Inside you will find:× The smell of honeysuckle× Heartbreak× A French-kissing rabbit× A haunted house× Death× A vagina singing sad old songs× Young geraniums in an ancient castle× Birth× A dog who appears in dreams as a spiritual guide× Divorce× Electromagnetic energy fields× Emotional horniness× The ghost of a sea captain× And moreI hope you enjoy these little weirds.Love,Jenny Slate

    The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    An open bedroom door. An ill-timed squat. Dogs seem to have impeccable timing. Yet how quickly calamity turns to comedy in the company of a dog, and the wrong moment turns out to be just the right one. In this delightful follow-up to Dog Is My Co-Pilot, which won the Best Book of the Year award from the Dog Writers Association of America, the editors of The Bark bring together more stories, essays, and artwork that highlight the hilarity of dog behavior and the comical interactions between dog people and their four-legged friends. From playful puppies who wreak havoc in the home to dogs with a whole array of comic shticks and tricks, Howl celebrates the verve and the laughs pets offer their people. It includes laugh-out-loud reflections (and confessions), rib-tickling tales, and whimsical vignettes from well-known writers such as:• Dave Barry• Margaret Cho• Al Franken• Kinky Friedman• Pam Houston• Haven Kimmel• Neal Pollack• And many more!From the Hardcover edition.

    Every essay is crafted with the same scathing wit and poignant candor thousands of loyal readers have come to expect from visiting her notoriously hilarious blog.

    Traver recounts the story of a mysterious "dancing fly, " speaks pointedly about "kiss-and-tell" fishermen, debunks fly fishermen as the "world's greatest snobs, " lets us in on the fishing story Life missed, and takes us along on his strangest fishing trip. We meet the unforgettable Danny McGinnis, guide, and other choice characters and events from his anything-but-ordinary fishing trips. Traver even has some new angles on women anglers and does a free piece of tongue-in-cheek literary sleuthing into Ernest Hemingway's story "Big Two-Hearted River."There's enough trout magic here to rub off on every reader -- man, woman, or child -- as Robert Traver weaves his inimitable storytelling spell. Trout Magic is a marvelous catch of wit, wisdom, and anecdote sure to delight everyone who enjoys a master storyteller who just happens to write here about his wonderful world of trout fishing.

    Everyone is doing it now.Disarmed of falsehood, he was left only with the awful truth: John Hodgman is an older white male monster with bad facial hair, wandering like a privileged Sasquatch through three wildernesses: the hills of Western Massachusetts where he spent much of his youth; the painful beaches of Maine that want to kill him (and some day will); and the metaphoric haunted forest of middle age that connects them.Vacationland collects these real life wanderings, and through them you learn of the horror of freshwater clams, the evolutionary purpose of the mustache, and which animals to keep as pets and which to kill with traps and poison. There is also some advice on how to react when the people of coastal Maine try to sacrifice you to their strange god.Though wildly, Hodgmaniacally funny as usual, it is also a poignant and sincere account of one human facing his forties, those years when men in particular must stop pretending to be the children of bright potential they were and settle into the failing bodies of the wiser, weird dads that they are.

    Line drawings.

    Golf enthusiast Mike Keiser had the dream of building this British-style "links" course on a stretch of Oregon's rugged coast, and Dream Golf is the first all-inclusive account of how he turned his passion into a reality. Now, in this updated and expanded edition, golf writer Stephen Goodwin revisits Bandon Dunes and introduces readers to Keiser's latest effort there, a new course named Old Macdonald that will present golfers with a more rugged, untamed version of the game. This "new" approach to the sport is, in fact, a return to the game's origins, with a very deep bow to Charles Blair Macdonald (1856 –1939), the father of American golf course architecture and one of the founders of the U.S. Golf Association. This highly anticipated fourth course, designed by renowned golf course architect Tom Doak along with Jim Urbina — as detailed in Dream Golf — will further enhance Bandon Dunes' reputation as a place where golf really does seem to capture the ancient magic of the game.

    It is doubtful that Bennett could have made up the eccentric Miss Shepherd if he tried, but his poignant, funny but unsentimental account of their strange relationship is akin to his best fictional screen writing.Bennett concedes that "One seldom was able to do her a good turn without some thoughts of strangulation", but as the plastic bags build up, the years pass by and Miss Shepherd moves into Bennett's driveway, a relationship is established which defines a certain moment in late 20th-century London life which has probably gone forever. The dissenting, liberal, middle-class world of Bennett and his peers comes into hilarious but also telling collision with the world of Miss Shepherd: "there was a gap between our social position and our social obligations. It was in this gap that Miss Shepherd (in her van) was able to live". Bennett recounts Miss Shepherd's bizarre escapades in his inimitable style, from her letter to the Argentinean Embassy at the height of the Falklands War, to her attempts to stand for Parliament and wangle an electric wheelchair out of the Social Services. Beautifully observed, The Lady in the Van is as notable for Bennett's attempts to uncover the enigmatic history of Miss Shepherd, as it is for its amusing account of her eccentric escapades. --Jerry Brotton

    I Ain’t Doin’ It reminds us that when it comes to life’s messy moments, it’s all about perspective—and that we too can say, I ain’t doin’ it! Perfect for fans of Jim Gaffigan, Anjelah Johnson, and Brian Regan, I Ain’t Doin' It is a fun, breezy read for anyone who appreciates someone who tells it like it is and wants to embrace the lighter side of life.

