Thematically covering every subject imaginable, from God to dogs, this collection is the seminal gathering of our national wit and a picture of who we are as a nation - a monument to our monumental silliness.'An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.' George MikesJane Austen, Jo Brand, Craig Brown, Winston Churchill, Alan Clark, Jeremy Clarkson, Billy Connolly, Peter Cook, Tommy Cooper, Stephen Fry, A.A. Gill, Boris Johnson, Samuel Johnson, Maureen Lipman, Spike Milligan, Eric Morecambe, William Shakespeare, George Bernard Shaw, Frank Skinner, Sue Townsend, Peter Ustinov, Queen Victoria, Oscar Wilde, P.G. Wodehouse, Victoria Wood and many more.

    I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot ...”  Colin Grey’s life was happy and simple, until the day everything changed—the day his wife read that book. Suddenly, he was thrust headfirst into a dark, illicit world of pleasure and pain. This is what happens when a tide of tempestuous, erotic desire invades man’s last place of privacy: his backyard shed.  WARNING: Fifty Sheds of Grey contains fifty graphic shed-based images. Please do not look if you are easily offended. Follow the phenomenon @50ShedsofGrey

    All her life, Eden Sher has suffered from dyscommunicatia (n. the inability to articulate a feeling through words.). Then, one day, she decided that, whenever she had an emotion for which she had no word, she would make one up. The result of this is The Emotionary, which lives at the intersection of incredibly funny and very useful. Chock full of words you always wanted/never knew you needed, often accompanied by illustrations of hilarious and all-too-familiar situations, The Emotionary will be a cherished tool for you or the world-class feelings-haver in your life.   At long last, all your complicated feelings can be put into words, so you can recognize them for what they are, speak their names aloud, and move on. Finally!From the Hardcover edition.

    Here, you'll find more than 1,200 of the most biting quotes, comments, and comebacks ever uttered, including: "I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence." --George Bernard Shaw "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." --Albert Einstein "If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you." --Muhammed Ali You won't just find quotes from typical a**holes like Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin, and Mark Twain, either. You'll also see what happens when practically perfect folks like Walt Disney, Mahatma Ghandi, and Audrey Hepburn lose their cool.So embrace your dark side and get ready to enjoy every over-confident, over-blown, over-the-top a**hole comment you'll ever need.

    If a photographer ever shouted out "who are you wearing?" I'd be like, "Me mam's top, me mate Sarah's jeans and some shoes from the TopShop sale." Meet Scarlett. You might recognise her as one of the funniest women on television from her appearances on the hit Channel Four show Gogglebox. Now, in Scarlett Says, Scarlett Moffat turns her attention to life, the universe and everything in a book that will be utterly unlike any other celebrity autobiography you read. Find out why thigh gaps can get stuffed, Tindr photos won't make good stories for the grandkids, why tooth fairies are creepy little bastards, and much, much more, all in the hilarious down-to-earth voice that we've come to know and love.You'll never look at things in the same way again when you hear what Scarlett Says.

    It’s written for players who are smart and who know that to succeed, you have to be different. Because in poker, if you play and think like everyone else, you’ll also get results just like everyone else. There’s a saying in the golf world that you don’t worry about the other players. You just play the course. It doesn’t matter if you’re playing in a big tournament against a hundred other players or against just one. It doesn’t matter if you’re playing against Tiger Woods or against Woody the Woodpecker. You can’t control what they do, so they can only be a distraction. All that matters is the course. And the only thing you can control is how you play it. This is a powerful idea, and it applies just as well in poker. Poker is full of distractions, and most players get hung up worrying about all the wrong things. The things they can’t control. The things that ultimately don’t matter. The Course: Serious Hold ‘Em Strategy For Smart Players, cuts through all the noise. It’s a practical and effective, step-by-step guide to winning consistently at no-limit hold ’em. It teaches the game as a series of skills. The first skill is the most important, but also the most fundamental. Each subsequent skill builds upon the last. Master the first few skills, and you can win at the 1-2 or 1-3 level. Master the next few, and you can win at 2-5. And master the final skills, and you can hang at 5-10 among the best players at your local card room. The Course focuses on the most important concepts that determine who wins and moves up and who doesn’t. And it ignores the distractions. It doesn’t waste your time and attention with ideas that don’t apply to the games you play. Unlike many other books, this book is ruthlessly practical. The ideas in The Course transfer directly from the page to the felt. The book starts out by showing you where and how money is available to win. Everything after teaches you how to go get it. Skill by skill, you will learn to win more money and win it faster. The Course meets you where you are. If you’re just beginning to get serious about hold ‘em, the book starts you with a sound foundational strategy. If you’re an experienced player looking to get over the next hump, the book lays bare the challenge and teaches you what you need to do. Unless you’re already the boss player at your local card room, The Course is the perfect companion to help take you to where you want to go.

