In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified. Wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words. Skeptical? Here are just a few gems to consider: � Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed. � The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone. � The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies. � The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace. And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.

    Drab even. That all that changed after an accident left her in a coma for three days. That's when the spookshow really began, when Billie realized that she could see the dead.And the dead could see her. Now, they won't leave her alone. Accompanying two friends through a haunted house, Billie uncovers a terrible secret that brings, not only the police, but the homicide detective responsible for putting her into the hospital in the first place. He's also the one man she sworn to stay away from.

    Then she usually kills them, since self-preservation comes first. So when an old vampire friend kills himself, Eleisha is shocked. And what she finds in his home shows how world-weary he had become; hoarding corpses and keeping records of vampires actual names and addresses. Now the police know who Eleisha is, and more alarmingly, what she is. But she soon realizes that being known may have its uses, even if it puts her and her kind at risk.

    The novella is a romantic comedy—if romantic comedies were dark and screwed up and no one got exactly what they wanted.

    For as long as anyone can remember, the founder and CEO (known in some circles as "God") has been phoning it in. Lately, he's been spending most of his time on the golf course. And when he does show up at work, it's not to resolve wars or end famines, but to Google himself and read what humans have been blogging about him. When God decides to retire (to pursue his lifelong dream of opening an Asian Fusion restaurant), he also decides to destroy Earth. His employees take the news in stride, except for Craig and Eliza, two underpaid angels in the lowly Department of Miracles. Unlike their boss, Craig and Eliza love their jobs -- uncapping city fire hydrants on hot days, revealing lost keys in snow banks -- and they refuse to accept that earth is going under. The angels manage to strike a deal with their boss. He'll call off his Armageddon, if they can solve their toughest miracle yet: getting the two most socially awkward humans on the planet to fall in love. With doomsday fast approaching, and the humans ignoring every chance for happiness thrown their way, Craig and Eliza must move heaven and earth to rescue them -- and the rest of us, too.

    She is lonely and exhausted. She had imagined - what was it she had imagined? Her husband, always travelling for his work, calls her from faraway hotel rooms. One more toddler bedtime, and she fears she might lose her mind.Instead, quite suddenly, she starts gaining things, surprising things that happen one night when her child will not sleep. Sharper canines. Strange new patches of hair. New appetites, new instincts. And from deep within herself, a new voice...With its clear eyes on contemporary womanhood and sharp take on structures of power, Nightbitch is an outrageously original, joyfully subversive read that will make you want to howl in laughter and recognition. Addictive enough to be devoured in one sitting, this is an unforgettable novel from a blazing new talent.

    Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in:* A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain.* The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt.* Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you.* The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD.* Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.If you’re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, you’ll love what you find in You Might Be a Zombie from the twisted minds at Cracked.

    Also psychotics, orphans, vamps, hookers, and housewives.”When bizarre magical disappearances disrupt performances in the Big Apple, struggling actress Esther Diamond receives a cryptic warning not to appear in an Off-Broadway musical because “there is Evil among us.”Since the show much go on, Esther teams up with a conjuring cowboy, a banker with stage aspirations, and a group of drag queens. They’re led in their efforts by Esther’s new BFF, Dr. Maximillian Zadok, a 350-year-old mage whose day job is protecting New York from Evil. Also on the case is Detective Connor Lopez, a sexy cop who fears that Max and Esther may be a bigger problem than the vanishing performers.Boldly facing down an enraged producer, a hungry tiger, and other deadly obstacles, Esther, Max, and their friends pursue Evil to its lair in their fearless determination to find the missing performers and restore harmony to their city.

    I fired off a storm of raunchy text messages…to the wrong number. And he replied. Him: Show me a picture. Him: Tell me your name. Why does the lure of anonymity have me craving to indulge a stranger? It’s the start of everything right. I received a slew of text messages…when everything in my life was wrong. And she made me laugh again. Her: You’re probably a creeper. Her: Possibly a stalker. Why do I have the overwhelming need to find this stranger who saved me and make her mine? Him: Take a chance with me. Her: This is crazy. Him: I need to see you. Her: What are we doing? Him: We’re about to find out. Her: PHOTO ATTACHED Him: PHOTO ATTACHED

    Enjoy! It should have been the perfect vacation. A beautiful island without a soul in sight. Blue sea so clear I can see the reef. Palm trees swaying in the wind, and a girl with barely a scrap of clothing on. There is only one problem. She is a zombie and she wants to eat me. That's right. My only companion is a creature with a hunger for human flesh. I should bash in her brains and toss her in the ocean but I don't have a volleyball to talk to. All I have is this diary and my own Zombie-Wilson.

    Though most of Earth has already been evacuated, it’s Samantha’s job to catalog plant samples for the survivors’ unknowable journey beyond.Preparing to stay behind and watch the world end, she makes a final human connection.As certain doom hurtles nearer, the unexpected and beautiful potential for the future begins to flower.Veronica Roth’s Ark is part of Forward, a collection of six stories of the near and far future from out-of-this-world authors. Each piece can be read or listened to in a single thought-provoking sitting.

    The only catch is that she has to look after a pet dog in exchange for board.She soon finds herself trying to juggle auditions, the demise of a long-term relationship and a blossoming fling, all whist hiding a sinister secret concealed within her suitcase.

    In other words, perfect." - The Huffington PostAn amusing and captivating tale that's a delightful primer for laughing at the inevitable: If you're a dinosaur, all of your friends are dead. If you're a pirate, all of your friends have scurvy. If you're a tree, all of your friends are end tables. Each page of this laugh-out-loud, illustrated humor book showcases the downside of being everything from a clown to a cassette tape to a zombie. Cute and dark all at once, this hilarious children's book for adults teaches valuable lessons about life.From the sock whose only friends have gone missing to the houseplant whose friends are being slowly killed by irresponsible plant owners (like you), All My Friends Are Dead presents hilariously entertaining stories about life and existential predicaments.The simple yet effective imagery, the personification of inanimate objects, and short, hilarious quips come together to create an amusing adventure through each character's unique grievance and wide-eyed dilemmas.Written by Avery Monsen, an actor, artist, and writer and Jory John, a writer, editor, and journalist. They are friends, and neither is dead. Yet.All My Friends Are Dead is both the saddest funny book and the funniest sad book you'll ever read.Children's book written for adults Displayed in an accessible cartoon form

    Sheltered by her overbearing father, Louisa has years of catching up to do and can think of no better person than gorgeous Sam Rawlins to show her. Is she ready for the time of her life? Hell, yes.Ordinarily unflappable adventure guide Sam Rawlins makes his living showing the wealthy how to have fun, but nothing in his experience could have prepared him for the "adventure" Louisa Honeycut asks for. He might be showing Louisa the time of her life, but the quirky little snack-cake heiress is soon turning Sam's own life upside down...and perversely, he likes the new vantage point.

    She left her number, but he never called. Wondering if he somehow missed the note on the back of the receipt, she spent her twenties waiting for this man to walk into her life again. After all this time, will Ella finally discover “the one” she’s been waiting for? Or, after being sent on various blind dates, will she give her heart to someone else?Meanwhile, Matthew Ryan breaks up with his long-time girlfriend. Searching his heart he wonders if there is really a “one” for every person, or if there is simply a good, better, and best. Where does Lydia, the girl who would do anything for him, fit into the story of his life? Confused, Matthew sets out to explore his options and find the love he’s been looking for his entire life. Will he find love before it’s too late or will he lose everything?