But somehow, someway, I came back. I always come back. My name is Phoenix Bones, and I hunt monsters." ---------------- The first novel in the International Monster Hunter series introduces Phoenix Bones, self-trained bane of the things that go bump in the night. Phoenix knows what horrors lurk in the shadows. When he overhears a police scanner report of a teenage girl missing from her bedroom without a trace, he knows something sinister is afoot. His worst fears are confirmed when the trail leads him to a ghastly scene in the catacombs of Paris ... and the vile trappings at the heart of the vampire underground's evil plans.

     Sky got away from Castle Clair as soon as she could, but when a run of bad luck leaves her homeless and jobless, she has little choice but to accept her sister Star's invitation to return home for the festive season. When Star has an accident, Sky finds herself running the family's magical supplies shop. Wands, crystals, pendulums ... really? It's a tough job when she doesn't believe in the products she's selling, but how can she? Magic isn't real, no matter what her deluded siblings think. Jethro Richmond doesn't believe in magic either. In fact, he doesn't believe in anything much anymore, which is proving to be a bit of a problem for a writer of fantasy novels. With a self-constructed wall around his heart as high as Clair Tower, and his dreams as ruined as the town’s ancient castle, he's lost all hope of repairing his tattered career. The last thing he needs is to get involved with a family like the St Clairs, and no matter what a certain little black cat seems to want Jethro has no intention of spending any time with Sky or her unusual sisters. But this is a strange little town and, as the residents prepare to celebrate Christmas, Sky and Jethro might just discover that in Castle Clair, anything is possible. Even magic A romantic comedy with a magical twist!

    Unearthly tales by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Washington Irving, Ambrose Bierce, and others are adapted for young readers.

    Now he gives birth to a cast of gruesomely sympathetic children – misunderstood outcasts who struggle to find love and belonging in their cruel, cruel worlds. His lovingly lurid illustrations evoke both the sweetness and the tragedy of these dark yet simple beings – hopeful, hapless heroes who appeal to the ugly outsider in all of us, and let us laugh at a world we have long left behind (mostly anyway).

    Chronicles of her strategies for surviving civilization's decline -- herbal remedies, macrobiotics, a bit of Xanax -- have established her as one of the most captivating and eagerly read voices in modern literature. In this new collection of stories, Julie Hecht reclaims the darkly funny, existential territory for which she is known: "People say 'Good morning,' but don't believe them. It's just something to say." The uniquely eccentric narrator reappears in Happy Trails to You and recounts her perplexed engagements with our society and the larger world -- whether she's attempting to withdraw money from a bank machine, worrying about Paul McCartney, or seeking a nonexistent place of calm on Nantucket, where nail guns and chain saws have replaced the sounds of birds singing. Appalled by life in our times, the narrator recounts innumerable artifacts from a now vanished America (civility, idealism, Elvis Presley, well-made appliances). She is also exquisitely attuned to the absurdities of our culture; her acute observations illuminate every subject, from the dangers of microwave ovens to the disappearing ozone layer. With deadpan wit, the author reveals the truths of a new century. Happy Trails to You is a radically distinctive work of American fiction.

    Nightingale Tales is a peek into that transition, as told by a nurse who lived it. Each chapter is a stand-alone story depicting the ridiculous mores nurses have been subjected to over the years, the archaic equipment they've had to struggle with, and the changes in the profession, brought about by time, the feminist movement, and advances in technology. Told with humor and compassion, the stories of Nightingale Tales provides an unusual--and highly entertaining--window into the world of medicine from the mid-twentieth century to the present.

    Based on the wildly popular eponymous Tumblr, Deep Dark Fears explores our odd, creepy, and hilariously singular fears. Animator, illustrator, and cartoonist Fran Krause brings these fears to life in vividly illustrated comics based on real fears submitted by readers (plus a few of his own). These "deep dark fears" run the gamut from unlikely but plausible to completely ridiculous, highlighting both our deeply human similarities and our peculiar uniquenesses.

