In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified. Wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words. Skeptical? Here are just a few gems to consider: � Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed. � The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone. � The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies. � The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace. And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.

    Each dog (and one cat) profiled has had a rough past, suffering abuse or extreme neglect at the hands of humans.Some dogs featured here have become therapy dogs for hospitals and nursing homes; reading partners for children; friends to at risk teens and the injured in veterans affairs hospitals; service dogs for the deaf and blind; arson dogs; and even search-and-rescue dogs. Some of these special dogs are disabled, blind, deaf, missing limbs, but they don't seem to know it. These spunky, happy animals have repaid the kindness of their rescuers in spades, bringing the therapy of love to people in need, sometimes even saving lives.

    Stories so compelling you'll stay in your car to hear them through--even if you're sitting in your own driveway. "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! "host Peter Sagal captures your attention with colorful tales for and about moms. Heard in "All Things Considered, Weekend Edition, News & Notes," and other NPR programs, these stories and more are for moms, moms-to-be, and anyone who has ever known or had a mother.

    Their smart, scathing dressing-down of fashion disasters has become a media sensation, with Time dubbing their website one of the fifty coolest blogs and Entertainment Weekly tagging it as one of the staff's twenty-five favorite sites on the Internet.Now, with The Fug Awards, Heather and Jessica hand out honors such as the Sag Award for most egregious misuse of breasts and the Tanorexia Award for the person most addicted to bronzer. They prove that having an unlimited budget and a coterie of hangers-on is no barrier against committing glaring, eye-stinging sartorial missteps. No celebrity, no matter how respected or revered, is beyond their reach. Not merely cutting, but also genuinely witty and slyly perceptive, The Fug Awards is celebrity schadenfreude at its hilarious best.

    For want of a better term, let's call these people "women."Their urge is understandable. We've all had to take measures to accommodate men, because they are involved in nearly every aspect of modern life except maybe housework and they like to run things like corporate meetings and the planet. The only other alternative has been to try to avoid men altogether, which is pretty hard to do if you are interested in stuff like reproduction or having your oil changed.That's why How to Remodel a Man is so indispensable-it is a clear, step-by-step guide for anyone who wants to alter the character and behavior of a man, written by an actual man. Author W. Bruce Cameron provides startling insight into male pattern thinking, explaining why men can open a refrigerator and not see the mayonnaise, or how it is that they can throw dirty clothes at the hamper or in front of the hamper or even on top of the hamper and yet not seem capable of getting any of it in the hamper. Normally, changing a man has certain obstacles, including, but not limited to, the fact that it is impossible. But Cameron is able to overcome this hindrance because he, himself, has been remodeled. In a move so bold it may be shocking to people unaccustomed to such personal courage, Cameron turned himself over to the women in his life and asked them to change him. It started with a list of his flaws (Cameron came up with four; the women came up with one hundred seventy eight) and ended with him writing How to Remodel a Man, so that others could learn from his experience.If you're a woman, you'll be amazed to learn that men can be trained to perform all sorts of tricks, like using the instruments on the sides of their heads (the ears) to listen to you, and the space between those instruments to think about you.If you're a man, you've been given this book so that you'll see that it's possible to watch television without holding the remote or to ask for directions from strangers without suffering a catastrophic loss of testosterone. Cameron changed, and you can too.How to Remodel a Man is the essential guide for anyone in the awkward position of having to interact with a person of the male gender.

    The book showcases many different styles of writing, from fiction to short humor to essays to comedy sketches to poetry. Featured writers include F. Scott Fitzgerald, Conan O'Brien, Lorrie Moore, Paul Feig, Jonathan Franzen, Alice Munro, and many more. Proceeds from the book will go to 826 National, a nonprofit tutoring, writing, and publishing organization with locations in eight cities across the country.

    Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in:* A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain.* The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt.* Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you.* The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD.* Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.If you’re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, you’ll love what you find in You Might Be a Zombie from the twisted minds at Cracked.

