An inveterate womaniser and rogue, he and his gang make a living on the wrong side of the law, avoiding the heavily armed flying frigates of the Coalition Navy. With their trio of ragged fighter craft, they run contraband, rob airships and generally make a nuisance of themselves. So a hot tip on a cargo freighter loaded with valuables seems like a great prospect for an easy heist and a fast buck. Until the heist goes wrong, and the freighter explodes. Suddenly Frey isn't just a nuisance anymore - he's public enemy number one, with the Coalition Navy on his tail and contractors hired to take him down. But Frey knows something they don't. That freighter was rigged to blow, and Frey has been framed to take the fall. If he wants to prove it, he's going to have to catch the real culprit. He must face liars and lovers, dogfights and gunfights, Dukes and daemons. It's going to take all his criminal talents to prove he's not the criminal they think he is ...

    People are turning into clowns. Society isn’t interested in finding a cure or treating the infected as humans. But when unconventional couriers begin to harass the contaminated, and clowns start disappearing, a band of transformed coworkers set out to find answers.

    In this raffish, hilarious, scathing yet often surprisingly humane collection, Gill applies his unmatched wit to the largest and smallest issues of our time. Whether you're struggling to satisfy your other half, having a crisis over your baldness, don't like your daughter's boyfriend, or need the definitive rules on shorts, leather jackets and man-bags, AA Gill has all the answers - but you'd better brace yourself first.

    Yes, the twelve gods of Olympus are alive and well in the twenty-first century, but they are crammed together in a London townhouse--and none too happy about it. And they've had to get day jobs: Artemis as a dog-walker, Apollo as a TV psychic, Aphrodite as a phone sex operator, Dionysus as a DJ.Even more disturbingly, their powers are waning, and even turning mortals into trees--a favorite pastime of Apollo's--is sapping their vital reserves of strength.Soon, what begins as a minor squabble between Aphrodite and Apollo escalates into an epic battle of wills. Two perplexed humans, Alice and Neil, who are caught in the crossfire, must fear not only for their own lives, but for the survival of humankind. Nothing less than a true act of heroism is needed-but can these two decidedly ordinary people replicate the feats of the mythical heroes and save the world?

    Ever been mortified by predictive text on your smart phone? You are not alone. This brings together more of the laugh-out-loud funny and painfully embarrassing posts from damnyouautocorrect.com, which highlight the hilarity that often ensues when text messaging goes wrong. This second volume of epic auto-correct fails is packed with never-before-seen content, as well as the most cringe-worthy posts from the site.

    So which does he choose? Despite his love of basalt, he chooses the career that teaches him how to kill... and sh*t in plastic bags.Knowing his weak body will have to shape up to complete thirty weeks of commando training, Mark prepares for the Royal Marines by sleeping in his shed wearing only plastic bags. He braves pain by ordering his mate to attack him while trapped in a sleeping bag. He starves himself in a stupid urban survival exercise, turning down the offer of crispy pancakes from his bewildered mother.He is ready.Some might say for the nut house...Often hilarious and yet shockingly sobering, this is the true story of a boy who joins one of the world's most elite military units with only naivety and incompetence equalling his will to succeed.'A cover to cover laughathon' - SOLDIER MAGAZINE

    Since he, and half the galaxy, signed on to the rat race of the technological relics trade, Fletch has long since come to terms with the idea that he will join the ranks of the unlucky explorers that perish lightyears from home without a dime to his name.As the first mate of an old, decrepit exploration ship--the Skint Idjit--things can't get much worse. As if that isn’t enough, he has a hard time convincing himself his luck is bound to change when he finds himself stranded on the planet Suckass, on a remote branch of the Interstellar Railroad. With his new assignment an unlikely candidate to hide alien treasures, true to his personality, Fletch settles down to work on his tan.But when disaster strikes and a member of his crew is killed, Fletch finds himself torn between loyalty to the surviving crew and the siren song of an unsuspected trove of A-tech.Can Fletch save the Skint Idjit and her crew from a horrible death? Or will he ignore their dying screams and laugh all the way to the bank? Volume 2 of the Interstellar Railroad series, Intergalactic Bogtrotter, is now available!

    he decides to die, not by his own hand, but in heroically helping the vulnerable. Since the peaceful Cotswold countryside offers limited opportunities for heroism, despite the presence of some weird and dangerous inhabitants, he ventures further afield. To his annoyance, new and unlikely friends mysteriously appear everywhere he goes, foiling his plans and sending him back to square one. Will he succeed or will he come to terms with his grief first? Was his wife as blame free and perfect as he thought or will lurking suspicions of infidelity be proved right? 'It was ironic that having nothing left to lose except his life, his life had become interesting again.'

