And she's suffered from night terrors where a shadowy man pursues her. The Shadow Man found her once before when she was sixteen years old and slaughtered her parents. And now, nine years later, he's found her again.The Shadow Man is killing people as he works his way closer to Tara. She can see the murders through his eyes, the clues left behind, and he wants it that way. He takes things from each victim: blood, skin, and other items he needs for his bizarre ritual. But it's all leading up to the most important and central piece of the ritual - Tara.Tara wants to run. She wants to hide - it's what she's always done. But she makes a decision to fight back, to stop the Shadow Man before he kills again.

    Always ready with an impeccable phrase or a sly wink, he shares tales of the most darkly ironic sort, including a field report from a human abattoir, a chronicle of dating Death, and, of course, the tale of the goat that ate its own legs. The thirty-one bizarre, insightful, and morbidly hilarious tales in My Goat Ate Its Own Legs: Tales for Adults will delight anyone who doesn't take life (or death) too seriously.

    When he returns home from his demanding job, a man rightfully deserves a bit of pampering. A happy smile, a warm kiss, and a pair of cozy slippers are just the start. Here are all the secrets for helping him feel comfortable and content:  - Advice on cooking from scratch - The lowdown on why a clean home makes hubby feel better - Valuable hints on making yourself more attractive to him The Good Wife is a great and humorous gift for brides-to-be or happily married wives, for Valentine’s Day, and bridal showers and bachelorette parties.

    And that's all before he leaves for work. Mutant ninjas, a talking whale, kung-fu masters, maniacal Pilgrims and an alcoholic clown populate Chris Genoa's surreal, darkly comical and unnerving reimagining of the first Thanksgiving. Put down your feathered headdresses, puritan collars and buckled shoes and prepare to get schooled in the alternate history lesson they never mentioned in grade school.

    A deft, masterful mix of both bizarro and horror."--Brian Keene, author of The Rising and Ghoul"Dark and grim and surreal." --Electric LiteratureMondays suck. You get mugged, your car won't start, you miss the bus, and your stylist burns a bald spot into your head. Suddenly you're single and unemployed, and the only friend you have left is a cat. By Tuesday, you've been murdered. But death isn't the end. You find yourself on an odyssey between weird worlds, reborn each time you die, stalked obsessively by the man who killed you.Even in death, you just can't seem to catch a break. Call it Mercury in retrograde, call it Murphy's law, call it . . .SHIT LUCK

    He’s in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut. His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience - though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely and dangerous. This box set contains the first 3 stories in the How To Be Dead series: How To Be Dead Paper Cuts Old Haunts They tell the story of Death and his office staff protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses. After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.” “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.” “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.” “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”

    Rico Slade is not a body builder, an actor, or a governor. Rico Slade is an action hero. Rico Slade doesn't care about the political climate. Rico Slade has an advance degree in badassery. Rico Slade's favorite food is the honey-roasted peanut. Rico Slade can rip out a throat with his bare hands. But Rico Slade's arch nemesis, Baron Mayhem, is threatening to drop a bomb on the Earth that will kill every human being except himself while leaving the world's currency intact. To save the planet, Rico Slade must journey across Hollywood to find Baron Mayhem. Unfortunately, Rico Slade's crime fighting style involves ripping out the throat of anyone who gets in his way, including grandmothers and Midwestern tourists.As Rico Slade leaves Hollywood in ruins, the only person who can stop him from destroying the city is his Jewish psychologist, Harold Schwartzman. Until he does, Rico Slade will kill as many people as it takes to thwart Baron Mayhem's evil scheme. Rico Slade will fucking kill everyone.RICO SLADE WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.Praise for the book:"A one-man Expendables wrecking crew." - SUPERHERO NOVELS"Rico Slade can grab Chuck Norris by a wrist and an ankle and use him as a jump rope. If you're looking for some well-crafted literary mayhem that entertains and pleases in equal degrees, this is the book for you." - THE AUSTIN POST"And, though brilliant and vastly intelligent, it should also be noted that Bradley Sands is a dick." -CRACKED.COM"If you like violence. If you have a decent sense of humor. If you have ever wondered what would happen if Richard Brautigan wrote a 90's action film instead of killing himself in the winter of 1984...These are all great reasons to read Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You." - HOUSEFIRE"Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is a biting piece of satire on the "unreality" of Hollywood." -THE UNDEAD RAT "Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is laugh out loud funny, full of cheesy dialogue, testosterone, and can easily be read in one sitting. Buy it now or Rico Slade might rip out your fucking throat."- SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION"If Eugene Ionesco had a threesome with two reels of 80s action movies, the baby would be this book. If you like ridiculous humor with the hands-down wildest action you will ever read, this is your book." - ZOMBIEBLOODFIGHTS

    In a bid for freedom a lone spaceship hurtled through space before crashing in the hills outside a small village in Spain. On Christmas Day a strong, silent man with blank eyes entered Bar Noche Azul. Only a 13-year-old boy could have guessed that there was any connection between the two.

