If you need to extend your verbal eloquence to include vulgarity from 1811, this is the book for you.

    Koontz takes a practical, detailed approach to the art, craft, and business of novel writing. You'll learn how to structure a story for greatest reader appeal, how to provide depth of characterization without slowing the pace, and how to recognize and use the sort of theme that is timely and appealing. Plus you'll receive thorough instruction on other writing techniques as they apply to today's novel, including background, viewpoint, scene setting, transitions, and dialogue. On the business side, Koontz gives an insider's view of how to deal profitably with editors and agents, advice on contracts, and tips on paperback and book club sales, foreign rights, and film rights. His final advice to writers is to read, read, read. To help you get started, he supplies a list of today's best-sellers which will provide further insight into the kind of novel that will succeed today...."

    So go ahead and start with the panicky noises. Then, crack open this handy book. It's your comprehensive guide to the last days, a must-have for apocalypse watchers, readers of Revelation and all-around Armageddon obsessives. Inside you'll find valuable information like: -- A brief history of the end of the world -- The Apocalyptionary (a glossary of the end) -- Candidates for the Antichrist -- Fun with eschatology! -- The Endies (a salute to end-times entertainment) ...and several other slightly alarmist and conspiracy-minded categories. Doomsday has never been so much fun!

    Here, Stephen Rosenfield lays out a clear plan for achieving success, candidly explaining what works, what doesn’t, and why. Including a 12-item “Successful Comedian’s To-Do List,” Rosenfield states, “Get undeniably good at each of these and you can kiss your day job good-bye. You will be a pro.” The New York Times heralded Stephen Rosenfield as “probably the best known comedy teacher in the country.” His alumni include some of today’s most prominent comedians and comedy writers, such as Lena Dunham, Jim Gaffigan, Eric Slovin, and Jessica Kirson. Rosenfield has directed, coached, and/or written for these and hundreds of other comedians. As a pioneer in the field of teaching comedy, he founded the American Comedy Institute, the premier stand-up comedy school in the United States, in 1989.

    With deft use of examples of humor and wordplay, Steven Pinker weaves our vast knowledge of language into a compelling story: language is a human instinct, wired into our brains by evolution. The Language Instinct received the William James Book Prize from the American Psychological Association and the Public Interest Award from the Linguistics Society of America. This edition includes an update on advances in the science of language since The Language Instinct was first published.

    And that's with no toilet breaks. And all you'd get to eat and drink would be giant buckets of coke and popcorn, and six inches of horrible pink gunk extruded on a bun. And your left hand will keep wandering down to that tacky gobbet of someone else's chewing gum under your seat. You know it will.Even if you saw one a week it would take three months: you'd miss all those trips down the pub and your friends would stop speaking to you and you'd be in danger of turning into Jonathan Ross. And no one wants that.Or perhaps you could watch them at home on DVD and never be able to get up out of your sofa ever again. Even when the pizza arrives.But then Hollywood Blockbusters are a guilty pleasure you'd really not want to be without. Never fear. Help is at hand. Well, in your hand actually. Ten of the biggest movies of the last thirty years. Condensed. Made (intentionally) funny. Made (intentionally) very funny. Simple really.

    Something impossible seemed to be happening. The kinds of jokes we learn to repress through social conditioning were not only being aired out in public—they were being applauded. As it turned out, this monthly show was part of a subculture that’s been around in one form or another since at least the late ‘70s. Its pinnacle is the O. Henry Pun Off World Championship, an annual tournament in Austin, Texas. As someone who is terminally self-conscious, Joe was both awed and jealous of these people who confidently killed with the most maligned form of humor. In this immersive ride into the subversive world of pun competitions, we meet punsters weird and wonderful and Berkowitz is our tour guide. Puns may show up in life in subtle ways sometimes, but once you start thinking in puns you discover they’re everywhere. Berkowitz’s search to discover who makes them the most, and why, leads him to the professional comedian competitors on @Midnight, a TV show with a pun competition built into it, the writing staff of Bob’s Burgers, the punniest show on TV, and even a humor research conference. With his new unlikely band of punster brothers, he finally heads to Austin to compete in the World Championship. Of course, in befriending these comic misfits he also ended up learning that when you embrace puns you become a more authentic version of yourself.

