During this time, I happened to cross a tunnel and kept on thinking while crawling my way out that “will there be light at the end of the tunnel?” Indeed there was. As I came out and dropped on my knees with my hands raised in air I heard a whisper, “What do you seek?” and the first words which came out of my mouth were “Sarcasm O’ Dear Lord.”

    Jacob Tomsky never intended to go into the hotel business. As a new college graduate, armed only with a philosophy degree and a singular lack of career direction, he became a valet parker for a large luxury hotel in New Orleans. Yet, rising fast through the ranks, he ended up working in “hospitality” for more than a decade, doing everything from supervising the housekeeping department to manning the front desk at an upscale Manhattan hotel. He’s checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room-service meals, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late checkout, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&M's out of your minibar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. In Heads in Beds he pulls back the curtain to expose the crazy and compelling reality of a multi-billion-dollar industry we think we know. Heads in Beds is a funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life, told by a keenly observant insider who’s seen it all. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on in the valet parking garage, the housekeeping department’s dirty little secrets—not to mention the shameless activities of the guests, who are rarely on their best behavior. Prepare to be moved, too, by his candor about what it’s like to toil in a highly demanding service industry at the luxury level, where people expect to get what they pay for (and often a whole lot more). Employees are poorly paid and frequently abused by coworkers and guests alike, and maintaining a semblance of sanity is a daily challenge.Along his journey Tomsky also reveals the secrets of the industry, offering easy ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle. This book (and a timely proffered twenty-dollar bill) will help you score late checkouts and upgrades, get free stuff galore, and make that pay-per-view charge magically disappear. Thanks to him you’ll know how to get the very best service from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, you will keep the bellmen from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and bashing it against the wall repeatedly.

    In the seventy years since, his wit (and the occasional ‘gaffe’) has continued to endear him to the nation, as he travelled the world taking his unique and charmingly British sense of humour to its far-flung corners. Hailed as a god by a tribe in Vanuatu, the Prince has had his fair share of brickbats from the media nearer home, but his outspokenness never fails to raise laughs – and eyebrows.From notorious one-liners to less newsworthy witticisms and from plain speaking to blunt indifference, the Prince does what we all wish we could do now and again – forgets polite conversation and says what he thinks. In the year in which the Prince has stepped down from his royal duties, this joyous and timely book celebrates his wry humour and supremely wicked wit.

    One of Britain's most enduring and famous comedians tells us in his own inimitable style the fascinating and often hilarious story of his life. From disclosures of very painful personal tragedies to extraordinary and outrageously funny anecdotes about the stars he knew, his confessions are blisteringly honest, touching - and often shocking. Crying With Laughter combines heartache with hilarity, sexy showbiz revelations with genuinely moving tales of the hard times, and typically funny jokes with sobering personal reflections, to create a passionate, witty and sparkling account of an extraordinary man's extraordinary life.

    At first I tried to deny my condition (trying to treat a tumor with hot baths and ice packs). Eventually, I decided I would learn as much about my illness as possible while trying to keep my emotions on hold.What followed was an experience that finally forced me to deal with issues about my body that I had tried to ignore for decades. Along the way I dealt with a physician who gave me ridiculous advice and acquaintances who asked unbelievable questions. But I was also fortunate to be surrounded by people who supported me and doctors who helped me through the process.

    In The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death, she experiences the popular phenomenon of laser hair removal (because at least one of her chins should be stubble-free); bemoans the scourge of the Open Mouth Coughers on America’s airplanes; welcomes the newest ex-con (yay, a sex offender!) to her neighborhood; and watches, against her own better judgment, every Discovery Health Channel special on parasites and tapeworms that has ever aired–resulting in an overwhelming fear that a worm the size of a python will soon come a-knocking on her back door.

    because he wants to watch Caillou, he’s an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she’s an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely decorate the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they’re a-holes. So it’s only natural to want to kill them sometimes. Of course you can’t because you’d go to prison, and then you’d really never get to poop alone again. Plus, there’s that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. Karen Alpert is the writer of the popular blog Baby Sideburns. You may have seen some of her more viral posts like “Ten Things I Really F’ing Want for Mother’s Day,” “Daddy Sticker Chart” and “What NOT to F’ing Buy My Kids this Holiday.” Or you may know her from her Facebook page that has over 130,000 followers. I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you’ll wish you were wearing a diaper.

    Violent and disruptive, no foster carer could cope with Leanne's behaviour. Can Maggie Hartley succeed where so many others failed? Perfect for fans of Cathy Glass, Casey Watson, Angela Hart and Rosie Lewis.***** A TRUE SHORT STORY BY THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR MAGGIE HARTLEYEleven-year-old Leanne is out of control.Since being taken into care at the age of three, she has had over forty placements, each carer less able to cope with her anger and destruction than the last.Late one night, foster carer Maggie Hartley receives a terrified call from Leanne's current placement, who has barricaded herself in her bathroom to protect herself from Leanne's rage. With the police on standby, Maggie manages to diffuse the situation but Leanne is left without a home once more.Maggie is Leanne's only hope. But this is her last chance. If this placement fails, she will have to be put in a secure unit.Then Leanne threatens Maggie with a knife and makes accusations against her that have to be investigated by Maggie's superiors. Where most others would simply walk away, Maggie refuses to give up on the little girl who's never known love.Can Maggie get through to Leanne and begin to help her heal? Will the girl no one wanted find her forever home?A true short story by The Sunday Times bestselling foster carer Maggie Hartley. Perfect for fans of Cathy Glass, Casey Watson, Angela Hart and Rosie Lewis.

