Twelve Days of Christmas: [Correspondence]


John Julius Norwich - 1998
    And who but Quentin Blake could exploit the full comic possibilities of this hilarious debacle as first birds, then maids and finally the full percussion section of the Liverpoool Philharmonic create mayhem in the calm of an English country Christmas?

Snow Angel Cove


RaeAnne Thayne - 2014
    The job she pinned her dreams on has gone up in smoke—literally—and now she's stuck in an unfamiliar, if breathtaking, small town. Precariously close to being destitute, Eliza needs a helping hand…for her sick young daughter's sake as well as her own. But she's not expecting her holiday hero to almost run her down with his car! Rescuing Eliza is pure instinct for tech genius Aidan Caine. At first, putting the renovation of his lakeside guest lodge in Eliza's hands assuages his guilt—until he sees how quickly he could fall for her. Having focused solely on his business for years, he never knew that what his life was missing was Eliza and her little girl. But is he willing to risk hoping for a yuletide romance that could lead to forever?

The Christmas Day Kitten


James Herriot - 1986
    As always, the tale includes a vivid group of characters on two legs and four: Mrs. Pickering and her three stately Basset hounds, James himself, and Debbie, the self-possesed stray cat who makes a special contribution to Christmas at the Pickering house. This is one of James Herriot's own favorite stories, and it is sure to be one of yours.

America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't


Stephen Colbert - 2012
    You could say we're the #1 nation at being the best at greatness.But as perfect as America is in every single way, America is broken! And we can't exchange it because we're 236 years past the 30-day return window. Look around--we don't make anything anymore, we've mortgaged our future to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief goes on world tours just to bow before foreign leaders. Worse, the L.A. Four Seasons Hotel doesn't even have a dedicated phone button for the Spa. You have to dial an extension! Where did we lose our way?!It's high time we restored America to the greatness it never lost!Luckily, AMERICA AGAIN will singlebookedly pull this country back from the brink. It features everything from chapters, to page numbers, to fonts. Covering subject's ranging from healthcare ("I shudder to think where we'd be without the wide variety of prescription drugs to treat our maladies, such as think-shuddering") to the economy ("Life is giving us lemons, and we're shipping them to the Chinese to make our lemon-flavored leadonade") to food ("Feel free to deep fry this book—it's a rich source of fiber"), Stephen gives America the dose of truth it needs to get back on track.

The Dogs of Christmas


W. Bruce Cameron - 2013
    Bruce Cameron, the author of the New York Times and USA Today bestselling novel A Dog's Purpose, which is now a major motion picture!While nursing a broken heart, Josh Michaels is outraged when a neighbor abandons his very pregnant dog, Lucy, at Josh's Colorado home. But Josh can't resist Lucy's soulful brown eyes, and though he's never had a dog before, he's determined to do the best he can for Lucy—and her soon-to-arrive, bound-to-be-adorable puppies.Soon in over his head, Josh calls the local animal shelter for help, and meets Kerri, a beautiful woman with a quick wit and a fierce love for animals. As Kerri teaches Josh how to care for Lucy's tiny puppies and gets them ready to be adopted through the shelter's "Dogs of Christmas" program, Josh surprises himself by falling for her.But he's fallen even harder for his new furry family, which has brought incredible joy into Josh's life. He barely has time to sit down, between chasing after adventurous Sophie and brave Oliver, but when he does, his lap is quickly filled by the affectionate Lola. And Rufus and Cody's strong bond makes Josh wonder about his own relationships with his family.With Christmas and the adoption date looming, Josh finds himself wondering if he can separate himself from his beloved puppies. At odds with Kerri, Josh isn't willing to lose her, but doesn't know how to set things right. Can a surprise litter of Christmas puppies really change one man's life?W. Bruce Cameron's The Dogs of Christmas is a charming and heartwarming holiday tale that explores the power of love, trust, and a basket full of puppies.

The Panda, the Cat and the Dreadful Teddy: A Parody


Paul Magrs - 2021
    You will find us living our best lives, trying (and occasionally succeeding) to be kind to each other. The cat is quite nice but can be a little bit selfish. Teddy can come across as very nice, with his squeaky voice and looking so tiny and helpless. But I must warn you, Teddy can be a vicious little backstabber, actually.This is a book of nice illustrations and some words from which you will likely gain some sort of inspiration. Like:‘Just because you’re struggling, it doesn’t mean you’re failing… But it might do.’‘Nothing beats kindness,’ said the cat. ‘Gin does’, said Panda.‘If you don’t stop saying inspirational things to me, I’m going to punch you up the hooter.’‘You OK, hun?’ asked Panda, but he was just taking the piss.‘We’re just so, so lucky to have each other as friends, and it’s going to make a marvellous book.’

Bad Cat: 244 Not-So-Pretty Kitties and Cats Gone Bad


Jim Edgar - 2004
    Edgy as in Bosco, the demonic Siamese with the out-of-focus eyes, razor-sharp fangs, and his own idea of Feng Shui. Or the half-shaved freak named Mr. Fliegel, who looks like a cross between a poodle and a lion. Mr. Fliegel shrugs and says, "Chicks dig me." Or Kato, resplendent in his Three Musketeers outfit: "One for all, blah blah blah . . . now just get me out of this @#%&ing costume!" Or Clark, whose hobby is eating other cats' food. Tina, who somehow always just misses the litter box . . . sucker. And the guilty-looking Clarence, caught with a Barbie doll in flagrante delicto. Clarence's defiant defense: "She was naked when I came in. . . ."Just as Kliban got us to think about the cat as something far more interesting than an innocuous house pet, and Suzy Becker taught us that cats possess a Buddha-like wisdom (together Cat and All I Need to Know I Learned from My Cat have more than 2.6 million copies in print), Jim Edgar reveals yet another facet of the ever-mesmerizing animal. Brooding, deranged, antisocial, these are kitties with attitude and borderline personality problems—ah, but what hilarious fun it is to read about them. All 244 photographed in terrifying full color in their most unflattering moments, with a quote plus vital stats: name, breed, age, and hobby. Get to know them. Then see if you can ever forget them.

