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Dictionary of Humorous Quotations by Evan Esar


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I Used To Miss Him...But My Aim Is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide


Alison James - 2004
    But today's woman needs more than a book of soppy affirmations to get her back on her feet and feeling great. I Used to Miss Him... is full of smart tips, sarcastic stories and hilarious ways to heal after a breakup. This book provides the sort of genuine advice you'd get from your best friend, but with a "rip his head off" attitude. By supporting a girl's right to be angry with her ex, this fun guide helps her rebuild her strength and confidence after he's gone.Features edgy advice on how to:Cash in on his lifelong guiltLook sexy and feel fabulous (then run into him at a party)Make an ex-boyfriend voodoo dollLose the guy, keep the jewelryAdvertise being singleStalk responsibly to keep him on his toesMaximize post-breakup pamperingI Used to Miss Him... is the ultimate breakup survival guide for today's woman!

Stone Me: The Wit and Wisdom of Keith Richards


Mark Blake - 2008
    Sample these nuggets of wit and wisdom chipped from the tablets of Stone:On etiquette: "I've never turned blue in someone else's bathroom. I consider that the height of bad manners."On Mick Jagger: "My aim is always to try to introduce a bit of levity into his life."On the police: "There was a knock on our dressing-room door. Our manager shouted, 'Keith! Ron! The Police are here!' Oh, man, we panicked, flushed everything down the john. Then the door opened and it was Stewart Copeland and Sting."On family: "My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow."On dental care: "Miraculously, due to abstinence and prayer, my teeth grew back."

The Alaska Cruise Handbook: A Mile-by-Mile Guide


Joe Upton - 2005
    With the author's own wonderful Alaska stories and information on wildlife, native culture, landmarks, historical sites, shopping, and more, you won t miss a thing. Upton's Handbook traces the route used by most Alaska cruises, with maps and text keyed to a route numbering/navigational system that is frequently announced onboard, allowing the passenger to easily follow his ship s progress from Mile One. The wonderful illustrated maps and color photography throughout keep you informed throughout your journey, making a wonderful souvenir when it ends.

Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews


Amazon Reviewers - 2014
    Witty and unexpected, this collection of customer reviews is sure to show you a new, hilarious, and completely candid side of Amazon products and reviews you never knew existed.

A Pointless History of the World (Pointless Books Book 5)


Richard Osman - 2016
    Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman, two of the world's foremost experts on Things Before Their Time[3] take you on a step-by-step journey through history.From the Big Bang to the Fall of the Roman Empire, from the Ice Age to the Evolution of Language, from Henry VIII to Last of the Summer Wine: all of civilisation is here. A publishing first, this thoroughly comprehensive and highly ambitious quest through Time and Space is interspersed with questions for all the family from TV's most popular tea-time quiz show, Pointless. This is Alexander and Richard's biggest book yet.The book no historian can afford to be without[4], it comes complete with introduction and footnotes[5]. [1] Highly selective[2] Largely cobbled together from what we can remember from school [3] That's not even a thing[4] Under no circumstances to be used for reference[5] Um...

The Erma Bombeck Collection


Erma Bombeck - 2013
    And The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank is Bombeck’s take on the unforgiving frontier of American suburbia.

On the Prowl: The Secret Life of Cats


Rupert Fawcett - 2016
    In On the Prowl the best of Rupert Fawcett's brilliantly observed, touchingly true cartoons come together in book form for the first time.Featuring the secret thoughts and conversations of cats of every size, shape and breed, this gorgeous book is a celebration of our favourite feline friends.

Taskmaster: 220 Extraordinary Tasks for Ordinary People


Alex Horne - 2018
    Your time starts now …In the TV show and on my marriage certificate, my job description is ‘Taskmaster’s Assistant’. That’s what I do and it’s an honour. I like Taskmaster a lot. And, of course, I love The Taskmaster. He’s mountainous. If you feel in any way the same as me then you should enjoy this book.There are tasks for you, your friends and your family. There are secret things and sneaky tricks. And there is one swear word. So it’s almost exactly like being on the show.Good luck. Make good choices. Let’s do Him proud.Alex HorneTaskmaster’s Assistant

Rolling with the Punchlines: A Memoir


Urzila Carlson - 2020
    Urzila talks candidly about her childhood with a great family, apart from her abusive dad, and about growing up in South Africa. She shares crazy but true tales about her OE, her move to New Zealand, coming out, getting married and having children, and her life in comedy. This is a great listen from one of our most loved and most popular comedians.

You Were Stabbed Where?: Real Stories from a Small-Town ER


Kerry Hamm - 2015
    Since the last two books were published, patients have taken crazy to a new level, including bringing weapons into the ER and making Facebook's 'Trending News' section. Written by a registration clerk, these are true stories from the first person to see the patients at this small-town hospital in Ohio.

Off-Camera Flash: Techniques for Digital Photographers


Neil van Niekerk - 2011
    Seeking to address the various challenges of off-camera lighting, professional photographers and advanced amateurs alike will find a range of confidence-building instruction, beginning with basic how’s and why’s of lighting for creative effect, the types of equipment available and instruction about their proper use, clear definitions of various technical concepts such as managing shutter speed and controlling flash exposure, using ambient light as well as natural sunlight during a shoot, and incorporating off-camera flash into a portrait session. Concluding this lesson plan is a look at five different real-life photo sessions, each employing a different flash technique. Here, photographers get a deeper understanding of each concept put into practice, marrying the elements of lighting with the natural elements presented by the shoot.

Fable III Signature Series Guide


Doug Walsh - 2010
    A highly acclaimed action strategy RPG, the guide covers the best tips for completing each quest along with information on multiple outcomes and how they will affect your hero. Learn what can befall your hero with each promise you make and discover what happens if you keep it. Also includes area information, illustrated maps and a real estate guide with prices, rents and repairs plus much more.

Things You Need To Be Told


The Etiquette Grrls - 2001
    The Etiquette Grrls have decided that things are simply getting out of hand, and they have Taken It Upon Themselves to step in with a helpful guide to navigate the Etiquette Quandaries in your day-to-day life. They dish up advice on cohabitation, letter-writing, telephoning, traveling, grooming, drinking, dining, dating, and marriage and, it would be Terribly Rude of you not to pay attention.Who are they, you ask, to be writing such a book? The Etiquette Grrls are graduates of New England Preparatory Schools and Prestigious Colleges; they are throwers of Great Parties; they can hold their liquor; their expertise on fashion and make-up and—especially Subversive Nail Polish colors-knows no bounds; they wear Doc Martens with their cashmere twin sets; and, most important, they know what they're talking about.The Etiquette Grrls' advice has been featured in Ladies Home Journal, Chicago Sun-Times, and Business Week Online.

You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News


Cracked.com - 2011
    Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in:* A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain.* The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt.* Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you.* The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD.* Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.If you’re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, you’ll love what you find in You Might Be a Zombie from the twisted minds at Cracked.

Shit Happens


Eileen Wharton - 2012
    She's got problems though when bits of her ex-husband turn up in different places and the slimy DI Savage seems to be bending the evidence to link her to the death. Add the fact that she's being pressured into taking a ‘job’ by hard-nosed Vera Devlin from the estate and having to work in a topless bar to make ends meet and you can see she's up against it. Desperate to extricate herself from the mess she breaks into her old marital home to find the diary of her dead husband, except that his mother has taken up residence and arrives back early from bingo… Set against a backdrop of Northern council estate life, this fast paced, humorous novel exemplifies the problems caused by poverty, piles and unruly children, think Jeremy Kyle meets the Thorn Birds and you won't be far wrong!