Three weeks before Christmas, New York bound mild mannered Marketing Consultant Kelly Carson gets fired from his job over the telephone while sitting in an airline lounge in the Los Angeles Airport. Terri Flynn, a fiery and controversial starlet who is running away to New York after walking off the set of her latest feature film, overhears Kelly’s unceremonious firing and becomes hell bent on transforming him from the Clark Kent he is into the Superman the impulsive actress feels he’s destined to become. After their flight to New York is cancelled, Kelly and Terri take a last-minute jaunt to Hawaii, putting in motion a series of hilarious events and misfortunes that shake both of their worlds to the core, but not always for the better. From romps on the beach and overindulging on edibles to swinger’s parties and diverted flights, Michael Carlon’s fifth novel, All the F*cks I Cannot Give, will have you belly laughing on every single page - and maybe even wishing you were in Kelly Carson’s shoes for just one day.

    The life and times of a girl who has always loved animals, or how I went from dreaming about Rin Tin Tin to having dogs, cats, chickens, fish, cattle, turkeys, and guinea fowl, with guest appearances by horses, lions, and canaries.

    Each single-sided page includes such agression-relieving words as 'Shitballs', 'Twat Waffle' and 'Asshat' laid over therapeutic, mandala and nature inspired patterns. The #1 Gag Gift for Friends with a Sense of Humor! Introducing the world's first swear word coloring book printed on black paper. You've never experienced anything like this before. This bestselling adult coloring book features 40 classic swear words. Using this beautiful midnight edition will make your designs vibrant with color. Never again worry about coloring inside the lines... let the black paper take care of it! Unwind and relax with this beautiful coloring book... let your steam loose! What's Inside - 40 Classic Swear Words to Color (see list below) - Beautiful Abstract Designs with Intricate Details - Each Swear Word Is Printed on Black Paper - Includes Free PDF Bonus Inside! Sometimes, you just need to SWEAR at someone... List of Words - Bullshit - Fuck - Piss Off - Asshole - Bitch - Slut - Whore - Cunt - Bastard - Douche - Shit - Damn - Shitballs - Sugartits - Twat Waffle - Baggy Vag - Piss Flaps - Bollocks - Crap - Fuckwit - Fucktard - Dipshit - Shit-a-brick - Wanker - Beaver Dam - Cum Guzzler - Cuntcake - Asshat - Gutter Slut - Skank - Prick - Slutbag - Moron - Fuck Off - Idiot - Twunt - Dickhead - Cockbag - Fucknugget - Cunt Muffin Join the foulmouthed masses and unwind with Release Your Anger. Color designs featuring both classic swear words like -Bullshit- and more creative ones like -Cum Guzzler-. Each page is designed with beautiful patterns, swirls, paisleys, mandalas, flowers, and leaves... color away while letting the steam out. Simply sit back, relax, and choose the swear word that connects with you. Then color in the swear word with your choice of color pencil, pen, marker, and/or crayon. Enjoy mindfulness and relaxation with this brilliant anti-stress therapy, also the perfect gag-gift! This beautiful coloring book features: - 40 Classic and Angry Swear Words to Color - Beautiful Designs with Intricate Details - Designs Printed on Black Paper - 40 Single-Sided Pages at 8.5 x 11- - Includes Digital PDF Bonus Inside the Book Order now and get started. Your inner peace is waiting, and it has some choice words for you. Preview the book at swearybook.com/midnight TAGS: black coloring book, midnight coloring book, black adult coloring book, midnight adult coloring book, sweary coloring book, swear word coloring book, swear words adult coloring book, bullshit book, bullshit coloring book, james alexander, memos to shitty people, calm the fuck down, chill the fuck out, sasha o'hara, james alexander, donald trump

    Zombies from the zombies' point of view! The Art of Plants vs. Zombies is part zombie memoir, part celebration of zombie triumphs, and part anti-plant screed, as well as a treasure trove of rare concept art, sketches, and more covering Plants vs. Zombies, Plants vs. Zombies 2, Plants vs. Zombies Adventures, and Plants vs. Zombies Garden Warfare. It's a must-have for any fan and an insider's view of zombies with some Wall-nutty surprises and never-before-seen awesome art. Even Crazy Dave wants a copy - if only to learn more about his fun-dead foes!

