Damon Runyon Omnibus


Damon Runyon - 1944
    A world of speakeasies and dancing girls where a gambler or bootlegger is perfectly normal and respectable in every way. Those familiar with "Guys and Dolls" know what to expect!

If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High


Robin Hardwick - 2013
    You may have discovered them at your local library, their soft-focus, pictures of beautiful blond twins beckoned you. They seemed sophisticated, dangerous. You probably were on the cusp of starting high school and couldn't stop reading anything and everything about what high school was like. You dreamed of boyfriends, dances, adulthood! If You Lived Here,You’d Be Perfect Right Now chronicles author and retro pop culture enthusiast Robin Hardwick rereading the entire series and document a grown woman's view of the angst and absurdity of the lives of the perfect Wakefield twins Each book of the series is revisited with equal parts sociological lens, parody, and sardonic nostalgia.

Free Gift with Purchase


Jackie Pilossoph - 2012
    Emma's always been the party girl, Laura, the hardworking doctor. But now, the two have something in common. Both are newly single and trying out the dating scene after marriage.Emma's a widow and a single mother with a guilty secret she can't let go. Laura's husband just dumped her for one of four women he's been sleeping with. A dispute over the house forces Laura to move in with her sister and that's when the fun begins.Go on some dates with these 42 and 44 year-old adorable sisters who are both looking for love and your jaw will surely drop! Laura's mixed bag includes Dan, a selfish womanizer, Ari, a stalker, and Tim, a compulsive liar. For Emma there's gorgeous, sexy Preston, a self-proclaiming "fun guy," beautiful Alice, who's a lesbian, and a string of Matts who go from bad to worse. Then there's separated, charismatic, wealthy Luke Sullivan. Luke's carrying some baggage, but he makes Emma's heart stop every time he appears.Free Gift With Purchase is a book about two sisters who have always seen things from an entirely different perspective, but who as women in need of each other learn to consider that instead of judging, looking through each other's eyes might make their lives a lot richer. In other words, when you buy into opening your heart and believing in yourself, you might just end up with a Free Gift With Purchase.

As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride


Cary Elwes - 2014
    Ranked by the American Film Institute as one of the top 100 Greatest Love Stories and by the Writers Guild of America as one of the top 100 screenplays of all time, The Princess Bride will continue to resonate with audiences for years to come.Cary Elwes was inspired to share his memories and give fans an unprecedented look into the creation of the film while participating in the twenty-fifth anniversary cast reunion. In As You Wish he has created an enchanting experience; in addition to never-before seen photos and interviews with his fellow cast mates, there are plenty of set secrets, backstage stories, and answers to lingering questions about off-screen romances that have plagued fans for years!With a foreword by Rob Reiner and a limited edition original poster by acclaimed artist Shepard Fairey, As You Wish is a must-have for all fans of this beloved film.

It's in His Kiss


Bria Quinlan - 2011
    But, when she needs to do some research of this kissing kind, things may get a little more heated than she expected.Research has never been so fun.WARNING: This 11k short has no vampires, shape shifter or scorching sex, but it might make you snort your diet Coke out your nose.

Enslaved by Ducks


Bob Tarte - 2003
    Then Bob married Linda. She wanted a rabbit, which seemed innocuous enough until the bunny chewed through their electrical wiring. And that was just the beginning. Before long, Bob found himself constructing cages, buying feed, clearing duck waste, and spoon-feeding a menagerie of furry and feathery residents. His life of quiet serenity vanished, and he unwittingly became a servant to a relentlessly demanding family.Whether commiserating with Bob over the fate of those who are slaves to their animals or regarding his story as a cautionary tale about the rigors of animal ownership, readers on both sides of the fence have found Tarte's story of his chaotic squawking household irresistible—and irresistibly funny.

New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep (A Vintage Short Original)


Samantha Irby - 2017
    Nope. With a small group of woo-woo others, Irby sets seventy micro-resolutions, and then—with the rest of us—she fails at almost every single one of them.   Thoughtful, witty, poignant—the failed intentions in New Year Same Trash will make you laugh and cry. Because you know you’ve been there. You can’t wake up in time to go to brunch. Swimming three times a week? Who are you kidding. You’re not going to shower every day or pack your lunch every day. You’re definitely not going to choose a smart movie over mindless entertainment, because you’re tired. You’re lazy. And, no, you’re never going to be a positive thinker. “I didn’t do this. I’m gonna. Maybe.” Don’t worry. It’s okay. There’s always next year. Instantly recognizable to anyone who’s ever failed to make goals and stick with them, New Year Same Trash will bring hilarious relief.A Vintage Shorts Original. An ebook short.

Shit Happens


Eileen Wharton - 2012
    She's got problems though when bits of her ex-husband turn up in different places and the slimy DI Savage seems to be bending the evidence to link her to the death. Add the fact that she's being pressured into taking a ‘job’ by hard-nosed Vera Devlin from the estate and having to work in a topless bar to make ends meet and you can see she's up against it. Desperate to extricate herself from the mess she breaks into her old marital home to find the diary of her dead husband, except that his mother has taken up residence and arrives back early from bingo… Set against a backdrop of Northern council estate life, this fast paced, humorous novel exemplifies the problems caused by poverty, piles and unruly children, think Jeremy Kyle meets the Thorn Birds and you won't be far wrong!

