Book picks similar to
How To Make Anyone Like You by Leil Lowndes
self-help
non-fiction
relationships
in-shelf
Codependency - “Loves Me, Loves Me Not”: Learn How To Cultivate Healthy Relationships, Overcome Relationship Jealousy, Stop Controlling Others and Be Codependent No More
Simeon Lindstrom - 2014
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If you’ve had difficulty with starting or maintaining relationships, issues with feeling jealous and possessive or find that your connections with others are more a source of distress than anything else, this book is for you. It may feel sometimes that an intense and serious connection with someone is proof of the depth of the feeling you have for one another. But be careful, obsession and dependency is not the same as love. In the codependent relationship, our affection and attention is coming from a place of fear and need. As a result, the partners never really connect with each other. They do endless, complicated dances around each others problems, but what they never do is make an honest human connection. In codependent relationships, manipulation, guilt and resentment take the place of healthy, balanced affection. Codependent partners are not necessarily together because they want to be, they are because they have to be, because they don’t know how to live otherwise. One partner may bring a history of abuse, a “personality disorder” or mental illness into a relationship; the ways the other partner responds to this may be healthy or not, but if they bring their own issues to the table too, they may find that the bond of their love is more accurately described as a shared and complementary dysfunction. Remember, the relationships we are in can never be better than the relationships we have with ourselves. Two unhappy people together never make a happy couple together. We cannot treat other people in ways we have never taken the time to consider before, and we cannot communicate properly if we are not even sure what it is we need to communicate in the first place. An individual with a mature, well-developed sense of themselves has the most to offer someone else. They have their own lives, their own sense of self-worth, their own strength. And when you remove need, fear, obsession and desperation, you open up the way for love and affection just for its own sake. Love is many things, but it’s cheapened when held hostage by the ego. Connections formed around ego and fear may be strong and lasting, but what keeps them going is mutual need. What could be more romantic than, “I don’t need to be with you. You don’t complete me at all. I am happy and stable and fulfilled without you. But I still want to be with you, because you’re awesome”? It all boils down to this: communication. Whether it’s through words or not, we are constantly communicating, and the accumulation of these little units creates this big thing we call a relationship.
Games People Play
Eric Berne - 1964
More than five million copies later, Dr. Eric Berne’s classic is as astonishing–and revealing–as it was on the day it was first published. This anniversary edition features a new introduction by Dr. James R. Allen, president of the International Transactional Analysis Association, and Kurt Vonnegut’s brilliant Life magazine review from 1965.We play games all the time–sexual games, marital games, power games with our bosses, and competitive games with our friends. Detailing status contests like “Martini” (I know a better way), to lethal couples combat like “If It Weren’t For You” and “Uproar,” to flirtation favorites like “The Stocking Game” and “Let’s You and Him Fight,” Dr. Berne exposes the secret ploys and unconscious maneuvers that rule our intimate lives.Explosive when it first appeared, Games People Play is now widely recognized as the most original and influential popular psychology book of our time. It’s as powerful and eye-opening as ever.
Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want
Nicholas Epley - 2014
It’s a sixth sense you use every day, in every personal and professional relationship you have. At its best, this ability allows you to achieve the most important goal in almost any life: connecting, deeply and intimately and honestly, to other human beings. At its worst, it is a source of misunderstanding and unnecessary conflict, leading to damaged relationships and broken dreams. How good are you at knowing the minds of others? How well can you guess what others think of you, know who really likes you, or tell when someone is lying? How well do you really understand the minds of those closest to you, from your spouse to your kids to your best friends? Do you really know what your coworkers, employees, competitors, or clients want?In this illuminating exploration of one of the great mysteries of the human mind, University of Chicago psychologist Nicholas Epley introduces us to what scientists have learned about our ability to understand the most complicated puzzle on the planet—other people—and the surprising mistakes we so routinely make. Why are we sometimes blind to the minds of others, treating them like objects or animals? Why do we sometimes talk to our cars, or the stars, as if there is a mind that can hear us? Why do we so routinely believe that others think, feel, and want what we do when, in fact, they do not? And why do we believe we understand our spouses, family, and friends so much better than we actually do? Mindwise will not turn other people into open books, but it will give you the wisdom to revolutionize how you think about them—and yourself.
