Best of
Bizarro-Fiction

2012

The Handsome Squirm


Carlton Mellick III - 2012
    A man is arrested in the middle of the night. He doesn't know why. He doesn't remember committing any crime. The cops drop him off in a small community in the middle of the woods where a wedding is about to begin. It is his wedding. He doesn't recognize the bride, but she's allegedly pregnant with his children. All twelve of them. And by law, he must marry her or go to prison for the next two decades.But who is this strange woman he is to spend the rest of his life with? She doesn't seem quite human. Her expressions are cold and emotionless. Her movements are like that of a spider. She is Usagi, a creature who feeds on her human mate during pregnancy. Now this man has to find a way to terminate the marriage if he is to survive. But it's not going to be easy. His friends, his family, and his country are all against him. They believe a father should be willing to give up anything for the sake of his family. Even his life.Like Franz Kafka's "The Trial" meets an erotic body horror version of "The Blob," this darkly absurd tale is classic Mellick.

Tumor Fruit


Carlton Mellick III - 2012
    They are surrounded by poisonous blue plants and an ocean made of acid. Strange creatures lurk in the shadows. The ghostly sound of crying babies can be heard on the wind.Once they realize the rescue ships aren't coming, the eight castaways must band together in order to survive in this inhospitable environment. But survival might not be possible. The air they breathe is toxic, there is no shelter from the elements, and the only food they have to consume is the squid-shaped tumors that grow from a mentally disturbed woman's body.From the crazy imagination of bizarro fiction master Carlton Mellick III comes Tumor Fruit--an intense survival story full of eccentric characters, nail-biting suspense, and unpredictable twists.Like LOST on steroids, for the bizarro generation.

Kill Ball


Carlton Mellick III - 2012
    In a city where all humans live inside of plastic bubbles, exotic dancers are being murdered in the rubbery streets by a mysterious stalker known only as Kill Ball.

Tentacle Death Trip


Jordan Krall - 2012
    One race. Millions of tentacles.It's the year 2025 in the neon-colored nuclear wasteland that was once the United States of America. The remaining inhabitants are at the mercy of mutants, freaks, marauders, gangs, and the last millionaire in the country, the mysterious Mr. Silver. Now, five drivers must compete in a life-or-death race that will determine the fate of the planet. There's Samson, a lone wolf who buried his life in racing after he lost his wife and son. Gabby Peppermint, a cold-hearted bitch with a huge pink sledgehammer and an unrivaled thirst for blood. Junko, a cross-dressing ex-sex slave in a 1987 Honda Civic. Mama Hell, a God-fearing Christian who wears a shawl made of tattooed human skin. And Drac, a glass-skulled madman who drives a tentacled car possessing eldritch powers.Something timeless and beautiful has risen off the Eastern Seaboard, the ancient city of R'lyeh and these five racers have been called together for the most epic race in history. Tearing through a post-apocalyptic New Jersey landscape rife with mind-bending terrors, Drac, Samson, Gabby, Junko and Mama Hell will encounter things far more dangerous than each other. A tooth-tornado, nuclear mutants, cannibal Christians, a gargantuan ejaculating marionette, a friendly crab dealer, and the great city itself: the city of R'lyeh, either their doom or their salvation.

Kitten


G. Arthur Brown - 2012
    No. It's the story of a kitten that IS a kitten on a Steel Planet he does not understand, accompanied by oddball companions on a quest to return home, seeking revenge. Stop! You're both right. Kitten combines darkly personal and surreal psychodrama with zany adventure and absurd satire, adding to the mix a father-in-law who refuses to die and an ugly neighbor with fish for hands. Can Trevor enjoy the next episode of The Oversea Adventures of Pirate Piet? Does Willoughby make a fashionable hat for giant pandas? Only Kitten holds the answers.

Strange Sex


Kevin StrangeElizadeth Hetherington - 2012
    13 tales of erotic fiction from Kevin Strange, D.F. Noble, Rich Bottles, Jr., David C. Hayes, Elizadeth Hetherington and more exciting authors of today’s strangest fiction.

Gutmouth


Gabino Iglesias - 2012
    An obnoxious, toothy, foul-mouthed, pig of a mouth. Luckily, his girlfriend doesn't seem to mind. Marie, the one-legged stripper and cyber-prostitute love of his life is very accepting of it. And then a little too accepting. What would you do if your girlfriend cheated on you with the voracious yapper under your belly button? If you live in Gutmouth's world-a bleak city where gruesome, spontaneous mutations are no big deal, klepto-roaches take anything not tied-down, drugs turn pain into pleasure, consumers are tortured for growing food, and your best friend is a misogynistic rat-man-you might do something crazy. And what if you got caught?

