The mistletoe is hung. The eggnog is spiked. It’s time to celebrate the merriest, most heart-warming Christmas ever! Or not? No. Definitely, absolutely not. This Christmas won’t be cheerful. It’ll be more like Ash vs Evil Dead meets National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Because the Wallace family’s annual Christmas Eve party is about to skid off the rails. When a truckload of newly minted ghosts mix with the blizzard of the century, the neighborhood snowmen turn into blood-thirsty fiends. Their ghastly quest for revenge draws them to the brightest, loudest, most Christmasy place in the neighborhood: The home of Lloyd Wallace, hapless employee of the 24/7 Demon Mart, a local corner store where the beer cave doubles as the gate to hell. When the possessed snowmen crash a party packed with unpleasant relatives, back-stabbing socialites, one inconsolable cockroach, three badass demon fighters, and too much alcohol, this picture-perfect holiday soon goes straight to hell. This Christmas story is a companion to 24/7 Demon Mart, a humorous dark fantasy and horror-comedy book series for fans of Christopher Moore (The Stupidest Angel), Terry Pratchett, Mark Cain (Circles in Hell), and Heide Goody (Candy Canes and Buckets of Blood / Last Christmas, an Oddjobs short story). Hell for the Holidays can be read at any point in the 24/7 Demon Mart series AFTER The Graveyard Shift: 24/7 Demon Mart #1.

    Ever since he was given a copy of Arthur C. Clarke's Mysterious World for his ninth birthday Dom has been obsessed with the world of cryptozoology (monster hunting), and in Scary Monsters and Super Creeps he heads to six completely different destinations to investigate local monster sightings. He explores the Redwood Curtain in northern California in search of Sasquatch; in Canada he visits Lake Okanagan hoping to catch a glimpse of a thirty-foot snake-like creature called Ogopogo; and near Lake Télé in Congo he risks his life tracking the vegetarian sauropod Mokèlé-mbèmbé. Naturally he heads to Loch Ness - but for this hunt he has his family in tow; he treks across the Khumbu Valley in Nepal looking for Yeti; and in the hills above Hiroshima in Japan he enlists the help of a local man to find the Hibagon, a terribly smelly 'caveman ape'. In typically hilarious and irreverent fashion, Dom explores the cultures that gave rise to these monster myths and ends up in some pretty hairy situations with people even stranger than the monsters they are hunting. Are the monsters all the product of fevered minds, or is there a sliver of truth somewhere in the madness? Either way, the search gives Dom an excuse to dive into six fascinating destinations on a gloriously nutty adventure.

     THE STICK WOMAN - Priscilla has been held hostage, physically mutilated, and fed feces for years. And her situation is about to get much, much worse. SHIT-HOUSE - How bad is the world around you? How much worse could it get? How far would you go to fix it? THE USHERS - They are always there - somewhere in the background and just out of sight. A force of violence and lust. They are the ushers... THE SEA-SLOP THING - June needs a new job - and she's found it, along with something from the deepest depths of the sea.

    Separated from past friends and surrounded by people who resent her rise to the throne, the sole close companion she has left is Jane Boleyn, the infamous Lady Rochford. And this is not the only strain upon Catherine. People from her past come calling, the threat that the King may find out she is not the pure, innocent maiden he thinks she is puts her in peril. Catherine must imitate the Queens of the past in order to survive. And she must ignore her love for another man. On the day of her wedding, Catherine begins a dangerous game, wearing a mask, hoping to fool the King, until the day she can be free. No More Time to Dance is book two in The Story of Catherine Howard, by G. Lawrence The author's thank are due to Julia Gibbs, proof reader of this work, and BetiBup Designs, the cover artist.

    Baiting is the art of luring unsuspecting pedophiles (as well as the occasional religious zealots and others) into online chat with a false persona and then turning the conversations into the most vile, merciless and hilariously abusive logs ever recorded on the World Wide Web. This book will leave you less afraid of internet predators, yet more terrified knowing that people this stupid live among us without supervision. Either way, you will never look at Instant Messenger the same way again.

    The laughter continues to flow in Gina Kirkham's brilliant sequel to the hilarious Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong.Our hapless heroine, Constable Mavis Upton, is preparing to walk down the aisle with her fianc� Joe, but has to deal with her temperamental teen daughter, as well as investigate a serial flasher on a push bike.Throw a diva drag queen into the mix and you can expect more marvellous Mavis mishaps...Revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant, and moving stories of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.

    But some debates can never be settled no matter how much you run up your bar tab arguing with your friends. Well, it’s time to answer your questions once and for all: • Could an average guy start in the WNBA?• Would sumo wrestlers make great NFL linemen?• How easy is it for pro athletes to get laid? • How good are pro golfers at miniature golf?• Do pro athletes really play drunk or high?• How would a fan hit against a major league pitcher?To settle more than thirty of sports’ greatest (and most ridiculous) debates, Todd Gallagher has teamed up with coaches, general managers, and athletes—including LeBron James, Mike Tyson, Dwyane Wade, Johan Santana, Eddie George, Jose Canseco, and many others. But Gallagher didn’t just ask questions. He put these debates to the test—literally. He sent an all-midget lineup up against a pro baseball team. He swam freestyle against a doggie-paddling Olympic gold medalist. He recruited America's #1 darts player to test that uncanny accuracy in beer pong. And, yes, he stuck a frying pan in tennis star Andy Roddick’s hands and went to battle.The results are hilarious and enlightening. Best of all, once you have the answers you’ll be able to shut up the next loudmouth who tries to debate you at the bar.

