And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    A suburban mom with two young children, her life revolves around her family, her job, and the comforts of home. So when her estranged, wild-child sister comes to her, begging for help and claiming a witch murdered her husband and wants to steal her baby daughter in payment for a long-ago oath, Tamara thinks she’s gone crazy. Until she turns up dead, and the baby vanishes without a trace. If Tamara’s going to get her niece back, she’ll have to expand her worldview fast. She’ll also need some expert help. But where can a normal, practical woman find help dealing with an evil witch? Fortunately for her, aid is closer than she thinks. Who better to give button-down Tamara a crash course in things that go bump in the night than Stanford occult studies professor Dr. Alastair Stone? At least he can offer some tips, even if she’s sure he can’t help her any other way. Because magic isn’t real…right? Welcome to the spooky side of the street, Tamara. Hope you survive the experience. Devil's Bargain is a short, standalone novel in the world of the Alastair Stone Chronicles urban fantasy series. Don't miss the rest of the series: Stone and a Hard Place The Forgotten The Threshold The Source Core of Stone Blood and Stone Heart of Stone Flesh and Stone The Infernal Heart The Other Side Path of Stone Necessary Sacrifices Game of Stone Steel and Stone Stone and Claw The Seventh Stone and two standalone novellas: Turn to Stone Shadows and Stone

    He’s also a vampire. He lives alone and avoids the other vampires in L.A., but Pete’s simple life goes haywire when he falls for Angie, the cute bartender at a Sunset Strip dive -- and when sinister vampire lord Carson Fitzgerald returns to claim his children, Pete learns that nothing's ever easy for a creature of the night.

    Flames of Chaos spread, swallowing up all they can with horrific hunger, bringing pain and madness to all they cross. Across the ocean, the lands have long since begun to die. The Empire of mankind struggles to maintain against the pressing weight of drought, famine, and the long-standing dangers of the Eastern Mountains, where ancient Dwarven [Constructs] and monsters roam. The people whisper of a coming doom, and some say even the Emperor's own Seers claim the end has begun... But none of these things have anything to do with a Tiny Snake. Not in the slightest. ------ From the online web-serial, comes a story of reincarnation, comedy, and the winding path towards existential redemption: All Hail The Tiny Snake God!

     In this collection of nine short stories, Nightingale matches wits against haunted houses, serial killers back from the dead, disturbed spirits, demon dolls and monsters from Hell. The stories are – Knock Knock, Watery Grave, The Cards, Possession, Claws, The Asylum, The Doll, The Mansion, and Wrong Turn. PRAISE FOR THE JACK NIGHTINGALE SERIES ‘A wicked read’ Anthony Horowitz 'Another great thriller from Stephen Leather but this time with a devilish twist!' James Herbert 'Written with panache, and a fine ear for dialogue, Leather manages the collision between the real and the occult with exceptional skill' Daily Mail ‘A stunning masterclass in darkness from a ferocious talent who excels in putting the devil in the details’ Daily Record

    Something about it reeks of dark magic and foul play from the wolf shifters who have known too much freedom.Can she gather a group of young hunters to unravel a mystery in time? A mystery that promises to swallow them all if she and her young team are not careful. One misstep could change everything. But that is the way it has always been. Will Rebekah pull a young and ignorant group together to solve the mystery, or will she fail in her final assignment, taking the world with her?  Read now and find out!

     Charming and impossible to resist, shape-shifting dragon Tony Lancaster was determined to seduce Lilly and get her into bed for one night of passionate fun. Something that she would find impossible to turn down. However, Lilly had no idea that one night with a dragon was going to be a night that would change her life forever... This is a paranormal pregnancy romance filled with adventure, danger and hot sensual scenes between the hero and the heroine. Perfect for those who love paranormal romances aimed at adults! Scroll Up & Start Reading This Now!

    It was Halloween and Samantha`s contractions were unbearable so her husband rushed his pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver their new bundle of joy. Mike told the doctor and nurse to take great care of his wife. The doctor and nurse reassured Mike they would take very good care of her and not to worry. Mike waited patiently in the waiting room as the doctor and nurse delivered their beautiful baby. After a few hours the baby finally arrived and the doctor entered the waiting room and told Mike to come in the room and see his new baby. Mike entered and his wife was all smiles and said "Honey, it`s a boy!" "I think he looks like a Johnny. What do you think?" asked his wife. "Johnny sounds fine to me," replied Mike. Mike was so excited and held his baby boy in his arms as tears rolled down his cheeks and said "Darling, I think he likes me." Mike stayed the night in his wife's room with their new baby, but as they were both sleeping, an unforeseen force came in their room that was about to change their lives forever, when they both woke in the morning. Morning came, and Samantha was discharged from the hospital, and time for their new baby to be raised in their new home. It wasn't until after little Johnny turned 6 years of age that things around the Delany Estate turned deadly. The first sign that Johnny had the mark of the beast was June 6. It was the 6th month, 6th day, and Johnny was 6. All the numbers represented 666.