    At last, here's the one-stop bible that acknowledges their special needs and covers every detail of daily life. In chapters reviewed by experts in veterinary medicine, nutrition, and training, pet parents will learn:Where to find your perfect canine companionAll about breeds and mixed breeds and how you can adopt any type of dogSmart guidelines for adoption successRealistic expenses of dog careWhat to expect when you bring your new pup home (and long after)How to prevent runaways and protect your dog from all types of harmClicker, target stick, and other re-training methodsHumane ways to modify undesirable behaviorsHow to introduce new diets and take the guesswork out of feedingHolistic and conventional medical treatmentsDaily hygiene and caring for your sick pup inside and outThe impact of travel and changes at homeWhat to do when it's time to say good-byePlus recipes, doggy workouts, heartwarming true stories of adopted dogs and their happy parents, information on saving dogs on a larger scale, and much, much more!

    A veterinarian, a trainer, and a breeder team up to cover all the questions new owners tend to have, and many they don't think to ask, including:* What to ask the breeder before bringing your puppy home* Which vaccinations your puppy needs and when to get them* How to make potty training as smooth (and quick) as possible* What to do when your puppy cries at night* Why and how to crate train your puppy* When socialization should happen and how to make sure it does* When your puppy is ready to learn basic commands--like Sit, Stay, and Come--and the best way to teach them* When and how to go about leash training* How much exercise your puppy needs to stay physically and mentally healthy* What, how much, and when to feed your puppy to give him the nutrition he needs without the extra weight he doesn't* When your puppy is ready for obedience training and how to make sure it works* How and how often to bathe your puppy, brush his coat, clip his nails, and brush his teeth* How to know when a trip to the vet is needed* What causes problem behaviors, when to expect them, and how to correct them

    I Did. Now What?! Now it's time for her to write about the real love of her life: Wendell. Her dog.*Do you talk about your dog non-stop? *Do you suspect your dog is a genius? *Do you name each of your dog's toys?*Does your dog get more heavy petting than your spouse? *Do all holidays revolve around your dog? If any of these scenarios sound familiar, you probably have a healthy admiration for your dog. But if all of the scenarios in What Wendell Wants sound familiar, well, it's obvious that your appreciation of your pooch has truly crossed the line into true love--dysfunctional, sure, but who cares?! Jenny Lee knows this obsession inside and out, and her advice is not to fight it: there's simply no cure. Instead, she offers hysterical accounts of her own experiences--from fretting over her dog's haircut to getting his portrait painted a la Picasso to trying desperately to impress the Bed & Biscuit dog kennel--to give all kindred dog-loving spirits out there some consolation that they're not alone.From the Hardcover edition.

    These workplace disasters bring out the voyeurism, Schadenfreude, and plain old warped sense of humor in all of us. And so . . . from my naïve colleague who called our CEO a dildo, to the employee caught on videotape licking door handles in the company parking garage, their stories must be told! “...the entertainment factor is consistent and the laughs should come easily for readers who fancy the awkwardness of workplace weirdness... Ideal for readers who need a refresher course on the consequences of impropriety.” - Kirkus Reviews

    Family Dog was the first book written for any member of the family, from age six to sixty, who wants to train a dog fast. By following the book's simple instructions, anyone can have a well-trained dog in just sixteen weeks. In Family Dog Wolters teaches: * How to choose the right dog for your family and lifestyle * The benefits of play and relaxation * Talking with your dog-- it's not what you say, but how you say it * All the fundamentals of training-- house-breaking, basic commands, and tricks * Tips on grooming * The best dog diet in the world * First-aid and medical advice, and much more More than 200 all-new pictures in chronological, step-by-step sequence illustrate exactly what to do with your pet in a way that takes the frustration out of training and works for all breeds and any age.