    Hilarious, informative, delicious, and just a little bit naughty, The Bitchin' Kitchen Cookbook is a guide for the next generation of lifestyle aficionados. Screw stuffing the turkey! Nadia G offers recipes for real-life scenarios: What do you make for breakfast after a one-night stand? What do you serve up to say you're sorry for the PMS rampage? Need to impress the in-laws? Well, Lord knows you may never be good enough, but at least the meal will be!

    citizens are looking for a new leader. That leader is Canada, and they want your vote for president of the United States.Since launching their video campaign in January, the Canada Party has gone viral, with almost a million hits on YouTube and coverage ranging from CNN and the BBC to the Huffington Post and German State Television. Their new book, America, but Better: the Canada Party Manifesto, balances the doctrine of American exceptionalism with a dose of Canadian humility and common sense in an effort to secure Canada as the new leader of the free world, by proxy.Their promises: One gay couple will be allowed to marry for every straight couple that gets divorced. The phrase "job creators" will be changed to "job creationists," and they will be given seven days to actually create some. Corporations will still be people, but if they can't provide a birth certificate they will be legally obligated to care for your lawn. Corners will be installed in the Oval Office, and timeouts given to congressmen who can't play nice.Devoted to restoring America to its former glory, the Canada Party will soon have the whole world chanting, "Yes We Canada."

    Celebrating the grouch in everyone, the Grumpy Cat book teaches the fine art of grumpiness and includes enough bad attitude to cast a dark cloud over the whole world. Featuring brand new as well as classic photos, and including grump-inspiring activities and games, Grumpy Cat delivers unmatched, hilarious grumpiness that puts any bad mood in perspective.

    It wasn't with my husband." Romi Lassally provides a judgment-free zone where women can reveal their mommy misdemeanors. From not feeling like cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night, to barking something completely inappropriate to the children, to wanting to be pawed by hands that aren't covered in jelly, the confessions pour in daily. Heartfelt and hilarious, naughty and nasty, frank and outrageous, the confessions culled together for this book represent the best-or the worst?-of those humbling hidden secrets of motherhood in all its glorious messiness as improvisation and triage. They dare to suggest that it's okay for moms to make mistakes, to have unkind thoughts, to publicly or privately embarrass themselves-and above all to be human.

    They do not stand in line for brunch, or have season tickets to the Met, or go indoor-rock climbing in Brooklyn. They do not shop at thrift stores or nibble finger sandwiches at the Russian Tea Room. And they certainly do not give a flying f*ck about the Yankees. No, the felines of New York bathe, purr, bask languidly in the sun, and occasionally cast baleful glances at the humans who provide them food and shelter. They are proof that behind every New Yorker, there lays a cat just waiting to destroy their IKEA futon and then eat their faces off when they die.

    Cats love catnip. Whether it's eating it, playing with it, or rolling around in it, catnip turns our domestic feline friends into hilarious balls of activity. Carefree and unconstrained, they are free to be silly, exceptionally playful, and downright gnarly. Professional pet photographer and self-confessed crazy cat man Andrew Marttila (the photographer behind Shop Cats of New York) captures a range of the cats' silly and expressive personalities as they react to their catnip trip. Delightful, elegant Fluffy transforms into a hell-bent renegade. Shy, reserved Mittens becomes a free-loving acrobat. In the blink of an eye, a cat's expression transforms from bored to inquisitive to playful to curious to bizarre . . . to utterly unhinged. A fun and delightful look at our favorite companions, this gift book is perfect for every cat lover.

    This Book Will Change Your Life has even greater ambitions than its forefather, aiming to subvert not only your own life, but the whole of society—as only Benrik can. Part instruction book, part therapy, part religious cult, part sheer anarchy, this wickedly funny day planner will help you stick a spoke in the wheel of your routine, every day of the first year of your new life. Days to spice up your life include: * Claim you’re Jesus day * Lobby Celine Dion to sing about you * Bake naked day * Let children rule the world * Speak only Esperanto day * Speed-read War and Peace

    This is a story about a lump of coal who can think, talk, and move itself around.Is there a more charming holiday tale to behold? Probably, but Lemony Snicket has not written one.