    The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    Then got out of bed and had a brisk rub down with the pumice stone. I opened the curtains and saw that the sun was shining brightly. (A suspicion is growing in my mind that the BBC is not to be trusted.)Margaret Hilda Roberts is a rather ambitious 14 � year old grocer's daughter from Grantham. She can't abide laziness, finds four hours of chemistry homework delightful and believes she is of royal birth - or at least destined for great things. But Margaret knows that good things never come to those who wait . . .These are the secret diary entries of a girl born into an ordinary life, yet who might just go on to become something really rather extraordinary, and she is brilliantly brought vividly to life by bestselling author Sue Townsend, Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.'Essential reading for Mole followers' Times Educational Supplement'Wonderfully funny and sharp as knives' Sunday TimesSue Townsend is Britain's favourite comic author. Her hugely successful novels include eight Adrian Mole books, The Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman (Aged 55�), Number Ten, Ghost Children, The Queen and I, Queen Camilla and The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, all of which are highly acclaimed bestsellers. She has also written numerous well-received plays. She lives in Leicester, where she was born and grew up.

      It is also full of useful things that will help organize your year, including dates, numbers, and pictures of dogs.

    After participating in the promotion, Dante finds himself thrust into the hidden world of the Spiritual Warriors, a group of men and women, fighters with special abilities who are trained and dedicated to keeping this plane of existence safe from evil.He discovers that a war has been raging between the Warriors, those sworn to protect this plane of existence from destruction and the Shadows, those who would see it enslaved under the rule of evil. After being captured by Sylk, one of the last Karashihan, an ancient sect of Warriors, Dante, manifests an eternal weapon of immense power. This weapon, which has moved from host to host through time, uses the darker side of the psyche, driving its host to unspeakable evil.Dante must learn to harness this power without succumbing to the darkness, in order to confront the entity that wants to conquer this plane of existence.Together with a group of Warriors; Dante embarks on a mission to stay alive. Facing several enemies, even a secret faction within the Warriors- the Black Lotus; he fights those who would rather see him dead than unleash the power of his weapon. They will travel through several planes, called the Mirror, and avoid the dangers that reside within them in order to unlock the secret abilities that will allow him to use his weapon and ultimately defeat the entity that would destroy them all.The Black Lotus, the Warriors covert assassins have been tasked with finding Dante and preventing him from ever unleashing the power his weapon contains. Dante must use all of his skill and ability while relying on those sworn to keep him safe, to stay one step ahead of them in order to fulfill his mission.Through their travels, Dante discovers that his weapon contains a vastly powerful being that has been imprisoned within his weapon, and is willing to do anything to escape, even kill. In order to fully control his weapon Dante must unravel the mystery of this being, who it was and who was powerful enough to imprison it.Unknown to all, Sylk has been able to track the progress of the entity he calls the Dark One. The entity is preparing to take over their plane amassing a great force in various parts of the Mirror, and is closer to achieving his goal than the Warriors may believe. Despite the risk of Dante being turned by the darkness that resides in his weapon, Sylk believes that the unlocking and harnessing this weapon is the only chance they have to survive and is willing to stake his and everyones life on it.

    As a personal stylist to the undead, she's on a mission to help every vampire in Savannah, Georgia find their signature style. (Fashion tip: red hides blood stains.)Max Dupree is her latest client, but Hadley soon discovers finding the perfect suit for Max is the least of their problems. Max's life isn't the same since his recent resurrection from the grave. Life is completely different from how he knew it back in 1894.But Max isn't the only one with problems. Things have changed for all vampires in Savannah since his return. If Hadley doesn't figure out why bad things are happening, finding fabulous accessories will be moot. It could mean permanent death for every vampire in town.

    Rowling (the HARRY POTTER series), Darren Shan (CIRQUE DU FREAK), R.L. Stine (the GOOSEBUMPS series), and Stephen King (IT)! Volume Three in the PETER AND THE MONSTERS series! Follow the adventures started in PETER AND THE VAMPIRES (Volume One) and PETER AND THE WEREWOLVES (Volume Two)!Tragedy has struck Peter’s best friend Dill. In his effort to help, Grandfather might have actually made things worse. But help is on the way in the form of a new ally, and important information surfaces that might explain the Curse now haunting Peter and his family. In this volume, Peter battles more supernatural mayhem, including:A scientist who pieces together a family of monstrous creations…A pack of small creatures that kill the local baker, and plan to make Peter their next victim…Peter’s own dark side, which rears its ugly head in a violent rampage…A mysterious ‘snow demon’ out of Native American legend that menaces Peter on a ski trip…And a couple of ‘walking dead’ who try to put Peter in the morgue during a visit to the hospital. The PETER AND THE VAMPIRES series is for teens and adults who, when they were kids, were looking for stories that kicked butt. The protagonist might be young, but the stories are dark, funny, and edge-of-your-seat suspenseful.PETER AND THE FRANKENSTEIN is the third in an ongoing series that includes PETER AND THE VAMPIRES (Volume 1) and PETER AND THE WEREWOLVES (Volume 2). This book is 150,000 words (450+ pages) and contains some mild language, violence, and scary situations.