    This new collaboration with fellow Dutch plantsman Henk Gerritsen deals with a selection of some 1200 plants most suitable for Oudolf's New Wave naturalism, which emphasizes the importance of plant structures in providing all-season interest. The gardener can prune back plants after flowering to create a perpetual spring — at least until the onset of winter — but the authors prefer to follow nature's example and let plants finish flowering, not only to please the birds and butterflies, but for the beauty that well-chosen plant groupings offer as they reach the end of their life cycle. Many illustrations in this book demonstrate the striking effects of Oudolf's favorite plants in fall and winter.

    A collection of 45 ridiculous 911 emergency calls, submitted by 911 Call Center Operators across the U.S.Dedicated to you, the Taxpayer who funded these calls.Note: A quick 10-minute read of humorous quotes from real calls.Just enough for a grin of the day!

    Each year, the series editor and guest editor curate a truly exceptional collection. The only shared traits among all these diverse styles, voices, and stories are the extraordinarily high caliber of writing, and the pure passion they tap into that can only come from sports.

    It features a “60-Second Secret Plan” for starting off, tips on running shoes and other equipment, and sample structured programs for improving health and endurance. In addition, there are quizzes to help newcomers assess their current fitness levels, a runner’s diary to track progress, and inspirational stories about sport’s life-changing effects. Colorful sidebars cover everything from how running produces chemical changes in the brain that improve one’s mood to strategies for adding distance to a weekly program.

    Key features include:- use of compatible perennials;- non-invasive planting techniques;- emphasis on biodiversity;- specifically adaptable to local climate, landscape, and soil conditions;- highly productive output of edibles.Now, picture your backyard as one incredibly lush garden, filled with edible flowers, bursting with fruit and berries, and carpeted with scented herbs and tangy salad greens. The visual impact is of Monet's palette, a wash of color, texture, and hue. But this is no still life. The flowers nurture endangered pollinators. Bright-featured songbirds feed on abundant berries and gather twigs for their nests.The plants themselves are grouped in natural communities, where each species plays a role in building soil, deterring pests, storing nutrients, and luring beneficial insects. And finally, you—good ol' homo sapiens—are an integral part of the scene. Your garden tools are resting against a nearby tree, and have a slight patina of rust, because this garden requires so little maintenance. You recline into a hammock to admire your work. You have created a garden paradise.This is no dream, but rather an ecological garden, which takes the principles of permaculture and applies them on a home-scale. There is nothing technical, intrusive, secretive, or expensive about this form of gardening. All that is required is some botanical knowledge (which is in this book) and a mindset that defines a backyard paradise as something other than a carpet of grass fed by MiracleGro.

    The book chronicles the city's colorful citizens and hopping nightlife, and also explores some of the most hilarious events from its crazy history—like the time the whole town was on fire, its ongoing raccoon infestation, and the cult that took over in the 1970s. Packed with laugh-out-loud-funny photographs, illustrations, and commentary by the other inhabitants of Pawnee, it's a must-read that will make you enjoy every moment of your stay in the Greatest Town in America. Praise for Pawnee: "Carrying this book around is a good way of picking up girls with glasses." —Tom Haverford "I have read over four books, and this is by far the one that has me in it the most." —Andy Dwyer "Literally the greatest endeavor of human creativity in the history of mankind." —Chris Traeger

    From 'The hideousness of the art world', 'Being thick is no obstacle to being a successful artist' and 'Painting is a blind man's obsession'; to 'Socialising for party duds', 'Love may be blind, but marriage is an eye-opener' and 'If it can't be explained by science, try a seance'.

    Is it serious movie discussion? Is it funny? Do the writers know what the hell they are talking about? Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes. OK, that’s too many Yes’s but you get the point.  Graham Elwood and Chris Mancini, both professional filmmakers and comedians, created Comedyfilmnerds.com to mind meld the idea of real movie talk and real funny. And they called in all of their professionally funny and filmy friends to help them. Comedians and writers who have been on everything from the Tonight Show to having their own comedy specials tell you what’s what on their favorite film genres.  While "The Comedy Film Nerds Guide to Movies" is funny and informative, each film genre is given a personal touch. All of the Comedy Film Nerds have a love of film and a personal connection to each genre.  Read about a love of film from an insider’s perspective.  "The Comedy Film Nerds Guide to Movies" is for the movie lover with a good sense of humor.