Better Off Wed


Laura Durham - 2005
    Annabelle knows that even her trusted wedding emergency kit won't be able to salvage their careers if she and Richard can't find the real culprit.It's no easy task since the slain matron was perhaps the most hated socialite in DC, but Annabelle navigates through the city's colorful wedding industry and powerful social scene on the deadly trail of a killer. Always the bridal consultant and never the bride, she's seen her fair share of bouquet tosses. But there's no telling what surprises a ruthless killer will throw her way if she gets too close.

The Mother of All Meltdowns


Crystal PontiAndrea Moore - 2013
    In a millisecond, her halo crumbles and she has a moment so crazed it is forever known as the one…The Mother of All Meltdowns. The following anthology was written by women who have had their moments. Together we have experienced the anguish and frustration of the adult-sized tantrum. We have shed the tears, dropped to our knees in agony, and asked the age-old question, “Why me?” From poop-decorated rooms to having our liquid gold scrutinized and confiscated by TSA, we’re not afraid to share our collection of thirty tell-all stories. We are survivalists and know that within every meltdown there is a silver lining.

Sh*t My Dad Says


Justin Halpern - 2010
    Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

The Cargo Ship Diaries: 2.5 years, 25 countries, 0 flights


Niall Doherty - 2014
    We start off in Japan as he’s about to board the cargo ship, and throughout the book flash back to times spent in Amsterdam, Bucharest, Kathmandu, Bangkok and the likes. “I wish I could have written a book this awesome.” – Jack Kerouac Expect plenty of taboo topics, tales of dating misadventures, and honest takes on places like India and Iran. If you like the Momentos series on Niall’s blog, you’ll absolutely love this book. FAQ’s Q. How long is the book? A. 36,506 words on 133 pages. You can read through the whole thing in about three hours. Q. What route did you take from Ireland to Peru? A. Ireland > England > Netherlands > Germany > Switzerland > Austria > Hungary > Romania > Turkey > Iran > UAE > India > Nepal > India > Thailand > Cambodia > Laos > Vietnam > China > Hong Kong > China > Vietnam > Laos > Thailand > Laos > China > South Korea > Japan > Peru Q. Is there a surprise ending? A. Yes, but I’m going to ruin it for you right now: In the last chapter I reveal that I’ve never actually left Ireland, and have been fooling everyone with my photo and video editing skills for years. Suckers! Q. Did Jack Kerouac really say that about your book? A. Um, no. He died thirteen years before I was born. So I kinda lied. Sorry. I hope we can still be friends. Here’s a real testimonial to make amends… “This shit be tight, yo!” – Marco Polo Q. Is there an audio version of the book? A. Yes. You can buy it via my website: http://ndoherty.com/books/cargo/ Q. Are there cargo ship sound effects to go with the audio version of the book? A. I think you can hear a toilet flush at the end of chapter ten. That’s about as good as it gets. Q. Why don't you fly? Sounds dumb. A. It is pretty stupid, and I don't recommend it, but I explain my motivation in the book.

Life From Scratch


Melissa Ford - 2010
    And so is her kitchen.Divorced, heartbroken and living in a lonely New York apartment with a tiny kitchen, Rachel Goldman realizes she doesn't even know how to cook the simplest meal for herself. Can learning to fry an egg help her understand where her life went wrong? She dives into the culinary basics. Then she launches a blog to vent her misery about life, love and her goal of an unburnt casserole. To her amazement, the blog's a hit. She becomes a minor celebrity. Next, a sexy Spaniard enters her life. Will her souffles stop falling? Will she finally forget about the husband she still loves? And how can she explain to her readers that she still hasn't learned how to cook up a happy life from scratch?

How to Land on Your Feet: Life Lessons from My Cat


Jamie Shelman - 2019
    . . when you could spend nine lives napping? Take it from artist Jamie Shelman's wry and furry felines: Cats work reasonable hours (zero), love wisely (from a distance), and live boldly (until someone starts vacuuming). Don't go without these 100 sage lessons:Be especially attentive to the one person who doesn’t like you.Get away with murder by looking cute.Ignore anyone who doesn't worship you.Be pleased with your achievements, however small.The best solution to a problem is a nap.Live better—live like your cat!

The Evolution of Bruno Littlemore


Benjamin Hale - 2011
    Precocious, self-conscious and preternaturally gifted, young Bruno, born and raised in a habitat at the local zoo, falls under the care of a university primatologist named Lydia Littlemore. Learning of Bruno's ability to speak, Lydia takes Bruno into her home to oversee his education and nurture his passion for painting. But for all of his gifts, the chimpanzee has a rough time caging his more primal urges. His untimely outbursts ultimately cost Lydia her job, and send the unlikely pair on the road in what proves to be one of the most unforgettable journeys -- and most affecting love stories -- in recent literature. Like its protagonist, this novel is big, loud, abrasive, witty, perverse, earnest and amazingly accomplished. The Evolution of Bruno Littlemore goes beyond satire by showing us not what it means, but what it feels like be human -- to love and lose, learn, aspire, grasp, and, in the end, to fail.