She's never short of advice, a kind word and a cup of tea (making sure to scald the teapot first, of course).Bring the coat anyway. If it's too hot you can take it off.Comedian Colm O'Regan explores the phenomenon of the Irish Mammy and what she might say about everything from the 'new mass' to the cardinal sin of not owning a cough bottle and the importance of airing clothes properly. The global influence of the Irish Mammy, through history, science, politics and literature, is undeniable. Did you know, for instance, that Hamlet had an Irish Mammy?So if you're an Irish Mammy, have one, know one or suspect you might be turning into one, this book will act as your guide. But be aware that though this book might think it knows it all, it doesn't, only Mammy knows it all.

    In the London office my new boss Victor tells me I shall be working in a regional office - and he wants me to drive there. I am to deliver Victor's shiny Jaguar: his pride and joy. The office is in Calcutta. This all sounds like fun to me. A month long holiday. How bad can that be I think and decide to invite my friend Douglas to come along for the ride. This will be a road trip to die for I tell him. Victor's P.A. Shirley is the all seeing eye. Nothing gets past here. I have to report in on my progress at key points on the route. Shirley is going to be watching me. 'If you so much as scratch it you're dead.' I laugh, what could possibly go wrong....? well just about everything. We were OK up till Trieste; then a goat got in the car - after that it was downhill all the way to Calcutta.

    A collection of 45 ridiculous 911 emergency calls, submitted by 911 Call Center Operators across the U.S.Dedicated to you, the Taxpayer who funded these calls.Note: A quick 10-minute read of humorous quotes from real calls.Just enough for a grin of the day!

     Suzanne and Gertrude is a tale of intermittent griefs and wonderments. How do we live, not just with each other, but with memories, with impermanence, with the inevitable melancholy of being?   Suzanne and Gertrude is a spare novel with a profound impact.

    Even the most predictable of us sometimes defy expectations. Other times life plays tricks on us. We find ourselves characters in a farce. As an award-winning actor and comic writer, Rebecca Front has always been fascinated by life's little quirks. Impossible Things Before Breakfast is a collection of true stories about surprising turns of events, bizarre misunderstandings and improbable life lessons. We learn, among other things, how to prepare for a role as a villainous 'she-mountain' when you're five-foot-four, why beach holidays require military-precision planning, and the joys of wearing a cape. Combining elegant writing, wry humour and genuine insight, this brilliant new collection is about lifting the lid on ordinary life and feasting on the impossible.

    The right way, the wrong way and the Top Gear way. Although, on reflection, that's usually just the wrong way, but faster and with more shouting. Anyway, the good news is that this third way of doing things can be applied to almost anything, and that includes motoring in general. All you need is the right guidance, which is where the brand new Top Gear Alternative Highway Code comes in. Top Gear's Altnernative Highway Code will show you how to bring the ambitious but rubbish philosophies of the world's most popular TV programme to your driving, containing advice on general motoring, as well as specific tips on how to deal with common eventualities like a rapidly sinking amphibious camper van, a caravan airship that's just crashed into a small bush, or a stupid home-made limousine that's snapped in half while transporting a top celebrity to an awards ceremony.Road users should not leave home without it.

    In this raffish, hilarious, scathing yet often surprisingly humane collection, Gill applies his unmatched wit to the largest and smallest issues of our time. Whether you're struggling to satisfy your other half, having a crisis over your baldness, don't like your daughter's boyfriend, or need the definitive rules on shorts, leather jackets and man-bags, AA Gill has all the answers - but you'd better brace yourself first.

    

