topics Covered Theory topics covered include Major and Minor Scale Construction, Harmonisation and How to Name Chords Constructing Chord Progressions, Modulation and Chord Qualities Complete Study of Modes with real world examples. Modes deconstructed into Intervallic and Three and Four Note Soloing Approaches plus Pentatonic Substitutions A 'Cheat Sheet' of the most common soloing approaches to save you hours in the practice room Guitar Licks for each mode + Professional Backing Tracks Check Out 60+ Positive Reviews Below! "Joseph Alexander writes in a very clear and concise style that is easy to follow." - Just one of the many Amazon reviews Scroll Up to Buy it Now Buy now to begin your journey into musical understanding and practical, musical application.

    Kirkland is a master at finding the small hidden bits of humor in events that the rest of us might just as easily overlook. His goal with his writing has always been to let his readers laugh with him and at him, and by doing so, finding a way to laugh at themselves. His previous books have been called "a must-have for all of us who love to just sit back and laugh." This book follows that tradition.Recipient of the 2006 Stephen Leacock Award of Merit for Humour (Canada.)