    Open at your own risk. Sarah and Tommy have the same kinds of problems as most any ten-year-old girl and six-year-old boy. Homework, bullies, Dad not going in to work since Mom ran off to fuck the postman. That sort of thing. But they're not going to take their problems lying down. After a quick bus ride into town to buy a gun, they think their problems are all but solved. That is, until a creepy weirdo follows them into an alley. But they aren't the only ones in that alley. What they discover will make you soil your pants in terror. It will make your skin crawl. It might even give you... Shingles.

    And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    

     It's Christmas Eve in Santa Mondega and all is quiet...... apart from the ghost of the Mystic Lady. Sanchez is awoken in the middle of the night by the annoying fortune teller who warns him that he will be visited by three spirits, and that he must listen to them or terrible things 'might' happen. Join Sanchez, Flake, Tiny Tim, a bunch of terrorists and the ghosts of characters from previous books in the series in this crazy, violent and often ridiculous version of the classic Charles Dickens tale.

    to a major scandal, they are desperate to show they’ve reformed. Who better to present their redemption to the world than a country vicar with a reputation for being annoyingly good? Reverend Tom Goodman is ousted from his job as a country vicar for allowing a homeless family to stay in the church hall. Meanwhile, a major bank is trying to rescue its image after the latest in a long string of financial scandals. It seems like the perfect match and Goodman is hastily appointed as the bank’s new C.E.O. All they have to do now, is promote him as the new face of Shadeys Bank whilst at the same time, keeping him away from the day-to-day business of dubious banking. However, Tom Goodman has other ideas. He’s not going to be satisfied with being used as an empty puppet for a PR stunt. Unfortunately for Shadeys, Tom is planning on actually making a difference. And so begins an epic battle of wills. The might of a multi-billion pound bank versus a seemingly naïve country vicar. No contest. “Yes Minister meets The Vicar of Dibley.”

    Howey. If you don't help us, why... we'll turn into another France, and no one wants that. England will just be another place where American and German authors holiday to write good books. We'd be a laughingstock, and I for one won't allow it.""I agree, sir," Hugh responded, nodding."Will you help us not be France, Hugh Howey?""I will, sir."*****#NaNoWriWee, the challenge to write a short novel or novelette in thirty hours is underway in London England, and the challenge just happens to coincide with a visit by Bestselling Author of The COTTON Omnibus, Hugh Howey, who is on a book tour in the city.At the same time, a government experiment in creating super-soldiers goes awry when a new virus is tested on an a struggling independent writer from Leeds, and now peculiar zombies are on the loose in London and they are only eating good writers. As bad writers struggle to be validated by being eaten by zombies... who refuse to eat them... will England be left without any good writers at all? Will the country become just another France?England needs some heroes, and so does the Book Publishing Industry. In this short book, actually written during #NaNoWriWee (National Novel Writers Weekend) and in under thirty hours, Michael Bunker, mind fried and groggy from too much coffee and not enough sleep, pokes a sharp and funny stick at zombies, the writing culture, mainstream publishing, England, France, and most of all, Piers Morgan.Nothing good or literary can come of spilling out 30,000 words in under 30 hours... we just all hope it is not true that... HUGH HOWEY MUST DIE!!!If you are looking for one of Michael Bunker's usually well-written, thoughtful, philosophical, and poignant books... this ain't it. Try W1CK or Futurity or any of the others. If, however, you want a laugh at what a man comes up with when he's under a deadline and hasn't slept in a few days... this one is for you.***Hugh Howey's compelling story, name, fictional likeness, and non-fictional awesomeness are used with his permission**

    She’s not sure about the whole island thing, but figures the world is only big enough for one ghost island.Boy was she wrong.She finds that the supernatural has followed her and Samuel—the old circus ringmaster, who she thought was dead—is right in the middle of it all.The Circus of the Dead Chronicles will be short novella length adventures that will be released every two weeks until the end of the first set. I’ll be releasing 10 novellas in this series in 2021.