    The world's worst maladies, conveniently organized by symptom (real or imagined), will ignite even the mildest hypochondriac's fantasy life. We're all going to die of something--why not choose an ailment that's rare and hard to pronounce?

    With detailed illustrations and firsthand accounts from zombie combat veterans, this manual provides readers with the information they need to emerge victoriously from a close combat encounter with a walking corpse. Now is the time to learn how to survive a hand-to-hand battle against the advancing army of the undead-before humans fall prey to their growing ranks.

    Here are more than 700 of Isaac Asimov's favorite jokes, cleverest limericks and funniest stories.

    His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.  Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.  After being unceremoniously dumped by the girl he was certain was “the one,” Charlie realized his neighbors’ conversations were not only amusing, but also offered him access to a completely uncensored woman’s perspective on the world. From the importance of effectively Facebook-stalking potential girlfriends and effortlessly pulling off pastel, to learning when in the early stages of dating is too presumptuous to bring a condom and how to turn food poisoning into a dieting advantage, the girls get Charlie into trouble, but they also get him out of it—without ever having a clue of their impact on him.

    One of the best ways to get around the problem is to surround yourself with ideas. "1,000 Creative Writing Prompts for Seasons: Ideas for Blogs, Scripts, Stories and More" gives you exactly one thousand idea-generating prompts that focus on the coldest, warmest, toughest and funniest days of the four seasons. This book covers many different aspects of spring, summer, fall and winter including weather, nature, holidays, festivals, the five senses, science, literature, entertainment and more! These 1,000 prompts work for blogs, scripts, stories, poems, essays, songs and anything else that requires you to stare down writer's block and put pen to paper anyway. Originally geared for the classroom, these prompts can be used by any writer from 5 to 105 to get the ideas they need when they need them. Author Bryan Cohen has written over a dozen books of writing prompts including "1,000 Character Writing Prompts: Villains, Heroes and Hams for Scripts, Stories and More," "500 Writing Prompts for Kids: First Grade through Fifth Grade" and "The Writing Prompts Workbook Series." His books have sold over 15,000 copies. He lives in Chicago.

    The fear of mispronouncing or misusing complex words is real and leaves many of us consigned to the lower levels* of the English Language. The secret to eloquence, however, lies in simplicity—the ability to use ordinary words in extraordinary ways.The Well-Spoken Thesaurus is your guide to eloquence, replacing the ordinary with the extraordinary. While a common thesaurus provides only synonyms as mere word-for-word equivalents, The Well-Spoken Thesaurus is filled with* dynamic reinventions of standard words and phrases.*lofty word, pretentious word *know what it is to *lower reaches, lower echelons *awash in, instilled with, dense with, rich in

    The Survivors Club: The Secrets and Science that Could Save Your Life

    H. Dalton,” a professor of racialist studies and a leading authority on inferior people of all ethnicities, genders, religions, and sexual preferences. In the grand tradition of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion and Birth of a Nation, he is on a mission to clarify the truth about self-supremacy, drawing on eminent scholarship to enlighten a new generation of hate-mongers. Presenting evidence that everyone should be hated (even white people), A Practical Guide to Racism contains sparkling bits of wisdom on such subjects as: • The good life enjoyed by blacks, who shuffle through life unhindered by the white man’s burdens, such as reverse racism and white slavery, to become accomplished athletes, rhymesmiths, and dominoes champions. • The sad story of the industrious, intelligent Jews, whose entire reputation is sullied by their unfortunate taste for the blood of Christian babies. • A close look at the bizarre, sweet-smelling race known as “women,” who are not good at anything— especially ruling the free world. • A crucial manual to Arabs, a people so sensitive they are liable to blow up at any time. • A country-by-country breakdown of the “Yellow Peril,” with pointers for telling apart a race of people who all look the same. Also included is a comprehensive glossary of timeless epithets, with hundreds of pejorative words for everyone from Phoenicians to Jews. A Practical Guide to Racism is sure to spark honest, instructive discourse.