Making Sense of People: Decoding the Mysteries of Personality
Samuel H. Barondes - 2011
"Making Sense of People" provides the scientific frameworks and tools we need to improve our intuition, and assess people more consciously, systematically, and effectively. Leading neuroscientist Samuel H. Barondes explains the research behind each standard personality category: extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and openness. He shows readers how to use these traits and assessments to do a better job of deciding who they'll enjoy spending time with, whom to trust, and whom to keep at a distance. Barondes explains: What neuroscience and psychological research can tell us about how personality types develop and cohere.The intertwined roles of genes, nurture, and education in personality development.How to recognize troublesome personality patterns such as narcissism, sociopathy, and paranoia.How much a child's behavior predicts their adult personality, and how personality stabilizes in young adulthood.How to assess integrity, fairness, wisdom, and other traits related to morality.What genetic testing may (or may not) teach us about personality in the future.General strategies for getting along with people, with specific tactics for special circumstances. Kirkus Reviews A succinct look at personality psychology. As a psychiatrist and neuroscientist at the University of California, Barondes ("Molecules and Mental Illness," 2007, etc.) has spent years studying human behavior, and this book reflects his systematic, scientific approach for personality assessment. The average person isn't likely to have time to research a difficult boss or potential love interest, but the author supplements intuition with a useful cornerstone for gauging human behavior: a table of the "Big Five" personality traits, among them Extraversion vs. Introversion and Agreeableness vs. Antagonism. To learn how to apply the Big Five, Barondes supplies a link for a professional online personality test, in addition to a basic introduction of troubling personality patterns e.g., narcissism and compulsiveness. While genetics may play a heavy hand in influencing personality, Barondes writes, it's awareness of a person's background, character and life story that is paramount in unearthing reasons for adult behavior. Readers might like to see the author weave more everyday examples into the text his exercise in fostering compassion by imagining an adult as a 10-year-old child is a gem but there is plenty here to ponder. Those looking for traditional "self-help" advice won't find it here, but this book clearly lays the groundwork for deeper human interaction and better life relationships."
Spy the Lie: Three Former CIA Officers Reveal Their Secrets to Uncloaking Deception
Philip Houston - 2012
Be it hiring a new employee, investing in a financial interest, speaking with your child about drugs, confronting your significant other about suspected infidelity, or even dating someone new, having the ability to unmask a lie can have far-reaching and even life-altering consequences.As former CIA officers, Philip Houston, Michael Floyd, and Susan Carnicero are among the world’s best at recognizing deceptive behavior. Spy the Lie chronicles the captivating story of how they used a methodology Houston developed to detect deception in the counterterrorism and criminal investigation realms, and shows how these techniques can be applied in our daily lives.Through fascinating anecdotes from their intelligence careers, the authors teach listeners how to recognize deceptive behaviors, both verbal and nonverbal, that we all tend to display when we respond to questions untruthfully. For the first time, they share with the general public their methodology and their secrets to the art of asking questions that elicit the truth.Spy the Lie is a game-changer. You may never experience another book that has a more dramatic impact on your career, your relationships, or your future.©2012 Philip Houston, Susan Carnicero, Don Tennant, Michael Floyd (P)2012 Macmillan
Words That Change Minds: The 14 Patterns for Mastering the Language of Influence
Shelle Rose Charvet - 1995
Do you work and live with people who are hard to convince? Who dismiss ideas before even thinking about them? Do you want to know how to influence people, without being manipulative? Want to find out how people get motivated, make decisions, to be more persuasive with everyone? Learn how to use the right words with the right people, and get through the “Communication Wall” Have you ever felt like you were talking to a wall? Well, that’s a very accurate description of what’s happening when 2 people are communicating! Everyone has a metaphorical “Communication Wall” around them to protect them from “bad people”. But in all of our walls, we have left some bricks out, to let the “good people” communicate with us. The problem in communication is not the wall, because the wall is standard equipment that everyone has. The problem comes from the holes where the bricks have been left out. The holes come in specific shapes, unique to each person. And if you want to communicate with that person, you need to use words, and behavior that fit exactly with the holes in the other person’s wall. Shelle Rose Charvet, best-selling author of Words That Change Minds shows you how to match your language to people around you (in your work, with your colleagues, your boss and your clients, and at home, with your partner, family and other relationships). Learn the persuasion psychology, spark interest and enthusiasm and get what you want. In Words That Change Minds you will: - Learn the influence science and practice. - Discover the ways people unconsciously get motivated, process information and make decisions. - Decode any communication problem and solve it. - Find out how to pry open mental space in even the most closed of minds. - Create rapport and credibility with anyone. - Avoid inadvertently saying or doing the wrong thing. - Get practical applications for sales, marketing, recruiting, negotiation, teaching, training, communication at work, conflict resolution. - Increase your impact in interpersonal communication, teamwork, and in mass communication. Words That Change Minds is based on the Language and Behavior Profile, (LAB Profile® for short) – a powerful tool that enables you to understand, predict and influence behavior by de-coding the language people use. You can directly influence people one-on-one, in groups and even in mass communication by customizing your language to match their subconscious Motivation Patterns. Increase your impact, improve relationships and reduce conflicts, by using the Words That Change Minds. The NEW 3rd edition of Words That Change Minds has more than 50% new material; examples, research, advanced applications, with 7 completely new chapters, including: 1. How to Complete a LAB Profile® 2. Conversational Coaching with the LAB Profile® 3. Understanding and Working with Combination Patterns 4. Solving Communication Problems 5. Influencing Strategies and Techniques 6. The LAB Profile® of Conflict 7. LAB Profile® Inventions and Tools, and more. Interested? Just scroll up and get your copy today! About the author: Shelle Rose Charvet is a bestselling author and the international expert on Influencing Language.
