It is also full of useful things that will help organize your year, including dates, numbers, and pictures of dogs.

    From advertisements to e-mail, from materialism to remote controls, there's a witty answer for every situation. “You have been waiting patiently for a dictionary like this to come along. And now it is here,” recognizes Napoli. “Not that you give a crap.”

    Here, featuring gloriously pseudo-scientific diagrams and the inimitable writing style that made footballcliches.com a smash hit, they are covered in all their glory.

    These parlances might not fit the modern hoity toity rhetoric you're used to seeing in print or hearing on TV, and that's exactly why they're more refreshing than an ice cube in July. In Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit, Author Allan Zullo offers up more than 200 vernacular verses presented in themes, such as:* Admitting You're Wrong--The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm, 'cause the colder it gets the harder it is to swallow.* Congress--Gettin' a politician to do somethin' good for our country is like tryin' to poke a cat out from under the porch with a rope.* Ego--Some people are so full of themselves, you'd like to buy 'em for what they're worth and sell 'em for what they think they're worth.* Teenage Boys--You kinda wish they used their heads for somethin' besides hat racks.* Revenge--Two wrongs don't make a right, but they sure do make it even.* Surprises--Sometimes you get so surprised by life there ain't nothin' else to say but, 'Butter my butt and call me a biscuit.'"

    Even people who have tried other books without success have learned to read Hebrew using this book. Here's what makes it different: * Fun memory tricks make it super simple to remember the sounds of the letters * Pace - The book is divided into 12 simple lessons. Two a week for 6 weeks. * The cheerful style of the book is great for adults and children alike. * From week one you are given words you can read from the Hebrew Bible! * The charming illustrations make learning Hebrew a pleasure. At the end of six weeks you WILL be able to read from the original Hebrew Bible, Psalms or the Siddur (Jewish prayer book) and you will have taken the first big step towards learning the Hebrew Language!

    Symptoms include:*Acute embarrassment at the mere notion of making a fuss;*Extreme awkwardness when faced with any social greeting beyond a brisk handshake;*An unhealthy preoccupation with meteorology.Doctors have also reported several cases of unnecessary apologising, an obsessive interest in correct queuing etiquette and dramatic sighing in the presence of loud teenagers on public transport. If you have experienced any of these symptoms, you may be suffering from VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS. VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS are highly contagious. There is no known cure.Rob Temple's hilarious new book reveals all the ways in which we are a nation of socially awkward but well-meaning oddballs, struggling to make it through every day without apologising to an inanimate object. Take comfort in misfortunes of others. You are not alone.

    'German men sit down to pee' is a tongue-in-cheek guidebook to German culture that highlights the rules Germans consciously and unconsciously follow, while trying to make a little sense of it all along the way. Why, for example, mowing your lawn on a Sunday will mean getting an earful from your neighbour, but lie naked in the middle of a public park and nobody will bat an eyelid. Ideal for anyone visiting or moving to Germany, 'German Men Sit Down to Pee' offers a collection of insights into German culture while at the same time highlighting rules and cultural norms that those visiting Germany will not only find humorous but useful for avoiding any cultural faux-pas.

    Newly recorded colloquial audio and video materials also accompany each lesson and continue the story of Maha and Khalid and their travels to Cairo with brief explanatory vocabulary and notes provided in the text. The appendices include grammatical reference charts, an Arabic-English glossary, and a grammar index. The materials cover approximately 150 contact hours of instruction, and students who complete Part Two should reach advanced proficiency.Each lesson in Part Two centers on a text that deals with a social, historical, literary, or cultural issue. In addition to the main reading text, students will also find additional authentic texts for reading and listening comprehension, vocabulary and grammar exercises, close listening and speaking activities, and cultural background for the reading.The revised and repackaged Part Two has been restructured to reflect pedagogical developments over the last eight years, updated with new authentic reading and listening texts, and expanded with new video materials. In addition to the speaking, listening, and writing skills emphasized throughout each lesson, more time and emphasis is placed on activating vocabulary and structure with new activities for inside and outside the classroom.FEATURES: - Provides basic texts of printed media to help students connect the written and aural/oral aspects of Arabic - Features intensive reading that is focused on grammar and pronunciation - Contains substantial amounts of drills and exercises to help students memorize and gain active control of an expanded vocabulary - Explores the root and pattern system of Arabic grammar and complex sentence structure using vocabulary, complex texts, and translation exercises - Develops writing skills at the paragraph level to encourage synthesis of vocabulary and grammar - Provides explicit instructions to students and instructors on drills and activities, including recommendations on appropriate exercises for inside and outside the classroom - Interactive DVD contains reading comprehension texts with new material and new listening comprehension material - DVD presents cultural background with illustrations and continues the story of Maha and Khalid using both Egyptian Colloquial Arabic and Modern Standard Arabic

