What is his real mission and will his Aunt Archangelica approve of his treatment of her cat?In this short story, New York Times Bestselling Author Gail Carriger uses her comedic voice to delve into the history of one of her most beloved characters. If you have ever wondered about Alexia's father, this will give you a glimpse into his adventures and character.This story was first published in The Book of the Dead, a Jurassic London anthology.

    There are plenty of mercenaries, spies, and guns for hire in the galaxy. But probably none as dangerous and determined as Bazine Netal. A master of disguise—and lethal with a blade, a blaster, or bare handed—she learned from the best. Now it’s her turn to be the teacher—even if schooling an eager but inexperienced recruit in the tricks of her trade is the last thing she wants to do. But it’s the only way to score the ship she needs to pull off her latest job. An anonymous client has hired Bazine to track down an ex-stormtrooper and recover the mysterious package he’s safeguarding. Payment for the mission promises to be astronomical, but the obstacles facing Bazine will prove to be formidable. And though her eager new sidekick has cyber skills crucial to the mission, only Bazine’s razor-sharp talents will mean the difference between success or failure—and life or death.

    Moreau to Dr. Doom, readers have long been fascinated by insane plans for world domination and the madmen who devise them. Typically, we see these villains through the eyes of good guys. This anthology, however, explores the world of mad scientists and evil geniuses—from their own wonderfully twisted point of view. An all-star roster of bestselling authors—including Diana Gabaldon, Daniel Wilson, Austin Grossman, Naomi Novik, and Seanan McGuire ... twenty-two great storytellers, all told—have produced a fabulous assortment of stories, guaranteed to provide readers with hour after hour of high-octane entertainment born of the most megalomaniacal mayhem imaginable. Everybody loves villains. They’re bad; they always stir the pot; they’re much more fun than the good guys, even if we want to see the good guys win. Their fiendish schemes, maniacal laughter, and limitless ambition are legendary, but what lies behind those crazy eyes and wicked grins? How—and why—do they commit these nefarious deeds? And why are they so set on taking over the world? If you've ever asked yourself any of these questions, you’re in luck: It’s finally time for the madmen’s side of the story.Between each chapter falls a single-page essay by the editor, by way of introduction to the story ahead; they have titles of their own, but all contain spoilers, so are not listed here (they can be found on the Internet Science Fiction Database if desired). All individual works in this anthology are in short story form, with the exception of Diana Gabaldon's 80-page Outlander novella, and unless otherwise noted, were first published within. CONTENTS Foreword - Chris Claremont, The Mad Scientist's Guide to World Domination: Original Short Fiction for the Modern Evil Genius (p9)01 - Austin Grossman, Professor Incognito Apologizes: An Itemized List (p16)02 - Harry Turtledove, Father of the Groom (p28)03 - Seanan McGuire, Laughter at the Academy: A Field Study in the Genesis of Schizotypal Creative Genius Personality Disorder (SCGPD) (p38)04 - David D. Levine, Letter to the Editor (p52)05 - Jeremiah Tolbert, Instead of a Loving Heart (2004, p59)06 - Daniel H. Wilson, The Executor (p68)07 - Heather Lindsley, The Angel of Death Has a Business Plan (p83)08 - Dave Wolverton (as David Farland), Homo Perfectus (p96)09 - L.A. Banks, Ancient Equations (p108)10 - Alan Dean Foster, Rural Singularity (p123)11 - Genevieve Valentine, Captain Justice Saves the Day (p133)12 - Theodora Goss, The Mad Scientist's Daughter (2010, p142)13 - Diana Gabaldon, The Space Between (2012 Outlander novella, p161)14 - Carrie Vaughn, Harry and Marlowe Meet the Founder of the Aetherian Revolution (p245)15 - Laird Barron, Blood and Stardust (p261)16 - L.E. Modesitt Jr., A More Perfect Union (p276)17 - Naomi Novik, Rocks Fall (p289)18 - Mary Robinette Kowal, We Interrupt This Broadcast (Lady Astronaut short story, p298)19 - Marjorie M. Liu, The Last Dignity of Man (p306)20 - Jeffrey Ford, The Pittsburgh Technology (p328)21 - Grady Hendrix, Mofongo Knows (p341)22 - Ben H. Winters, The Food Taster's Boy (p357)

    "Not enough to be useful, you know. Just glimpses. My wife dead, things like that to keep me up late at night. I had this vision that I was going to be killed by forty men, all at once. But now that you're here, I see they're all you. Durzo Blint."Durzo Blint? Gaelan had never even heard the name.***Gaelan Starfire is a farmer, happy to be a husband and a father; a careful, quiet, simple man. He's also an immortal, peerless in the arts of war. Over the centuries, he's worn many faces to hide his gift, but he is a man ill-fit for obscurity, and all too often he's become a hero, his very names passing into legend: Acaelus Thorne, Yric the Black, Hrothan Steelbender, Tal Drakkan, Rebus Nimble.But when Gaelan must take a job hunting down the world's finest assassins for the beautiful courtesan-and-crimelord Gwinvere Kirena, what he finds may destroy everything he's ever believed in.Word count: ~17,000

    Social criticism, political parable, and environmental advocacy lie at the center of Paolo's work. Each of the stories herein is at once a warning, and a celebration of the tragic comedy of the human experience.The eleven stories in Pump Six represent the best Paolo's work, including the Hugo nominee "Yellow Card Man," the nebula and Hugo nominated story "The People of Sand and Slag," and the Sturgeon Award-winning story "The Calorie Man."