    I've never worried about life's big questions. People at my age sit about pondering "why are we here?" The only time I ever asked myself that is when Suzanne booked us a surprise holiday to Lanzarote.'Karl Pilkington is forty years old. He's not married, he doesn't have kids, and he's got a job where he's known as an 'idiot'. It's time for him to take stock and face up to life's big question - what does it all mean?Karl is no stranger to travel, and now he's off on a series of adventures around the globe to find out how other cultures approach life's big issues. Travelling from far-flung tribes to high-tech cities, Karl experiences everything from a drive-thru wedding in Las Vegas to a vocational theme park in Japan, he meets a group of people in Mexico who find happiness through pain, undergoes a plastic surgery procedure in LA, and even encounters a woman in Bali who lets him help deliver her baby. Have his experiences changed him? Find out in this hilarious new book where Karl shares his stories (and opinions) in his inimitable style. Karl Pilkington is back on the road, and this time he's on a journey of self-discovery...

    He muses about everything from the nature of viral sharing, to the taming of Internet trolls, to why Yoda, bacon and cats are such popular memes. Takei isn’t afraid to tell it likes he sees it, and to engage the reader just as he does his legions of fans.Both provokingly thoughtful and wickedly funny, Oh Myyy! captures and comments upon the quirky nature of our plugged-in culture. With Takei’s conversational yet authoritative style, peppered with some of his favorite images from the web, readers should be prepared to LOL, even as they can’t help but hear his words in their heads in that unmistakable, deep bass.

    Demetri's first literary foray features longer-form essays and conceptual pieces (such as Protagonists' Hospital, a melodrama about the clinic doctors who treat only the flesh wounds and minor head scratches of Hollywood action heroes), as well as his trademark charts, doodles, drawings, one-liners, and lists (i.e., the world views of optimists, pessimists and contortionists), Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.

    An illustrated compendium of humorous facts such as the recipe for oxygen tart and an explanation of how man evolved from small rocks.

    With a 24/7 news cycle reporting that the polar ice caps are melting, hurricanes are swirling in the seas, wars are heating up around the world, and the job market is in a deep freeze, it's tempting to feel that the world is falling apart. But awesome things are all around us-sometimes we just need someone to point them out.The Book of Awesome reminds us that the best things in life are free (yes, your grandma was right). With laugh-out-loud observations from award- winning comedy writer Neil Pasricha, The Book of Awesome is filled with smile-inducing moments on every page that make you feel like a kid looking at the world for the first time. Read it and you'll remember all the things there are to feel good about. The Book of Awesome reminds us of all the little things that we often overlook but that make us smile. With touching, warm, and funny observations, each entry ends with the big booming feeling you'll get when you read through them: AWESOME!

    These are her collected pieces: regular bulletins from the woman writing under the covers.Marian loves shoes and her LTFs (Long-Term Friends), hates realtors and lost luggage, and she once had a Christmas office party that involved roasting two sheep on a spit, Moroccan-style. She's just like you and me ...Featuring a wide compilation of Marian's journalism from magazines and newspapers, plus some exclusive, previously unpublished material, Under the Duvet is bursting with funny stories: observations on life, in-laws, weight loss, parties and driving lessons that will keep you utterly gripped -- either wincing with recognition or roaring with laughter.

    Featuring 50 common North American birds, such as the White-Breasted Butt Nugget and the Goddamned Canada Goose (or White-Breasted Nuthatch and Canada Goose for the layperson), Matt Kracht identifies all the idiots in your backyard and details exactly why they suck with ink drawings. Each entry is accompanied by facts about a bird's (annoying) call, its (dumb) migratory pattern, its (downright tacky) markings, and more.The essential guide to all things wings with migratory maps, tips for birding, musings on the avian population, and the ethics of birdwatching.

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    From scowling teenager to father of two, this biting, funny collection of personal stories, peppered with moments of surprising poignancy, proves that although this infamous Kid may be all grown up, his singular brand of humor and signature wit remain firmly intact.