Review of My Cat


Tanner Ringerud - 2013
    From the cat who saved its owner's life to the absolute laziest ball of fur on Earth, they're all inside!

A Beginner's Guide To Christmas


Jennifer Joyce - 2013
    But Ruth’s perfect Christmas is shattered when her mum receives a DIY-induced injury and Ruth is forced to take over the preparations. Shopping. Cooking. A house full of hyped-up kids. Christmas may no longer be the most wonderful time of the year.

Santa Claus


Rod Green - 2006
    This is your lavish behind the scenes tour of the history, the mystery, and the magic of Jolly Saint Nick. Learn all about the clothes, the elves, and the gadgets that make the man. Find out all the secrets about the man who makes miracles happen every December 25th. Did you know... Santa's suit was once green and that the red suit was spun from the finest spun spider silk? Santa's sleigh has a magic cargo hold that can never be full? New Reindeer are constantly in training to be the next Comet or Cupid or Donner...? Features thirty-two pages jam packed with never before heard top secret information about Santa Claus. An incredible design, flaps, fold-outs and holiday memorabilia make this the must have gift this Christmas. SANTA CLAUS Includes: Holiday gift tag stickers An authentic naughty and nice list Santa's route map A double-gatefold look inside Santa's workshop A replica of the Elves worker handbook Mrs. Claus's very own cookie recipe Genuine North Pole gift tag stickers And much, much more!

Guys Can Be Cat Ladies Too


Michael Showalter - 2013
    They say dogs are a man’s best friend. True! But what if that man’s girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband, or mother-in-law has a cat? Is that the end for him? Is he resigned to an eternity of estrangement from this furry creature with which he shares his life partner, his favorite chair, and his sock drawer?Showalter offers hope for men everywhere in their quest to understand and love cats. In this intimate portrait of one man’s love for cats, you will learn the answers to burning questions such as: “Why are they all aloof and weird and stuff?”; “They hate me, right?”; and “Is it true that they have nine lives?” Armed with these and countless other valuable lessons, by the book’s end any guy can be on the fast track to becoming a cat’s best friend.Praise for Guys Can Be Cat Ladies Too: “Deep stuff is decorated by fabulously absurd humor.”—Catster.com “So what have your cats taught you about loving yourself?” Michael Showalter: “Not a lot, I’ll be honest.”—Esquire.com “Fabulously illustrated.”—Entertainment Weekly

Nuts At Christmas: A Christmas Calamity Caper: A funny, hilarious, laugh out loud, Christmas book! (The Shooting Star Series)


Simon Northouse - 2020
    get a Christmas tree! It's a simple enough task for any normal person. When he takes his three best friends along for the ride, Geordie, Robbo and Flaky... then nothing is simple... and no-one is normal.This Christmas it's different at the Harding house. They've invited their best friends and children to enjoy the festivities at their home in the heart of the Yorkshire Dales-at least, Will's wife has. Will is not entirely confident he can survive a week in close proximity to his dysfunctional friends.His wife has been asking him for days to buy a Christmas tree, but he insists a tree should only be brought into the house on the day before Christmas.As Christmas Eve arrives, it's time for him to get a tree.He sets off with good intent, with his best pals to lend a helping hand. However, heavy snowfall, the lure of English country pubs, and a disgruntled Lord of the Manor throw a massive spanner in the works. Add to that, Geordie's propensity for stupidity, Robbo's fondness for wacky-baccy, and Flaky's insufferable lecturing-well... what could possibly go wrong?Five adorable, innocent little children await their tree. Will it be delivered? And do they even care? The kids have one thing on their mind - Santa! However, the Santa which appears in the garden later that night is not the one they were expecting.Can Will and his pals save Christmas from becoming another disaster, or will it turn into a bleak mid-winter?Download now and find out!A feelgood Christmas read that will fill your stockings with laughter!A Shooting Star Series Novella

The Onion Presents: Christmas Exposed


The Onion - 2011
    Christmas Exposed features more than one hundred shocking tales of Secret Santas, shopping mall mayhem, dysfunctional family dinners, and much, much more.

I am Scrooge: A Zombie Story for Christmas


Adam Roberts - 2009
    Again.The legendary Ebenezeer Scrooge sits in his house counting money. The boards that he has nailed up over the doors and the windows shudder and shake under the blows from the endless zombie hordes that crowd the streets hungering for his flesh and his miserly braaaaiiiiiinns!Just how did the happiest day of the year slip into a welter of blood, innards and shambling, ravenous undead on the snowy streets of old London town?Will the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future be able to stop the world from drowning under a top-hatted and crinolined zombie horde?Was Tiny Tim's illness something infinitely more sinister than mere rickets and consumption? Can Scrooge be persuaded to go back to his evil ways, travel back to Christmas past and destroy the brain stem of the tiny, irritatingly cheery Patient Zero?It's the Dickensian Zombie Apocalypse - God Bless us, one and all!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols


Michael P. Spradlin - 2009
    Spradlin is guaranteed to spread Yuletide cheer to all those good boys and ghouls who devoured the monster New York Times bestsellers Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and World War Z, as well as fans of 28 Days Later and Shaun of the Dead. With an introduction by the inimitable Christopher Moore—bestselling author of Bloodsucking Fiends, You Suck, and the classic “heartwarming tale of Christmas terror” The Stupidest Angel—It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies is a great gift for stuffing into a Christmas stocking…provided you remove the bloody severed foot first!