    The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets. Behind the fake Tudor facade of Pine Cove, California, Catch sees a four-star buffet. Travis, on the other hand, thinks he sees a way of ridding himself of his toothy traveling companion. The winos, neo-pagans, and deadbeat Lotharios of Pine Cove, meanwhile, have other ideas. And none of them is quite prepared when all hell breaks loose.

    A policy with Stranger & Stranger can cover all of your interdimensional insurance needs. Rated "Number One in Customer Satisfaction" for three years running, no claim is too big or too weird for Tom Stranger to handle.But now Tom faces his greatest challenge yet. Despite being assigned the wrong—and woefully inadequate—intern, Tom must still provide quality customer service to multiple alternate Earths, all while battling tentacle monsters, legions of the damned, an evil call center in Nebraska, and his archnemesis, Jeff Conundrum. Armed with his Combat Wombat and a sense of fair play, can Tom survive? And will Jimmy the Intern ever discover his inner insurance agent?It's time to kick ass and adjust claims.Adam Baldwin (Firefly, Chuck) performs Larry Correia's madcap interdimensional tale of underwriting and space travel, where the only thing scarier than tentacle monsters is a high deductible.

    When Enrique’s experimental bioengineered creatures go missing, the pair discover that the zone still conceals deadly old secrets. This novella falls after Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance in the Vorkosigan series timeline, but may be read entirely independently.

    Bluff Farmer Giles lives in a land-of-fable England, full of giants and dragons. A reluctant hero like the Brave Little Tailor or Bilbo in The Hobbit, Giles wins a great reputation by firing his blunderbuss at a wandering giant--who retreats not in fear but to avoid this tiresome stinging "insect". One thing leads to another, and despite all his excuses the now famous Giles is called to save his country from the marauding dragon Chrysophylax. He has a legendary anti-dragon sword and a lot of luck, but dragons can be as devious as politicians... Tolkien crammed much sly wit into his little story, plus jokey philological explanations that Giles's amazing adventures are commemorated in Thames Valley placenames like Worminghall and Thame. It's illustrated with nearly 50 line drawings by Paula Baynes: Tolkien loved these, but some look sadly faded here, like fourth-generation photocopies. As a bonus, the anniversary edition includes an introduction telling the story's history, a transcription of the original, unfinished draft, and 23 pages of notes on allusions and names (Chrysophylax means "keeper of gold", which is indeed what dragons do). A pleasant gift book. --David Langford

    His familiar reminded him of this several times a day.He only knew three spells, and one of them was to control his allergy to armadillo dander. His attempts to summon elementals resulted in nosebleeds, and there is nothing more embarrassing than having your elemental leave the circle to get you a tissue, pat you comfortingly, and then disappear in a puff of magic. The armadillo had about wet himself laughing.He was a very minor mage.Unfortunately, he was all they had.

    Once the dust settles, these four find themselves faced with an impossible choice: pretend to be adventurers undertaking a task of near-certain death or see their town and loved ones destroyed. Armed only with salvaged equipment, second-hand knowledge, and a secret that could get them killed, it will take all manner of miracles if they hope to pull off their charade.And even if they succeed, the deadliest part of their journey may well be what awaits them at its end.

    That is, until she meets Mercury, an anti-establishment angel who's frittering his time away whipping up batches of Rice Krispy Treats and perfecting his ping-pong backhand instead of doing his job: helping to orchestrate Armageddon. With the end near and angels and demons debating the finer political points of the Apocalypse, Christine and Mercury accidentally foil an attempt to assassinate one Karl Grissom, a thirty-seven-year-old film school dropout about to make his big break as the Antichrist. Now, to save the world, she must negotiate the byzantine bureaucracies of Heaven and Hell and convince the apathetic Mercury to take a stand, all the while putting up with the obnoxious mouth-breathing Antichrist.

    Here’s the correct version, as published in Omni, 1990." -- Terry Bisson

    The Abernathys don't mean any harm by their flirtation with the underworld, but when they unknowingly call forth Satan himself, they create a gap in the universe. A gap in which a pair of enormous gates is visible. The gates to Hell. And there are some pretty terrifying beings just itching to get out...Can one small boy defeat evil? Can he harness the power of science, faith, and love to save the world as we know it?Bursting with imagination, The Gates is about the pull between good and evil, physics and fantasy. It is about a quirky and eccentric boy who is impossible not to love, and the unlikely cast of characters who give him the strength to stand up to a demonic power.John Connolly manages to re-create the magical and scary world of childhood that we've all left behind but so love to visit. And for those of you who thought you knew everything you could about particle physics and the universe, think again. This novel makes anything seem possible.

    But Frampton and Carly are highly advanced (if bumbling) extraterrestrials. And boy, do they have news. The entire cosmos, they tell him, has been hopelessly hooked on humanity’s music ever since “Year Zero” (1977 to us), when American pop songs first reached alien ears. This addiction has driven a vast intergalactic society to commit the biggest copyright violation since the Big Bang. The resulting fines and penalties have bankrupted the whole universe. We humans suddenly own everything—and the aliens are not amused. Nick now has forty-eight hours to save humanity, while hopefully wowing the hot girl who lives down the hall from him.