    With biting wit, bracing satire, and boundless good cheer, Mary Jo-distinguished member of the First Family of Circle Pines, Minnesota; she'll explain-takes you on a poignant, hilarious journey through the world of keepin' on. Dispatched from her Midwestern home state, then New York, Texas, and exotic points beyond, these very personal stories and essays, with illustrations by Len Peralta, reveal a warm, smart, funny writer who can spot the absurdities in what she deals with every day, and make her readers LOL at them. There's nobody else like Mary Jo Pehl. But then, there's nobody else like you, either. Hey, you two should get together! Read this book, and you will, my friend: you will.

    Eats, Shites and Leaves is a celebration of all things shite about the misuse of English, highlighting the prevalence of absent apostrophes, ghastly grammar, suspect sentences, rambling repetitiveness, commentators' claptrap, tortuous tautologies, insane instructions, and quirky quotations in society today.

    Schottenfreude is a unique, must-have dictionary, complete with newly coined words that explore the idiosyncrasies of life as only the German language can. In what other language but German could you construct le mot juste for a secret love of bad foods, the inability to remember jokes, Sunday-afternoon depression, the urge to yawn, the glee of gossip, reassuring your hairdresser, delight at the changing of the seasons, the urge to hoard, or the ineffable pleasure of a cold pillow? A beguiling, ideal gift book for the Gelehrte or anyone on your list—just beware of rapidly expanding (and potentially incomprehensible) vocabularies.

    The F-Word earned its title the hard way: editor Jesse Sheidlower and the staff of Random House combed vast numbers of books, magazines, films, and other works for references to the most beloved, least printable word in the English language and all its variations. There's some great reading here among the hundreds of citations, from the colorful dialogue of Gore Vidal to the military's creative use of intensifiers to boost morale. Of special interest are the acronyms and abbreviations incorporating the Word; after reading the entry for "BUFF," you might think twice before complimenting your gym-going friends.

    Bidwell offers her firsthand experience and advice on Mount Rushmore and the Black Hills — including the Southern Hills, the Badlands, and Keystone. Bidwell provides unique travel strategies such as Best Hiking Trails, Viewing Wildlife, and Fossil Collecting in the Parks, Grasslands, and National Forest. Expert tips include the best sights for dining, shopping, accommodations, and camping, providing travelers with the tools they need for a more personal and memorable visit to Mount Rushmore and the Black Hills.

    But nothing prepared her for the surprises of learning Mandarin, China's most common language, or the intensity of living in Shanghai and Beijing. Over time, she realized that her struggles and triumphs in studying the language of her adopted home provided small clues to deciphering the behavior and habits of its people,and its culture's conundrums. As her skill with Mandarin increased, bits of the language—a word, a phrase, an oddity of grammar—became windows into understanding romance, humor, protocol, relationships, and the overflowing humanity of modern China. Fallows learned, for example, that the abrupt, blunt way of speaking that Chinese people sometimes use isn't rudeness, but is, in fact, a way to acknowledge and honor the closeness between two friends. She learned that English speakers' trouble with hearing or saying tones—the variations in inflection that can change a word's meaning—is matched by Chinese speakers' inability not to hear tones, or to even take a guess at understanding what might have been meant when foreigners misuse them. In sharing what she discovered about Mandarin, and how those discoveries helped her understand a culture that had at first seemed impenetrable, Deborah Fallows's Dreaming in Chinese opens up China to Westerners more completely, perhaps, than it has ever been before.

    Here are more than 700 of Isaac Asimov's favorite jokes, cleverest limericks and funniest stories.