I Want This to Work: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age


Elizabeth Earnshaw - 2021
    She takes an accessible approach to couples therapy on the page, making these relationship tools feel easy—and even fun.” —Lori Gottlieb, LMFT, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone A contemporary, culturally inclusive, and easy-to-digest relationship book for the modern ageToday’s generation is changing the rules about committed relationships—and looking to create more meaning within their lives. We are more selective before getting married, with more diverse families and family structures, and we’ve seen a whopping 18 percent drop in divorce rates. In this new environment, what couples need more than ever are effective, flexible tools to communicate, navigate hard times, and create deeper connections with their partners.Elizabeth Earnshaw is here to help. The renowned Gottman therapist, founder of A Better Life Therapy, and influential Instagram therapist behind @lizlistens has helped to transform countless relationships. With I Want This to Work, she presents for today’s generation the most effective and proven steps for relationship success.“We’re in a cultural moment,” she says, “where people are hungry to absorb the principles for healthy relationships. This book answers that call.”Here, couples will learn how to work with the three challenges they must tackle to repair and strengthen their relationships: conflict, healing, and connection. They’ll learn fundamental principles including:· Why it’s not working· Creating space that makes it safe to connect· How to navigate hot conversations · The five-part relationship system· Busting the romantic notion that our better half “completes” us· Growing up and growing out—how both your early years and the social connections you make as an adult influence your relational beliefs, feelings, and patternsIn a supportive and relatable voice, Elizabeth simplifies complex concepts and provides core insights, exercises, and reflections to take these tested principles from the page and into real life.Culturally tuned in, LGBTQIA+ friendly, and written for both married and unmarried couples, this book brings us an accessible guide to relationship healing and creating enduring intimacy.

The Art of Loving


Erich Fromm - 1956
    As with every art, love demands practice and concentration, as well as genuine insight and understanding.In his classic work, The Art of Loving, renowned psychoanalyst and social philosopher Erich Fromm explores love in all its aspects—not only romantic love, steeped in false conceptions and lofty expectations, but also brotherly love, erotic love, self-love, the love of God, and the love of parents for their children.

Making Sense of Men: A Woman's Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care, and Attention from All Men


Alison A. Armstrong - 2008
    Do you have to sell your soul? Not even close. This book can be your guide, an unexpected friend, even a prophecy for your future. Funny information-packed text, illustrative charts and enlightening side-bars will deliver priceless insights into men, their motivations and their inspirations. Making Sense of Men will teach you: -Why men pursue some women for sex and others for heart-felt relationships -How to tell when a man is emotionally involved -How to inspire generosity and attentiveness in all men -How you can be strong and successful - without discouraging men

Modern Romance


Aziz Ansari - 2015
    We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate.For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before.In Modern Romance, Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.

The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed


Mystery - 2007
    Mystery gained mainstream attention for his role in Neil Strauss's New York Times bestselling exposé, The Game. Now he has written the definitive handbook on the art of the pickup.He developed his unique method over years of observing social dynamics and interacting with women in clubs to learn how to overcome the guard shield that many women use to deflect come-ons from "average frustrated chumps."The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed shares tips such as:*Give more attention to her less attractive friend at first, so your target will get jealous and try to win your attention.*Always approach a target within 3 seconds of noticing her. If a woman senses your hesitation, her perception of your value will be lower.*Don't be picky. Approach as many groups of people in a bar as you can and entertain them with fun conversation. As you move about the room, positive perception of you will grow. Now it's easy to meet anyone you want.*Smile. Guys who don't get laid, don't smile.

No More Mr. Nice Guy


Robert A. Glover - 2000
    Nice Guy! landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O'Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the "Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.

The Female Brain


Louann Brizendine - 2006
    Though referenced like a work of research, Brizedine's writing style is fully accessible. Brizendine provides a fascinating look at the life cycle of the female brain from birth ("baby girls will connect emotionally in ways that baby boys don't") to birthing ("Motherhood changes you because it literally alters a woman's brain-structurally, functionally, and in many ways, irreversibly") to menopause (when "the female brain is nowhere near ready to retire") and beyond. At the same time, Brizedine is not above reviewing the basics: "We may think we're a lot more sophisticated than Fred or Wilma Flintstone, but our basic mental outlook and equipment are the same." While this book will be of interest to anyone who wonders why men and women are so different, it will be particularly useful for women and parents of girls.

How to Be Married: What I Learned from Real Women on Five Continents about Surviving My First (Really Hard) Year of Marriage


Jo Piazza - 2017
    But before long, Jo found herself riddled with questions. How do you make a marriage work in a world where you no longer need to be married? How does an independent, strong-willed feminist become someone’s partner—all the time?In the tradition of writers such as Nora Ephron and Elizabeth Gilbert, award-winning journalist and nationally bestselling author Jo Piazza writes a provocative memoir of a real first year of marriage that will forever change the way we look at matrimony. A travel editor constantly on the move, Jo journeys to twenty countries on five continents to figure out what modern marriage means. Throughout this stunning, funny, warm, and wise personal narrative, she gleans wisdom from matrilineal tribeswomen, French ladies who lunch, Orthodox Jewish moms, Swedish stay-at-home dads, polygamous warriors, and Dutch prostitutes.Written with refreshing candor, elegant prose, astute reporting, and hilarious insight into the human psyche, How to Be Married offers an honest portrait of an utterly charming couple. When life throws more at them than they ever expected—a terrifying health diagnosis, sick parents to care for, unemployment—they ultimately create a fresh understanding of what it means to be equal partners during the good and bad times. Through their journey, they reveal a framework that will help the rest of us keep our marriages strong, from engagement into the newlywed years and beyond.