    Whether you're a dude, a dad, or someone who's married to either, fasten your seat belt and prepare to crack up.The least hip citizen of Brooklyn, Dan Zevin has a working wife, two small children, a mother who visits each week to "help," and an obese Labrador mutt who prefers to be driven rather than walked. How he got to this point is a bit of a blur. There was a wedding, and then there was a puppy. A home was purchased in New England. A wife was promoted and transferred to New York. A town house. A new baby boy. A new baby girl. A stay-at-home dad was born. A prescription for Xanax was filled. Gray hairs appeared; gray hairs fell out. Six years passed in six seconds. And then came the minivan. Dan Zevin, master of Seinfeld-ian nothingness, is trying his best to make the transition from couplehood to familyhood. Acclimating to the adult-oriented lifestyle has never been his strong suit, and this slice-of-midlife story chronicles the whole hilarious journey - from instituting date night to joining Costco; from touring Disneyland to recovering from knee surgery; from losing ambition to gaining perspective. Where it's all heading is anyone's guess, but, for Dan, suburbia's calling - and his minivan has GPS.

    (I understand that it’s likely the former, which is a fancy “book” way of saying “the first one.”) I talk about my grandparents, doing stand-up comedy as a teenager, bar mitzvahs, and Jewish summer camp, and tell way more stories about doing drugs than my mother would like. I also talk about some of my adventures in Los Angeles, and surely say things about other famous people that will create a wildly awkward conversation for me at a party one day. I hope you enjoy the book should you buy it, and if you don’t enjoy it, I’m sorry. If you ever see me on the street and explain the situation, I’ll do my best to make it up to you.

    For one of its members, that would prove to be a revelation of his own bloody end.Kill Him by Christmas: The would-be hitmen had been given strict instructions by the boy’s stepmother. “Kill him by Christmas so I don’t have to buy a present.”Music and Murder: The little girl was a prodigy on the accordion and her teacher promised that she could make her a star. But should anyone really have to die for their art?Murder, Miami Style: After living the high life in Florida, Joyce wasn’t about to walk away from her marriage a broke divorcee. Wealthy widow was more her style.Warning! May Cause Death: Would you swallow a vitamin pill that you received anonymously in the mail? John Kmetz did. To him detriment.Bus Ride to Hell: When passengers aboard a Greyhound bus are awakened by the screams of one of their fellow travelers, they have no idea of the horror that is about to unfold.Death Follows: Meet Robert Durst, millionaire property developer, cross-dresser, shoplifter, serial killer.˃˃˃˃˃˃˃˃˃ Plus 10 more riveting true crime cases. Scroll up to get your copy now. Book Series by Robert Keller Most of my works are about serial killers, while the “Murder Most Vile” series covers individual true crime stories. These are the main collections; American Monsters 50 American Serial Killers You’ve Probably Never Heard Of Murder Most Vile Human Monsters British Monsters Australian Monsters Canadian Monsters German Monsters Cannibal Killers Plus various other standalone books, including the The Deadly Dozen, which is available as a free download on Amazon, and Serial Killers Unsolved, which you can get for free when signing up to my mailing list. Robert Keller’s True Crime eBook Categories: Serial Killers True Crime Serial Killer Biographies Murder and Mayhem True Murder Cases Serial Killer Case Files True Crime Short Stories

    Armed with wit, a pencil-thin mustache, and a cardboard sign that reads "I’m Not Psycho," he hitchhikes across America from Baltimore to San Francisco, braving lonely roads and treacherous drivers. But who should we be more worried about, the delicate film director with genteel manners or the unsuspecting travelers transporting the Pope of Trash?Before he leaves for this bizarre adventure, Waters fantasizes about the best and worst possible scenarios: a friendly drug dealer hands over piles of cash to finance films with no questions asked, a demolition-derby driver makes a filthy sexual request in the middle of a race, a gun-toting drunk terrorizes and holds him hostage, and a Kansas vice squad entraps and throws him in jail. So what really happens when this cult legend sticks out his thumb and faces the open road?

    And she's determined to enjoy making quilts. In fact, she will not -- absolutely will not -- let the risk of making a mistake, or a less-than- perfect quilt, keep her from relishing the task! In the 34 chapters of this new book, Lisa covers: The need for new fabric colors -- "blurple," "rorange," and "brellow," to name a few; The virtues of lumps in a quilt; How to share your bum fat quarter at a fabric exchange; How crocheting doilies will drive you back to quilting; How to cope when your quilts lack depth and dimension. Lisa Boyer is a breeze of fresh air. She brings you back to the pleasure of quilting with her confessions and adventures in Stash Envy!