    His best friend is a cute, little girl named Emily. What kinds of adventures will Drago and Emily get into next? These stories are great for quick bedtime stories and cute tales to be read aloud with friends and family! Excellent for early readers Includes fun games & activities for kids Great for reading aloud with friends and family Illustrated story book great for a quick bedtime story Funny and hilarious jokes for kids FREE book download included (see inside link) This books is especially great for traveling, waiting rooms, and reading aloud at home. Fun for Everyone in the Family! Kids and children can practice their reading skills or have a parent read the stories aloud to them. These fun stories are great for early and beginner readers. The stories are cute and easy to read and the illustrations are great for younger readers!Story List & Activities: Drago Makes a Friend Just for Fun Activity Drago Has a Dream Dragon-Sized Fire Sneezes Drago and the Present The Great Dragon Race Funny Dragon Jokes Games FREE Coloring Book Downloads Your child will be entertained for hours! *** FREE GIFT with your purchase! *** (see inside for link)Free book download included! Scroll up and click 'buy' and spend some quality time with your child! 100% Money Back Guaranteetags: children books, children chapter books, children story books, books children, free children kindle books, educational books for children, children joke books, picture books for children, children animal books, young childrens books, kindle books for kids, kids books, fantasy books for kids age 9 12, kid books, free kindle books for kids, books for kids ages 4-8, kids books on sale, best selling books for kids, good kids books, new books for kids, fun kids books, kindle kids books, kids picture books, bedtime stories for kindle, bedtime story, funny bedtime stories, bedtime stories for kids, animals, animal stories, animal pictures, storytelling animal, beginning readers kindergarten books for kids, stories for kids, stories for children, kids ebooks, short stories, bedtime stories, kids books, ebooks, childrens books, childrens book, kindle unlimited, kindle unlimited books for kids, kindle unlimited books for children, humor, early reader, beginning reader, kids comedy, bedtime stories, free ebooks, ebooks free, stories for kids, preschool, ages 3-5, ages 6-8, ages 9-12, preteen, beginning readers, beginner reading

    He is the curate sent by the bishop to assist Father Angwin-or is he? In the most unlikely of places, a superstitious town that understands little of romance or sentimentality, where bad blood between neighbors is ancient and impenetrable, miracles begin to bloom. No matter how copiously Father Angwin drinks while he confesses his broken faith, the level of the bottle does not drop. Although Fludd does not appear to be eating, the food on his plate disappears. Fludd becomes lover, gravedigger, and savior, transforming his dull office into a golden regency of decision, unashamed sensation, and unprecedented action. Knitting together the miraculous and the mundane, the dreadful and the ludicrous, Fludd is a tale of alchemy and transformation told with astonishing art, insight, humor, and wit.

    Or not. No, definitely not, because the grim reaper's lost his job. He's been stripped of his scythe and banned from reaping. The angel of death has officially fallen, and he's crash-landed at 24/7 Demon Mart.It doesn't take long for DeeDee, Lloyd, and Kevin to figure out that living with the angel of death isn't easy. Lost souls. Angry exes. Ancient curses. Will the grim reaper ever get his afterlife together? The outlook is not so good.The reaper isn't the only angel who's out of sorts. Lloyd's devilish boss Faust hasn't been the same since a tentacle monster spit him out of an alternate dimension, and his ex-girlfriend tried to start the zombie apocalypse. And Angel eight ball? He's having a hell of a time juggling a terrible new boss and saving Lloyd from eternal damnation.As unreaped souls stack up and the specter of death looms larger, what's the Demon Mart crew to do? Find out in this grim reaper comedy.

    But now, with the help of a magic beacon, I’m seeking those who are tainted. The impure. Abominations.Monster girls.But not to kill.They need my help. All kinds of help.I'm more than happy to provide it, to do all I can to keep them safe from the real monsters that exist in the world.

    I read; I cheered; I laughed out loud.”—Gordon KormanIn the mystical realm of Bríandalör, every day the brave and the bold delve into hidden temples or forgotten dungeons, battling vile monsters and evil wizards to loot their treasure hoards for sweet, sweet magic items.But in their free time, our heroes—Thromdurr the mighty barbarian, Devis the shifty thief, Vela the noble paladin, Sorrowshade the Gloom Elf assassin, and Albiorix the (good!) wizard—need to relax and unwind.That’s why they meet up once a week to play Homerooms & Hall Passes: a role-playing game where they assume the characters of average American eighth graders.But when the five young adventurers are magically transported into their H&H game by an ancient curse, they must band together to survive their toughest challenge yet: middle school.Who knew that battling ogres would be easier than passing algebra or navigating the cafeteria social scene? They must use what they’ve learned from playing Homerooms & Hall Passes to figure out how to save their game world (which might actually be real...).Dungeons & Dragons meets Jumanji in this new, laugh-out-loud adventure series from the author of the beloved Hamstersaurus Rex series.

    The Godling Chronicles Book Four - A Trial of Souls Book Five - Madness of the Fallen Book Six - The Reborn King

     But even in victory, the legacy of Obadiah Paine is not so easily washed away. His hidden lair yet remains, Dread Fortress Paine yet stands! Within it . . . none can be sure what monstrous acts are waiting to be uncovered or guess the number of Paine loyalists who linger. It falls on the shoulders of ESLED Strike Alpha to answer these questions and to seize Paine's hideout for the Elemental Learning Council. Led by spectromancer Ramses Lamprey, joined by civilian observer Tyson Bonnie, and aided by Council fixer Eva Reti, failure is not an option. This volume is a can't miss for Foul Mouth fans, acting as an action packed epilogue for "The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" while priming many plot points for the next main volume and even those well beyond. Dread Fortress Paine must fall! THE KING HENRY TAPES Book 1 - "The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady" (released) Book 2 - "The Foul Mouth and the Cat Killing Coyotes" (released) Book 3 - "The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm" (released) Book 4 - "The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny" (released) Book 5 - "The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist" (released) Book 5.5 - "King Henry and the Three Little Trips" (released) Book 6 - "The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" (released) Book 6.5 - "Assault on Dread Fortress Paine" (released) Book 6.75 - "The Glassbreaker Goes Home" (forthcoming) Book 7 - "The Foul Mouth and the Runaway Rumble" (forthcoming)