    In this book, you'll discover the following:• Handwritten letters by Glaser's own father, which reveal him to be an early member of the band we now know as ZZ Top• Old lyrics journals of, among others, Bob Dylan and David Bowie, featuring a collection of songs they probably hoped would never see the light of day• A letter from Ringo to the rest of the Beatles, the week after their breakup, informing them of his plans to start a Beatles tribute band• Formerly classified government documents with shocking revelations about the Navy SEALs and the Butthole Surfers• Prince's set list for the bat mitzvah of Steven Spielberg's daughter Rachel, including the songs "Purple Oy Vey," "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Rabbi," and "When Doves Kvetch"My Dead Dad Was in ZZ Top is for everyone who loves absurd, made-up stories about their favorite bands. It's also for everyone who doesn't love absurd, made-up stories about their favorite real bands—they just might not enjoy it as much.

    Traveling from the '60s to the '90s, it showcases the cheapest, the tackiest, and the mechanically inept, including cars made by companies like Porsche and BMW that put them to shame. There's also the blobby Merkur Scorpio, the ungainly Rolls-Royce Camargue, the squarish Maserati Biturbo, and the (ironically) flammable Renault Fuego. Each photo spread is accompanied by a short, hilarious critique by Richard Porter, a crap car expert, who sees straight through all the pimped-out bodywork to the true lemon that lies underneath.Crap Cars is the perfect gift for anyone who loves cars or the casualties of bad taste, or for that special someone who misses their own beloved, long-gone piece of crap.

    Using the knowledge left by his father, the Plague Doctor, he seeks to unlock the secrets of the universe, but weakness of the flesh won’t be ignored. The sordid overtures of his nymphomaniac sister, combined with his own perverse desires, soil his subjects before revelation can be found.Now the return of Philip’s father is imminent. Judgment is at hand, and if the fate of his mother taught him anything, it’s that one mustn’t disappoint the Plague Doctor.

    Highly recommended!" ― Jonathan Maberry, New York Times bestselling author of Patient Zero and Rot & Ruin JACK WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR DUST―MAYBE EVEN SAVE THE WORLD! Dead Jack and the Pandemonium Device kicks off a wild and irreverent fantasy / horror series following the exploits of a zombie detective and his homunculus frenemy. In the fast-paced novel, the drug-addicted zombie detective and his shapeshifting sidekick battle and outsmart supernatural creatures, from tough-guy leprechauns to sex-obsessed shark women and insane bat gods, in a hellish, alternate New York City of the 1940s. The series is being developed for film and TV. Read Dead Jack and the Pandemonium Device now before it hits the screen! The book also features three interior illustrations.

    The simple ambition to hold dominion over the world and bend all to your Will sounds straightforward but it's not. There are armies to raise, fortresses to build, heroes to defeat, battles to be fought, hours of endless soliloquy in front of the mirror – it's a never ending job. After many spectacular failures, Evil decided to lend more than inspiration to these would be tyrants. He wrote an easy to follow Dark Lord's Handbook. And yet the next Dark Lord that came along screwed up like all the others. It had been hundreds of years, and the Handbook was lost in the annals of time, along with all that was mythic and exciting in the world. Then one day a randy dragon had a chance encounter. Nine months later a Dark Lord was born. In time, the Handbook found its way to this new contender, Morden. To become a Dark Lord is no easy thing. Morden had better be a quick study.

    One wanted to call it "The Empire Strikes Back" but it was generally felt that might intimidate the smaller nations.'Queen of sixteen sovereign nations, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith. She's one of the world's most well-known and powerful leaders and has reigned for 60 years. But what does she really think?'One does enjoy the Eurovision Song Contest. Lovely to be reminded how much more civilized the British are than our European neighbours. Royal Eurovision Fancy Dress Party to celebrate. Unfortunately Camilla misread the invitation as 'Euro-tunnel Fancy Dress Party' and came as a train.'Taking in the momentous events of 2012, including the Jubilee celebrations and preparations for the London Olympics, these diaries reveal the seldom-seen workings of state and reveal how an octogenarian is quietly ruling the world and still has time for a gin.

    The following day, millions of zombies who were being imprisoned in camps around the country were released into the general population.This is the story of the Quinn family of Boston, Massachusetts, an ordinary American family as they adjust to their new lives, living among zombies in their schools, hospitals, workplaces – Everywhere.

     Jack Downing has become one of the most influential business tycoons in America. Jack Downing also believes that God has chosen him to annihilate the entire existence of human beings. Convinced that God has chosen him to be “The One”, the successful Jack Downing will set out to kill off all of mankind. As he begins to carry out the plan of extinction, and with only one year left to do so, Jack begins to write on how he became God’s chosen one. On the outside the publicly respected Jack Downing in charming and charismatic, but unbeknownst to the world around him, the secret Jack is descending into violent madness. Written in a narrative form, THE LUNATIC MEMOIRS, is a novel that journeys deep into the detached reasoning of a sociopathic mind. Jack Downing illuminates how the mind’s line between that which is sane and insane can be truly very thin. www.ThatcherCNalley.com