    More than six million adoring fans on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat can’t get enough of him. Doug spreads love everywhere he goes, and now with his literary debut, he’s coming to living rooms around the world.It’s hard to find a more well-connected pup than Doug. He’s homies with the hottest stars out there: Justin Bieber, Steven Tyler, Ed Sheeran, John Legend, and Chrissy Teigen, to name just a few. Did you catch him in Fall Out Boy’s latest music video? Doug can ball with the best of them. He’s a rising star and everyone’s favorite squishy face. Doug has made appearances at music festivals including Lollapalooza and the Billboard Hot 100 Music Fest, but he doesn’t let fame go to his head.Doug is a humble pug, but the people have asked for more, so he’s obliged with this awesome collection of photos. Doug is a fashion icon, a culinary gourmand, a music enthusiast, and an all-around happenin’ guy. This book is just a sneak peek at some of his greatest adventures so far. From his furry heart to yours, enjoy!

    Once revered for his virility and strength, the rooster has taken a back seat to the hen in more recent years. “Fifty Ways to Eat Cock” takes a revealing look at the folklore, history, culinary culture and nutritional benefits of this well-endowed ingredient. With tongue-in-cheek descriptions, these playful cock recipes are bulging with everything from the quintessential to the quick-and-easy to the downright quirky. You’ll learn how to tame this tough bird meat into succulent and finger-licking gourmet meals. Thanks to the ingenuity of author and Certified Nutritionist, Adrienne Hew, the noble cock retakes his rightful place at the head of the table.

    In this book you will find the funniest 288 of them (with a few all-new funny pages squeezed in just because we couldn’t help ourselves). That’s page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung-fu movie subtitles—such as. "It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab!” So whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, or silly or sublime, you’ll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at…Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillow case.Witty wordplay: If Snoop Doggy Dogg were to marry Winnie the Pooh, his name would become Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.Flubbed headlines: "British Left Waffles On House Floor”Quirky stars: Billy Idol’s concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in his dressing room.Job Lingo: If you hear an E.R. doc mention a "VIP,” be on the lookout for a "Very Intoxicated Patient.”Comedian quips: "I wonder if deaf people have a sign for "Talk to the hand.’” --Zach GalifianakisSputtering sportscasters: "If only faces could talk.” --Pat SummerallAnd much, much more!

    But her diplomatic skills were to prove invaluable in her new career. Secrets of a Pet Nanny is a fabulous and very funny collection of tales about the dogs she has looked after, from pedigree puppies to rare Tibetan terriers. Riley is a true dog devotee, but that does not prevent her casting a caustic eye across her charges—and their devoted owners. Part dog memoir, part outsider’s perspective on the eternal relationship between dog-owners and their beloved canines, this is sure to appeal to animal-lovers of all stripes.

    Each dog (and one cat) profiled has had a rough past, suffering abuse or extreme neglect at the hands of humans.Some dogs featured here have become therapy dogs for hospitals and nursing homes; reading partners for children; friends to at risk teens and the injured in veterans affairs hospitals; service dogs for the deaf and blind; arson dogs; and even search-and-rescue dogs. Some of these special dogs are disabled, blind, deaf, missing limbs, but they don't seem to know it. These spunky, happy animals have repaid the kindness of their rescuers in spades, bringing the therapy of love to people in need, sometimes even saving lives.

    She has more friends, fewer worries, and way more fun. So Dave decides to figure out how Lucy manages to stay so happy, to see if he can make his own life happier by doing the things she does (except for drinking from the toilet). He reconnects with old friends and tries to make new ones—which turns out to be a struggle, because Lucy likes people a lot more than he does. And he gets back in touch with two ridiculous but fun groups from his past: the Lawn Rangers, a group of guys who march in parades pushing lawnmowers and twirling brooms (alcohol is involved), and the Rock Bottom Remainders, the world’s oldest and least-talented all-author band. With each new lesson, Dave riffs hilariously on dogs, people, and life in general, while also pondering Deep Questions, such as when it’s okay to lie. (Answer: when scallops are involved.) Lessons from Lucy shows readers a new side to Dave Barry that’s “touching and sentimental, but there’s still a laugh on every page” (Sacramento Bee). The master humorist has written a witty and affable guide to joyous living at any age.