Getting Back Out There: Secrets to Successful Dating and Finding Real Love after the Big Breakup
Susan J. Elliott - 2013
Based on years of research and work with her own clients, Susan Elliott offers a proven plan that will help you to:Examine past relationships for unfinished business and negative patternsIdentify warning signs and red flagsKeep your standards and boundaries high, even when you're head over heelsWork through rejection, rebounding, and other bumps in the roadDecide when to take a relationship to the next level and when to say goodbyeWith practical rules, strategies, and self-assessments—including tips for dating as a parent and dating online—Getting Back Out There will help you transition from your split to a happy, healthy new relationship.
Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
Douglas Stone - 2014
Bosses, colleagues, customers—but also family, friends, and in-laws—they all have “suggestions” for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development—but we dread it and often dismiss it.That’s because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life’s blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace.The business world spends billions of dollars and millions of hours each year teaching people how to give feedback more effectively. Stone and Heen argue that we’ve got it backwards and show us why the smart money is on educating receivers— in the workplace and in personal relationships as well.Coauthors of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, Stone and Heen have spent the last ten years working with businesses, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. With humor and clarity, they blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice. The book is destined to become a classic in the world of leadership, organizational behavior, and education.
INFJ Personality Handbook: Understand Yourself as The Rarest Myers-Briggs Personality Type
Michelle Hobbs - 2019
INFJ's often don't understand themselves either. The INFJ personality type is a complex one. True insight and understanding can require self-examination and awareness to understand how to use the strengths of this personality type to your advantage Understand yourself and live your best lifeThis scientifically rigorous yet easy to read guide will give you the deep knowledge you need to finally understand yourself as an INFJ. When you understand your personality as an INFJ you will know how this personality type can survive in all aspects of life!Here is a preview of what you will learn in this guide: IntroductionChapter 1: Overview of the Myers-Briggs IndicatorHistoryThe typesReflections/discussion questionsChapter 2: Unraveling the INFJ PersonalityCompassion, purpose, and creativityThe Dominant, Auxiliary, Tertiary, and Inferior hierarchyFamous INFJsReflections/discussion questionsChapter 3: The INFJ At WorkStrengthsChallengesHow INFJs can deal with workplace stressBest careers for INFJsReflections/discussion questionsChapter 4: The INFJ as Friend and Family MemberStrengthsChallengesHow INFJs can improve friend and family relationshipsFriends with or related to an INFJ? Here's what you can doReflections/discussion questionsChapter 5: INFJs In LoveStrengthsChallengesIs there a perfect match for an INFJ?What INFJs can do to ensure happy relationshipsWhat partners of INFJs can doHow does an INFJ recover from a breakup?Reflections/discussion questionsChapter 6: INFJs and ParentingStrengthsChallengesHow INFJS can be better parentsWhat is it like to be the parent of an INFJ?Reflections/discussion questionsAnd so much more!Invest in yourself and commit to living your best life as an INFJ when you grab this guide now!
Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter
Scott Adams - 2017
Scott Adams--a trained hypnotist and a lifelong student of persuasion--was one of the earliest public figures to predict Trump's win, doing so a week after Nate Silver put Trump's odds at 2 percent in his FiveThirtyEight.com blog. The mainstream media regarded Trump as a novelty and a sideshow. But Adams recognized in Trump a level of persuasion you only see once in a generation.Trump triggered massive cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias on both the left and the right. We're hardwired to respond to emotion, not reason. We might listen to 10 percent of a speech--a hand gesture here, a phrase there--and if the right buttons are pushed, we irrationally agree with the speaker and invent reasons to justify that decision after the fact.The point isn't whether Trump was right or wrong, good or bad. Win Bigly goes beyond politics to look at persuasion tools that can work in any setting--the same ones Adams saw in Steve Jobs when he invested in Apple decades ago. For instance:- If you need to convince people that something is important, make a claim that's directionally accurate but has a big exaggeration in it. Everyone will spend endless hours talking about how wrong it is while accidentally persuading themselves the issue is a high priority. - Stop wasting time on elaborate presentations. Inside, you'll learn which components of your messaging matter, and where you can wing it. - Creating "linguistic kill shots" with persuasion engineering (such as "Low-energy Jeb") can be more powerful than facts and policies.Adams offers nothing less than "access to the admin passwords to human beings." This is a must-read if you care about persuading others in any field--or if you just want to resist persuasion from others.