Modern Dating: A Field Guide


Chiara Atik - 2013
    The single woman is having a moment. In the worlds of work, personal finances, and education, women are more successful today than ever before. When it comes to dating, they're happy to take their time exploring lots of different relationships before deciding if they want to settle down. Women today, like the generations of women before them, want to fall in love. But they want it to happen organically, at its own pace, and with the right person. It's 2012, and the dating "rules" are nonexistent now. Modern Dating will never tell you How to Win a Husband in Just 3 Easy Steps! But it will offer advice on how to send a relatively unembarrassing sext, how to create a failproof first date idea, and how to make sure you're getting into a relationship for the right reasons. It will gently guide you through all the triumphs and pitfalls of what dating is actually like, from pre-date Googling, to one-night stands, to confusing texts and e-mails, to your first online date. Frank, funny, and totally relatable, this is a book that really gets at how women are dating today-the ideal travel companion for your dating life. The only rule is that there are no rules, but this book will be there for guidance, or just for laughs, every step of the way. Chiara Atik is a writer and blogger, recently described by Gawker as "The Girl You Wish You Knew When You Moved to New York." Her writing has been featured on Elle.com, Glamour.com, The Hairpin, Today.com (the Today show), and Yahoo Shine. She was New York editor of GuestofaGuest.com and has been writing about dating for HowAboutWe since 2010. Brian Schechter and Aaron Schildkrout are the pioneers of the offline dating movement. Best friends since childhood, they launched HowAboutWe.com

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love


Amir Levine - 2010
    F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships-until now.Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:*ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.*AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.*SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers readers a wealth of advice on how to navigate their relationships more wisely given their attachment style and that of their partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire


David Deida - 1997
    Until now.In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives—from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality and relationships—to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. Join this bestselling author and internationally renowned expert on sexual spirituality for straightforward advice, empowering skills, body practices, and more to help you realize a life of fulfillment, immediately and without compromise."It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart," writes David Deida. "It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine." The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge—and reward—for today's man: to discover the 'unity of heart and spine' through the full expression of consciousness and love in the infinite openness of the present moment.ContentsPart One: A Man's Way Part Two: Dealing With Women Part Three: Working With Polarity and Energy Part Four: What Women Really Want Part Five: Your Dark Side Part Six: Feminine Attractiveness Part Seven: Body Practices Part Eight: Men's and Women's Yoga of IntimacyExcerpt: This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.

Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives


Pia Mellody - 1989
    Mellody sets forth five primary adult symptoms of this crippling condition, then traces their origin to emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual abuses that occur in childhood. Central to Mellody's approach is the concept that the codependent adult's injured inner child needs healing. Recovery from codependence, therefore, involves clearing up the toxic emotions left over from these painful childhood experiences.

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You


Elaine N. Aron - 1996
    And, if you are one of the 20 percent of people who are born highly sensitive, the risk of an unhappy relationship is especially high. Your finely tuned nervous system, which picks up on subtleties and reflects deeply, would be a romantic asset if both you and your partner understood you better. But without that understanding, your sensitivity is likely to be making your close relationships painful and complicated.Based on Elaine N. Aron’s groundbreaking research on temperament and intimacy, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love offers practical help for highly sensitive people seeking happier, healthier romantic relationships. From low-stress fighting to sensitive sexuality, the book offers a wealth of practical advice on making the most of all personality combinations. Complete with illuminating self-tests and the results of the first survey ever done on sex and temperament, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love will help you discover a better way of living and loving.

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense


Suzette Haden Elgin - 1980
    In The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense you'll learn the skills you need to respond to all types of verbal attack. Specific strategies fro your defense include:* Twelve rules of clear, effective interaction* Recognition of five verbal modes--the Placator, Blamer, Distractor, Computer, and Leveler* Tone of voice--make yours bolder and more assertive* Alternative scripts--better approaches to common confrontation* Body language--how it supports what you say* and in special chapters directed to both men and women, the author explains how women have long been the verbal victims of men and what both sexes can do to break this destructive patternWith numerous examples of verbal confrontations and a journal to help you keep track of your progress, The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense will give you the perception you need to deal confidently in any interaction.

Date or Soul Mate?: How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less


Neil Clark Warren - 2002
    She wonders if he could be "the one." In the glamorous haze of early romantic attraction it's hard to know whether a relationship will lead to true love-or to a negative or even catastrophic relationship. This book helps men and women who want healthy and satisfying marriages identify the early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Dr. Warren shows readers how to hold out for God's best for their lives instead of settling for the first one to come along and outlines the factors that increase the chances for marital success. For those who want to become wiser in their relationship choices, this practical guide will help them find the love they want and avoid the pain they don't need.Revised edition of How to Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less.