You can’t fathom the weirdness– unless you’re one of the ER aliens. If you are, buy a dozen copies to give away: to your family, your neighbors, and the PTA. They’ll learn things you never had the heart to tell them, but they should know, like how it's like to work in the ER, the deviousness of shampoo bottles and the dangers of frying bacon naked.

    In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact with customers like these then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined and enjoy some of the strangest, ridiculous and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life. The second volume is out now and is much longer and in my opinion even better than the first, though i would say that.

    They’re fluffy, playful, and can be a joy to have as a companion. However, they can also be huge assholes. So what can you do? How do you deal with a roommate who always seems to be plotting to kill you?While we all love sharing adorable photos of kittens, these frisky felines are known more for marching to the beat of their own drum than abiding by the rules. From running around your home at two in the morning, knocking everything off your shelves, or taking up most of your bed, these furry critters can be immensely selfish and disrespectful to those who give them endless love and affection.Why Cats Are Assholes is up for such a challenge. From studying their history all the way back to ancient Egypt, comedian Liz Miele—the daughter of veterinarians—digests the cat psyche to try and understand why they do the things they do, and how we, as their loyal servants, can handle domestic bliss with them around.With the help of her cat Pasta, Miele breaks down the common behaviors of cats in an attempt to try and better understand their plan of attack (if there is one), as well as what we can do to better prepare ourselves.Whether you have one, two, or twelve fur babies, Why Cats Are Assholes is the ultimate guide to better understanding your pet’s behavior while taking back your home from these domesticated terrorists.

    In this truly fanciful work, author Lesley O’Mara has crafts a kaleidoscope of information which is sure to delight every cat lover. What happened when Charles Dickens discovered that his cat William was really a Williamina? How do you tell if your cat is truly fat? How long did it take one Florida housecat to track down his owners after they had moved to California? Filled with heartwarming tales, historical anecdotes, unique quotes, and so much more, Cats Miscellany is sure to satisfy human curiosity the whole year round. Delightfully illustrated and beautifully designed, this quirky and entertaining book is the perfect gift for pet lovers and “ailurophiles” of any age.

    Having longed for children since before she can remember, she was suddenly faced with an array of unfamiliar, unexpected and sometimes downright embarrassing emotional and physical reactions. And when Poppy (and a year later Daisy) was born she had to learn a whole new set of skills.From trying to conceive and a first positive pregnancy test to Poppy's first birthday, Minus Nine To One takes you through the worries, surprises, excitement, miracles and sheer bloody hard work that Jools - and all new mums in their own different ways - have to cope with along the way. As Jools writes, 'This certainly isn't meant to be read as a guidebook, or a medical reference book - it is simply my story and I hope that you can relate to it in some way (and maybe even relax with it in the bath!).'Down to earth, personal and very, very funny, this is the book no aspiring mother will want to be without.

    It's time to level the playing field. No, I'm not a whore, but I am what you might call a modern woman.Not until my friends decided to hook me up on a blind date did I realize just how dirty and naughty my desires are. Let's just say this guy had no idea what he was getting himself into, and when he decided to take me to a carnival for an adventurous night of seduction, he realized I'm not the timid and shy girl he thought I was.Let the Kinky Carnival Games begin. Follow Mandy in her first book as she searches for her happily ever after. Chris Genovese takes the genres you love and sets them on fire. This is a romantic comedy novella that's wild, dirty, and downright naughty.

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.