    I did not write this book for sympathy or notoriety; I wrote it in an attempt to shed light on the ghosts that have haunted me for a lifetime, hoping that by putting them down on paper that I could look at them more objectively from a mature point of view and eventually free myself from them.

    The remaining twenty percent, however, are socially maladjusted psychopaths. WAITER RANT offers the server's unique point of view, replete with tales of customer stupidity, arrogant misbehavior, and unseen bits of human grace transpiring in the most unlikely places. Through outrageous stories, The Waiter reveals the secrets to getting good service, proper tipping etiquette, and how to keep him from spitting in your food. The Waiter also shares his ongoing struggle, at age thirty-eight, to figure out if he can finally leave the first job at which he's really thrived."The other shoe finally drops. The front-of-the-house version of Kitchen Confidential; a painfully funny, excruciatingly true-life account of the waiter's life. As useful as it is entertaining. You will never look at your waiter the same way again�and will never tip less than 20%." --Anthony Bourdain, author of Kitchen Confidential"I really enjoyed WAITER RANT. The book is engaging and funny, a story told from my polar opposite perspective. I will now do my best to act better as a Chef -- and I dare say, I'll never be rude to a waiter again, as long as I live."--John DeLucie, Chef of The Waverly Inn

    The Young Comedians Special produced some of the most recognizable—and bankable—comedic stars of all time, including Sam Kinison, Bob Saget, Jerry Seinfeld, and Judd Apatow. But what about the ones who didn’t exactly make it?In Five Minutes to Kill, actor and comedian Fred Stoller—the Kindle bestselling author of 2012’s My Seinfeld Year—tells the story of the Young Comedians Special in 1989. He and five other talented, then-unknown comics took the stage with the hopes that their five-minute sets would propel them to fame and fortune. Some, like David Spade and Rob Schneider, hit it big; others didn’t. By turns hilarious and heart-wrenching, Five Minutes to Kill is the bittersweet story of what happened to six of America’s funniest people after their first big breaks.

    Find out below how all profits from every purchase of this book saves another person's life.Has your life turned out exactly as planned?When you were younger did you have dreams of being a rockstar?...a fireman?...a doctor?Who did you want to be before the world told you who you should be?When we're born, we enter a world full of systems, most of which are out of our control. There are tons of unwritten rules and social pressures we feel forced to follow. We're pressured to:- study hard and get good grades- get accepted and attend college- graduate and find a secure job- get married and start a familyWe're trained not to stray too far from the path.If we follow this recommended path, why do we still feel that we're missing something? In Breaking Out of a Broken System, Seth & Chandler Bolt give you the tools to re-draw the lines, chart new roads, and expand the borders around your life. Each of the brothers writes a totally different perspective on the 15 most important life lessons taught by their parents. These are things they thought everyone learned growing up, but they realized otherwise after going out into the "real world".As you read, you'll have the option to read two completely different perspectives on each life lesson.You can start with the artistic account written by Seth, bass player for the southern rock band NEEDTOBREATHE.Or...Dive into Chandler's entrepreneurial story told from the perspective of the younger brother.There are two major benefits that will manifest from reading these intriguing tales. First, your life will gain a fresh new outlook on how blazing new trails can be the perfect addition to your own path.And secondly, you'll be saving someone else's life.Each book sold saves a life by providing a life-saving malaria pill (#1book1life). Each year, 1.2 million people die from malaria. This is solely because many villages only receive 3-4 months worth of pills per year to cure the disease.Our mission with the "Breaking Out of a Broken System" book launch is to buy 10,000 life-saving malaria pills by selling 10,000 copies of this book.Buy this book, change your life. Buy this book, save another.Buy the book during launch week to get tons of free stuff & a chance to win the trip of lifetime to Uganda!

    

    Ruminations on lardbutts. bra-padders. Good ol'boys and giggling Yankee girls. The joys of white bread and knowing your way around a 1957 Chevrolet. And lots more from one of America's favorite writers.

    Who Stole My Spandex? is a witty selection of stories from Doyle’s madcap world of menopausal pitfalls, wardrobe malfunctions, and a family full of pranksters. This clever compilation includes laugh-out-loud pieces like "Queen of Klutz,” "One Size Fits None," and "Hands off my Egg Roll!" From couples' colonoscopies to nightmare holidays to disappearing spandex, no topic—no matter how crazy or unimaginable—is too taboo. With a heavy dose of self-deprecating humor, and a dash of sentiment, this marvelous collection of anecdotes will resonate with anyone who’s ever felt the call of nature at exactly the wrong time. Welcome to the nuthouse that Marcia Kester Doyle calls home.