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    Now twenty-seven, he's released from his latest stretch and returns home vowing to go straight. But things aren't that easy: his girlfriend has ditched him, he has to live on his brother's sofa and he can't get a job to save his life. On top of this, DS Weasel of CID keeps pulling him in for every little thing that happens in town. Now his former criminal mates have a humdinger of a job they want him in on ? a massive out-of-town supermarket. All he has to do is put together a gang of seven or eight lads and he could have the biggest payout of his life. Or the biggest headache. Milo's Marauders is the first in a new series of crime capers from the author of The Burglar Diaries. Set in the same crap town as King's riotous debut and featuring some of the same dodgy characters, Milo's Marauders will have you laughing like a maniac and gagging for more.

    Apparently it’s fine for Scrimshaw Travel to make last minute amendments to the holiday without incurring any penalties or reducing the price in any way. That’s what the indifferent courier tells him on day one of the tour as she arrives in a clapped-out, old coach being driven by a partially-sighted driver. With the spa hotel replaced by a rundown guest house staffed by a neurotic manager, decrepit waitress and under-sexed, Italian waiter there doesn’t appear to be much of the brochure-described holiday left. Thank goodness for Angela, the rather lovely woman Derek pals up with on the journey down. She might just make the trip bearable. If only the other members of the group would leave them alone long enough to get to know each other, but Derek has always had the ability to attract the eccentric characters to him and he can’t escape them. Still, perhaps they’ll surprise him as he learns about their lives and secrets as they move from one hilarious excursion to another. And maybe Angela will provide one or two surprises herself. Driven to Distraction is a fun romp through the English countryside with characters finding love and friendship while travelling at twenty miles an hour. (Well, it is a clapped-out, old coach).

    Here's the first in a new series of in-depth discussions on a variety of subjects relating to humanity's greatest endeavors.Around the table, Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, and the glabrous luminary Karl Pilkington.In this episode, MEDICINE, we explore the treatment of human ailments through history - from trepanation (or 'oles in the 'ed) in early tribal societies right through to the possible, if improbable, future of medical technology.Ricky Steve and Karl offer a uniquely ill-informed appraisal, from medicine's superstitious roots in shamanism, the beginnings of empiricism and on to today's holistic ideal.Areas of discussion include the dangers of leaving yoghurt pots in fridges; how over-enthusiastic janitors can stifle scientific progress; how hygiene impacts on immunity; Karl's ideas on empathic diagnosis; fruit-based contraception; the risks of eye surgery; the politics of treating obesity; conjugal care-workers; geriatric clinical trials; Karl's take on palliative care; and the inevitable anal-probing....

    It's OK." Over one hundred contributors share their failures, setbacks and most embarrassing moments for this compilation of hilarity with the hopes that their stories would give the embarrassed and struggling souls some comic and inspirational relief. Life is riddled with pain, disappointments, and failures, but given enough time, they're folly. "We're All A Mess. It's OK" captures life's most absurd moments honestly and without a filter. It's filled with funny essays and one-liners that highlight the grainier sides of being human and imperfect. The book covers everything from horrible internet dating experiences, the strangest of co-workers, vacations that went array, to the worst holiday gifts of all time. It's an anthology of real-life disasters. You'll enjoy comedian/actor Kim Banta's tale, "My First Date and a Sluggish Toilet," detailing a first date in the nicest home in town, ending with an overflowing toilet and panicked placement of poo into her purse. And... "You Must Have Me Confused With Someone Else" depicts Dane Levent's severe behavior problems with her golden retriever, Buddy, after picking him up from boarding, only to find out a week later that she had the wrong dog. And... "He's Worth the Wait" by Bes. D describes her mother-in-law's long-term relationship with a convicted felon she had met on Meet-An-Inmate.com. And... "Saying ‘I'm Sorry' Will Not Fix This Situation" by Ashley P. is a hilarious tale of turning her best date into her worst date by leaping onto her partner's lap, causing what is called in medical terminology, a penile fracture. And... Follow along with Traci Jo's daily embarrassment by her mother, picking her up from school wearing different wigs, such as Dorothy Hamill and Marilyn Monroe. And... Read an entire chapter dedicated to strange conditions, such as Shelley Miner Gardler's need to gather her pets before she goes to work to tell them goodbye and to assign one to be in charge while she's away. And... Discover why Christine T sorts M&Ms in ROYGBIV order and eats them first by frequency until they're even, and then one of each color in order, until they're gone. These humorous essays and quips are about the blunders and snafus, and of everyday life that most of us can relate to. It's like "Chicken Soup for the Soul" if you threw in snark and expletives. If you like Jenn Mann, Samantha Irby and Jenny Lawson, you will love "We're All A Mess. It's OK." Get a copy for your funniest friends, or for grouchy people, maybe it will cheer them up. The book is an easy read and offers a real message that we all can survive, even the worst of failures and ultimately, even though we're all a mess, it's OK. Snarky women, quip, short stories, essays, funny, humorous essays, humor essays, gifts for women, funny stories, dating, relationships, failures, work, family, cats, dogs, alpacas.