    Still wet behind the ears, he found himself on a whirlwind tour through the seven ages of man and the 57 varieties of human nature. He has to learn how to examine real people, diagnose them without becoming emotionally involved and fend off the crises of confidence which await around every corner. The book is set in the 1970s and there will no doubt be some readers who might think that things were better then. Edward Vernon is a pen name of a well known British doctor/author. Here's what the critics said about the series: Delightfully and wittily written. His descriptions of daunting receptionists, magazine-strewn waiting rooms and hypochondriacal patients will strike many familiar cords, but Dr Vernon is at his best when recounting his encounters in the surgery and at the bedside. For anyone needing to be entertained, and at times moved, there could be no better prescription than one chapter...taken each night at bedtime - Liverpool Echo Truthful, well observed and consistently readable - Daily Telegraph The funniest of the funny doctor books - Richard Gordon Dr Vernon is onto a good thing; we could do with some more - Oxford Times Hilarious - Titbits Thoroughly delightful - Fresno Bee Delightfully funny - Sunday Advocate, Baton Rouge For entertainment, a chapter or two before bedtime is just what the doctor ordered - Sacromento Bee Does for British GPs what Herriot has done for vets - Booklist Hilarious - Grimsby Evening Telegraph Very funny - Citizen, Gloucester Genuinely funny - South Wales Echo Wise, funny, sad and heartwarming - Chattanooga Times Good fun - Homes and Gardens Jolly good reading - Publishers Weekly Views the human species he treats with much the same affection, compassion and humour as Herriot brings to the animal world - Cleveland Plain Dealer Sometimes serious, sometimes hilarious - Lancashire Evening Post Will amuse, amaze and entertain - Yorkshire Post etc etc

    FICTION: Poolside at their motel, the Fab Four fell into conversation with a snappy-dressing local named Bert the Shirt, who listened as the band worked out a harmony to the most beautiful song he’d ever heard--and wouldn’t hear again for over half a century. FACT: That night, the Beatles played an unannounced free concert in the motel bar. Everyone was welcome. Local musicians showed up with guitars and keyboards, and had the once-in-a-lifetime experience of jamming with the Beatles till 4 am. This legendary event has forever after been known to Key West locals as THE PARADISE GIG.FICTION: Next day, hung over and exhausted, the Beatles left for the airport, having somehow lost a stained and battered notebook that held a priceless stash of unrecorded songs. NOW CUT TO THE PRESENT: A beautiful woman is doing a yoga headstand on a Key West beach when she’s abducted by a pair of thugs. An aspiring young singer is offered a recording deal that seems a bit too good to be true. Bad things happen to a couple of one-hit wonders…And old Bert hears a new song that is hauntingly familiar, but that he can’t quite place.Could it possibly be the same song he’d heard at poolside so many years before? Could it be that all the present mayhem circles back through the decades to THE PARADISE GIG? Could the precious, even sacred, Beatles notebook possibly turn up after all these years? Could Bert be the hero who would rediscover that stash of unheard songs for music lovers everywhere—and save a young singer’s life in the process? With Nacho, his intrepid Chihuahua, at his side, and with no one but bumbling detective Pete Amsterdam for an ally, the undaunted Bert the Shirt sets out through the Florida haze to piece it all together, learning along the way how much the world has changed—and how much it has not. In equal parts suspenseful and nostalgic, funny and romantic, this time-bending caper celebrates the power of music and the many tricks of memory, the joys of youth and the comforts of age, and the free and funky spirit of Key West.

    How did we ever find time to go to work. New to Caravanning. Its mishaps. Its pleasures. Its fun. Susie and Jack take early retirement and end up biting off more than they can chew. An unexpected inheritance changes their lives forever.

    In her debut collection of humor essays, Connie provides entertainment with hysterical stories about awkward workplace situations, ridiculous coworkers, and enough happy hour cocktails to make you question her life choices. From low paying high school gigs to “real world” marketing jobs in Chicago, Connie presents stories about life both in and out of the office that will have you laughing out loud in the break room.

    After losing their small business and life savings to the government’s unfathomable shutdown, the author and her husband are forced to sell their home and move into a travel trailer. Still reeling from financial loss and the deaths of two of their beloved dogs, the pair embark on a new life in a trailer park, populated with some of the most unconventional characters you’d ever hope not to meet. There’s Gretchen, the park’s unsympathetic and conniving manager, and her puny, perverted husband, Lloyd, who “maintains” the park grounds and who gives pool algae a bad name. Daisy and Lonnie May are the author’s closest neighbors, and are, perhaps, the park’s most devoted couple. Only Daisy May happens to be Lonnie’s dog. Trailer Dogs will make you laugh, cry, and maybe even a little angry. But it will never make you bored.

     All the best,Kerry and Kurtanp.s. Kurtan wants to make it clear that although this newsletter is in book format it does not make him any of the following:Book WormBook bummerBoffinNerd alertThe lion, the witch and the book wormp.p.s If you don't buy this newsletter that's fine, but we are getting a percent of the profits to donate to the Kerry Mucklowe eating fund, so if you don't buy it I'll basically starve. Which is fine if your conscience can deal with that utter headf***.

    Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.