     But even in victory, the legacy of Obadiah Paine is not so easily washed away. His hidden lair yet remains, Dread Fortress Paine yet stands! Within it . . . none can be sure what monstrous acts are waiting to be uncovered or guess the number of Paine loyalists who linger. It falls on the shoulders of ESLED Strike Alpha to answer these questions and to seize Paine's hideout for the Elemental Learning Council. Led by spectromancer Ramses Lamprey, joined by civilian observer Tyson Bonnie, and aided by Council fixer Eva Reti, failure is not an option. This volume is a can't miss for Foul Mouth fans, acting as an action packed epilogue for "The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" while priming many plot points for the next main volume and even those well beyond. Dread Fortress Paine must fall! THE KING HENRY TAPES Book 1 - "The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady" (released) Book 2 - "The Foul Mouth and the Cat Killing Coyotes" (released) Book 3 - "The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm" (released) Book 4 - "The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny" (released) Book 5 - "The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist" (released) Book 5.5 - "King Henry and the Three Little Trips" (released) Book 6 - "The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" (released) Book 6.5 - "Assault on Dread Fortress Paine" (released) Book 6.75 - "The Glassbreaker Goes Home" (forthcoming) Book 7 - "The Foul Mouth and the Runaway Rumble" (forthcoming)

    Until it arrives. From the desk of Honor Raconteur comes the tale of one guild, who believes in the impossible, and fight with everything they have to prevent the war they see coming. ~ Contains all three books in the trilogy "Deepwoods," "Blackstone," and "Fallen Ward," as well as "Origins," the collection of short stories.

    

    Combining Adam's inimitable comedic voice and four-color illustrations by his friend Michael Narren, Rich Man Poor Man is a hilariously accurate look at what the people born with silver spoons in their mouths have in common with the people whose only utensils are plastic sporks stolen from a Shakey's.

    Grumpy Cat, the Internet's cutest curmudgeon, brings her hilarious brand of sass to comic shops everywhere with the official Grumpy Cat Free Comic Book Day 2016 special! Readers of all ages will love the misadventures of this killjoy kitten and her high-spirited brother Pokey! 8,000,000 Facebook likes and 306,000 Twitter followers can't be wrong - Grumpy Cat is a worldwide sensation and a (devilishly) delightful giveaway for comic shop fans and newcomers!

    What is it about vampires, zombies, skeletons, and other mutants brought to life in the darkest recesses of the imagination? Goth-Icky celebrates modern-day goths, their culture, and the morbid monstrosities that inspire them. Containing over 200 images from the print and advertising archives of the Charles S. Anderson Design Company in combination with a hilarious text by the legendary Michael J. Nelson, this book is an amazingly rich and weird testament to the pervasiveness of goth aesthetics, the appeal of kitsch, and our love of horror.

    

     Hidden Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Four Aside from a minor glitch or two, everything has gone to plan with the grand opening of Pine Time Bed-and-Breakfast. Then one of Jayne’s guests turns up dead on the side of the road. Now, with some of the locals pointing out that the rash of murders plaguing the village started when Jayne arrived, Jayne has to clear her own name while tracking down the real killer. Rival Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Five As the weather turns crisp, Jayne and the other villagers prepare for the last big tourist draw of the season: the autumn equinox festival and its ever-popular cooking competition. Events turn from friendly to fatal, however, when one of the contestants is found dead in the woods. As all eyes turn to one of the villagers as the killer, Jayne digs deep to clear the name of one of their own. Veiled Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Six The village is calm and quiet for the Samhain feast, until a boy goes missing during trick-or-treating. The parents say he does this sometimes, but with a storm bearing down on the village, Jayne isn’t content to dismiss this as a case of a curious kid off exploring the woods. What readers are saying: “I've read them all and just want to go back.” “I wish Whispering Pines was a real place” “If you enjoy honest, rather raw characters seeking direction, and the consequences of past mistakes, you'll enjoy this series as much as I have.” “My mind is still in Whispering Pines. I can clearly see the thatched roof houses, their wood and stucco exteriors. It reminds me of Shakespeare's house in London." “I really enjoy how the characters continue to evolve in this series and the new eccentrics fit right in!” “I totally fell in love with both the village and the story.” “I would gladly plan my next trip to Whispering Pines.” The Whispering Pines Mystery Series Family Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery Kept Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Two Original Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Three Hidden Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Four Rival Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Five Veiled Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Six Silent Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Seven Merciful Secrets: A Whispering Pines Mystery, Book Eight