    We all know one! They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat. 'The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life' is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.

    Want to read an example? Have a look at How an Elephant was Weighed.A hippo believes he is the most handsome of all animals. But do the other animals in the forest agree? Find out in Hippo Humbled.Shonar the deer is in trouble! What’s Kalia the Crow going to do now?A washerman is convinced his donkey can turn into a man! Find out why in The Dhobi and his Donkey.

    Before their old master died, her family lived in comfortable servants' quarters beside a garden where birdsong echoed through the day. But the new young master turned them out, and now Olive, her parents, and her five-year-old brother Jimmy are struggling to get by. In their cold and desolate tenement, Olive sings to Jimmy about the birds of the garden, trying to cling to hope. Things go from bad to worse when Father succumbs to consumption. Without his job at the docks, the family can't get by. They try to survive on the streets, but it's an impossible task for a destitute mother and her two small children. Olive embarks on a journey of loss and survival in the brutal setting of Victorian London. She has to survive the deaths of loved ones, the appalling conditions in the slums of Old Nichol, and worst of all, the horrors of a match factory and the deadly diseases lurking inside. But one bright thread runs through her story: a kind and handsome boy who gives her bread and whistles just like a nightingale. Might he be the thread by which she can pull herself back up into a better life?

    

    

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    Now, I can add Margaret Lashley to that very short list." “Her characters are lovable and believable and you cheer, and cry, along with them.” “I found myself deeply immersed in Val’s journey and laughing out loud.” “If you enjoy Janet Evanovich, you’ll love Margaret Lashley!” “From the first page to the last, I was captivated.” “The characters are great – so many laugh out loud moments…” “Hilarious! I can completely relate to Val.” “Made me laugh, made me cry…. Couldn’t stop reading it.” "Margaret writes with a "smirk" of a Cheshire cat. Fantastic read.” If you like deeply flawed characters and laugh-out-loud situations, you’ll love Margaret Lashley’s hilarious Val Fremden Mystery Series. Why did you decide to write women’s fiction? I grew up in an era of strong women role models, such as Marlo Thomas in That Girl, as well as Mary Tyler Moore and Carol Burnett in shows that bore their names. These women were pursuing their own dreams, their own ways. I didn’t see much of that in fiction today. I wanted to create a character that was strong, yet vulnerable. One that celebrated the everyday, self-made woman who was struggling to finally put her own needs first. My main character, Val, is a survivor who bears the scars of her hard journey proudly, and with her own quirky coping mechanisms and sense of humor. Where did you get the idea for the Val & Pals Series? Real life was my inspiration. Today’s society makes it hard for a woman to be less than beautiful and perfect and subservient. I wanted to explore the idea of a woman who decided to lay down her tiara and mirror and scorecard and begin to play by her own rules. This type of freedom costs her dearly in many ways, but would it be worth it? That’s what this series explores with tears and triumphs and a barrel full of laughs. What type of reader would enjoy your brand of women’s fiction? Readers who like to be taken by surprise – who like to laugh and cry and dissolve into another world when they read. My characters have their great triumphs and cringe-worthy failures. They are flawed and vulnerable and funny as hell. My stories draw laughs using a wide net – from Pat Conroy’s twisted, dark family humor to Bridget Jones’s slap-stick situational gaffs. Things don’t always turn out like they planned. But that’s life – when it’s truly lived.