The Year of No Nonsense: How to Get Over Yourself and On with Your Life
Meredith Atwood - 2019
She didn't take her kids to school. She didn't go to work. She didn't go to the gym. When she pulled herself out of bed hours later than she should have, she found a note from her husband next to two empty bottles of wine and a stack of unpaid bills: You need to get your sh*t together.And that's what Meredith began to do, starting with identifying the nonsense in her life that was holding her back: saying "yes" too much, keeping frenemies around, and more. In The Year of No Nonsense, Atwood shares what she learned, tackling struggles with work, family, and body image, and also willpower and time management. Ultimately, she's the tough-as-nails coach /slash/ best friend who shares a practical plan for identifying and getting rid of your own nonsense in order to move forward and live an authentic, healthy life. From recognizing lies you believe about yourself and your abilities, to making a "nonsense" list and developing a "no nonsense blueprint," this book walks you through reclaiming yourself with grit and determination, step by step.With targeted, practical chapters to help you stop feeling stuck and get on with your life, The Year of No Nonsense is equal parts girlfriend and been-there-done-that. The best part? Like any friend, she helps you get to the other side.
Ignore It!: How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction
Catherine Pearlman - 2017
With all the whining, complaining, begging, and negotiating, parenting can seem more like a chore than a pleasure. Dr. Catherine Pearlman, syndicated columnist and one of America's leading parenting experts, has a simple yet revolutionary solution: Ignore It! Dr. Pearlman's four-step process returns the joy to child rearing. Combining highly effective strategies with time-tested approaches, she teaches parents when to selectively look the other way to withdraw reinforcement for undesirable behaviors. Too often we find ourselves bargaining, debating, arguing and pleading with kids. Instead of improved behavior parents are ensuring that the behavior will not only continue but often get worse. When children receive no attention or reward for misbehavior, they realize their ways of acting are ineffective and cease doing it. Using proven strategies supported by research, this book shows parents how to: - Avoid engaging in a power struggle - Stop using attention as a reward for misbehavior - Use effective behavior modification techniques to diminish and often eliminate problem behaviors Overflowing with wisdom, tips, scenarios, frequently asked questions, and a lot of encouragement, Ignore It! is the parenting program that promises to return bliss to the lives of exasperated parents.
Unlimited: How to Build an Exceptional Life
Jillian Michaels - 2010
Believe. Achieve.Many self-help books offer a lot of new age platitudes and sappy mantras:Just love yourself.See the glass as half full.Believe it and it will come.Really? That’s not how it works, and you know it. A lifetime’s worth of struggle is not overturned in a small moment of positive thinking. But if you have the right attitude—attitude and skills—you can and will accomplish anything and everything you want. This book gives you both, attitude and action. By its end you will have all the tools you need to change your life. No hype. No false promises. You will learn to:• Cultivate your passion and embrace your uniqueness to create a purpose-filled life . . .on your own terms.• Transform your suffering into peace, wisdom, and strength.• Work through fear, worry, shame, and negative self-talk to blast through obstacles and create self-confidence, self-esteem, and a healthy self-image.• Take powerful, informed, deliberate actions to make your dreams a reality.Forget surviving: it’s your time to thrive. You do have the ability and potential to achieve unlimited health, wealth, and happiness. Getting there won’t all be easy—nothing worthwhile ever is—but take this journey and your life will change dramatically. Your possibilities are unlimited, and your life is waiting for you to break free and claim it
How to Win Every Argument: The Use and Abuse of Logic
Madsen Pirie - 2006
Each entry deals with one fallacy, explaining what the fallacy is, giving and analysing an example, outlining when/where/why the particular fallacy tends to occur and finally showing how you can perpetrate the fallacy on other people in order to win an argument. Originally published to great acclaim in 1985 as "The Book of Fallacy", this is a classic brought up-to-date for a whole new generation.
Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know
Malcolm Gladwell - 2019
He was also producing for the ear. In the audiobook version of Talking to Strangers, you'll hear the voices of people he interviewed--scientists, criminologists, military psychologists. Court transcripts are brought to life with re-enactments. You actually hear the contentious arrest of Sandra Bland by the side of the road in Texas. As Gladwell revisits the deceptions of Bernie Madoff, the trial of Amanda Knox, and the suicide of Sylvia Plath, you hear directly from many of the players in these real-life tragedies. There's even a theme song - Janelle Monae's "Hell You Talmbout."Something is very wrong, Gladwell argues, with the tools and strategies we use to make sense of people we don't know. And because we don't know how to talk to strangers, we are inviting conflict and misunderstanding in ways that have a profound effect on our lives and our world.