Die You Doughnut Bastards


Cameron Pierce - 2012
    Burroughs on crack!" - Thomas F. Monteleone, New York Times bestselling authorThe bacon storm is rolling in. We hear the grease and sugar beat against the roof and windows. The doughnut people are attacking. We press close together, forgetting for a moment that we hate each other. In Die You Doughnut Bastards, amputees, lonely young people, and talking animals struggle for survival against the freakish whims of nature. A typewriter made of fetuses is the source of woe for an expecting couple. A girl with a glass jaw hides an otherworldly secret. A demonic loner goes to a birthday party in Hell. You'll encounter a killer in a marsupial mask, a prison for anorexics, haunted pancakes, and a songwriter with a cult following.Surreal prose poems give way to personal accounts of alienation and modern love. Vegetarian narwhals are sold at the supermarket. And in a city that might be your own, zombie doughnuts are rising up. Kill yourself before they kill you. Or just kill yourself.Featuring original illustrations in the style of Daniel Johnston, Die You Doughnut Bastards is the latest way to drown, brought to you by Wonderland Book Award-winning author Cameron Pierce.

All-Monster Action!


Cody Goodfellow - 2012
    Compulsive, breakneck reading!" -BRIAN KEENE author of The Rising and Ghoul IT'S THEIR WORLD... NOW GET THE FUCK OFF! Whether on the sun-kissed beaches of a nameless South Pacific paradise or in the suffocating dungeons of retail Hell, the misfits of evolution and mistakes of misbegotten science are battling, breeding, and feeding. And they're looking at you... COMING ATTRACTIONS! They came seeking cheap thrills and interspecies recreational sex, but they reaped a whirlwind of clusterfuckery when they toyed with the unspeakable forces of monster lust. From the idyllic nostalgia of WW2 to the thoroughly bat-shit future, witness the wages of sin and mutation as you've never seen them before (unless you read them previously in the periodicals or anthologies in which they first appeared)! OUR MAIN FEATURE! The world gave him a blank check and a demand: Create giant monsters to fight our wars. But Dr. Otaku was not satisfied with mere chaos and mass destruction.... Even as his subversively delicious kaiju creatures undermined the very fabric of American life, he hatched a scheme to animate the cities themselves and inaugurate a new dark age of mega-monster abominations who would finally give humanity the ass-whipping it deserved. Now only one man, riding inside the skull of a much larger man, stands between us and the planet-devastating madness of... ALL-MONSTER ACTION!

How to Avoid Sex


Matthew Revert - 2012
    It seems one can't leave the house without falling prey to orgy gangs or pornographic film shoots. Rather than admonishing prurient genital tendencies, we make a sport of celebrating them. There is a mistaken belief that sexuality is a natural part of the human condition. This fallacy has plunged us into damp-crotched darkness.This is the story of a superior man unwilling to bend to the will of society's sex addiction. This is a document detailing the lengths some of us will go to avoid sex, and why sometimes it's not as easy as one assumes.

Avoiding Mortimer


J.W. Wargo - 2012
    He's estranged from his undead family, stuck in a shitty job, and his only friends are ants. Mortimer decides to avoid the rest of living. But it turns out there is much more to avoid after suicide-Eternity in a body-making factory, a soul-hungry ant blob, God and his minions, the Afterlife, and even what lies beyond it. Aided by a sentient pile of dreadlocks, his acquired skills, and dumb luck, Mortimer attempts to avoid everything-and does a miserable job of it. A bizarro adventure story about life, the afterlife, the after-afterlife, and avoiding it all-especially the parts like working as an aglet-biter, or drinking shots of Holy Fuck.

Beer Run of the Dead


D.F. Noble - 2012
    Follow Kip, Rock and Steady, as they struggle to survive and stay completely shit-faced in the face of certain undead doom. These three unlikely heroes hold the key to humanity's salvation, but will they succeed being inebriated as they are? Not everyone who saves the world is a rocket scientist, a super hero, or a handsome actor turned politician. Sometimes people who save the world... they're fucking idiots.

Janitor of Planet Anilingus


Andrew Wayne Adams - 2012
    But his desires quickly change when he meets a weird, sexy woman and the mysterious killer who wants her dead. After being fired and replaced with an idiot, Jack fights to survive in a world of perpetual erections, anal pregnancies, possessed pigs, and competing Gods.It's a battle that will lead him to the heart of his planet, and into history in a mildly disgusting, 2001: A Space Odyssey sort of way.

Robamapocalypse


Kevin Strange - 2012
    This election year, Barack Obama is a giant fucking robot.

The Horror Show


Vincenzo Bilof - 2012
    Suffering from narcolepsy and amnesia, the poet wanders the same back-alleys he terrorized as a teenager. He's being carefully watched by Doctor Humphrey, whose unique treatment plan is driven by a higher power that wants a cure for mental instability to produce the ultimate war machines. At the mercy of his derangements and the ghosts of his fragmented past, the poet's descent into the darkest reaches of his soul reveals a blood-soaked past which threatens to repeat itself. While Doctor Humphrey collects data from his experiment with madness, he devises a plan to satisfy his own terrifying vision for the future